Don't Panic. Keep Breathing. (TNT Trilogy Book 2)

by Sarah Delany

  “Rafe texted me when you were heading back on the bus,” Mum tells me, and I flick my eyes to Rafe who winks at me. They were all in on it. I’m amazed and blown away they did this all for me. “Come on everyone, gather round,” Mum says, bringing us closer together and then they all sing, ‘happy birthday,’ to me off key. I can’t help but think it’s the best birthday surprise I’ve ever had.

  We spend a good half an hour stuffing our faces with pizza, treats and cake before my stomach can’t take any more. It’s the most I’ve eaten in a long time.

  “Time for presents I think bub,” my mum announces, so they all gather around me as we sit on the couches. JP and Rafe move the presents out from where they are stashed. I don’t want to think how they got them here without me knowing.

  “Mine first,” Rafe says, shoving a roughly wrapped present in front of me. He smiles excitedly at me so I rip into it and can’t help but laugh.

  “Press it’s nose, that’s the best part,” he insists, so I oblige by pressing the stuffed pig’s snout.

  “I oink you,” it says, and we all crack up laughing.

  My eyes meet Rafe’s and I say, “I oink you too,” causing his smile to widen.

  He leans over encasing me in his arms, whispering in my ear, “Happy birthday Petal,” and delivers a kiss to my cheek.

  I let go of him and move onto the next present which Scott puts in front of me. I don’t wait, ripping into the paper. It’s a binder with different coloured separators with a set of coloured pens.

  I smile up at him and he says, “Now you can put all the notes I get for you in this, to keep them in order,” while smiling at me. He leans over and gives me a hug. I can’t help but laugh as my notes have been getting out of control lately.

  “Ours are together,” Penny says, gesturing to her and JP and I notice both their cheeks blush with pink. I open it in the same fashion I did the others. It’s a set of green silk pajamas, a short sleeved button up top and pajama shorts to match, a couple of different shades of green nail polish and a green beanie. I love it all.

  “Awww thanks guys,” I gush, giving them both a hug. Tate walks over to the bags the guys carried in. Unzipping one, he pulls out two small, perfectly wrapped presents and walks back to me.

  “Here you go,” he says, placing them in my outstretched hands. I carefully unwrap one with shaking hands and inside is a pretty pink box. I flick the lid open and my breath catches.

  “That’s so you can take the stars with you, wherever you go. They are supposed to remind you to shine,” he softly says, as I stare at the silver bracelet with the delicate stars, all hanging off the chain. My tear filled eyes find his and after a moment of staring at each other, he says, “Open the other one.” Again, I carefully unwrap it. It’s an identical box to the first. Flicking the lid off, I find a necklace and on the end is half a heart with the word ‘best’ inscribed on it. I look at Tate and he drags his own chain out, with his having the other half of the chain. Only difference is that his heart has the word ‘friends’ written on it.

  I can’t help but leap into his arms whispering, “It’s perfect. Thank you.” He squeezes me tightly before letting go.

  “Best friends forever,” he says, staring into my eyes.

  My mum interrupts our moment by saying, “Okay bub, this is the last one.” So I sit back down and she comes to sit next to me.

  She takes my hand and says, “I know tomorrow is going to be hard since your dad isn’t here,” and the tears fill both our eyes as she continues. “Your dad was always adamant for your eighteenth birthday, he wanted to get you something. He kept going on about it so it’s not only from me but from him as well. The gift was mainly his idea.” She places a small box in my hands which isn’t wrapped and I look at her with a raised brow. “Open it,” she encourages me, so I do and it’s a car key. My hand rushes to my mouth covering my shock.

  “You got me a car?” I squeal, and start jumping up and down, unable to contain my excitement.

  “Come on, it’s in the garage. You will need lessons to drive it though,” she insists, and our group is so excited for me we all rush out to the garage, following my mum. She presses the button, opening the garage door and there sits a cute little second hand light blue mini cooper. I instantly fall in love.

  “Oh my gosh Mum, it’s perfect,” I yell in excitement.

