My Ride, I Love You

by Patrick Rangsimant

  “Sorry, I forgot.”

  “It’s alright, doc.” I take my helmet and keep looking. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

  “There’s no one else around here, and I don’t know where the security guard went. Can you help me prop him up? I can’t do it by myself.”

  And then, the doctor dude heaves his friend’s arm over his shoulder and stares at me. Am I to assume that he wants me to do the same with the guy’s other arm and support his weight?

  “Your friend’s name is really Nadia? That’s phat. What a contrast with his appearance.”

  It’s true. Doctor Nadia is tall, bulky, muscular, and has a stubble beard. His build is similar to mine and his face looks a little bit merciless, which doesn’t get along with the name Nadia at all.

  “His name is Not, but he changed it to Nadia.” Together, we prop up Doctor Nadia, formerly Doctor Not, and support him with our shoulders. “Hey, can you help me get him back to the doctor’s dorm? I can’t carry him on my own.”

  “I know, doc. I won’t let you carry your friend all by yourself. But where’s the dorm?”

  “Behind the hospital, mister. This way.”

  So we carry Doctor Nadia, terribly drunk, half asleep and half awake, along the quiet pathway in the hospital. We barely manage the exhausting task, as he is a hefty one. On top of that, the height difference gives us quite a big issue about balance. I am large-built, while the doctor on the other side is so small, causing the person we’re carrying between us to hang tipped to one side.

  “Nadia’s old nickname was Not. But he said a fortune teller warned him the name is inauspicious, and guys won’t come his way.”

  The tiny doctor gossips about his friend, who’s currently totally spent, half asleep, and being carried on our shoulders. I turn my head to look at him and he does not stir at all. I guess he doesn’t hear a thing because he’s already asleep.

  “So, he changed his name from Not to Nadia? Oh wow... I thought doctors don’t believe in fortune telling.”

  Mr. Doctor chortles at that.

  “Not on every matter. Only some. Sometimes we blindly believe in it on specific matters, like love, for example.”

  His answer has me curious.

  “Why, doc? Why do you guys believe in fortune telling about love?”

  “Perhaps because other matters in life have some logic and we can find a reason which can explain it. If we don’t work diligently, we get no money. If we’re without a job, we’re without food. If we have no skill and knowledge, we won’t advance professionally. If we neglect our health, we get ill.”

  He pauses before turning to look at me.

  “But love can’t be explained with logic. So we cling onto something else for hope and comfort, like divinity or fortune telling. We rely on those to soothe our hearts when it comes to love.”

  I nod along. Heck, yah, that’s a rational answer for being superstitious.

  “Oh, and what about you, doc? Do you believe in fortune telling?”

  He shakes his head. “I don’t. The same fortune teller who warned Nadia about his name told me my soulmate is a younger person. But my boyfriend is older than me. So that’s inaccurate.”

  “Bahhh, who knows! Maybe your current guy isn’t your actual soulmate.”

  I tease.

  “As long as I believe that he is, I can make him the one on my own. Won’t need any fortune teller to confirm my life.”

  He scrunches up his nose at me during the reply.

  “Ohhhh! That’s so edgy it hurts! Where did you get that from?”

  “My big bro posted it on his Facebook and I just saw it this evening.”

  Oh, I see… He has an older brother. That’s why he looks like the little brother type. I can’t guess his age from appearance. But my friend said doctors take six years to graduate. He’s already a doctor (the name on his gown says M.D., so it means he has graduated), therefore, he must be older than me. Without his doctor gown, I really would have no idea how he could be older.

  All three of us get to a T-junction... To be exact, however, it’s three of us but with the labor of only four legs.

  “Okay, doc, now which way is it?” I ask.

  “To the right, it’s all the way at the end of the path. That building in the dark is doctors’ dorm.”

  The junction has two paths, one is well-lit, while the other is dark. And the doctor gestures towards the dark one.

  “Whoa! That’s far, doc. I can’t see where it ends.”

  Besides, it is spookily empty. I’m glad I’m accompanying him, or this will be terribly worrisome. He’s so puny, and the friend he’s carrying is so drunk and can’t even take care of himself. I know it should be safe inside the fence of a hospital. But this hospital is huge, and somebody might be able to sneak in unnoticed.

  “It’s not that far. You can’t see because it’s dark. In the daytime when you see the building, it doesn’t seem quite far.”

  He shakes his head and continues to half carry and half drag his friend forward.

  “So, this…” I gesture at Doctor Nadia who now seems too far gone to wake up or even help support his own weight, “What happened to your friend that made him get this drunk?”

  “He doesn’t love me…Tawan. He doesn’t love me.”

  Wow… Doctor Nadia magically raises his unsteady, drunk, and half asleep head to give me a reply. Oh, shoot… He smells strongly like sapodilla plum.[28] Guess he has drunk a butt load.

  I’ve always thought doctors drink only expensive liquors when they party. I’m not sure if they had expensive ones in this party, but from what I am seeing, they become drunk just like the rest of us. And the breath smells like sapodilla plum all the same.

  “He? Who is he, Nadia? You said you would tell me, but you haven’t.”

