It Was You

by Kim Hartfield

  She was probably too busy with Christmas preparations to text. At least, that was what I was hoping. She’d cut our date short so suddenly, and then I hadn’t heard from her for two days… It didn’t bode well for our potential relationship.

  I knew she liked me, but something was making her conflicted about seeing me, and I couldn’t guess what it was. Could there be someone else in the picture? An old crush that she hadn’t gotten over? Maybe she was having health problems, or there were issues with her family. I didn’t know, and not knowing was the hardest part.

  After mentally sifting through the events a thousand times, my best guess was that I’d been too forward, turning her off by talking about going home together. But that would’ve been a natural progression from what we’d been doing – why would it have been so shocking?

  My heart dropped when I saw the text was from Sam. I’d kind of been hoping he wouldn’t contact me again. He didn’t text me to chat anymore – his last message had been about going for coffee, which I’d said no to. Couldn’t he take a hint?

  Hey, his message read. My new job is boring and it sucks that you’re not here. How are you doing?

  Worse now that you texted me, I wanted to type. It was funny to think I’d once valued his friendship and wanted to stay in touch. His recent texts had been so blah, I wondered how I’d ever found him interesting.

  I slipped my phone back into my purse instead of replying. My face must’ve betrayed my disgust, because Chelle laughed at me. “I’m guessing that wasn’t the cutie from the coffee shop.”

  “It was, actually. Ugh… I’m so over him.”

  “Then why have you been glowing all the time?” She dropped a bottle of organic Dijon into our shopping cart. “I was sure you were starting something up with him.”

  “Ah, no… although there is someone else.”

  “Oh, really?”

  “But I don’t know where things stand with her right now, so…”

  “What’s the issue?” Chelle spun around to examine the rows of ketchup. “She doesn’t like you?”

  “She seems to, but then she runs away. It’s already happened twice.”

  “Is she seeing someone else? Or struggling with her sexuality?”

  “No and no, as far as I can tell.” I sighed. “I can’t figure out what the problem is.”

  “Have you, y’know, asked her about it?”

  I stared at her in horror. “I can’t do that.”

  She took a ketchup bottle off the shelf and examined the nutrition facts. “Why not?”

  She sounded so casual, as if what she was saying wasn’t absolutely blowing my mind. I could just ask Ella what was up, couldn’t I? I could communicate with her and have a conversation about why she’d left so suddenly.

  “I can try,” I said slowly.

  “It should work better than standing around and wondering about it.” She smirked at me.

  I huffed at her. “Just for that, we’re getting Heinz.” I dropped a bottle in the cart and dragged it out of her reach.

  *

  When we got home, we unpacked the groceries together. I’d given in and let her get a eight-dollar banana ketchup. She deserved it for the life advice she’d given me. I was going to call Ella and see if she’d tell me what was up.

  First, though, I’d reply to Sam. I couldn’t avoid his message forever. I’m good, I wrote. Sorry to hear your new job isn’t so great. Hope it gets better soon. Talk to you later!

  That was about as harsh as I could get when it came to him. He was like a puppy – I didn’t want to hurt him.

  Sitting on my bed, I dialed Ella’s number. After four rings, she picked up. “Hello? Judi?”

  “Hey!” I said, my heart pounding at the sound of her confused voice. “What’s up? How are you doing?”

  “Not… bad.” She paused. “How about you?”

  “I was just thinking about you,” I said, toying with the edge of my blanket. “Actually, to be honest, I’ve been thinking about you for the past two days.”

  “Ah.”

  Ah? That didn’t exactly give me a lot of confidence. I was hoping for something more along the lines of her thinking about me, too.

  Still, I pressed on. “Look, I wanted to talk to you about the other night. I had a great time, and it seemed like you did too, but then you cut things short out of the blue, and I can’t stop asking myself if I did something wrong or said something to offend you. If I was too forward by mentioning going home with you, I sincerely apologize. I don’t want you to think I’m just looking for a fling. I really like you, Ella.” I ran out of words and took a deep breath, trying to calm my jangling nerves.