  “Your dad said it had to be second hand. When I first met your dad, he drove a blue mini so it took me a while but I managed to hunt this one down for you,” she says, tears dripping down her face. I turn to her with my own tears, wrapping her in my arms and we stand like that for a few minutes. We take the moment to miss my dad and dwell on the fact he’s not here for this. “He would’ve loved to see the look on your face right now honey,” she says, wiping the tears off my face.

  “Thanks Mum, I’ll take good care of it,” I promise. I spend the next hour looking inside at all the buttons and features with a permanent smile plastered on my face. I can’t wait to drive it.

  “Let’s take it for a spin,” Rafe suggests.

  I look at him because I can’t drive it so someone else will have to and then Tate reads my mind saying, “I can drive and you can sit in the passenger seat Tamsyn.” He doesn’t have to tell me twice. I beam at him and jump straight into the car.

  “Penny and I will set up the room,” JP says as he stands next to her, and I can’t help but think he’s using it as an excuse to spend time alone with her. Scott and Rafe jump in the back. It’s a tight fit with three big guys but we make it work and they don’t seem to mind. Tate takes my hand in his and that’s how we drive. He doesn’t let go at all. It’s an automatic so he doesn’t need his hand too much. I’ve never seen Tate drive before so it’s an experience in itself, watching him in my car and I couldn’t be happier.

  We drive around the area for about half an hour before we head back home. Our happiness follows us back inside where we find Mum cleaning away all the pizza boxes and wrapping paper.

  “Can we take all the treats up to her room, Tanya?” Rafe asks my mum.

  She smiles at him saying, “Of course, go ahead, but if there’s any mess, you are in charge of clean up duty.”

  She cracks up laughing when he says, “Aye aye, captain,” saluting her. Scott helps Rafe juggle all the snacks up the stairs and they place them on my desk, creating a snack station. Rafe takes his command to not make a mess seriously. Penny and JP have managed to squeeze in another single mattress, this one an inflatable and I don’t know where it’s come from.

  Scott must see my confused expression because he comments, “We had to get another mattress to fit us all once we knew Tate was coming. Couldn’t have one of the gang sleeping on the floor.” I’m glad they’ve thought of everything.

  “Penny, you wanna come get changed?” I ask her, and she fetches some pajamas out of her bag. I gather up my new green ones and we head to the bathroom together.

  “You happy Tam?” she asks me, once we are locked in the bathroom.

  “I couldn’t be happier,” I gush. I don’t remember the last time I smiled this much. My face is starting to hurt from all the smiling if I’m being honest.

  “It is so cute he came back for your birthday,” she says, and I know she’s talking about Tate.

  “He said he’s not leaving this time,” I confide in her, and her eyes widen and her mouth hangs open.

  “Oh my gosh, has he come back for good then?” she says.

  I nod, saying, “I think that’s what he meant.”

  She places both hands over her heart sighing saying, “That’s so romantic.” I can’t help thinking the same thing if that is what he meant. I will have to confirm it with him. We slip into our pajamas.

  “Wow these are so soft,” I tell Penny, loving my new set.

  “JP and I went shopping last weekend fo
r it,” she admits, blushing at her confession.

  “Did anything happen?” I am curious.

  “No, nothing yet but I feel like it might soon. For now, we are just hanging out as friends. Enjoying each other’s company,” and I nod, knowing what she means.

  “Let’s go back before they come looking for us,” I suggest. Walking into the room, the guys have all changed. Rafe of course has no shirt on and neither does JP. I think that’s for Penny’s benefit. Scott, as always, keeps his shirt on and so does Tate which I admit I’m a bit disappointed at, but keep my face blank, not letting it show.

  “Birthday girl can pick the movie,” Rafe says, handing over the remote as he plops himself on the blow up mattress. Scott lies down on the mattress next to him and JP lies down on the one next to Scott.

  There’s one left but before I can say anything awkward, because both Tate and Penny usually sleep in the bed with me, JP jumps in and saves me by saying, “Pen, got your mattress right here.” He pats the spare one next to him. She smiles at him and jumps under the covers next to him.

