Forever Shade

by Shayne Ford

  I pull to a stop next to the handrail, and stare into the distance for a few moments, my gaze sweeping the nocturnal view of the city lights.

  The wind kisses my face, bringing with it the slightest scent of smoke, reviving the memory of him.

  A flashback of that night flickers in front of my eyes, making everything feel so real. I can almost hear the sound of his steps and the soft rustling of his suit.

  I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

  The scent of the summer night mixed with a dash of smoke enters my nostrils again, bringing back even more memories from the past–– the feel of his arms wrapped around me, his lips trailing my neck and his warm breath in my hair.

  Then I hear the muted bits and pieces of a dialogue threaded through the fabric of time.

  ‘So what do I want?’ I asked.

  ‘To feel something for a change,” he said.

  His raspy voice echoes in my ears as if he were here with me.

  Everything feels so real, making my arms cover with goosebumps and my pulse vibrate in my neck.

  I almost sense his presence as if he’s standing next to me.

  Arms locked around me, breath fanning over my neck, his hands traveling up my body, scooping my breasts out of my bra before rolling down between my legs.

  Like then.

  A shudder falls through me, followed by a rush of tingles before the image shrinks to nothing and reality barges in.

  Tears sting my eyes.

  Tormented, I spin around and dash across the terrace when the blur of a shadow catches my eye.

  I freeze, my pulse exploding in my throat. I sweep the space with my gaze, left and right.

  I spin around.

  Silent and deserted, the patio is nothing but an empty space with only the leaves that rustle in the background.

  Without wasting another moment, I hurry away.

  SHADE

  A few moments earlier

  I palm the cigarette the very last moment, a split second before I hear the footsteps echoing across the terrace.

  Swiftly, I pull back and hide in the shadows, just as a woman’s silhouette comes into view, walking not far from me. My blood stops before starts racing like crazy.

  Am I dreaming?

  She strolls past me, unaware that I am standing only a few steps away from her. Holding my breath, I pull into the darkest corner and lean against the railing, hoping not to give myself away.

  My shoulders touch the concrete wall as I do my best to make myself invisible to her.

  Perfect silence surrounds u, only the sound of my pounding heart ringing out in my ears.

  She takes a few steps to the railing and stops, her eyes trained on the city lights.

  She fashions a business suit as she did back then, her hair let down on her back, no longer tied in a ponytail.

  Breathlessly, I take her in.

  Her hair is longer, her tempting curves and narrow waist outlined by her tailored suit.

  She tilts her head to the side, allowing me to get a glimpse of her profile.

  Her soft lips and delicate nose remind me of the way I portrayed her in my drawings. Her heels make her silhouette even leaner and her posture breathes confidence.

  If anything she’s even more beautiful than I remember her.

  And then there’s something else. I no longer feel her broken, caged, or torn.

  Fear grows inside me as I feel the fangs of panic in my chest.

  What if she found someone else? I mull over that theory for a few moments. Maybe I’m wrong. She wouldn’t be here, would she?

  Her hand brushes the railing slowly.

  It’s hard to believe that some time back, one summer night, I found this vulnerable, beautiful woman in this place.

  Lost, unloved, set on a path of life that wasn’t hers.

  Her quiet beauty spoke to me, telling me everything I needed to know. She longed to be loved, the same way I craved her affection.

  One summer night, I walked the distance between us and with only a few words I earned her trust. That night she let me inside her in more ways than one.

  I knew she’d be mine, the same way I knew everything else in my life. It was perfectly clear to me that I would never end up living with Elia and Roger or that my name would be etched on my family business.

  That night she let me have her body, unknowingly setting in motion things that changed our lives.

  But there was one thing that I didn’t know back then.

  I didn’t know what would happen if one day life would pull her away from me for one reason or another or if I’d get a second chance at her.

  She is as beautiful as ever, but she is no longer that easy to read. And she is no longer mine.

  She is standing in front of me in the same spot where everything got started a year back.

  This may be a coincidence, but I doubt. The same way my presence here isn’t.

  We’re both looking for answers, or perhaps we’re both drawn to each other as we follow a mysterious, invisible thread that’s been keeping us entangled since we crossed paths for the first time.

  For some reason, fate has decided to bring us both here tonight to tie up a loose end or taunt us again, or both.

  Setting both hands on the hand railing, she tips her head back and closes her eyes as if she wants to take everything in or simply revisits the past like me now.

  Her body arches slightly as mine begins to tense.

  Some time has passed, and yet our story feels as if it lived its short life only seconds ago.

  A few moments of silence tick by before she straightens her back, spins around and walks away.

  I jerk back, almost snagging her gaze.

  She glances in my direction, and for a brief moment, I fear that I caught her eye, but then she dashes away, the sound of her footsteps fading away into the quiet night.

  I slip the unlit cigarette into my pocket and quietly push off the railing, pulling away as well.

  Taking a few steps at the time, I rush down the stairs, jog around the building and dart to my car.

