My Ride, I Love You

by Patrick Rangsimant

  I suggest.

  “Sure, doc.”

  Mork smiles at me.

  Let me correct myself… Before riding the ferris wheel, I said Loy Krathong with a stranger. But now it has changed, it’s Loy Krathong with a new friend, the new friend who no longer smells of “newness.”

  …………

  “Eh? You’re not floating?”

  I ask Mork because he’s not buying any krathong.

  Mork shakes his head. “Nah, doc. It’s expensive. I guess it’s ok to just ask for forgiveness and blessings from Phra Mae Kongka[47] by saluting. I don’t have the money to buy an expensive krathong to float.”

  “Wanna float with me, then?”

  “Huh...what did you say, doc?”

  “Float with me. Same krathong. We can share, pray together and float the same krathong.”

  “Uh…” Mork avoids my eyes, seemingly hesitant and partly reluctant to impose.

  “Is that really alright, doc? People usually float it with their loved ones, not just any friend like this.”

  “So what? I wanna float with you. I don’t mind. Do you mind? Or do you hold any belief about this matter?”

  Right, I forgot. Some people only want to float a krathong with their own partner.[48] As if coming to a Loy Krathong fair together weren’t atypical enough, I went so far as asking Mork to float a krathong with me. Hopefully I’m not giving him the creeps. I really wasn’t thinking it through.

  However, he shakes his head. “Nah, I don’t have any specific belief in this. Do you, doc?”

  I flash him a big grin. “Nope, I don’t. Let’s float together, okay?”

  “Alright, doc. If you say so.”

  He smirks, showing me his fangs. Hmm! When he smiles, his face looks young, which reminds me of the fact that I’m several years older than him.

  We arrive at the area assigned for floating the krathongs. Despite it being the less crowded hour, according to Mork, the mass of people is still so packed I can hardly breathe. When we manage to get to a good spot, Mork tells me to stay put.

  “Doc, wait here a sec. I’ll go borrow something to light the candle.”

  “Uh-huh, okay.” I wait for him at that spot while Mork dives into the crowd.

  Oh, right. Mork doesn’t smoke, so he has no lighter on his person, unlike many other Win drivers who are regular smokers. Sometimes I arrive at his station when he’s out to send another passenger and it’s someone else’s turn in the queue. So, I have to ride behind some other driver, and the lingering cigarette odor on their clothes makes my nose stuffy.

  But with Mork, he doesn’t have any hint of cigarette smell on him, he only has some body odor from sweating. And to be honest, sometimes I have a stronger body odor than him. Doctor is like a laborer who works in a hospital. Our daily walking and running distance can almost take me from Bangkok to Rangsit.[49] We’re commonly sweaty, especially when we work in the Regular Ward without an air conditioning system.

  “Doc, I got a lighter.”

  Mork holds out the lighter to light the candle and the incense stick.

  “Where did you get it?”

  “From someone over there. I’ll return it later. Just quickly pray, doc.”

  “You too, Mork. Come, we can pray at the same time, before the wind puts out our candle.”

  “Okay, okay. Let’s pray and make our wishes.”

  We put the krathong up near our foreheads while praying. Our hands touch and there’s a strange warmth around the contact area. I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. It’s not just the feel of human body temperature. It’s beyond that but I can’t really put my finger on it. It’s just strange. Not in a bad way, though. It feels strange in a good way.

  I’m unsure if Mork feels the same, but when I finish saying the wishes in my mind and look at him, he happens to turn to look at me as well. “I’ll take it down to the water for you, doc. Just wait here. The bank is steep, you might fall.”

  So, he takes the krathong to the water and floats it. Actually, the canal’s bank isn’t very steep and it doesn’t look dangerous at all. But since he volunteers to be a gentleman, I’m okay with that.

  Looking around, I notice that most people floating krathongs are couples. Most of the time, the guys are the one who take krathongs down to the water while the girls wait around on the top of the bank, like I did. Mhmm, floating a krathong with your boyfriend feels kind of like this, I guess.

  Mork returns shortly. “Doc, let’s walk and look around.”

  I gesture with my head to the surrounding crowd. “Look, they’re all couples.”

  “And so we blend in with them quite well.”

  Mork laughs but I sense a hint of shyness in his laugh.

  “Yep, right.” I laugh along to ease his feelings. “Now there are plenty of gay guy couples who float their krathongs together. Oh, what about your Loong and Ar? Don’t they come out to celebrate too?”

  “Nahhh, they don’t. It’s Friday and Big Cinema is on air. It’s impossible to peel those old men off their television. No way.”

  “Hmm...they love watching movies?” I ask, surprised to hear that in the era of Netflix, where almost any movie is easily accessible on mobile phones, someone is still waiting eagerly for movie reruns on Channel 7.

  Mork nods.

  “Yah, doc. It's entertainment for people with low budgets. Channel 7’s rerun is their only chance.”

  “Aww, now we can easily buy cheap movies. They sell it everywhere.”

  When I mention that, we happen to walk past a booth selling DVDs. I glance at the prices. Seventy baht a pop, and for one hundred baht, you get two. But Mork shakes his head.

