It Was You

by Kim Hartfield

  I came toward her and kissed her again. Kissing her had been utterly unimaginable not so long ago, and yet now it was quickly becoming familiar, even comfortable. I was getting used to the fireworks that went off behind my eyelids every time my lips met hers; in fact, I was starting to wonder how I’d ever lived without them.

  “We should get on the bed,” I murmured.

  The darkness in her eyes betrayed her lust. “You first,” she said.

  I backed up to the bed, pulling her along with me as I tugged off her top. I traced a finger along her collarbone and along the curve of her breast, down to her bra cup. The softness of her skin amazed me, and I couldn’t seem to stop touching her.

  “You have an incredible body,” I breathed.

  “It’s just a body.” She gave a shy laugh. “It gets my soul from point A to point B.”

  She unbuttoned my shirt, taking her time until my nipples pebbled in anticipation. When she took off my bra and ran a palm over my breasts, a surge of desire went through me, so strong that my knees went weak.

  We tumbled onto the bed together, touching and kissing and nibbling everything we could. I was finally here with her. I’d been wanting this girl for weeks, but it felt like I’d been waiting for her all my life.

  I brought my lips to her neck and sucked in a bit of skin, wanting to leave my mark on her.

  She giggled. “That tickles.”

  I caressed her silky hair, her narrow shoulders. “This is about to tickle a lot more.”

  I lowered my head and flicked my tongue across one nipple, then the other. Her breath hitched, and she let out a groan. She lay back, holding her hips up as if asking me to strip off her pants. Once I did, I brought a hand between her legs, searching for her heat.

  “Ah,” she gasped, her walls clamping down on my exploring finger. “Fuck – Ella – you feel so good.”

  “I haven’t even gotten started.”

  Staying inside her, I brought myself down to lie between her legs. This, right here – this was where I’d wanted to be since the first moment I saw her. I kissed her inner thigh, nibbled my way closer to her center. I had her wriggling and bucking before I even grazed my tongue over her clit.

  “Oh God,” she breathed, her hands lacing around the back of my head. “Oh, fuck.”

  I loved the sound of her moans. I loved that I was the one making her feel that good. Her hips juddered under me as I swirled my tongue around and around. Her wetness dripped down my finger, and her musk rose to my nose. Her pleasure would be my only focus until I made her come – and then until she came a few more times, if she could handle it.

  As if on cue, her legs began to shake. “Ella,” she groaned, grabbing even tighter onto my head. “Don’t – fucking – stop!”

  I kept going, not stopping as her body seized up, or as she let out an ear-splitting cry. I only slowed down once her ragged breathing had returned to normal, and even then, I didn’t stop until she physically pushed me away.

  “Okay,” she panted. “I can’t take any more.”

  I pulled myself up to her side, a little breathless myself. “That’s a shame,” I said. “Let’s rest for five minutes and see how you feel then.”

  “I can take a break for five minutes, but I’m not going to be resting.” She slipped a hand underneath my panties, finding the spot that had been aching for her since we got here. “Oh wow, you’re so wet.”

  “For you.”

  I let her take off my pants the same way I’d taken off hers, then parted my legs as she slid between them. She caressed my hip, looking up at me with open, genuine excitement. “I’m so happy we’re here. I’m so happy I met you.”

  “Me, too.”

  I lay back, shivering as her tongue made contact with my spot. But her words echoed in my mind, and the guilt that had faded away while I was focused on her returned with a vengeance. What would she think if she knew I’d “met” her before she met me? What would she say if she were to find out?

  She squeezed my thigh. “You seem tense. Are you nervous, Ella? Try to relax.”

  I bit my lip. I should’ve been in the throes of ecstasy right now, and instead, I could only think and fret and worry. “Sorry,” I said. “I’m just a little in my head. Keep doing what you were doing, it feels amazing.”

  But even as she went back to pleasuring me, I knew I wouldn’t be able to relax until I told her the truth.

