No Vacancy

by Stephanie Rose

  Caterina: I’m dehydrated and, like I said, woozy.

  Joe: You like me, don’t you?

  I loved him, but wouldn’t tell him until he was in front of me. Although, when the soup delivery arrived, enough emotion swept over my weak self to want to call him and blurt it out. Texting was safer in the condition I was in.

  Caterina: I hate that you aren’t here, too. But the soup makes it feel like you are.

  Joe: Eat, and get some rest.

  Caterina: I will. And I do like you. There, I admit it.

  Joe: Good, because I like you, too. I like you so damn much.

  Another week later

  Caterina: I hate hurricanes. Are you guys okay?

  Joe: We’re fine. I doubt it’s going to get as bad as they’re saying. We’re all boarded up, generators charged.

  Caterina: Maybe I should have attempted the trip?

  Joe: No, I don’t want you driving in this. I wish you were here with me, though. Storms can be fun with the right company.

  Caterina: Oh really, who’s your company now?

  Joe: Dom. Not fun.

  Caterina: We need to start decorating for the tour soon.

  Joe: Can you come in next week?

  Caterina: I may have a work event on Saturday, but I’ll see if I can get out of it.

  Joe: We have to run out of bad luck sooner or later, right?

  Caterina: I can take my phone and run in the shower for FaceTime, that would cheer us both up.

  Joe: It would, but I want to see you in person. I want my mouth and my hands all over you. The longer I have to wait the more you better brace yourself.

  Rain pelted my window as I stared at the blackened sky. At least Joe and I were both in the same storm together. The straws I grasped at to feel close to him were becoming more pathetic as time went on.

  Another week later

  Caterina: This blows.

  Joe: You’re in a suite at Yankee Stadium fully loaded with food and booze. That drop you hear is my heart bleeding for you.

  Caterina: It’s a client outing. And maybe it doesn’t blow that much, but I’d rather be with you.

  If I had a dollar for every time one of us said “I wish you were here” or “I’d rather be with you” during all the weekends since I’ve been back, I wouldn’t have to work because I’d be rich. The changing leaves taunted me. They were a marker of how long it had been since the summer and how long I’d gone without seeing Joe. We still spoke all the time, but nothing was good enough except seeing Joe in the flesh. And neither of us could figure out how to make that happen.

  Joe: I know. I’d rather be with you than do anything else. We’ll work it out.

  Caterina: You’re always so sure.

  Joe: About you? Always.

  As ridiculous as it was considering the time we’d spent together and the time we’d spent apart, I was sure about him, too. It was the whole bridging the separate lives thing dragging me down with uncertainty.

  Caterina: As long as we keep trying, right?

  Joe: I’m never going to stop trying.

  Joe: And neither are you.

  38

  Caterina

  “You’re in a good mood today,” Amy said after our last conference call of the day ended. “Is Joe coming this weekend?”

  “No, I’m going to see him. Only he doesn’t know it yet.” I grinned, almost feeling my cheeks crack from the excitement. After all the anguish of another month of failed plans, this time, I wasn’t giving the universe the opportunity to screw us over again. In fact, my car was already loaded with Halloween decorations I’d picked out for the tour. My plan was to take the subway home, grab the bag I’d already packed, and drive to Ocean Cove. Three hours of traffic alone didn’t bother me in the least, especially since this time, I wouldn’t be running away in a rage. Knowing where I was heading, and who I was headed to, excited me so much my knee bobbed like I was an impatient kid on Christmas.

  “Oh, sorry,” Amy gasped when she knocked over my shopping bag from this afternoon. “Wait a minute.” She laughed as she picked up the spilled contents of the bag. “What is this?”

  Covering my eyes, I yanked the purchase I’d made on my lunch hour out of Amy’s hands. It’d been two long months without Joe, and I wanted to give him the best reunion I could. After sifting through a sea of lace and G-strings, I settled on a crotchless, barely-there one piece. He could appreciate the whole package without having to worry about peeling anything off to get inside me.

  “Now, that’s what I call good weekend plans!” She dropped the shopping bag on my desk and turned to leave. “See you on Monday.” She stilled and glanced at me over her shoulder. “Maybe.”

  A laugh, carefree for a change, bubbled out of me when I noticed my phone buzzing across the desk. Smiling at Joe’s photo on my screen, I snatched it up and pressed the green button, so giddy that in only a few hours I’d see him for real that it was pathetic.

  “Hey, Joe. What’s—”

  “Hey, baby. I didn’t know if you were still at work, so I called your cell. I have to leave tonight, and I’m not sure when I’ll get the chance to call you.”

  I stilled as my stomach sank to the floor under my desk. Aside from the crushing disappointment, Joe’s short and flustered tone had me frozen with worry. “What’s wrong?”

  “My grandmother took a bad fall. She’s fine, only a few stitches, but I’m the closest one since she lives in New Jersey. My mother and sister are coming down late tomorrow afternoon, but someone needs to keep an eye on her until then. We’re all staying until Sunday night. Eighty-five-years-old and still lives alone. She’s stubborn as hell.”

