Don't Panic. Keep Breathing. (TNT Trilogy Book 2)

by Sarah Delany

  “That doesn’t excuse you for going behind my back with my boyfriend,” I tell her, because it doesn’t excuse what she did.

  “I know that. I was being selfish and like I said, I’d liked him for so long and when you were out of it, Blake and I started getting closer. It honestly started out as us trying to find ways to help you but then we got close ourselves. I didn’t do it intentionally. It just happened. It doesn’t matter now anyway. He was only using me. As soon as you dumped him, he dumped me. He never wanted to be with me,” she says, hanging her head. She looks genuinely upset but with her it was always so hard to tell. I know what she was like behind other people’s backs.

  “So you two aren’t together now?” I ask, though I think I already know the answer. She shakes her head.

  “No. Like I said, as soon as you dumped him, he was pissed and dumped me too. He figured you heard about us from me. I guess you overheard me and Chloe in the toilets?” she asks, unsure.

  “Yeah,” I say, wrapping my arms around myself, holding myself together as I still don’t like to remember that day. That’s the day I completely fell apart.

  “I’m sorry, Tam. Really I am. I didn’t mean for you to find out like that. And I never meant to hurt you either,” she says, as a tear finally escapes her eye and slides down her cheek. Rafe joins the end of the line then and gives me a concerned look over the back of Leyla’s shoulder. I shake my head to tell him it’s okay. “I was hurt too Tam,” she says, as she wipes the tear away.

  “Hurt how?” I am not sure what she means.

  “I tried for months and I’ve been your best friend for years but you wouldn’t open up to me. Then Tate comes along and I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. It’s like the black cloud following you around wasn’t there as often. Don’t get me wrong, you were still out of it but I noticed you watching him, when you thought no one noticed. I was your best friend after all,” she explains, and I stand there stunned. Did she notice more than I realised? All this time I thought she wasn’t being a real friend. She takes a step closer to me and leans in and whispers so only I will hear. “That night at Penny’s party, I came looking for you and I saw you go in the pool gate. I watched you for a bit. I know it was you and Tate on the pool chair that night.” I draw a sharp breath in and move back, my eyes lock with hers. “I saw your face Tam. You looked happy which I hadn’t seen in so long. And I knew it was him. He was the one who was reaching you, when none of us could and that hurt. It hurt, that as your best friend, I couldn’t make you smile like he could. So I walked away and went back to the others, not telling them what I saw. I used that as an excuse to justify what I was doing with Blake,” she says.

  I stare at this girl, who for so long I considered my best friend, and realise she’s right. I didn’t let them in. I didn’t let anyone in until Tate. I still don’t understand why he got through when no one else could.

  “I’m sorry too. I didn’t realise I was hurting you by not letting you in. I wasn’t letting anyone in,” I say to Leyla. I think we both hurt each other and on my side I didn’t realise I was doing it.

  “I know it’s probably too much to ask to be best friends again but I’d like it if you didn’t hate me anymore,” she asks with hope in her voice, and I nod. I can’t deny her that at least. I think our relationship is too damaged at the moment to fix everything, while it’s still so raw, but maybe down the track we could be friends again.

  A smile spreads across her face as she says, “Thanks Tam.” I turn to face the line again but hear her say, “And Tam, happy birthday for tomorrow.” I look over my shoulder and give her a big smile of my own. She remembered.

  “Thanks Leyla,” I say, and then shuffle up to the telescope because it’s my turn. I move to the eyepiece and look through. What I see is breathtaking. It’s a spectacular orange colour. I think the last ten minutes have made this trip worthwhile.

  After we have all looked through the telescope, we follow our guide to another room which he calls the museum. It is filled with displays, which we examine, as he talks to us about meteorites. As he talks, I see Scott busy scribbling notes down. He’s the only one doing it and he asks questions as our guide talks. Rafe and JP are having a hushed conversation off to the side I can’t hear. Those two have been acting extremely weird today. Penny comes up beside me, nudging me in the arm, distracting me from my thoughts.