  Fourteen – Judi

  Christmas passed without much fuss. I spent a few hours at my aunt’s place, making small talk with my extended family and trying to ignore the jabs they made at my education and the job it had gotten me. At least the food was good. My aunt made amazing turkey, and a few of my cousins were absolute pros at baking.

  I’d texted Ella often over the past week. We hadn’t found time to see each other again since our pizza date, but considering how it’d gone, I was fairly confident that was just because of the holiday season. As soon as Christmas was over, we’d make time for another date.

  It turned out that the Pride planning meeting on the twenty-seventh wasn’t canceled, as I’d expected it would be. Todd had emailed and said he’d considered canceling, but since the holiday season could be tough for a lot of LGBT folks, he’d decided to run it as usual despite expecting a smaller turn-out.

  Ella and I decided we’d attend, then go out afterwards. I told her she was welcome to stay over if she wanted, which she hadn’t given me a definite answer to. Since she lived with her family, she’d have to tell them she was seeing someone if she spent the night somewhere. I guessed she might want to be more serious about me before doing that – but selfishly, I still wanted her to.

  The twenty-seventh finally came, and I met Ella at the library desk. She’d been working today, and I was grateful for the chance to see her in her natural habitat. Even after she took off her badge, she still looked obviously like a librarian with her glasses, her cardigan, and her hair in a bun. I licked my lips as I looked at her. I was starting to develop a librarian fetish.

  “Hey,” she said, wrapping me in a tight hug. “Merry Christmas.”

  “Merry Christmas!” I held her close, wishing I could kiss her with all the passion that I felt. If we hadn’t been at her work, in front of her coworkers, I would’ve done it. “You had a good time with your family?”

  “An amazing time.”

  She’d already updated me via text about the cross-stitch she’d done for her Secret Santa, which she’d barely finished on time, and her cornbread and chorizo stuffing, which she said she’d outdone herself on this year. I had to admit, I envied her closeness with her family. Even so, her enthusiasm for Christmas was contagious, and she’d inspired me to do something in the holiday spirit myself.

  “This is for you.” I handed her a small parcel.

  “You didn’t.” She smacked me playfully on the arm. “It’s our fourth date, Judi. You honestly shouldn’t have.”

  I shrugged. “It’s not much, but I think you’ll like it.”

  “Should I open it now or later?” Her eyes were glowing, which told me I’d done the right thing.

  “Whenever you’d like.” I couldn’t hold back from pecking her on the cheek. “It’s seriously nothing, though. If you try to build up the anticipation, you might be disappointed.”

  “But look how cute the wrapping is.” She toyed with the purple ribbon that I’d carefully coiled into a bow. “I don’t want to wreck it.”

  “Okay, you’re making me nervous. Open it now, before you get your hopes up too high.”

  Perching on the library desk, she carefully tore the package open. I watched her face, my own anticipation rising. Even though the gift hadn’t been expensive, I’d put some thought into it, and I couldn’t wait to see her reaction.

  “A T-shirt!” she said, shaking out the fabric. “It’s… Oh.” A strange expression passed over her face – I saw shock there, for sure, and them something else. Disgust? Pain?

  “It’s official Luscious Karma
merchandise,” I said quickly, holding it up for her as if she hadn’t seen the logo on the front already. “You said they’re one of your favorite bands, so I got it off their website. I wasn’t sure of the size, but…”

  It did seem a bit large for her. Was that why she looked upset? Had getting a medium made her feel like I thought she was bigger than she was?

  “This is… wow.” She looked at me and her lips smiled, even if her eyes didn’t. “So nice of you. Thank you.”

  “You hate it, don’t you?” I didn’t need to be a mind reader to figure that one out. “Are you not that into them? Or do you not like band T-shirts?”

  “No, it’s perfect. I love it.” She gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek.

  We headed over to the boardroom for the meeting, although I was still wondering where I’d gone wrong. Ella was so hard to read sometimes. Was this mood shift related to the ones she’d had before – the “complicated issue” she’d refused to talk about?