  It took her a moment to speak. “I’m sorry I confused you like that. I didn’t realize how abruptly I left.”

  “Okay.” I waited for her to go on.

  “The thing is, Judi, you’re amazing. You’re seriously so, so amazing.”

  I could sense a “but” was coming, and she didn’t disappoint.

  “But… I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to keep seeing each other.”

  I swallowed hard. I’d known this might be coming, but it still hurt to hear. “I don’t get it,” I said in a small voice. “We had such a nice time, and then you kissed me. Did I… did I have bad breath?”

  “No! Not at all.”

  I folded my legs under me, my heart aching. “I can accept if you’re not into me like that. I just wish I could understand.”

  She hesitated again. “I am into you. I…”

  “I want to see you again,” I blurted out. If she was going to reject me, she could reject me, but at least she’d be doing it in person. “Can I see you again? Tomorrow night. We’ll go for pizza.”

  “I’d love to, Judi, but…” She paused, and I held my breath, praying she was talking herself into saying yes to me. “You know what? Sure. Let’s get some damn pizza. It’s not going to hurt anybody.”

  “Great!” I grinned, pumping a fist in the air. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then? I’ll text you and we can figure out the time.”

  “Sounds good.”

  As we hung up, my elation faded. Sure, I was going to get to see Ella again, and that was great – even if I’d had to beg her for the date.

  But I still didn’t know what her problem with me was. And that meant we still hadn’t solved it.

  Thirteen – Ella

  I wasn’t lying to Judi. All of the dishonesty was in the past, and at this point I was being completely honest. That was what I kept telling myself as I drove toward the pizza place where I was meeting her.

  If she asked whether I’d pretended to be someone else over text, I’d tell her the truth. It wasn’t a secret – it just hadn’t come up yet! I didn’t have to tell her every little thing I’d done in the past. She probably wouldn’t even have cared.

  All right, maybe that was pushing it.

  But still, she liked me. A lot, she said. For some inexplicable reason, she was determined to go out with me again, and I wasn’t strong enough to say no to her.

  If things moved forward between us, she’d find out Sam was my brother soon enough. I’d tell her the whole truth one day. It wouldn’t even be a big deal. We’d probably laugh about it!

  I wasn’t lying to her anymore. I just wasn’t ready to tell her yet.

  I pulled up in front of the pizza place and got out of the car. She was already waiting outside, her bright red hair flecked with snow. She waved brightly when she saw me, and once I was close enough, she hugged me hard enough to knock the wind out of me.

  “Someone’s excited,” I laughed.

  “Sorry.” She gave me a shy smile.

  Now I remembered I’d made her think I wasn’t interested in her, and I felt terrible. I would never have thought she’d even care if she saw me again, but apparently she did.

  “Let’s go in before you freeze,” she said. “They have an amazing Hawaiian pizza here.”

  “Are you one of those heathens who thinks pineapple bel
ongs on pizza?” I asked, holding the door for her.

  “Pineapple was made for pizza,” she said, taking my arm as she led me to the counter. “Try it and find out.”

  “I’ve had pineapple on pizza before, Judi.”

  The cashier shook her head. “You haven’t had our Hawaiian. It has back bacon, extra cheese, and Sriracha sauce.”

  I scanned the menu. “Sounds good, aside from the pineapple.”

  Judi tightened her fingers around my bicep. Even with my coat between us, her touch made me weak. I couldn’t help but remember the other day, when her lips had brushed so sweetly against mine. A shot of desire went through me.

  “Try it,” she said. “How bad could it be?”

  Although it still sounded horrible, I was quickly realizing I’d do anything for this girl. “Okay,” I said. “Sign me up.”

  She squeezed my arm. “You’ll be a convert in no time.”

  “We’ll see about that.” I took her hand and led her to a booth by the wall.

  When we sat down, she laid her hand over mine. “Thanks for coming tonight, Ella.”