  Mr. Doctor laughs and asks his friend.

  Oh, right… I’ve just noticed that Doctor Nadia refers to this tiny doctor as Tawan… Nice name. I like it. Nowadays people have eccentric, foreign-sounding names. It’s rare to find someone whose name is a simple and easy to understand Thai word.

  “He’s...P'...Ganghan.”[29]

  Doctor Nadia replies with his eyelids half closed, but the tiny doc Tawan stops in his tracks, staring at his friend with wide eyes. I am confused as to why the answer “P'Ganghan” seems to be so startling to him.

  “Crapola! Isn’t P'Ganghan a bottom?”

  Doctor Tawan seems so shocked he blurts the question out loud.

  “Soooo whattt, bitch? I love him. Whatever he is, I still love him.”

  The drunk doctor manages a reply even in his current state.

  “But you can’t love someone who’s a bottom just like you.”

  In reality, Doctor Nadia goes back to slouching and sleeping again before Doctor Tawan could even finish his retort, leaving him staring with widened eyes, and me having no idea of what’s going on.

  “Hey doc. Can I ask, doc? What’s this...bottom thing you’re talking about?”

  Since he’s not saying anything else, and Doctor Nadia is back to sleep, allowing no chance for him to start an interrogation, I snatch the opportunity to ask.

  “Uh… How do I say it?” He seems embarrassed by the impending reply.

  “Um, ‘bottom’ means the one who’s bottoming.”

  Ugh! Damnit, doctor. That was such a wacky answer, I want to whack him with a fist, only if I have a free hand.

  “Bahhh, doc! What kind of answer is that? It doesn’t help at all.”

  “Um… When two guys are doing, uh, the thing, there will be one who’s the top, while the other one is the bottom, right?”

  He starts explaining again with more detail, and more stuttering, while I was all ears for the key information from him.

  “The top means the person who uh… who’s the giver.”

  He seems to have such a hard time finishing his sentence that I can’t help holding my breath.

  “Giver…? What the heck is a giver, doc? It’s so har
d to understand.”

  His explanation doesn’t help me get any closer to understanding. I’m really confused, not playing dumb, I tell you.

  “The one who puts it in!!! You know put it in? To insert. Insertion, it is. The top is the one who gives the insertion, and the bottom is the one who receives it.”

  Doctor Tawan turns his head to shoot me a glare, his eyes bulging so hard they seem almost ready to pop out. It makes him look like the green frog mascot that was famous long ago, whose name I can’t remember.

  “Bahaha! Okay, doc, that’s super clear it’s giving me a mental image. Bottom and top, huh? Weird terms. Why don’t they just use the words wife and husband for simplicity?” I laugh while thinking about Loong and Ar, the same sex couple in my family…

  “So, um, that means your friend is a...bottom? And he fell in love with someone who’s also a bottom?”

  He nods. “Uh-huh. P'Ganghan is a medical house staff in my department who trains us about brain diseases. He seems to be a cool, loving, and kind guy. I guess Nadia likes this type of person. But he’s also a bottom just like him.”

  Finishing his sentences, Doctor Tawan looks at Doctor Nadia. “See, when he loves the person who’s exactly the same with him, it means they don’t compliment each other. They can’t fit as lovers.”

  “Hey, that’s not true, doc.” I object.

  Doctor Tawan looks at me with narrowed eyes. “Why? How is that not true?”

  “Let me ask, doc. This guy who owns the condo room you’ve been staying in, is he your first boyfriend?”

  “Uh-huh, for an official boyfriend, he’s the first one.”

  “So, it means you’ve never had your heart broken before, right?”

  “Um……” He ponders a little bit before answering. “I think that’s right.”

  “Then, I say you don’t understand the true obstacle of love.”

  I whistle once at the end of my statement, feeling triumphant because he furrows his eyebrows at me.

  “Why must you think I don’t understand love’s obstacle? Just because I’ve never been heartbroken doesn’t mean I know nothing about the obstacle of love.” He argues.

  “If that’s the case, doc, what do you think is the obstacle of love?” I ask in return.

  “When you can’t possibly love each other.” He replies almost instantly. “Look at Nadia and P'Ganghan. They’re both bottoms. They’re the same. How can they become partners?”

  I laugh. “Doc, you’re so naive. Hahaha! I’m not gay, but I do know that when two persons love each other, what the couple do on the bed is not a problem. They can adjust. I believe a bottom and a bottom can fit together. If they love each other, they can find a way to make it work.”

  I pause and wait for him to look back at me for the next part.

  “Heh, so, what’s the obstacle of love?”

  He probably sees I’ve gone silent and decides to press.

  “The obstacle of love is when the person doesn’t love you, doc.”

  This time, it earns me a look of astonishment from Doctor Tawan. “Oh, my… That’s so edgy. Let me borrow it to use in place of a scalpel.”

  I whistle again to emphasize my triumph. “Or, is that not true, doc?”

  “Uh, yep. It’s true. You win this time.”

  “Yes, of courrrrrrse.” I laugh.

  “Where did you get that from, seriously?” He wants to know.

  I shrug. “I remembered it from a series named Wake Up, Ladies.[30] You never watched it? It’s hilarious.”

