Merciless

by Sybil Bartel

  The ATF agent had drilled me for an hour before I’d finally glanced at the lawyer. True to his word, Mathew Barrett had stopped the questioning then and there, telling the ATF agent I obviously didn’t know anything. The ATF agent had stormed out, but not before he’d said he’d be back, with evidence.

  I still didn’t know if Neil had gotten Nathan’s phone. I hadn’t seen him since that night he dropped me off at his house. I’d gone to bed and left Neil in the living room, but when we woke up, Sawyer was there. I didn’t want to tell anyone else about the phone recording, so I didn’t ask Sawyer where Neil was or how to get in touch with him. I didn’t know what else that ATF agent would come up with, so I’d been existing on nerves and caffeine ever since. Thankfully, Mav seemed content to just have a new pool to swim in, so that’s what we’d been doing.

  Garrett studied me. “Three years ago—why were you at Dax’s bar?”

  Exhaling, I tried to push everything about the ATF agent to the back of my mind and refocus on Garrett’s question. “That was after Nathan had started laundering money and my father had passed. I wanted out, but every time I mentioned it, Nathan hinted at turning me in, and I believed he’d do it. Nathan had a way of manipulating situations and people, and I had no doubt I would go down for all the crimes.”

  Garrett uttered a string of curses.

  “So I saved what money I could. I didn’t have a bank account anymore, because Nathan said I needed to live off the grid. I didn’t have a real job because Nathan wouldn’t let me, and I had no money. I was reliant on him for everything. Even if I wanted a soda from a gas station, I had to ask him for the money. So every time I asked for some cash for something, I put half away. A few months later, I thought I had enough to make a run for it. He went out one night and I just left.”

  “He didn’t come after you?”

  “It took him a few weeks to find me.” I’d never know for sure now how he’d done it, but I assumed he’d had his bodyguards looking.

  “Where’d you go?”

  “Not far enough.” I’d been stupid. I should’ve run as far as possible when I’d had the chance instead of staying local, but I’d never lived outside Miami, and it didn’t occur to me to leave the state. “That motel you found me at. Except I wasn’t there the whole time. I ran out of money before I could find a job and the owner let me stay an extra day, but after that I was on the streets.”

  Sitting on the table next to the bed, his phone rang.

  Garrett’s nostrils flared and he ignored his cell. “You were homeless.”

  It wasn’t a question, but I answered it anyway. “Yeah.” I nodded at his phone. “Are you going to get that?”

  “No.” He didn’t even glance at his cell. “How long?”

  “Not long.” Two jars of peanut butter I’d made last about ten days long. I didn’t have a clue there was a fifteen-million-dollar property with my name on the deed. Not that it would’ve mattered. I still would’ve left Nathan.

  Garrett’s phone stopped ringing. “What did you do?”

  “I had my bike, so wherever I could bike to apply for a job, I did.” I didn’t like to talk about it, much less think about it, but next to Mav’s birth and two nights ago when Garrett had been shot, it was the scariest time of my life. “Then the summer rains started and I was getting soaked every afternoon. I was dumpster diving for cardboard for a makeshift shelter when Dax found me. The rest, you know,” I lied.

  Garrett studied me. “Did he tell you to take my keys?”

  “Yes.” For that, I gave him the truth.

  His jaw went tight and his next words came out low. “The kiss in my hallway, in front of my door, did he take that from you too?”

  My stomach twisted and my heart faltered. I held his gaze, but I didn’t hide my shock. I didn’t know he’d seen that. There must’ve been security cameras in the hallway of his condo, which meant he’d seen more than the kiss. He’d seen Nathan’s hands on me barely an hour after I’d been in his arms, and suddenly, I understood what he’d been forced to live with for three years. My heart crushed and my guilt compounded.

  Nothing I could say would undo the past. All I had was the truth of that moment, so I gave it to him.

  “I didn’t kiss Nathan willingly. I didn’t fight him off either, but none of what you saw was wanted on my part. I was….” I didn’t even know how to explain it. “I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was keeping you out of it.”

  He didn’t say anything.