  “How cool was the sun?” she says, excited.

  “I know right. It was so pretty,” I tell her.

  “I saw Leyla talking to you. Everything okay?” she asks.

  “Yeah, we cleared the air. She apologised for the Blake thing,” I tell her.

  “You think you guys will be able to be friends like before?” she asks, and I hear the curiosity in her voice.

  “I don’t know. At the moment, probably not, because it’s still quite raw but you never know what the future will hold,” I tell her, feeling less weighed down than I have been. I guess I didn’t realise how much it was weighing on me, until today. As our guide continues explaining the different displays, I glance over at JP and Rafe. They’re both staring at me with cheeky grins on their faces. “Penny?” I ask to get her attention.

  “Yeah?” she replies.

  “Do Rafe and JP look like they’re up to something?” I ask her, turning her focus to them.

  “Why are they looking at you with creepy smiles?” she says, holding in her giggle.

  “I don’t know, they’ve been acting strange all day,” I tell her.

  “Beats me,” she says, and her attention is back on the guide. I push the boys out of my mind and focus back on the guide, making the most out of what is left of this field trip.

  Next we enter a room and the guide pushes a button, causing the ceiling to open up. The guide explains the dome ceiling is used to keep the telescopes free from damage from the elements. The room we are in rotates so we can observe all the different parts of the sky. The telescopes in here are used for the night tours mainly but we will get a chance to observe the sky, while it’s still light out.

  Lastly, we join back up with the other group for our final activity. This has the guide the most excited I’ve seen him all day. We are back in the lecture theatre where we started.

  “Okay everyone, to start I want you to stand around the front here. Space yourselves out and take your time observing the projection and the different things you’ll see. After a while, I’ll instruct you to find a seat but to start we will stand.” We all move away a good distance from each other. It’s probably so we can observe without talking. The room turns dark and then the display starts, causing my breath to catch. It’s beautiful. It’s as if we are looking at a clear night sky without any pollution so you can see every tiny little star distinctly. There are millions of them. The room is quiet now as everyone absorbs what they are seeing. It makes my mind wander to Tate and the first note of the star he gave me. I know he would have enjoyed this trip as much as I have.

  I peer into the darkened room and can make out the faces of the people closest to me. Their faces are all turned upwards in awe. I focus back on the beautiful display and get lost in it. I don’t know how long we all stand there silently but out of nowhere, the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. A moment later my heart slams into my chest as I draw a sharp breath into my lungs and hold it. Someone has threaded their fingers through mine and their hand feels all too familiar. It isn’t until he swipes his thumb back and forth across the back of my hand, I let myself believe it’s true.

  I let out the breath I’m holding as I say, “Tate?” turning towards the figure next to me. I see his perfect smile through the dark as his hand glides down the side of my temple and tucks my hair behind my ear. “You’re here?” I ask, unbelieving.

  “I couldn’t miss my best friend’s birthday now, could I?” he says, and the tears I didn’t realise I was holding in, come spilling out. I leap into h
is arms, wrapping myself around him tightly, with him squeezing me just as hard. “Shhh, I’m here now. I’m here and I’m not leaving this time,” he whispers into my ear. I pull my face away from his neck to look into his face and see his own tears, threatening to spill over. “I’m here,” is all he says, and I nod, tucking myself back into his neck and finding comfort in the familiar earthy scent belonging only to Tate.

  Chapter 24

  -- Tate --

  Approaching the observatory door, I spot Ms. Chadwick who is waiting for me. She catches sight of me and a genuine smile takes over her face.

  “It’s good to see you back Tate. I’m sure she will be happy to see you too,” she says, winking at me. The day I got the text message from the unknown sender at school, a plan ignited in me and the more I thought about it, the more right it felt. It was Leyla of all people who had texted me, informing me Tamsyn’s birthday was coming up. She said she wanted to make amends with Tamsyn and thought if she could persuade me to come back for Tamsyn’s birthday then they could rekindle their friendship, if Tamsyn wanted to. I didn’t want to come back for her birthday though, I wanted to come back for good.