  “So, that’s where you get it from.” I tried to make my voice sound light, but I was sure Joe could hear the crack at the end. Hopefully, he was too distracted to notice.

  “Like you should talk,” he teased. “Are you okay? You sound a little off.”

  “Nope,” I answered shrilly, my effort to sound cheery unsuccessful. “All is fine. You’re a good grandson.” My eyes landed on the bag of fancy underwear on my desk, and, although this cancellation was no one’s fault, I still wanted to put my fist through the shiny material and tissue paper and forget how all my joy had disintegrated in a matter of minutes.

  “When she’s settled, I’ll call you. We need to talk about what we have to do for the tour.”

  I fought the urge to scream as I was reminded of all the pumpkins and light up spider webs I’d piled into my trunk last night. I wanted to do this with him. I wanted to be with him. Yes, I knew long-distance would be difficult but not impossible.

  “Sure.” My gaze wandered around my empty office, feeling more alone than I had in months.

  “Caterina, what’s going on? You don’t sound like—”

  “I’m fine. I just really miss you.”

  “You have no idea how much I miss you. I’ll call you as soon as I can.”

  I ended the call, my face falling into my hands as hot tears of frustration pricked my eyes. Grabbing my phone again, I scrolled my contacts for Megan’s name.

  “Hey, girl! Did you get on the road yet?”

  “He’s not there, so I’m not going. But I don’t want to go home. It’s still warm enough for the rooftop bar on 51st street. Can you meet me there?”

  “Sure, sweetie.” The genuine sympathy dripping off her voice made me feel even worse. “I’ll meet you there at 5:30.”

  “Thank you.” I stuffed the bag into my desk drawer and headed out, hoping a drink and a friendly ear would fill the gaping feeling in the pit of my stomach.

  “You’ve had some bad luck,” Megan reasoned as she pinched the stem of her happy hour wineglass. “It happens.”

  “Two and a half months of bad luck. How long can we keep this up? This is exactly what I was afraid of.”

  “I grant you, you’ve gone longer than I thought you’d have to without seeing each other, but I still like the effect Joe has on you.”

  “What eff
ect is that?” I slammed my glass down on the table. “He’s reduced me to a mopey, sad girl who keeps listening to eighties ballads on a continuous loop and wastes money on expensive underwear she’ll never use.”

  “Aw, babe.” She patted my hand. “Give the underwear a chance before you throw it out.” An unexpected giggle slipped out at her arched brow. “He’s still supposed to come to Brooklyn for your cousin’s engagement party in a couple of weeks, right?”

  I took a long pull of my fruity half-priced cocktail and nodded. “So far.”

  “Anyway, he made you realize you want more out of life than working all the damn time. Other than the month you came back, you haven’t worked a late night since. I see you once a week instead of every other month. He opened your eyes to all the life going on around you that you didn’t know you were missing.”

  “I’m missing him. What am I supposed to do about that?”

  “Not much you can do, but have patience.”

  Megan was right. Joe did make me want things, but I wanted them all with him. The extended time apart wasn’t my fault or his, but that didn’t make it hurt less. My patience was hanging on a fraying thread of frustration, and the only thing I was sure of in that moment was that it was about to run out.

  I spent the rest of the weekend alone. Joe was busy with his family, so we spoke in sporadic texts back and forth. More than a painful goodbye, I was afraid of fading away even more. After the back-to-back months of disappointments we’d had, and the obligations that kept pulling us away from each other, it was hard to shake that fear.

  Joe had been on my mind all morning, and, as if I’d conjured him up, my cell phone lit up with his picture right after I settled into my office.

  “God, I miss you so much.” I smiled at his exasperated greeting even before I had the chance to say hello.

  “Well, less than two weeks, you’ll be here. So, you won’t have to miss me for much longer.”

  There went the familiar stomach drop at Joe’s long pause.

  “I can’t come to Brooklyn in two weeks. Dom’s father is getting out of a rehab facility, and Dom is heading home to stay with him for a while. There’s no one else to watch the restaurant, and we’re still getting a good amount of customers. I’m so sorry. Maybe you could come the weekend after?”

  “I’m godmother to my cousin’s baby the week after.” The frustration I’d been fighting came to a boil, hitting me hard and obliterating what was left of my patience.

  “Why are we doing this, Joe?” My voice cracked as I finally broke. “Are you really happy like this? I’m just a voice on the phone to you—”

  “Stop it right there. You are not just a voice on the phone. We knew it would be tough, but we said we wouldn’t give up. You promised me you wouldn’t give up.”

  “Do you think I don’t want to be with you? It’s all I think about. You’re all I think about. But how long can we go on like this? How could we even say we’re together now? Plans that always fall through, always disappointing each other, maybe we should have just left this at the beach.”

  “You don’t mean that. Caterina. I love you. I didn’t want to tell you over the phone but, yes, I fucking love you. And I’m not running away because it’s not easy. Why are you?”