  I cringed. “Don’t say it like I’m doing you a favor. I want to be here, I promise. I just… it’s complicated.”

  “You’re not seeing someone else, are you?”

  “No!” I was horrified at the thought. “I’d never cheat on anyone. And honestly, if there was anyone else in my life, I’d probably have already broken up with them for you. You’re pretty damn special.”

  She went pink. “What’s going on with you, then? Are you sick? Dying? Planning to move to the other side of the planet?”

  “Good guesses, but no.” Extracting my hand from hers, I stared down at the table. “I can’t tell you right now. I’ll tell you eventually, though.”

  “That’s not suspicious at all.” She laughed.

  “Everything’s on the up and up, I swear. It’s hard to explain.”

  She tipped my chin upward with her finger, forcing me to look into her eyes. “It’s nothing that would hurt me?” she asked.

  “No.” Kind of. Maybe.

  “Then let’s not worry about it anymore,” she said softly. “I don’t know what the problem is, but I trust you. If you say it’s not a big deal, then I’m going to treat it like it’s irrelevant.”

  My heart pounded. Was it irrelevant? The only way to know for sure would be to tell her and see what she thought. I licked my lips, suffused with guilt.

  She must’ve taken that as a hint, because she leaned across the table. “I’d really like to kiss you right now.”

  I shouldn’t kiss her when I didn’t know how she’d feel about the Sam thing. I couldn’t! And yet my lips parted of their own accord.

  Her breath touched my skin, and I felt her eyelashes flutter against my cheek as my own eyes slowly closed. Her lips brushed against mine, tentatively at first, and then with more passion. My heart beat faster as I leaned in, running a hand along her shoulder, then lacing my fingers through her hair. She smelled like strawberries and she tasted like chocolate, and…

  A cough came from beside us. “Your pizza, ladies.”

  We broke apart, and I tried and failed to catch my breath. I cleared space on the table for the pizza pan, avoiding the waitress’s eyes.

  “Enjoy.” Sounding amused, she left.

  “That was so embarrassing,” I whispered to Judi. “Are you ready to die? I’m ready to die.”

  “Taste this pizza,” she said, picking up a knife. “Then you’ll have something to live for.”

  “I doubt it. I should probably just die right now so I won’t have to suffer through it.”

  She cut the pizza and placed a slice on each of our plates. At least it looked good aside from the pineapple. The cheese was thick and gooey without looking greasy, and the back bacon sizzled as if to prove it’d just come out of the oven.

  She lifted her slice and took a bite. “Mmm!” she said. “This… is… orgasmic.”

  A twinge went through my body, and I wondered if I might get to hear her say those words again tonight.

  She opened her eyes to look at me. “Sorry. I mean… try it!”

  Cautiously, I picked up my slice. There was no pineapple on the tip, so I bit down and let the flavors explode through my mouth. The bread, the cheese, the bacon – this actually was pretty close to orgasmic.

  “Try the pineapple,” she said, her eyes bright and mischievous.

  “I’m not going to like it, just to warn you.”

  “All I’m asking you to do is keep an open mind.”

  My mind was already open, thank you very much. Why would this Hawaiian be any different from any other that’d been foisted on me over the years? Still, I’d eat it for her sake. I took another bite, allowing a pineapple cube to slip past my teeth. I braced myself as I chewed – and then I paused in surprise.

  “I see that look on your face,” she crowed. “You love it, don’t you?”

  The pineapple was sweet. Tangy, even. Paired with the salty bacon and creamy cheese, it created a flavor combination in my mouth – a new and exciting combination.

  I chewed a few more times, holding up a finger. This pizza was excellent, but I wasn’t going to admit it.

  I swallowed. “Okay, it’s not bad.”

  Judi’s eyebrows shot up. “Not bad? Not bad? You think this is not bad? Do you think the Mona Lisa isn’t bad? Would you say Beethoven’s Ninth is just all right?”

  I took another bite, a bigger one this time. “You’re very passionate about your pizza.”