  It took a bit of convincing to get my parents to agree. They saw the determination on my face and I think they knew I couldn’t be stopped. They flew down with me, not wanting me to come on my own and my mum wanted to see her sister again. I think they needed a break from home too. There are so many memories of Quinn in our house, it can be overwhelming at times.

  I arrived here on Thursday and JP has been able to keep it a secret from Tamsyn. I’m impressed. He’d informed Rafe and Scott though and the three of them had been waiting for today as much as I had. My mum had organised with Ms. Chadwick to let me surprise Tamsyn here, because she wouldn’t see it coming. What better way to surprise her than under the stars, which mean so much to the both of us.

  Ms. Chadwick lets me quietly through the door and it’s pitch black. I let my eyes adjust and slowly look down the aisle, searching for her. My sixth sense has returned and I can feel her near. It’s like my soul can feel her whenever we are close. Goosebumps erupt up my arms when I spot her. Her head tilted upwards to the ceiling with a wide smile upon her face, makes my heart thunder. It’s a good feeling, a nervous feeling. Gosh I’ve missed this girl. My feet have a mind of their own and as always, they lead me straight to her. I slowly step up behind her and inhale, my favourite smell fills my lungs. My body can’t wait any longer so I step to the side and thread my fingers through hers. Electricity shoots through my fingers, racing up my arm at the touch. It’s as if the connection has zapped life back into me.

  I hear her hold her breath, so I run my thumb along my spot on her hand, back and forth so she knows it’s me. Her wide eyes brimming with tears, turn my way.

  The only thing I can think to say is, “I’m here. I’m here.” I’m not sure whether that’s directed at her or me but I feel my own tears form as she leaps into my arms. My body feels on fire from holding her in my arms for the first time in so long. My heart puts a piece of it’s splintered self back together because of this girl, who I can’t live without.

  I don’t know how long we stand in the dark, the stars illuminating the space around us, taking our fill of each other and letting ourselves enjoy this moment. Her head is squeezed into the crook of my neck, clinging to me tightly with her arms and legs. How I ever walked away from her, I will never know. I can only put it down to the fact my heart was so broken with Quinn’s death, it didn’t know what it was doing.

  The guy who must be in charge of their tour tells everyone to take a seat. With Tamsyn securely in my arms, I wiggle into the closest seat, with her on my lap. I keep her there, not wanting to let her go just yet. The show eventually ends, lights flicker on and that’s when my gorgeous girl raises her head. Tears have soaked her skin but the enormous smile plastered on her face tells me, this was the best decision I could have made.

  “I can’t believe you are here,” she says, staring into my eyes.

  “I know. It doesn’t quite feel real, does it?” I say, as she shakes her head.

  “Tate my man,” I hear come from my side, as Rafe, Scott and JP come up. I hold out my fist for them to bump with equally big grins on their faces.

  “You riding back on the bus with us?” JP asks, and I nod.

  “Yeah, your mum dropped me off. She’s organised it with Ms. Chadwick,” I tell them. I see Penny come around the side of JP, giving me a small smile.

  I know she’s become part of the group so I say, “Hey Penny, good to see you,” smiling at her and she returns it.

  “Good to see you too,” she replies, and I catch her eyes glancing at Tamsyn. Tamsyn smiles at Penny which has Penny’s smile growing. They must be having a secret girl conversation. Does everyone know how to have these conversations with their eyes or am I just out of the loop? Ms. Chadwick tells everyone to gather around, telling us to make our way to the bus so we can go back to school.