  I sat down beside Ian and the other members of the marketing subcommittee. Almost everyone was here, despite the date. The meeting was about to start, so I took notes on my phone as Todd talked about our progress and what we still had left to do.

  My subcommittee was going to have to start spreading the word about the festival soon. Ian and a couple of the others agreed to put up the fliers around town, and I told the group I’d set up a Facebook event and post some tweets about it.

  When the meeting was over, I turned back toward Ella. “Ready to go?” I asked, placing my hand on her knee.

  Ian peered over my shoulder. “Wait, what’s this?”

  Oops. I hadn’t even thought to ask Ella if she was okay with people knowing about us. These were early days, and I wasn’t sure if she’d told anyone at all about our first few dates. Now the cat was out of the bag.

  “What?” Ella said to him, grinning. “Are you really surprised? You introduced two super-cute queer women to each other, and you’re seriously going to be shocked that we’d end up dating?”

  Heat rose to my cheeks. I knew she thought I was cute, but super-cute? And it was a thrill to hear her say out loud that we were dating.

  “Okay,” Ian said. “Maybe I should’ve seen this coming.”

  “You think?” I teased, exchanging a self-conscious smile with Ella.

  “How long has this been going on?” Ian asked. “Are you a couple?”

  “Just since the last meeting,” I said. “So, two weeks. We’re still feeling things out.”

  “Well, thanks a lot for keeping me in the loop.” Ian tried to glare at me, but ended up beaming at us instead. “Seriously, though, I’m so happy for you two. I can see why you’d get along.”

  My heart warmed. I hadn’t wanted or needed his approval, but it still felt nice to have it.

  “I was going to ask if either of you wanted to hit the mall to see the sales,” Ian said. “Guess you’ve got other plans, huh?”

  “Slightly.” Ella looped an arm around me.

  “I’ll just have to do my shopping by myself. Hmph!” He picked up his clipboard of meeting notes. “Have fun, you two. And if you happen to come across any super-cute single guys, throw them my way. It’d only be fair.”

  “We’ll keep an eye out.” I squeezed Ella’s hand, and we walked out of the library.

  I wondered if I did know any guys who’d be good for Ian. He was such a sweetheart, and he’d been single as long as I’d known him. I wondered what kind of guy he went for. I didn’t know too many men in the first place, except for… hmm… Sam. I laughed to myself. As far as I knew, he was straight, so that might not work out.

  “What’s so funny?” Ella asked, pushing open the front door.

  A gust of cold wind hit us. “I was thinking about who I could set Ian up with,” I said. “I had the most ridiculous idea to pawn this one guy off on him. The last guy I was interested in before I met you.”

  “Sam?” She sounded shocked.

  I was equally surprised. “I told you his name?”

  “Um… you must’ve mentioned it. Why would he and Ian be good together?”

  “They wouldn’t. Sam’s straight, and they have nothing in common. That’s why it was funny.”

  “Ah, now I get it.” She visibly relaxed.

  “You know, sometimes I don’t have the slightest idea what goes on in your head,” I mused out loud.

  “Sometimes I don’t, either.”

  “So mysterious. I like it.” Tightening my scarf around my neck, I paused in front of my car. “So I’ll meet you at my place. You remember the route?”

  “I GPS-ed it, and I’ll be following you.” She gave me a lingering kiss that set my body alight with possibilities. “You’re going to make me dinner when we get there?”

  “Eventually.” I pressed my body against hers, and all the layers of winter gear between us couldn’t keep me from getting excited by the feel of her curves. “There are a few other things I want to do first.”

  Fifteen – Ella

  Two weeks into January, and I’d been seeing Judi for a month. We hadn’t put any labels on our relationship, but since neither of us was dating anyone else, it was hard to not think of her as my girlfriend.

  I still hadn’t found the right moment to tell her I’d once pretended to be Sam. As time went by, it seemed like less and less of a concern. Why would she even care, now that we’d spent so much time together? She knew me, the real me – the one that screamed like a little girl while tobogganing down a hill, the one that cowered in her arms during the scary part of a movie. I wasn’t keeping anything from her in the present moment.