  “Nah, doc. That’s like stealing. Don’t you know these are illegal, pirated copies. It’s a crime, a theft. It’s an offense to the second precept in Buddhism. Better wait until Channel 7 airs the movie we want.”

  “Oh wow… You’re sweating the small stuff.”

  I tease.

  “Doc, it’s not a small stuff.”

  He looks at me, frowning.

  “Stealing from others isn’t a small stuff. Whether they realize it or not is irrelevant. We, on the other hand, know full well that we’re stealing. Sometimes people give themselves an excuse, saying it’s a small matter so it’s okay. But you know, doc, if you put the small things together in a pile, it becomes big.”

  “There’s no reason that justifies stealing. If there were, the Buddha wouldn’t have issued the second precept that prohibits theft. Trust me, doc, I’ve been ordained before.” He emphasizes.

  Oh...that’s right. I’m horribly lame.

  Do you know? Most medical students use photocopied textbooks. We usually don’t buy the legit copies of medical textbooks because the price of one book could reach thousands. Especially for Internal Medicine, where one set of textbooks costs almost five thousand baht. So, we borrow textbooks from the library and photocopy the whole book. Sometimes the photocopy shops prepare ready-made copies for purchase. Sometimes we don’t have to bring the original textbook, just leave an order and the shop will see to it that we get a copy.

  Other times, we find free PDF files from the internet and read it on a tablet. Some printing shops accept PDF files and make a physical book to order. They can even magically add a hard cover that looks identical to the original book. Some have made it into a big industry. We’ve been doing this for such a long time it has become a norm, a habit, so much so that we forget it is actually a theft…

  Mork had it right.

  No matter how small, it is still stealing. There’s no just reason for stealing. We are merely making excuses for ourselves and using false logic to tell ourselves that it is rational, in order to keep exploiting other people. In truth, we’re thieves for this. It’s ridiculous how we condemn thieves from the news while we’re doing basically the same thing they did.

  I stop walking and Mork, at a few steps ahead, stops as well. He turns to look at me.

  “Is something wrong, d
oc?”

  I shake my head.

  “Nothing, Mork … Thank you.”

  “For what? For bringing you to a Loy Krathong fair?”

  I shake my head again, but this time I also smile.

  “Nope. I’m thanking you for reminding me of something I’ve forgotten. See, I told you, you’re a smart person. And you’re smarter than me on many occasions.”

  Mork seems confused. He scratches his head while looking elsewhere like he’s embarrassed. He opens his mouth as if to say something but unable to form his statement, so he just drawls. “Ahhh… Haha. Okay, doc.”

  “I’m hungry again.” My stomach happens to growl when I say it.

  “Mork, wanna get some Hoy Tord?[50] I was drooling when we passed the stand but it was too crowded. I think now it should be less busy.”

  “Are they still selling it? What if they’re sold out already?”

  “Come on.” I grab his wrist. “If there’s no more mussel, just eat something else. Let’s go, I’m hungry. I’ll pay for you as a thank you for accompanying me. And for enlightening me as well.”

  “Hahaha! Awesome. I wish everyday were a Loy Krathong fair like this, doc.”

  He laughs while following me. I look back at him. Even though he’s already in tow, I’m still not letting go of his wrist.

  “Yep. I also wish there were such festivals everyday.”

  …………

  “When we were floating the krathong, what did you wish for, doc?”

  Mork asks, spooning the fried mussel omelette into his mouth.

  “Um...I wish for less sick people.”

  I take a spoonful of fried mussels as well.

  We ordered an extra large serving of Hoy Tord and a serving of Phat Thai.[51] At first we planned to order separately, but that would mean each of us would only get to eat one type of food. So, we decided to order two dishes and split both.

  I have no idea who started it, but Phat Thai vendors are always selling Hoy Tord as well. It’s hard to decide between the two, as they’re equally mouth-watering. So, most people end up ordering both.

  “Eh, bahaha!” Mork bursts into a guffaw. “If there’s no sick people, you’ll have no patient to treat. Won’t you be out of a job? Why did you wish for that? If it were me, I wouldn’t wish for less passengers.”

  “Oh… Hahaha, you’re right. If there’s no patient, I can’t treat them.”

  I look at the last bits of noodles on my plate. I can’t finish it, I’m so full.

  “I’ve never thought about this before. If someday there are only healthy people, then what kind of a role we doctors can take. Maybe the world will no longer need us.” I pick up my glass of water, but it’s empty. Mork reaches for a new bottle and refills it for me.

  “Thanks… But I think even if there’s no more patient to treat, doctors can still find their own purpose, take on a new role. No sick people, then we can work at improving people’s well-being to make them even healthier. If anyone wants to be much more healthy, they will consult us, adjust their diet, focus on health care, and do exercises.”

  Mork nods in agreement.

  “Ummm, that’s right. Not being sick doesn’t always mean healthy.”

  “Yep, I think there’s always a place for us.”

  “How, doc? I don’t understand, there’s always a place for us?”