  “I’m sorry.” My gaze traveled to his shoulder. “For everything.”

  His phone rang again.

  I glanced at it, then back at him. “You should get that.”

  No reply, not even looking at his phone, he studied me.

  Every second he didn’t speak, I wanted to crawl away from his stare. Or maybe I wanted to crawl toward it, toward him. Seeing him again and feeling like I was losing a chance at a life with him all over again, it made me remember the days after my father died. I wasn’t with him when he passed, and I never got to say goodbye. Sometimes that feeling was so overwhelming, I couldn’t breathe. Right now, sitting in front of this man, baring my soul and my mistakes and everything that made me who I was, I couldn’t breathe either.

  I should’ve said goodbye.

  I should’ve gotten up and walked out.

  But I didn’t have the courage to do it.

  His phone stopped ringing, and I waited. I needed words right now more than I’d ever needed them in my entire life, but I didn’t know how to ask for that kind of forgiveness.

  Turned out, I didn’t have to.

  His eyes, dark and perceptive, cut to my wrist. Then his words broke what was left of my composure. “You don’t need long sleeves anymore.”

  Nine years of hell finally over, I fell apart.

  SHE DISSOLVED INTO TEARS.

  Not the loud, obvious kind.

  She covered her face with her hands and she quietly wept. My phone rang for the third time and I wanted to throw it out the fucking window. I also wanted to pull her into my arms, but I only had one that wasn’t fucking useless right now.

  My head fucked, I stared at her and remembered my kid’s face from two nights ago, how he looked when she picked him up from a dead sleep and fear instantly contorted his features. No kid should ever look like that.

  I didn’t blame her.

  But I did.

  I could’ve fucking helped her. I could’ve had the past two years with my son.

  I got robbed of that.

  I swore to myself I’d never be like my parents. I’d never neglect my kids because of my own bullshit, but now I’d missed the first two years of my kid’s life. Stewing in a fucking mess of thoughts I didn’t want to deal with, I sat there and watched her cry until the door to my room flew open and Talerco waltzed the fuck in.

  The smile on his face dropped the second he saw Brooke crying. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, darlin’.” He put his arm around her shoulders. “What’d Ivy do? Do I need to kick his ass?”

  Seeing him touch her, I wanted to fucking throat punch him. “Hands off,” I growled.

  His smile returning, Talerco tightened his grip on her as he dared me with a look. “Whatdaya gonna do, Snipe? Seems you got good aim, but your game’s shit.” He looked down at Brooke. “Ain’t that right, darlin’? No man should make a woman cry.”

  Brooke brushed at her face, but she didn’t brush off Talerco. “He didn’t. I’m fine.” She swiped at her cheeks again. “Where’s Mav?”

  Talerco’s tone softened. “He’s all good, darlin’. Put him down for a nap and Ariel’s with him. He’s in good hands. And for the record?” His smile amped up. “Little man’s threshold for ice cream is three bowls.” Talon chuckled and Brooke half smiled.

  I hated that Talerco had seen my kid and I hadn’t. I hated that Brooke was still wearing long-sleeved shirts, and I hated that I was in this fucking hospital bed. “What do you want, Talerco?”

  Before
looking at me, he gave all his attention to Brooke. “For real, you good, darlin’?” She nodded, and Talerco gave me a smile. “I came to spring you.” He raised an eyebrow and nodded toward Brooke. “Unless you’re gonna be a dick. Then I’ll leave you here for another ten to fourteen days.”

  “Jesus,” I grumbled.

  Talon grinned. “I’ll take that as a yes. Let me go find the doc and see what we can do.” He nodded at Brooke. “Darlin’.” Then he walked out.

  She waited until the door shut. “You have a lot of friends.”

  Taken off guard, I didn’t say anything, because her comment hit me like a fucking freight train.

  She looked around the room like everything in it except me was interesting. “They’re all nice.” She dropped her gaze to her lap. “They really care about you.”

  She didn’t have friends.

  She didn’t have anyone who looked after her or Maverick. Worse, she’d been battling a fucking psychopath for close to a decade all by herself.