  “You didn’t answer my questions.” She glared daggers at me, then narrowed her eyes. “I see how you’re digging into that. You think it’s amazing. You can’t even deny it.”

  I licked my lips, darting my tongue out to catch a stray bead of tomato sauce. “All right, fine. This pizza is fucking mind-blowing.”

  She sat back in her seat, looking vindicated. “The pineapple, too?”

  I bit into a cube of it, and the tanginess tantalized my taste buds. If I lied, she’d see right through me. “Yeah, yeah,” I muttered. “The pineapple, too.”

  *

  By the time the meal was over, we were getting along like old friends. I’d admitted that occasionally, in rare instances, pineapple could be good on pizza, and for her part, she seemed to be relaxing around me, too. She acted like she’d stopped thinking about my weird behavior earlier, and I hoped that was really the case. The longer we could go without talking about it, the less I had to feel guilty about keeping the truth from her.

  “What do you want to do now?” I asked, wiping my mouth with a napkin.

  “Well…” Her eyes glowed. “I’d love to listen to some of the music we were talking about, if you’re up for it. I have some awesome speakers at my place.”

  At her place. I knew exactly what she was actually saying, and my nerves tingled at the thought of it. I stroked a finger along her hand and watched goosebumps prick up along her arm. Would I be a horrible person if I did this without telling her about the Sam thing?

  “I’m being too forward again,” she said suddenly. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to pressure you at all. You don’t have to come home with me just because it’s our third date. We can take things at your pace.”

  I boggled at her. Did she honestly think I didn’t want to be with her? I would’ve given my left arm for this! “It’s not that,” I said. “I’m ready – more than ready.”

  “Then let’s go.” She leaned across the table to peck me on the cheek, and the imprint of her lips tingled long after she drew away.

  “Okay,” I whispered.

  We took our separate cars to her place, and I vibrated with anticipation. I still wasn’t quite sure if this was real. It felt too good to be true.

  When I pulled up at her house and came inside, and she grabbed me and kissed me, sliding her hands under my coat and around my waist, I knew I couldn’t have dreamed anything this good.

  “So,” she said, her face flushed as she too
k off her coat. “Let’s listen to that music, then? In my room?”

  My pulse racing, I nodded. “Sounds like a plan.”

  Her room was as warm and inviting as she was. The walls were painted a soft yellow, and a large window opened onto the street. The speakers she’d mentioned were set in each corner of the room, large black towers that promised high-quality surround sound.

  She laughed as she saw me eyeing them. “I take my music seriously.”

  “I can tell,” I said.

  She connected her phone to the Bluetooth. “Give me a second. I’ll play you something amazing. I just discovered this band recently, and I’m absolutely addicted.”

  Not Luscious Karma. Not Luscious Karma.

  “They’re from the Denver area, actually,” she said, still focused on her phone. “They mix folk music and indie pop, and it ends up being the most incredible sound.”

  The opening twangs of the song I’d first recommended to her started up, and I forced a smile onto my face. “You mean Luscious Karma! Oh my God, I can’t believe you’ve heard of them.”

  “You know Luscious Karma?”

  “They’re one of my favorite bands.”

  Her jaw dropped. “I’ve been telling everyone I know about them for weeks, and no one has heard of them. This is such a crazy coincidence!”

  My lips trembled with the effort of keeping the smile pasted onto my face, and I turned away so she wouldn’t see it turn into a grimace. “I know a few people who are into them, actually.”

  Vaguely, I wondered if I was passing up the right moment to tell her I was “Sam.” But I couldn’t bring up that conversation now, when I was in her room for the first time. There’d be a better time later, when we weren’t both thinking about the same thing.

  “What else do you like to listen to?” I asked. “Maybe you could introduce me to some of your old favorites.”

  “Sure, yeah. That’s a shame, though. I was looking forward to blowing your mind again.” She blushed. “With their music, I mean.”

  A flame of desire lit up in my core. “I guess you’ll have to find some other way.”

  “That wasn’t what I meant!” A giggle escaped her. “Although it’s still true.”