My Ride, I Love You

by Patrick Rangsimant

  In summary, first place, selling handsomeness, the winner. Second place, selling jokes, narrowly won. Third place, selling a trend, our department.

  As for Anesthesiology, the beautiful and fierce (I hope I pronounce it correctly), had a minor miscalculation and lost to us. We had a lot of female judges this year, so their beauty and fierceness provoked the judges’ jealousy and disdain instead. Good-bye.

  By the way, those Pediatric residents were, exactly like Nadia had foresaw, selling embarrassment. They received a box of instant noodles for their department. Moreover, I caught a glimpse that those are merely plain old pork flavor.

  “And the next thing, nowwwwww...” the announcer drawls, “will be the After Party. Come, dance to our hearts’ content, to celebrate the first hundred days of our residency. Let me hear it, what are we gonna do together? We will...”

  “Train. And. Be. Drained. Together!!!”

  The whole crowd in the hall replies in unison. I wonder who on earth invented this motto… Then, the intro of the song “Turn Up the Music” starts playing. Resident peers around me stand up immediately and head to the dance floor in front of the stage. Nadia pokes me. “Hey, let’s go dance.”

  I shake my head. “No, thanks. I’m waiting for my dear P'Por to pick me up. Gotta excuse myself and go home.”

  Nadia rolls his eyes at me. “Pfft, whatevs, bitch! You got a sweetheart, huh. Just you wait, tonight I will confess my feelings to him.”

  That sentence makes me spin around at once.

  “Wait, what? You’re confessing? To whom? Why haven’t I heard anything about this?”

  Nadia narrows his eyes deviously at me.

  “Not telling. Wait until I’ve successfully claimed this Mr. Right, and I’ll let you know. Oh, aren’t you going home? Hurry up and leave already. Expect good news from me tomorrow.”

  Now, I’m the one to roll eyes.

  “Fine…! Whatevs. I’ll go get some sleep. Oh, and Nadia…”

  “Yeah, now what?”

  “Thank you for earning us the third prize.”

  “Don’t be melodramatic. It’s no biggie, really. Did you forget that we will…”

  “Train. And. Be. Drained. Together.”

  I shout through the noises in the hall and watch as Nadia dashes to the dance floor. I have no idea who this mysterious man is, the man Nadia is about to confess to. But I do hope his wish is fulfilled. Nadia is a sweet person, he deserves some good things in life.

  Finishing my thoughts, I turn away and exit the auditorium hall, leaving the hectic and deafening, but also entertaining, chaos behind me. Partying means a lot of fun, indeed, but I have the one I love, who also loves me, waiting for my return.

  There’s a message beep and I pick up my phone.

  Por DDS: I’m parked in front of the building, you can come down now.

  I smile... See? The one I love who also loves me is waiting.

  …………

  My cellphone rings at half past midnight.

  My darling and I have just gone to bed less than thirty minutes ago. I never turn off my phone. I simply decrease the ringer volume to avoid disrupting his sleep and then keep it next to my pillow, standing by in case my present is required at the hospital in an emergency. But tonight I forgot to set the volume and it wakes him up as well.

  “Sorry, P'Por, go back to sleep. I guess it’s a call from the hospital.”

  He nods, an arm still resting on my body. When I pick up my phone and look, I realize it’s not the hospital, but an incoming call from Nadia. Is everything alright with him? I answer the phone in a hurry.

  “Hello, Nadia. What’s up?”

  “............”

  “What? Nadia? Say something. What’s going on?”

  “............Hey……”

  The voice from the other end of the line doesn’t sound quite well, it worries me. Did something bad happen? Did he get into an accident? I start feeling anxious.

  “Hey, Nadia… Are you alright, Nadia? Where are you? Did you get hurt?”

  “Hurting… Hurting in my heart…… He doesn’t love me. Hic...”

  Wait...what? Why do I feel the content, the rhythm, and the tone of his answer are a bit strange? What does it even mean? Hurting in his heart?

  “Nadia, are you drunk?” I ask.

  “Nayyyyy. You knowww I’m neverrr drunk.”

  Okay… Apparently, Nadia is extremely drunk, judging from his reply.

  “Hey, Nadia. Come on, focus. Where are you? I’ll go pick you up.”

  “In the same place. He doesn’t love me, Tawan… Don’t pick me up. I can walk back on my own.”

  “Mehhhh, you won’t make it back, I bet. Listen, Nadia. Stay put. I’ll be right there in a jiffy. Real quick. I’m coming to you. Don’t get up, don’t do anything.

  “I. Am. Coming. To. You.”

  After repeating, I hang up and look at my P'Por...

  …………

  Chapter 6: Mork

  “Oh, Loong. Hey, Ar. Why are you guys still up?”

  It surprises me to see Loong and Ar sitting at the dining table on the first floor when I arrive home, which is already midnight. Usually, they go to bed around 11 p.m. and every night I would be hearing them snore, through the flooring of my third floor bedroom, in a competition within ten minutes. I wonder why they’re still sitting wide awake at the table tonight.

  “Waiting for a football match. You wanna watch with us?”

  Oh… That’s why.