  I was an asshole.

  A complete asshole.

  Exhaling, I looked at her. “I’m sorry.”

  She frowned. “For what?”

  “For everything you’ve been through. For being a dick.” For not getting her out of that prick’s estate thirteen days ago.

  She let out a short, humorless laugh. “I was the one who stole from you.”

  Yeah, she fucking did. Three years ago, she stole my heart and walked out with it. Now she was sitting across from me and she was stealing my sanity. But I realized something. My life would’ve fucking sucked without the Marines and my brothers. We weren’t blood, but Luna, Talerco, Sawyer, Tyler, Tank, even Christensen and Marek—those guys were my family. They looked out for me, and I looked out for them.

  It fucking cut to realize no one had been looking out for her and Maverick.

  I wasn’t gonna let that happen anymore. No fucking way. I opened my mouth to tell her exactly that when the door to my room opened again.

  Luna walked in followed by Marek.

  Luna smiled. “How’s the patient?” He glanced at Brooke. “Hey, chica. How’s the little man?”

  A soft smile touched her lips. “He’s good. Apparently Talon fed him enough ice cream to last him a month, then he fell asleep.”

  Luna chuckled. “I heard.” He redirected his focus to me, and his expression turned serious. “Doc says he’s getting you out. I still don’t have confirmation.”

  I knew what he was talking about. I’d heard ATF had been to Christensen’s the night we’d gotten her and Mav out, and apparently the agent in charge was out for blood. Brooke wasn’t in the clear yet, and we didn’t know if any fallout from Lewis’s bullshit was going to land on her yet, so we were still in a holding pattern.

  “What do you want to do?” Luna asked.

  “Same plan.” Brooke didn’t know it yet, but I was coming back to the Golden Beach house with her. We were going to lie low until shit blew over for her, or until we had to make it blow over.

  Luna nodded and I glanced at Dane. “Thanks for the assist.” I knew it was his sniper bullet that’d hit Lewis in the head.

  “I should’ve been a few seconds earlier,” Dane countered. “My apologies.”

  “No worries. We got it done.” Lewis was dead. “We good on the other?”

  Pulling a phone out of his pocket, he tipped his chin at me then held the phone out to Brooke. “Dane Marek,” his deep voice rumbled. “Nice to meet you. I believe this is yours.”

  Brooke took the phone. “How did you…?” She looked between Marek and the phone. “This is…” She looked at me, and her voice dropped to a whisper. “Did they see this? The ATF agent?”

  I glanced at Marek.

  He shook his head.

  “No,” I answered Brooke.

  The worry lines in her expression switched to determination, and without a word, she stood. Dropping the phone to the floor, she brought her heel down and smashed the fuck out of the screen.

  Then she went to town.

  Her boot met that phone a half a dozen more times, and she decimated it. Then nonchalant as fuck, she bent, sifted through the carnage and plucked the sim card out. Walking into the bathroom, she tossed the sim card into the toilet, flushed, and came back out. Then with three ex-Marines watching her, she scooped up the remains of her confession and tossed it in the trash.

  Brushing her hands off, casual as fuck, she glanced at Marek. “Thanks.”

  I fucking fell in love.

  “UP, UP, UP!” MAV danced around Garrett with his arms held aloft, waiting to be picked up as I finished the dishes.

  My heart melting, I watching Garrett scoop his son up with his good arm and hold him high on his chest. “So you want me to do the honors tonight, little man?”

  We’d been in the house Neil owned as an investment for almost three weeks, and Mav was already attached to Garrett like they’d never been apart. We played house like a regular family, and I’d never been happier, except for what was still hanging over my head. The ATF agent hadn’t come back around, and none of the people Nathan had done business with had come looking for me, or gone to the estate, according to the surveillance cameras Garrett’s friends had placed. But Garrett was insistent we were lying low until he was sure. Then what we would do, I didn’t know. Garrett and I carefully didn’t talk about it.

  Mav put his head on Garrett’s shoulder. “Two books.”