  “Have a nice evening, Sir,” the security guy says as I climb into my Ferrari.

  Could I be more obvious?

  At least I parked my car in the back of the building.

  I turn on the engine and back away before I slowly roll past the gate. The moment I reach the street, I step on the gas, my ride picking up speed fast.

  Sweat creeps up my neck, my pulse surging.

  I slip a cigarette between my lips, flick the lighter open and absently run the flame onto the tip, my mind blank.

  The city remains behind as the car starts eating miles. I fish the phone out of my pocket and toss it on the seat next to me.

  From time to time, I glance at it, tempted.

  No. It won’t work like this. I have only one chance, and I have to do it right.

  The more I think about it, the more frustrated I become.

  “Fuck,” I growl as my fist crashes against the wheel.

  7

  SHADE

  An hour later, I pull off the highway and take a side road. Short after, I enter the beach house.

  The view of the large open living room stretches in front of my eyes, the blue lit, infinity pool sparkling against the dark backdrop of the night.

  Two young women, perched on the chairs in front of the bar, swivel their heads to me as Chad refills their drinks. He winks at me.

  “Your eight o’clock, and ten o’clock,” he says, a sly smile tilting his lips. “You’re late,” he says, glancing at me.

  His smile withers away when he reads my expression.

  Grinning, the women tilt their heads back and thrust their chests forward.

  One is blonde, the other one brown-haired. Both beautiful.

  “Are you okay?” he asks, walking around the bar.

  The women’s focus shifts to him.

  His slim fit black shirt, and raven hair set off his fair complexion and piercing dark eye
s.

  The women drink him in.

  Shifting in their seats, they repeat their routine, arching their bodies and pushing their breasts forward, making their skintight dresses look even tighter.

  Chad gives them a quick glance as they uncross and cross their legs with a smooth, well-rehearsed motion.

  Pulling away from them, he erases the space between us. He shoves his hands into his pockets and slowly cocks an eyebrow.

  “You can let them go,” I say as he tosses me a questioning look. “Or, fuck them...” I add.

  He turns around and edges to them, delivering the news in a quiet voice. Smiling playfully, the women slide off their seats.They grab their clutches and head for the door as he gallantly shows them their way out.

  I head for the bedroom.

  He enters the room shortly after.

  “What happened?” he asks me as I walk away from the closet.

  Silently, I unbutton my shirt, shrug it off and pull on a T-shirt. I peel off my pants and slip into a pair of jeans.

  “What the fuck happened, man?”

  “I saw her,” I say, the words barely falling from my lips.

  Silence grows in the room.

  I turn to him while I fasten my belt. Slowly, his eyebrows lift as he gives me a questioning look.

  “I saw Tara.”

  I read surprise on his face.

  “Where?”

  “The same place where I met her a year ago.”

  He leans against the doorframe, his arms folded across his chest.

  “What were you doing there? You said you didn’t want to see her anymore.”

  “I wasn’t looking for her. How am I supposed to know that she’d be there?” I blurt out, pissed.

  He narrows his eyes, disapproval setting on his face.

  “What day is today, Shade?”

  “It‘s some sort of twisted anniversary,” I say.

  “Exactly.”

  A few moments of silence tick away. I turn around and walk to the mirror.

  “And she was there...” he comments.

  I flick my gaze up and lock his eyes in the mirror.

  A slow smile breaks across his face.

  “Yeah, she was...” I say, pivoting again, this time heading to the door.

  I swish past him. He follows me.

  “She was looking for you...” he says as I stride to a small wall table and pick up my phone and my car keys.

  “I don’t know that.”

  “I think you fucking know that,” he says, ignoring my fit and taking a turn for the bar.

  He walks behind it, grabs a bottle of scotch, fills two glasses with ice cubes and pours the amber liquid on it.

  He slides one glass to me.

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “You know it does,” he says calmly, pinning me with his eyes.

  Taking a swig of his drink, he studies me over the rim of his glass.

  “What’s the fucking problem, Shade?”

  “I can ask you the same thing.”

  “And I fucking told you. It’s different for me. By all standards, what I had with Maya was a one night stand. The sex was hot and the fact that I’m thinking about her after all this time tells me that it was much more than that. It also speaks of what an idiot I was for letting her go. But I can’t show up at her door and ask her for a date as if nothing happened. She’d think I’m nuts. Besides I don’t want to date anyone right now, so why are we talking about it?”

  He runs his hand through his dark hair, suddenly annoyed.

  “Even if I get a second chance at her, I have no idea if I am ready for something serious,” he says.

  “As oppose to me, you mean?”

  A smile curls his lips.

  “Uh-huh… Is that even a question? You were ready before I figured out how my dick works,” he says.

  “That’s not true.”

  “It’s not far from it either.”

  “I wasn’t ready back then. And I only figured that one out when I met her.”