  I also notice that each of them is holding a can of beer, the drink that confirms his answer. That’s right. They’re obsessed with watching the European Football Championship. During a football tournament season, sometimes they pull an all-nighter and watch the broadcast until late in the morning and even open the shop late once in a while.

  “Nah, thanks. But I’m hungry. You got anything I can eat?”

  On the contrary, I don’t like watching football. I don’t know why. When those older guys at the motorcycle taxi station invite me to watch a match with them or talk about football and I just stare like dumb, they often ask why I don’t watch football.

  Well, how am I to answer that question? I just don’t like it. If I knew why I don’t like it, then it would be easy to get rid of the reason and start liking it. Sometimes people ask silly things. Why can’t they just freaking nod and accept my answer as it is?

  “Nothing. Just beer. You want some?” Ar hands me a can of beer.

  I shake my head. “Nah, thanks, Ar. How can this fill my stomach? It’s just a beer.”

  “Dunno, but it’s the only thing we got. The fridge is also empty.”

  “We got nothing else? Not even instant noodles?”

  I stalk towards the food cabinet and check the dried food shelf along the top. Oh, that’s right. Now I recall, yesterday I grabbed the last of our instant noodles and ate it dried after mashing it from outside of the package and Ar even mumbled that I shouldn’t because it could cause a stomachache. I close the food cabinet that’s as empty as my stomach.

  “Then, I’ll go out for something to eat. Do you guys want anything?”

  “No, thanks. Just drive safely. It’s late at night.”

  “Yes, sirrrrrr.”

  I am only about to turn away, not even reaching my motorcycle yet, and my uncle yells after me.

  “Hey, hey, wait. I forgot! Buy some instant noodles, just in case.”

  I turn and nod. “Okay, Loong. Anything else?”

  “Canned sardines. And fresh eggs, so we don’t have to eat plain noodles. Get some munchies, too. Whatchamacallit brand, the one with a green smiley face, kinda.”

  “It’s Snack Jack. Wow, the way you described it almost completely threw me off.” Green and smiley face, my guess should be correct.

  “Yeah, that, Nackjack. Get two. It goes great with beer.”

  “Anything else? At first you said no thanks, now the list is almost as long as the Chinnabanchon mantra.”

  “Yeah,
that’s all, kiddo. Come back quickly, okay?”

  Okay, I can finally start leaving.

  Normally, I don’t eat during late hours. Not because I watch my weight or because it’s unhealthy, but I’m afraid my stomach will feel sick. If I eat outside of my usual mealtime, I get a stomachache. But I didn’t eat enough this evening, so I am feeling hungry again late at night. And instead, now I’m afraid I’ll get a stomachache if I don’t eat.

  Wellll, poor me, poooor Mork!

  And it has to be the day we have no food left in the house. Now I have to drive my motorcycle to a 7-Eleven store in a nearby soi, the same one where my Win is located. I’ve told you before, Loong and Ar’s garage is near my work, so they’re familiar with P'Fueang.

  I just wish my side street would get its own 7-Eleven already. Then, I won’t have to drive to another street anymore. Not that it’s far, I’m just lazy. And I have to change out of my pajamas - usually only a tank top and shorts with thin fabric - because I’m afraid my trouser snake might peek out and a stray dog will chase me to try to bite it.

  Oh, wait… Actually, even if my soi has its own 7-Eleven, it doesn’t mean I can walk around in my tank top and comfy shorts. It’s still the same. I think I’m too freaking hungry and sleepy that I’m becoming stupid. I should quickly get some food and go to bed.

  So, I start my engine and take off.

  …………

  “Would you like to buy some dumplings or steamed buns too?”

  I look down at my food on the cashier counter… Uh, I’m already buying two sticks of crab meat dumplings and shredded pork steamed buns, does she want me to buy more?

  “Uh, excuse me, miss. I already got dumplings and buns.”

  “Oops, sorry, mister. Would you like to buy a bottle of bathroom cleaner?”

  “Um, no, thanks. I got the dipping sauce for my dumplings already.”

  I collect my change and rush outside. They don’t carry any eggs here, so I only bought two bags of my own snacks, instant noodles, canned sardines, and uncle’s Snack Jack as he ordered. I’m so hungry I start chomping my dumplings right away.

  “Ow, hot, damnit!”

  The first dumpling burns my mouth so I carefully blow on the next one before eating. My original plan was to bring it back and eat at home, but at this rate, I might as well finish it here before driving home.

  Oh, look at that. Someone familiar. It’s the doctor.

  What is he doing walking all the way to the junction at this hour?

  “Hey, Mr. Doctor. Getting a late night meal?”

  I call out to him after putting the third dumpling in my mouth.

  “Oh, Mr. Win. Nope, I’m finding a taxicab. I gotta rush to the hospital.”

  He answers me but his eyes are on the road, apparently looking for a taxi. You wish, doc! There is no taxi around here at this time. In this kind of residential and office neighborhood, almost no one commutes at night. So, taxi drivers don’t come here because there’s no passenger.

  “Ehh? You got called in? Is there an urgent patient?”