  “Joe, I can’t do this right now. I need to think. I’m sorry.” I ended the call and pulled at my hair by the roots, trying like hell to hold it together enough to finish work for the day. When the man you love tells you he loves you, and not only do you not say it back but hang up on him right after, what future do you really have? As I snuck to the ladies room to attempt to get myself together, it seemed as if we never had one at all.

  39

  Joe

  Joe: We need to talk about this.

  Caterina: I can’t right now. I’m sorry.

  I threw my phone down on the bar, frustrated as fuck and wanting to dig my fist into something so it would feel as badly as I did. The distance between us was wearing on me, too, but not having her in my life at all wasn’t an option. For the past couple of days, we’d only spoken in spotty texts as she wouldn’t answer my usual early morning calls. Even though she’d never said it back, I knew she loved me. So, why was she so willing to give up? It had me twisted in all kinds of knots and snapping at anyone who had the bad luck of crossing my path.

  I turned around and leaned back on the counter, taking a deep breath before I faced everyone, attempting to at least pretend to be a professional business owner. I could nurse my broken heart on my own time.

  “Have you seen the owner of this place? I’d like to speak to him.” I stilled at the sound of my father’s voice behind me. When I turned, I found him perched on a bar stool. Despite the way we’d left off at dinner all those months ago, a smile pulled at my lips.

  “That’s me.” I turned and rested my elbows on the counter. “What can I do for you?”

  His eyes, the same ones I saw reflected back at me in the mirror, bored into me before he took in a deep breath. “Did I fuck up with you, Joey?”

  A rush of shame made my shoulders droop. “Dad, I—”

  “Do you know how I felt when I heard about the money Owen gave you to open this place?” He splayed his hands on the bar, appearing more unnerved than I could recall ever seeing him.

  “Disappointed, annoyed I opened a business without the collateral I needed and worried I took a stupid risk?” I shrugged, my gaze darting everywhere but his.

  “Jealous. So jealous, I didn’t know what to do with myself. My son was building a dream and didn’t want me to have any part in it.”

  “It’s not that I didn’t want you to have a part in it, it’s …” I let out a long breath as I figured out how to voice the issue that had plagued me for what felt like my entire life.

  “It’s what?” Dad whispered, his voice laced with both anger and a little sadness. I never wanted to hurt my father but didn’t realize how much I’d been doing it while trying to impress him. I was making us both crazy and needed to stop.

  “I’m not you, Dad. I’m not the great Lucas Hunter, and I never will be.” My eyes darted from his.

  “First of all, I’m not the great Lucas Hunter. I struggle and screw up as much as anyone, and second, you don’t have to be. Is that what this is all about?”

  “I never wanted the corporate life you and Bella love.” And Caterina. I never connected her relentless drive to succeed with my father and sister’s and didn’t think it was possible to feel worse than I did five minutes ago, but here I was. Maybe she didn’t want to be tied to a restaurant owner in a beach town. The rational part of me knew that wasn’t the reason things were strained between us, but the insecurities I’d fought against with my family made it all too easy to believe.

  “And that’s fine.” He scanned the busy dining room and patio with a slow smile pulling at his lips. “You’ve done an amazing job. You did things your own way, and I’m nothing but proud. I just wish you’d let me in. Did you think I’d judge you if this place didn’t take off? Hell, I never would have the guts to buy my own business and build it from the ground up. I’m in awe of you.”

  A lump grew in the back of my throat, making it hard to speak. “I didn’t want you to see me fail.” My voice sounded small, like the kid I’d always feel like in my father’s presence. “I didn’t want you to think I was weak. This is where I’m supposed to be, and I’m happy here, but part of me always wished I was like you and hated that I wasn’t.”

  His features relaxed as he patted the stool beside him. “Sit and have a cup of coffee with your old man.”

  The corners of my mouth twitched as I made my way from behind the bar to the seat next to him. I called one of the waitresses over to fill our cups but didn’t glance my father’s way.

  “Look at me.”

  I slid my gaze to his raised brow.

  “I would never see you as weak. Sometimes, businesses flourish and fail for reasons you can’t control, but I know anything you could do to be a
success, you would.” He dropped his hand to my shoulder. “Don’t ever think you’re my disappointment. You’re my prize.”

  He pulled me in for a hug and kissed my cheek, just like he used to when I was little and would race to the door to greet him after work. I laughed as I pulled away, feeling lighter than I had in years, other than the one pang in my gut that wouldn’t go away.

  “Now that that’s settled.” He smiled around his coffee cup. “How are things going with Caterina?” He spotted the wince I tried to hold in. “What happened? Did you break up when she went home?”

  “No. Yes.” I groaned and rubbed my eyes. “I honestly don’t know. We said we’d try and it’s been three months. Our plans keep falling through, and, this last time, she got upset. She said maybe we’re just torturing ourselves.” I ran my finger around the handle of the mug. “Maybe she’s right. Maybe we don’t work in real life.”

  “I saw the way you were looking at each other at dinner like I told you. That looked pretty real to me. How do you feel about her?”

  I let my head fall back on a groan. “I’m crazy about her. We fit. I can’t explain it. It doesn’t make sense to love someone after only two weeks.”