  I couldn’t say the same about Sam. He still mentioned Judi from time to time, getting a hangdog expression whenever her name came up. He was aware that we’d “hung out” a few times, but he still had no idea it was anything more than that.

  It felt strange and unnatural to keep something like this from him. I couldn’t even tell the rest of my family out of fear it’d get back to him. I was normally so open with them, and keeping secrets from them wasn’t something I wanted or enjoyed.

  One day after work, a soft impact hit me in my mid-back as I walked up the driveway. “Hey!” I yelled, spinning around to find Sam with his hands dusted with snow. “I thought we called off the snowball war this year!”

  “We did because you were helping me out,” he said. “But that’s been over for so long, and your back looked so snowless. It was just begging for some of this.”

  “Oh, really?” Luckily I had gloves on. I reached down and scooped up some snow, quickly shaping it and jetting it back at him. “Then you won’t mind this!”

  “No, I don’t.” He ducked out of the way just in time. “All’s fair in love and war.”

  An interesting choice of proverbs. Did he really believe that? “I’ll get you with this one,” I said.

  “No, you won’t!” He launched another snowball at me, and it flew past me – and right into the front door, which my mother had just opened.

  “Kids, I just made hot chocolate,” she called, then pointed down at the floor. “Although one or the other of you is going to clean this mess up before either of you is getting any.”

  We headed inside, kicking snow off our boots and shedding our coats. Hot chocolate sounded amazing right now. Once the snow was cleaned up, we went into the kitchen and served ourselves from the pot on the stove.

  “I guess the new job is going well,” I said, dropping marshmallows into my mug. “At least, you seem to be in a good mood.”

  “It’s going all right,” he said. “I’m catching on to the spreadsheet stuff. Sometimes I miss my old job, though.”

  I looked at him sharply. “The coffee?”

  “More like the coworkers.” Holding his mug in both hands, he sighed. “Really just Judi.”

  Fuck. How was he still this into her? Why was he even still thinking about her? They had nothing in common. Nothing! They’d been on one date. It was like he was obsessed!

&nb
sp; “I’m not in love with her or anything,” he quickly reassured me. “She’s just kind of my ‘one that got away.’”

  “You don’t text her anymore, do you?”

  “No.” He hung his head. “I probably made a mistake when I asked you to text her. She got used to talking to you, and then she expected so much when you gave my phone back to me. I couldn’t have that kind of conversation.”

  “So you haven’t talked to her in a while?”

  “No. She blew me off pretty hard, and I figured I’d wait and see if she ever reached out to me. She never did.”

  That was a bit of a relief. I hadn’t even realized a tiny part of me had been worried she might still have some interest in him. “Sorry to hear that. It would’ve been nice if you could stay friends.”

  “How is she?” he asked, looking at me sadly. “Is she seeing anyone? Does she ever mention me?”

  “Sam, if you’re thinking about reaching out to her again, I would just say… don’t.” My tone was sympathetic, yet firm. “She already gave you her answer.”

  “I know! I’m not going to. I just wanted to know. It’s weird for me, knowing you two still talk.”

  My heart stuttered. This might’ve been a good moment to tell him the full truth.

  “But whatever,” he said. “I’m not trying to keep you from having friends. It’s nice that you two get along.”

  Tell him, Ella, just tell him. “Right.”

  “Lord knows you could use a new friend,” he said. “You always hang out with me, Mom, and Coco. You need to get a life!”

  “At least I know how to do my job,” I said. Our teasing back-and-forth felt comfortable, whereas telling him the truth would’ve been very much the opposite. “Anyway, haven’t you met any new girls yet? There are so many fish in the sea.”

  “Not like Judi,” he said sadly.

  I looked at his despondent expression, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to tell him anytime soon.

  *

  Judi and I went on more dates, and afterwards we often went back to her place to explore each other some more. Her body was addictive, and I was thoroughly hooked. I could stay in bed with her all day – and sometimes I did.