  “Yeah... Maybe. But you had it in the back of your mind. You knew that you wanted to share your life with a woman since you were eighteen. I don’t know many men who can claim that, not even those who are much older and are already in a committed relationship. You know that Tara is the one as much as I do. You wouldn’t have done the things that you did in your life if it wasn’t for her. You could’ve kicked back and get what your old man built for you and was about to hand to you. And if you did that, I’m sure Elia would’ve kept her mouth shut. Trust me. A lot of what you’ve done was because of Tara. So let's just put that to rest,” he says before he brings his glass to his lips again.

  He tosses it back, emptying it in one gulp.

  I scoop a cigarette out of the pack sitting on the counter and tuck it between my lips. His eyes follow my moves as I light it up, take a drag and slowly blow the smoke to the side.

  “So why did you go there?” he asks.

  I lift my gaze and for a moment, I stare vacantly at his face, my mind wandering away.

  I shift my eyes away from him as I take another drag.

  “Well, for one, I didn’t think she’d be there. I didn’t expect her to be in the exact same place where I met her for the first time. I went there because I was looking for an answer. She said she’d wait for me, but I’m not so sure she did. The reality is, she wasn’t with me all the way. I know she thought that she’d do good by me if she walked away. That makes me believe that she didn’t know much about me and whatever words I used to make her understand, didn’t have an effect on her either. And you know why? Because she couldn’t see me the way I really was. That’s why I still wonder if her words bore any truth. She said what she said, but life is different and harsher than words. There are so many things that could’ve happened. Some good. Some not so good. To answer your question, I went there, hoping that I could find an answer. I never thought that I would find her.”

  “You’ve got your answer.”

  “Have I?” I smile, sad. “Just because she was there, doesn’t mean anything.”

  I snatch the keys off the counter, finish off my drink, slide off the chair, and head to the door.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Out.”

  He closes the space between us, yanks the keys out of my hand, nudges me out of the house, and closes the door behind us.

  “You’re so fucking stubborn, Hennessy.”

  “So are you.”

  TARA

  “Your car or mine?”

  “Mine,” I say as we exit the elevator and walk across the underground parking lot toward a silver Porsche Spyder.

  “Are we in a hurry?” she asks, glancing at the car.

  I smile.

  “Don’t worry. I’ll drive carefully.”

  “I hope so. I spent an hour doing my hair and putting on my makeup. The last thing I want is strands of hair glued to my face,” she says, pointing at the convertible car.

  “You’ll be fine.”

  I give her a double take.

  “You look good,” I say as we both sink into our seats.

  She fusses as she locks her seatbelt, and I give her another glance.

  “You think this is good enough?” she asks, motioning to her outfit. “I didn’t want to parade in the latest Cage, cut out fuck-me dress, but I didn’t want to come across as stuck up either.”

  “It’s good,” I say, taking in her tailored skirt suit.

  She takes a few breaths, runs her fingers across her skirt, and glances in the rearview mirror.

  “Why am I so nervous?” she asks rhetorically as I turn the engine on. “I should’ve picked a dress instead,” she says, eyeing my fitted, sleeveless dress that stops mid-thigh. “Maybe a different color. Buttercream looks good on you. It’s a nice contrast to your hair and eyes,” she says, roving her eyes over my face. “Is that tan, or makeup?”

  “A bit of both.”

  Her gaze lingers on me more as she e
xamines my face.

  “You’re fine. Relax. It’s only a meeting,” I say.

  “They are men, I suspect.”

  “Not necessarily.”

  She gives me a pointed look.

  “Okay, they’re probably men, but they may also be young guys–– tech gurus who wear hoodies and fell into a heap of money because of some viral stunt.”

  “And that makes it less nerve-racking?” she asks.

  “Chill,” I say. “We’re only testing the waters.”

  Moments of silence slip by as the car pulls away.

  The weather is nice, and the coast looks beautiful, draped in the morning light.

  About an hour later, we pull off the highway and take a secondary road that takes us to a Commercial Business Center built on the outskirts of the city.

  A medium sized building rises on our left, the glass walls brushed by the sunlight.

  “This is the place,” I say as I check the information on my phone screen. “We’re fifteen minutes early,” I say as I turn off the ignition.

  We step out of the car.

  “How do I look?”

  I glance at Maya.

  “Good as always,” I say, smiling. “Stop fidgeting so much. You’re not getting married.”

  She chuckles.

  “You don’t know that.”

  I breathe out a soft laugh as well.

  “Yeah… You never know. But even you can’t pull this off at a business meeting.”

  She waves me off as she struts to the entrance. I follow her closely and moments later, we step into a luxurious lobby.

  A stunning view sprawls in front of us all the way to the ocean. On our right sits the reception desk where a woman greets us with a smile.

  We sign in before she shows us to the elevator.

  The doors slide open on the last floor.

  We stroll out of the elevator and walk down the hallway accompanied by her. Conference rooms line both sides of the corridor.

  I check the time on my phone.

  “We’re probably here first,” I murmur as we reach the last room on the left side.

  The woman pushes the door and invites us in.

  Smiling, I walk in.

  My eyes sweep the wall of windows, remotely registering the long table sitting in the middle of the room.