While there are short-term and long-term effects from divorce, this entry will highlight its repercussions on adult or near-adult characters, covering the long-range impacts.
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Safety and security, love and belonging
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
Children strain relationships; that’s why my parents divorced.
There’s no such thing as a long-term relationship.
If I love someone completely, I’ll end up hurt.
Love is only temporary.
Marriage is for suckers.
Everyone keeps secrets, so I can’t trust anyone completely.
Keeping the peace means keeping your mouth shut.
There’s always something better out there.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
Being abandoned
Not being a priority
Instability (financial, emotional, etc.)
Infidelity
Rejection or betrayal
Being discarded for something better
Failing in their own marriage
Having children and failing them
Committed relationships
Change
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS
Resisting or avoiding long-term relationships
Making excuses for not committing
Poor relationship choices
Promiscuity
Becoming overly attached to people or purposely avoiding attachment
A strained relationship with one or both parents
Being generally critical of one’s parents and their choices
Resentment due to one’s childhood not being what it should have been
Struggling to fully trust a partner or spouse
Tending to walk away from conflict rather than work through it
Longing for a traditional (loving, supportive, or close) family unit
Giving one’s children the support one lacked, even to one’s own detriment
Being risk-averse; sticking to the safe path
Feeling insecure often and needing reassurance, praise, or positive reinforcement
Monitoring situations carefully for change
Worrying about finances more so than may be normal
Having trouble letting go (of the past or of things in general)
Fearing to be responsible for others
Being territorial or possessive (of people, personal spaces, one’s role and job, etc.)
Finding it difficult to forgive people
Being a people pleaser or manipulator (depending on what worked as a child to get attention)
Wanting to be in control of everything
Being easily overwhelmed by change
Becoming angry and reactive when things don’t go as planned
Feeling threatened by competition
Fierce independence; a reluctance to ask for help
Feeling guilty when something doesn’t go right, as if one is somehow to blame
Feeling overly responsible for the happiness of others
Holding onto friendships and relationships too tightly, possibly smothering others
Cautioning one’s children against getting their hopes up in uncertain situations
Being reluctant to try something new
Disliking surprises
Wanting to know the outcome before committing; needing assurances
Having a deep sense of ownership for one’s things
Taking pride in what one has built (a safe home, a family, a career, etc.) despite setbacks
Understanding that if one is always in control, others will miss the chance to learn and grow
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM
Attributes: Affectionate, analytical, cautious, charming, discreet, empathetic, independent, industrious, just, loyal, mature, nurturing, perceptive, private, proper, protective, sensible
Flaws: Confrontational, controlling, defensive, evasive, hypocritical, impatient, insecure, jealous, judgmental, manipulative, materialistic, needy, obsessive, possessive
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
Spousal arguments
Visiting one’s parent(s) over the holidays
A parent announcing their intent to remarry
The suspicion that one’s partner is keeping a secret
Family reunions, weddings, funerals, or other events where family gathers
Experiencing a loss (a job, a family member or friend passing away, etc.)
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
Marriage or personal counseling
Wanting to get married but being afraid to do so
Learning that one is going to be a parent for the first time
Staying in a failed marriage for the kids’ sake but realizing it’s still harming them
RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS
A SCHOOL SHOOTING
NOTES: A school shooting is a wound that impacts people differently. Students, teachers, and support staff are primary victims, as they are the closest to the situation, while parents (of children within the school, of victims, and even of the shooter) can also be traumatized. This carries through to first responders, city leaders, the media, and the community, who may all be affected by the atrocity. If you choose this wound, think about how your character’s personality, role, and closeness to the situation will cause different behaviors and feelings to crop up. The timeline is also important to keep in mind, as some responses are more immediate while others will become long-term behaviors and reactions.
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Safety and security, love and belonging, esteem and recognition
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
This is my fault. I should have done something to stop it.
I can’t keep my loved ones safe.
I could die at any moment.
You can never really know a person.
People can turn on you at any minute.
Violence is everywhere.
My life can end at any moment, so why try to make something meaningful?