  The bus ride home, I have Tamsyn cuddled up at my side the whole time. We don’t say much as the guys and Penny are there. Talk is mainly on the tour and how much fun they had. I’m content to just hold Tamsyn again. When we get to school, I see Leyla looking our way with her own small smile on her face. I tip my head to her, acknowledging it was her who got me here and her smile brightens. She looks to Tamsyn but Tamsyn doesn’t notice her. I hope they can become friends again one day as I know how much Leyla misses her.

  When we get to the cars I’m about to pile in with the guys and Tamsyn but not before Rafe yells, “How about a sleepover Tamsyn, to welcome Tate back?”

  His charming eyes stare into her and she says, “Sure. Penny, you’re coming too right?” turning towards where Penny is by her car.

  “Yeah, I’ll follow you guys over. Have you got some pajamas I can wear?” she asks.

  “Yeah, that’s no problem. Cool, let’s go,” Tamsyn says. As we get into the car with Tamsyn in the middle, I pull her back into my side, not willing to let her go.

  -- Tamsyn --

  I can’t believe Tate’s here. I haven’t let him go since he grabbed my hand. I’m scared that if I let him go, he will disappear. Now we are walking hand in hand to my front door. My mum is going to be so surprised he is back. Before I get to the door, Tate pulls my hand to slow my steps a bit.

  It gives the others the opportunity to rush past us with Rafe yelling, “You snooze you lose, I’m going to get the best spot.” They all rush into the house and Penny closes the door behind them, leaving us alone for the first time. Tate takes that as a cue to wrap his arms around me, bringing me closer to him so I squeeze him tight. Delivering a lingering kiss to my forehead, I let out a sigh as I feel peace run through me.

  Pulling back to gaze into his eyes, I can’t help myself as I reach up on tippy toes to press a kiss against his lips. He audibly sighs as he pulls me in tighter, deepening the kiss. All the feelings I’ve felt since we’ve been apart get unleashed and we cling to one another fiercely, losing ourselves in the kiss. Too soon and we are pulling apart, his eyes shimmering at me.

  “Come on, let’s get in there before they steal my bed,” I say, chuckling causing Tate to join in. “It’s good to see you smile Tate,” I say, realising I have missed him smiling more than anything.

  “It feels good too,” he sadly whispers. I know how hard it is to enjoy things while you’re still grieving so I don’t say anything else.

  Dragging him to my front door and opening it, I get blasted with party poppers going off, as everyone yells, “Happy birthday Tamsyn,” and the tears rush to my eyes as I take everything in. There are balloons floating on the ceiling and coloured streamers decorating the living room. Off to the side, our usually empty dining table is now loaded with snack food, pizzas and a gigantic chocolate cake. Underneath the table, I spot bundles of presents.

  “How?” is all I can say int
o the room, and they all laugh at my shock.

  “Well bub, the guys here told me about Tate’s plans to surprise you so I thought why not throw you a surprise party too,” Mum says, with her own tears brimming in her eyes.

  “You all knew?” I ask, still wondering how I didn’t get a sniff of what they were up to.

  “I only knew about the party, not about Tate,” Penny defends. “But you guys nearly blew it giving Tam weird looks all day. Lucky I covered for you,” she says, looking at JP and Rafe.

  “I was just so excited for her to see Tate,” Rafe says, with a big smile beaming on his face. I see JP and Scott nodding along in agreement with matching goofy grins on their faces.

  “I’m gonna grab my bag from the car. Guys, you wanna grab yours too?” Penny says, and my mouth drops.

  “You guys had sleepover bags packed already? What if I said no to the sleepover?” I demand, crossing my arms over my chest.

  “That’s why we had Rafe suggest it to you and use his charm,” JP states, and they all laugh, with me joining in. The guys and Penny walk out, coming back a couple minutes later with their bags in tow, having hidden them in the car boot so I wouldn’t see.

  “Come on everyone, let’s sing ‘happy birthday,’ then we can dig into the pizza while it’s still hot,” Mum says.

  “How did you know when to order it?” I ask, still trying to piece everything together.