  I’ve seen it in some series, doctors get called in to the hospital for emergency cases. Maybe this doctor dude is similar, too.

  But he looks at me and shakes his head.

  “Not a patient, but yep this is an emergency. Could be even worse than a patient.”

  I raise my brows, stuffing two dumplings in my mouth at the same time.

  “Hmmm? Whuddid, oc? Mnot uhmbadiend mbud ummerendy?”

  He tilts his head at me. “What did you say? I can’t understand.”

  I hurriedly chew and swallow before repeating it. “What’s it, doc? Not a patient but an emergency?”

  “Next time finish chewing and swallowing your food before talking. You will choke if the food gets into your airway. Understood?”

  Wow, look… Even without his uniform gown, he’s still doing his job. So I got scolded. Are you sure he’s a doctor and not a teacher from the discipline office?

  “Well, dunno… You said it’s an emergency so I was in a rush to ask.”

  “Um, it’s my friend.” He looks at me. “He’s terribly drunk at a party in the hospital. He called and cried like mad. I’m worried so I’m going to check on him. That’s why I need a taxicab to head there.”

  Then, he scans the road again. Like I said, it’s useless. The road is so empty. There’s no car, not even a personal car. Not to mention a taxi.

  I put the last two dumplings in my mouth, tapping him on his shoulder. “Ocder, ocder.”

  “Uh...what is it? I told you to finish chewing before talking,”

  He scolds me again, so I quickly gobble down all the food.

  “Why don’t you ask your boyfriend to drop you off? He’s got a car.”

  “P'Por is asleep and I don’t want to wake him.”

  Oh… So his handsome boyfriend’s name is Por, eh? What kind of guy is named Malaeng Por?[26] That sounds like a girl’s name!

  “Maybe you can borrow his car. It’s for only a short time, I think he won’t mind.”

  The doctor looks at me. “I don’t know how to drive.”

  I burst into laughter. “Doctor, I can’t believe it! You never rode a motorcycle, and you can’t drive a car. You’re truly born to be a passenger.”

  He rolls his eyes at me big time. “Fine! Laugh all you like. But it’s not funny. I’m so worried about my friend now! Mr. Win, is there no taxicab around here? I tried searching with my Grab app and still can’t find one.”

  “Come, doc. I’ll take you there.”

  I volunteer. I’ve eaten, and not in any hurry. It’s not time for the football match yet, and my two uncles aren’t hungry.

  He turns to look at me, seeming half puzzled and half surprised.

  “Um… Are you taking me there? The hospital is far away.”

  “It’s only four kilo[27] from here, doc. How far can that be?”

  I put my safety helmet on and open the seat storage to get another one for him, wondering if a doctor’s sense of distance is different from most people. Why would he say four kilometers away is far?

  “It’s not far, doc. We’ll get there quickly. Come on, up! You’re worried about your friend, right? Let’s go already.”

  I hand him the helmet again. This time the curious doctor takes it and puts it on without further question.

  “Uh-huh. Thanks. I’ll pay you by time rates.”

  “The payment can wait, let’s discuss it after you find your friend. But you got a plan on what to do next? I think I can take two passengers, but if your friend is too drunk, I’m not gonna risk it, ya know.”

  “Not gonna bother you with that.” He crinkles his nose at me. “I guess I can walk him to the doctor’s dormitory. But right now…”

  He buckles up the helmet’s strap and gets into the seat. One hand on the bar, one hand on my shoulder, as usual. “...quickly take me to the hospital. You know where it is, right? The one at the intersection.”

  “Of course, I know. My Loong and Ar often pick up their medications there. Hold on tight, doc. I’m gonna speed. If you don’t hold strong, you might fall off and instead of helping your friend, you’ll become the one who needs medical help.”

  “Speeding is fine. I’m not scared.”

  Though he says that, I can feel his hand tightening on my shoulder more than usual. I laugh internally while shifting the gear and taking off towards the hospital.

  …………

  “Nadiaaaaaaaa!”

  I haven’t even parked properly yet and the tiny doctor dude already hops off, running to the base of the stairs at the auditorium building. It’s a relief he’s not tumbling over. Such puny legs seem only good for walking. I shut the engine before starting to follow him.

  “Nadia, are you alright?”

  His friend is sitting at the stairs base with his face flopped down. The doctor rushes in to help the guy sit straight while slapping his face a few times to wake him up. I guess doc was really in a hurry becau
se he hopped down and ran off without returning the helmet to me. He just scuttled to his friend with the helmet wobbling around on his head. I’m glad the total head weight didn’t topple him over.

  I move closer to see if there’s anything I can do for them.

  “Bitch… Tawan, how d’ya get here?”

  The friend slowly opens his eyes. Oh, wow. Even from here I can clearly see that his eyes are so red, either from crying or being drunk. Could be a little bit of both.

  “You called me to pick you up, Nadia. Can’t you remember?”

  “And… Why are you wearing a helmet?”

  After being pointed out by his drunk doctor friend named Nadia (?), my passenger finally realizes he hasn’t taken the helmet off yet. He unbuckles the chin strap and passes the helmet back to me, who’s looking on from behind him.