  He rolls his eyes while huffing through his nose.

  “Heh! It’s almost impossible to even get a sleep, I don’t have time to watch television.”

  We manage to drag Doctor Nadia to the front of the dormitory and luckily, there’s a security guard on duty. He rushes in to help Doctor Tawan carry his friend up the stairs. I didn’t realize how heavy Doctor Nadia is, until after his weight has been taken off of me. My shoulders are all numb. I look at Doctor Tawan, thinking he must be worse off than me, because he’s smaller and has less strength, I bet.

  He looks at me and takes a five hundred baht bill from his wallet.

  “Thank you Mr. Win. Here’s the fare.”

  I hastily wave my hands in refusal.

  “Yeowwww! That’s too much, doc. Are you nuts? That’s five hundred baht. I’m not taking it.”

  “Tsk! Just take it. Without you, it would have been a disaster. For me and Nadia both.”

  He insists I accept the purple bill.

  “If you want to pay me, give me a hundred. The fare by time rates for your hospital trip should be around that. But for my help in carrying your friend, that’s an extra service, free of charge. Consider it a trade, for sharing with me the clarification of the top and the bottom. Bahaha!”

  “You weirdo…” He chuckles and puts his five hundred baht bill back in his wallet and hands me a one hundred baht bill instead.

  “Thank you so much, Mr. Win. Without you, I’d have been doomed.”

  “It’s Mork, doctor.”

  “Hmm…? What’s that?”

  “My name is Mork. From now on, call me Mork. I don’t want to be Mr. Win anymore. Please call me by my name.”

  I smirk, showing my fangs while folding the hundred baht bill and keeping it in my pocket.

  “Very well, so from now on, you should call me Tawan instead of doctor. Understood?”

  Then, he smiles in return. “I won’t go back to the condo tonight. I’ll sleep in my dorm room. Want me to walk you back to your motorcycle? Can you find the way?”

  I shake my head.

  “Nahhh, no need, doc - oops! - Tawan. I can find my way. You go take care of your friend.”

  “Thank you, Mork. Drive home safely.”

  He takes two steps up the stairs and looks at me again. “Sweet dreams, Mork.”

  I nod to him.

  “You too, sweet dreams, Tawan.”

  And he goes upstairs into the building. I walk back to my Motorcycle, meanwhile remembering our conversation on our way heaving Doctor Nadia back to the dormitory…

  I think Tawan is adorable. He seems amicable, sincere, and down-to-earth.

  Okay, that might be a somewhat rushed assumption, because we have learned each other’s name only a while ago. But this is how I am. I trust my instinct more than logic. And my instinct tells me he’s a good man. A desirable kind of friend in one’s life.

  And wow… It’s the first time I’ve ever heard about top and bottom. So, the top means husband and the bottom means wife. Loong said he’s the husband, and Ar is the wife. So, that means when they do it...Loong puts it inside Ar...right?

  Oh, shoooot! Somebody, erase this damn image from my head, please!!!!

  Drat!!! Mork, tonight you will have a freaking nightmare for sure.

  Chapter 7: Tawan

  “Dr. Tawan, Dr. Tawan! Do you know what’s with Dr. Nadia? He’s been looking gloomy and quiet in the past two days.”

  The same barista guy asks when I pick up my coffee.

  Come on, if you want to know, just ask him directly. Why must you ask me? I look behind me, Nadia is sitting at the table with his head hung low. Right, he really seems gloomy. It has been barely two days since his heart has been broken, it’s impossible to be cheerful.

  “He’s heartbroken.”

  I give him a short reply. It’s not that I am against gossipping, I’m just lazy. And like I told you, this early in the morning, my brain isn’t awake yet, so I can barely communicate in brief sentences.

  “Ah, heartbroken, is that so?”

  The barista nods in acknowledgement. His name badge “Mayom” catches my attention. Ah, that’s odd. A man named Mayom?

  Wait, what… I’ve never seen these baristas using name badges before. Where did it come from?

  “Hey, mister. Why are you wearing a name badge today? Normally I don't see one.”

  “Ahh, it’s the company’s new policy. So that our customers get to know the barist
as’ names, and can easily recognize their favorite barista. We see each other on a regular basis, better get acquainted.”

  “This, does it read Ma-yom?”

  “Yes, doctor. My name is Ma-yom. Oh, wait a sec, doc.” He turns around to put a piece of oatmeal and raisin soft-baked cookie on a plate, and hands it to me. “Pass this to Dr. Nadia, please. It’s on me, a consolation for the heartbroken doctor.”

  I squint my eyes at him.

  “Meh, why don’t you deliver it yourself?”

  “Awww, I can’t, doc. I need to prepare the orders for other customers. I’m so busy at work now.”

  I look around the shop. There’s only me at the counter and none of the customers wait in the order or pick up line. All customers are already seated.

  “Think you’re slick, eh? Mr. Mayom.” I chuckle and continue in a devious and knowing voice. “Hey, if you’re into him, make a move. Don’t rely on a middleman like me. We’re all grownups, not teenagers with puppy love. They say a broken heart is easy to steal. Don’t you want to try?”