  “Two?” Garrett said in mock surprise. “I thought the rule was only one book at bedtime.”

  Mav had quickly found out that Garrett was a pushover when it came to him, and even though I only read him one book at bedtime, he’d conned Garrett into two books every night for the past week.

  “No,” Mav said seriously. “Two books.”

  “Well, if Mama says it’s okay.” Garrett’s intense gaze cut to me.

  My heart skipped and words got stuck in my throat. I smiled and dried my hands on a dish towel.

  The corner of Garrett’s mouth tipped up. “I think that’s a yes, little man.” He walked over to me and held Mav as he leaned him down to me. “Kiss Mama goodnight.”

  Mav laid a big wet kiss and a smile on me. “Lubbo, Mama.”

  I took his face in my hands and kissed his forehead. “I love you too, sweet boy. Goodnight.”

  Garrett stared at me as I kissed Mav, but the look in his eyes was different tonight. The past few weeks he’d been watching me with Mav intently. He’d been watching me, period. I didn’t know if he was gauging how I parented, or if he was still angry with me, or if he was simply coming to terms with having a son. Not wanting to rock the boat, giving him space to heal and to adjust to his new normal, I didn’t ask him about it. But as each day passed, it became harder and harder not to say anything.

  And watching him with Mav? I couldn’t have imagined a better father for my son. But I would be lying if I said I wasn’t envious of all the hugs and smiles he lavished on Mav. Garrett hadn’t touched me once, not on purpose, since he’d gotten out of the hospital. The first two days he’d gone into one of the spare bedrooms and he’d basically slept. I’d tried that first day to bring him food, and he’d politely, albeit sternly told me to back off. Later when he’d come out for some water and I saw the pain etched across his face, I’d gotten worried and asked if I could get him some pain medication. He’d bitten my head off and told me he didn’t need a mother. Then he’d slept for the next twenty-four hours.

  When he emerged the third day, he’d seemed better, but it wasn’t until after the first week that I’d noticed he moved with more ease and didn’t grimace every time he accidentally used his arm. Last week he’d stopped using the sling.

  But the past two days? He been looking at me differently.

  Settling Mav high against his chest again, Garrett’s gaze dragged over my chest, then cut back to my eyes. “Wait up,” he quietly ordered.

  My stomach fluttered and instant need shot between my legs as my nipples hardened.
“Okay,” I breathed.

  His eyes darkened, but he didn’t say anything. Holding my gaze for a moment, he turned and strode down the hall with Mav.

  My breath didn’t leave my lungs until he walked into the master bedroom where Mav and I had been sleeping. Then suddenly, the feminine part of me, the part I’d put in a box all those years ago when my father got sick, it came out. The past few weeks, I’d been conscious of my wardrobe. I didn’t change how I dressed, but I did wear more of the clothes that Ariel had brought for me. Short shorts, tight tanks, a more revealing bikini than I was used to. I was aware that my body had more curves since having Mav. I knew I hadn’t had a proper haircut in years. But I’d been so busy watching Garrett’s eyes on me that I hadn’t really thought about how I looked so much as what he thought about how I looked.

  But now I was thinking about it.

  I was thinking about my borrowed wardrobe, and the few items I’d brought with me. I was thinking about the only two items of makeup I had in my purse, mascara and face powder. I was thinking about the untamed curls of my hair that’d been in the pool twice today.

  And I was self-conscious.

  Really self-conscious.

  I cataloged all my clothing choices in three seconds and quickly realized most everything was in the master bedroom. But then I remembered a load of laundry in the laundry room that had Mav’s clothes also had a soft pair of leggings and a dark pink tank top.

  I ran to the laundry room and fished the slightly wrinkled clothes out of the dryer, then I hustled to the bathroom in the spare bedroom Garrett wasn’t using. Lightning fast, I hopped in the shower, soaped and washed my hair, using the toiletries already there, then got out and towel dried my hair as best I could. Ten minutes later, I walked into the living room in clean leggings and the tank. I was going for my purse to fish out a pair of earrings, when I saw Garrett sitting on the couch with his gaze fixed on me.