  My mum walks in and says, “Okay guys, remember the rules. Keep the door open and don’t have the T.V too loud. I’m off to bed.” She leans over and gives me a kiss on the cheek as she leaves. That leaves me and Tate standing there staring at each other. Instead of being awkward, I hop into my bed and pull the covers back for him. He gazes down at me and I get rewarded with him taking off his shirt, and letting it drop on the floor. My eyes automatically zone in on his new tattoo. It looks more beautiful in real life.

  He hops into the bed and I ask, “Can I have a look?” so he obliges, turning on his side and lifting his arm so I can get a better view. I trace it with my finger making goosebumps erupt all over his skin. A faint smile ghosts his lips.

  “What movie are we watching Tamsyn?” Rafe yells from his spot, which draws me out of my haze, shaking my head. I flick through and click on the first action one I come across which happens to be Saving Private Ryan. The movie starts and I snuggle under the covers. Tate pulls me close to him so we are facing each other.

  “I’m glad you’re here,” I confess.

  “Me too. We have Leyla to thank,” he says.

  My brow scrunches as I ask, “Leyla?” I’m confused.

  “Yeah, she texted me asking if I could come back for your birthday. She wants to be your friend again,” he tells me.

  “She talked to me today and apologised so maybe she does wanna be friends again,” I say, as he tucks my hair behind my ear.

  “Well that’s a good start,” he says.

  “Are you back for good this time? You aren’t leaving again?” I ask so quietly, I wonder if he will hear me.

  He cups my cheek, stares into my eyes and says, “No. No matter what happens, I’m staying this time. If anything bad happens then we will weather the storm together. Always together.” My heart fills with warmth and it spreads throughout my body. He pulls me into his bare chest, giving my forehead a kiss. “I’m sorry it took me so long to come back to you, but I’m not leaving okay?” he says, searching my eyes for any doubt.

  “Okay,” I whisper. His hand slides down my face as he pinches my chin between his thumb and finger. Gazing into my eyes, they flick to my lips for a moment and mine do the same, wondering if he’s thinking the same thing as me. He pulls me closer, my eyes automatically close and then his soft lips are pressing against mine and my heart sews another piece back on. I wrap my arms around him tighter, hoping it will hold his lips to me as his tongue seeks entry.

  We get lost in the moment but before we get too carried away, Tate pulls away, delivering a chaste kiss to the side of my mouth, and whispers, “Happy birthday Sweetness.” I can’t help the smile shining on my face. I stay wrapped in his warm embrace while we watch the movie and the two that follow. There are no more kisses but it still doesn’t stop me from having the best sleep I’ve had in ages, wrapped in my best friend’s arms.

  Chapter 25

  -- Tate --

  We all spend Sunday, Tamsyn’s actual birthday, in her room watching more movies. Everyone was happy to chill, spending the day lounging around with Tamsyn. I think we’ve distracted her from the fact her dad isn’t here which is all I wanted to do. I’m glad I decided to come back and stay.

  My parents are staying another few days to make sure I’ve settled back in alright. One of the conditions they have for me coming to live here again is that I need to see a therapist about my panic attacks and grief. Mum, with the help of aunty Sharon, is sorting it out for me. I know my parents are apprehensive about me staying here being as I’m their only child left but it’s right for me. They have said they will come visit as much as they can. It was hard to leave behind Xander and Pierce again but once I sat down with them and explained about Tamsyn, they were happy for me and promised to keep in touch. They demanded updates on the green fairy front.

  It’s easy to fall back into my old routines here. JP and I pick up Rafe on Monday morning, followed by Scott and Tamsyn. Seeing her again knits a part of my heart back in place I didn’t think was possible. The darkness still plagues me but with her shining her light on me, I know I can face it head on instead of avoiding it and not dealing with it.

  I have to go see Mrs. Davies again first thing but she says my schedule is the same as last term. All that has changed are the life lesson classes. She put me in first aid on Wednesday first period and car maintenance on Thursday afternoons. The sewing class she’s put me in on Thursday morning has me raising my brows and asking why I got put in that class. She said it was one of the only free ones with spaces left. So I’m stuck with it. In English, they shuffle over to make room for me as Penny had taken my previous seat. I can’t blame them but I won’t lie, it did hurt a bit to see my spot taken. I’m happy to see my seat next to Tamsyn in human bio hasn’t been filled, so I get to sit close to her and soak her in.