The world is an evil place.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
Dying
Guns and violence
Loving people only to lose them
Strangers (if the shooter was unknown to the character)
Being vulnerable
Freezing up or making a mistake at a critical moment
Placing trust in others (especially for their own welfare or the welfare of loved ones)
Being in crowds or in populated places
That another school attack will happen
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS
Isolating oneself from others
Difficulty concentrating
Emotions that quickly escalate to extremes
Self-medicating with drugs or alcohol
Feeling guilty for being alive when others are not
Struggling with one’s faith (if one is religious)
Becoming hypervigilant (e.g., watching for possible dangers and threats)
Over-reacting or under-reacting in times of stress
Highly reactive responses to being startled
Suffering from prolonged stress (headaches, stomach problems, aches that don’t abate, etc.)
Having nightmares where one is murdered or one is helpless to save someone else
Waking in a panicked state (with a racing heart, disorientation, etc.)
Needing to know where loved ones are at all times
Panic attacks and overwhelming fears
Struggling to enjoy the little things in life
PTSD (anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, nightmares, night terrors, flashbacks, etc.)
Taking life very seriously or not seriously enough
Feeling guilty for laughing, having fun, or enjoying something trivial
Comparing oneself to the victims to try and understand why one was spared
Worrying that
moving on is dishonoring those who died
Clinging to loved ones
Refusing to talk about the event
Experiencing a disconnect with people who weren’t there when it happened
Obsessively researching in hopes of trying to make sense of what happened
Critiquing one’s actions out of guilt for not saving others
Seeking to protect oneself (obtaining a weapons permit, carrying a knife, etc.)
Becoming an anti-gun advocate
Trust issues; being uncomfortable around people one does not know well
Anxiety at being home alone or being separated from family members
Becoming risk-averse and less spontaneous
Wanting to talk about what happened to process one’s emotions
Going to group or individual counseling
Writing about one’s experiences and feelings
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM
Attributes: Alert, analytical, cautious, disciplined, empathetic, loyal, merciful, nurturing, perceptive, protective, responsible, supportive, unselfish
Flaws: Antisocial, controlling, humorless, impulsive, insecure, irrational, needy, obsessive, paranoid, scatterbrained, self-destructive, suspicious, uncommunicative
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
Gunfire (on TV, at the movie theater, at a range, etc.)
Loud noises, like car backfires, explosions, or firecrackers
Symbols that act as triggers, such as seeing the same sneakers or ball cap that the shooter wore
A friend or family member being present at a random act of violence
Having to go to the hospital
The wail of emergency vehicle sirens
The anniversary of the shooting
Running into the family members of those who died
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
Attending vigils and reconnecting with other victims
Homeschooling one’s children, then realizing one is making decisions based on fear
Encountering violence again and having to act to save oneself and others
Seeing a friend struggling with the trauma and wanting to help them through it
RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS
A TERMINAL ILLNESS DIAGNOSIS
NOTES: A terminal illness cannot be cured; for these patients, treatment options will, at best, prolong life rather than save it. While some patients do outlive their doctor’s best guesses for life expectancy, patients are considered terminal when they are given six months or less to live.
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Physiological needs, safety and security, esteem and recognition, self-actualization
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
This diagnosis is a mistake, and I’m going to be fine.
God won’t let me die because I’m a good person.
God is cruel to force me to experience such a painful or premature death.
I deserve this (because of something I did, not being good enough, etc.).
I am a burden to the people around me.
If I had money and power, I wouldn’t be dying.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
Death
Pain
The pity of others
Wasting away slowly while friends and family watch
Saying and doing things they can’t control because of medication and the advancing disease
Being remembered as ill and weak rather than strong and capable
Their identity becoming all about the illness
Whatever comes after death (judgment, that it’s different from what they believe, nothingness, etc.)
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS
Uncontrolled crying and sadness
Growing quiet around other people
Needing breaks from people and normal activities
Depression
Self-medicating with alcohol and drugs
Being unable to get out of bed
Sleeping constantly or suffering from insomnia
Appearing to give up (having poor hygiene, pulling away from loved ones, ignoring pets, etc.)