  “Like, when people often say they’re unimportant, have no purpose, and that there’s no place for them. Actually, I think there is. Everyone is important. They have a place, a role. They’re just unsatisfied with the place they are currently in. They want to be in the other place, somewhere else, or some other position. So they say they have no place or no purpose.”

  “Ahhhhh.” Mork prolongs his interjection. “It’s like when someone wants to be a special someone but becomes just a friend, and says they have no place, right? Hahaha!”

  I roll my eyes. “Uh, you may say that. But in fact, being a friend is not a bad thing. Though you’re not in the person’s heart, a place beside their heart is nice, too. For me, we can make ourselves and the other person happy regardless of the position, there’s no need to be their special someone. If we just want happiness, then we must focus on happiness.”

  “You got a stain on your lips, doc.” Mork wipes the sauce from the corner of my lips with a thumb and beams. “We were talking about Loy Krathong wishes but how did it end up being about love instead?” He cleans his thumb by putting it in his mouth. That’s freaking hilarious. He acts like a child sometimes.

  “You started it, Mork, remember?”

  I narrow my eyes at him.

  “Oh, right. I derailed the topic. Okay, besides wishing for Thai people to be not sick, what else do you want, doc? I mean, something for yourself.”

  This question has me pondering for a long time… Right, what do I wish for myself? Am I lacking something in my life? I want a boyfriend, and I got one. I get to do what I like, by being a doctor, though it’s exhausting sometimes. What do I want…

  “Are you exhausted? I guess.”

  I tell him and it’s not surprising to see that he’s all confused.

  “What’s that, doc? You want ‘are you exhausted?’ you said?”

  “You see… After work, when I leave the hospital, I want to have someone ask me ‘are you exhausted?’ every so often.”

  “Eh… Of course, you’re exhausted. Why? If someone asks you something that’s so apparent it doesn’t need to be asked, won’t that annoy you?”

  I laugh at his question.

  “Hahaha, I would never feel annoyed by the person who cares about me. Nope. I like it. If someone asks me after work whether I’m exhausted, despite knowing that I’m obviously exhausted, the feelings I get from hearing them ask will definitely relieve the exhaustion.”

  While explaining, I think about myself…

  Everytime I get back to the condo, I always ask P'Por “Are you exhausted from work today?” and he always replies with a smile, saying that when I ask him if he’s exhausted, he’s no longer exhausted, and then he would resume whatever he’s doing the moment before.

  Do you know? … He never returns the question, if I’m exhausted or not. Perhaps he knows that working as a house doctor is exhausting, so he doesn’t see the need to ask…

  Maybe he has a reason. But reasons be damned, I still want someone to ask me if I’m exhausted. It is more than just a question. It is the sense of caring which makes me feel like I go out to work for someone, and that the specific someone is waiting to welcome me home. Frankly, I don’t feel that way with P'Por. There were several occasions when he accidentally fell asleep before I got home. And I had to ring the doorbell or call him by phone many times before he got up to open the door for me.

  “Your boyfriend, he…”

  Mork seems to want to ask something, yet he stops mid-sentence. I can guess the question, though. He wants to know if my boyfriend ever asks that to me, but at the last second, he refrains from prying too much for the sake of politeness.

  I give him no reply. No nodding. No shaking head.

  I don’t know, I guess my silence and how my body stiffens give a clear enough answer.

  The silence falls between us again.

  Food has been eaten, and the krathong has been floated.

  And it has become late at night as well…

  My cellphone ringtone blares, acting like a timeout bell.

  It feels as if we just emerge from the world where time has stopped. I pick up my phone and check it… It’s an incoming call from the hospital. “Hello.” I hastily answer the phone. Although I’m not on duty, when there’s a call from the hospital, quick response is vital.

  “Hey, Tawan, there’s a mass casualty incident. We need all the hands we could get from every department of house doctors.”

  That’s P'Nok speaking. I recall she’s not on duty today and she sounds rushed and out of breath. So, I assume she got there a bit ago and had started with the work already.

&
nbsp; “Okay, I’ll be right there, P'Nok.”

  I reply and hang up.

  “Mork, can you drop me off at the hospital? There’s an emergency.”

  …………

  00:23

  I look at the clock.

  It’s almost half past midnight.

  Not on duty, but as drained as being on duty.

  The term “mass casualty incident” might not give you a clear picture of how draining it actually is. I’d rather use “flea market.” It’s like everyone knows when the flea market will appear, so everyone suddenly gathers together. It gives a vibe of The Great Meeting - Jaturong Kha Sannibat.[52] All kinds of accidents and all kinds of ailments come together to the emergency room without prior appointment. (They didn’t make an appointment with each other, and of course, not with the doctors, either.)

  We have cases of drunk driving or drunken brawl with the results ranging from minor injuries like scalp wounds to major ones like stab wounds to the lungs or sometimes to the heart. We have cases of drunk people who threw a hand bomb (yep, real bomb, you read it right) or had accidental sex (WHAT!!!) and come to request for emergency birth control pills. The hospital requires maximum efficiency and all of the hospital personnel who can still breathe must get together and focus all their effort in one burst of energy to push past the night of Loy Krathong Day.