  She lies down on her crossed arms in her all too familiar pose. Her head turns my way, a smile tugging at her lips. I notice her fingers wiggling under her arm and my own smile stretches across my face as I catch on to what she’s after. I lie down on my own arms, scooting over and thread our fingers together. That’s how we stay the rest of the lesson, clutching each other’s hand, not wanting to lose contact.

  It isn’t until lunchtime Tamsyn tells me she’s in sewing so I’m happy about being stuck in that class now. Every moment I get to spend with her is a reward. I’m also in her first aid class and the guys’ car maintenance class so it has all worked out for the best. I’m lost in my thoughts, gazing at Tamsyn so I don’t hear Penny’s question.

  “Tate?” she says, and I look at her with raised brows in question.

  “Huh?” I say, my gaze flicking back to Tamsyn.

  “I said we heard from a little birdy you’ve still got your V plates,” Penny says, and I see Tamsyn’s eyes widen as she stares at me, not knowing what to say. I feel my cheeks heat but it’s only because now Tamsyn knows. I’m usually not one to get embarrassed about it. I glance at JP knowing he must be the little birdy but he has his lips pulled into his mouth, trying to hold in laughter.

  My attention turns back to Penny as I answer, “Yeah I do. Any particular reason you’re interested in my virgin status?” I’m not sure where this is leading.

  “Oh I thought you’d like to know my girl here has still got her plates too,” she says casually, as she takes a bite of her apple. My head whips to Tamsyn who is a dark shade of pink, all the way to her neck. She looks so cute, I lean over and give her a kiss to the temple.

  “Nothing wrong with that. We are obviously both waiting for the right person,” I say, directing my thoughts to Penny.

  “How’s the search going?” she asks, smirking at me.

  I glance at Tamsyn out of the corner of my eye and then say, “I think my search is over.” As the words leave my mouth, so does the w
ater Tamsyn had sipped from her bottle. She turns a darker shade as I wink at her.

  “Okay, give them a break,” Rafe says, glancing at Tamsyn and holding in his laughter. He changes the subject and I can’t help dropping my hand under the table, sliding it over Tamsyn’s thigh and giving it a light squeeze. She gazes at me and we spend the rest of our lunch break, getting lost in each other’s eyes.

  The rest of the week goes by fast. My parents left on Wednesday night and it was hard to see them go. I feel lost again without them. I know this is where I want to be but if they were here too, it would make life a bit easier.

  On Friday in human bio, I decide to write Tamsyn a note. It feels like a lifetime ago when I started this tradition and nothing will stop me from continuing it. She’s much better than when I first met her but I know she still struggles. We haven’t managed to spend a lot of time together alone but I’m hoping we can change that. I can’t think of anything well thought out to write in my note so I decide to be honest. I rip a small piece of paper out of the back of my book and write, ‘Your smile is amazing.’ I slip it to her before the end of class because I want to see her reaction when she opens it. I place my hand with the note on her leg under the table, knowing her hand will meet mine soon. When it does, I slide the paper into her hand. She pulls it up to the desk, opening it and I get rewarded with the biggest smile as she glances at me. For a second I see the blonde hair and green eyes I miss dearly, but it’s only a second and then it’s Tamsyn in my view. I’m able to keep my breaths controlled by focussing on the beautiful girl in front of me. I draw in a big inhale, and along with it comes her scent, filling my lungs and settling me down. I’m hoping this is a good sign I’m not triggered too badly by her anymore.

  That night we all gather at Tamsyn’s again, for what’s becoming our usual sleepover routine now. I get the bed with Tamsyn and the others, including Penny, are happy enough to lie on the mattresses on the floor. I notice wherever Penny is, JP is close by. I’ll have to ask JP about Penny when the girls aren’t around. I have some anxiety built up in me from seeing Quinn when looking at Tamsyn, but I’ve pushed it to the side and am trying not to think of it. I repeat the words in Quinn’s letter over in my head, to help me focus on letting the light in.