Refusing to acknowledge one’s illness or go to the doctor
Paranoia that leads to analyzing one’s appearance for signs of the advancing illness
Having to stop certain routines (workouts, healthy eating, cleaning, etc.) as the disease progresses
Refusing to talk about finances, creating a will, or other end-of-life concerns
A manic need to take risks to feel alive
Throwing oneself into work to avoid having time to think
Spending money recklessly
Choosing aggressive treatment options regardless of their effectiveness
Investigating fringe treatments and procedures in hopes of finding a cure
Rebelling against the diagnosis through poor choices (having unprotected sex, binge drinking and partying, visiting unsafe locations, etc.)
Disengaging one’s filter and saying what one really thinks, even if it hurts others
Denying one’s illness by rationalizing symptoms: I didn’t get enough sleep, or Must have been something I ate.
Refusing offers of help because one refuses to be seen as weak
Lying to concerned people about one’s diet, sleep habits, medication routines, etc.
Talking about the illness as if it’s temporary: When I feel better, we should take the kids to Disneyland, or Maybe I’ll get back into hiking once I’m myself again.
Thoughts often turning to suicide
Displaying frustration and impatience as one grows more limited in what one can do
Seeking out second opinions
Researching one’s diagnosis to better understand what is to come
Looking into pain management options and how to slow the illness if possible
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM
Because this wound is more immediate and has less time to fester, the character will not experience significant personality shifts. Instead, traits (especially those which help facilitate denial) that are already part of the character’s personality may become more pronounced. For instance, a character may grow more private, or they may become more spontaneous, reckless, pensive, or uninhibited if it helps them cope with this wound.
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
Seeing a travel ad for a place one always wished to go but will never be able to visit now
Driving past a church or other symbol of God
Annual holidays (Christmas, a birthday, etc.) that one may never see again
Visiting a doctor or a hospital for a treatment or procedure
Discussions about a will or one’s end-of-life requests
The birth of a child within one’s family
Wanting to start a book that is part of a series one wouldn’t be able to finish
Planning a last vacation
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
Seeing an estranged family member and wanting to mend that fence before dying
Having a big regret that is all-consuming and seeing an opportunity to deal with it
Accepting one’s diagnosis and seeking to enjoy one’s remaining time
Being able to right a wrong or contribute significantly to others if one can move past one’s anger
Having a dream or goal and wanting to achieve it
RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS
A TERRORIST ATTACK
EXAMPLES
A bomb detonation
A chemical attack, such as gas being released in a subway system or a building’s filtration unit
A violent situation resulting in people being taken hostage
A biological attack, such as poisoning a water supply or releasing an airborne virus
An attack on an embassy during a hostile takeover
Cyber-terrorism (using technology in a coordinated attack to disrupt infrastructure, breech security, or steal f
inancial data)
Eco-terrorism (attacking industries and entities believed to be harming the environment and animals within that environment)
A nuclear threat or deployment of nuclear force
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Physiological needs, safety and security, esteem and recognition
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
I don’t deserve to live when so many good people died.
I should have done something to prevent this.
I am not safe anywhere.
I can’t keep my family safe.
The police only care about the rich and powerful, and the rest of us have to fend for ourselves.
Sooner or later, the terrorists will win, so why try to build anything good for the future?
It would be wrong to bring a child into this messed-up world.
Only revenge will fill this need inside of me.
Anyone of that religion (or race, belief, etc.) is untrustworthy and possibly dangerous.
It’s wise to fear what’s different or unknown.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
Places where lots of people converge (subways, airports, train stations, malls, etc.)
Death
Freezing up when it really matters
Being subject to pain and torture
People of an ethnicity, religion, or belief associated with the attackers
Being in an enclosed space—especially one that has a lot of people, like an airplane
Strangers and crowds
Intolerance (believing it to be the root source of the ordeal)
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS
Stockpiling weapons, food, and water
Refusing to travel
PTSD, anxiety, and depression
Vocalizing hate against those one believes is responsible
Avoiding large venues (stadiums, concert halls, fairgrounds, etc.)
The Emotional Wound Thesaurus Page 39