by Yuval Tabib
We don’t always receive from the universe what we are thinking about, but we do receive our own reflection from the universe. To become involved in a relationship, it isn’t enough to just ask for it or visualize it like you’ve learned to this point, you also have to feel the experience of the presence of a relationship and only from this feeling will you be able to attract to your life the one you want.
We all want the perfect person and we all think that our other half is out there somewhere on the planet and it is ‘in the hands of destiny’ to bring us together. There are people who have delayed getting into a relationship with sayings like “it’s fate” or “I have no luck with relationships”. By this time, it is probably clear to you that you and your thoughts hold the reins and that you have the ability to attract to your life what you think, who you are; namely, your reflection. If you have not succeeded to call the right person into your life, you need to do deeper self-work.
Many people focus on their immediate surroundings in an attempt to change it and to force their opinions on it, whether it’s in a relationship or it’s with other people who live with them. The more you get involved and try to change other people, the more you will attract undesirable situations, which is a kind of endless loop. Instead of that, you must focus on yourself and on your desire to change your approach. Only working on yourself, at the level of your thoughts will put an end to this loop.
People who try to change the other person instead of checking themselves cause the destruction of the relationship short term and long term. It’s okay to talk about things that bother you in the relationship, but don’t force your opinion and try to change the character of your partner. It’s useless. As I mentioned, everything in nature needs balance. The moment the balance is disrupted, problems start emerging. When one person disrupts the balance through exaggerated demands of the other person or by creating conditions for continuing the relationship, balancing forces will immediately come into play that separate the couple or make the relationship run aground. See your surroundings as a part of yourself. What you see is your creation. Everything that happens to you is an external expression of your internal reality. You created it yourself. By taking a step towards forgiving when dealing with a negative situation, you’re not forgiving the person who hurt you; you are forgiving yourself and allowing yourself to heal, to prosper and to create positive situations in your life. Learn lessons from the problems that arise in your life and don’t intensify them.
Limiting Beliefs
Many people have experienced certain situations in relationships that create unpleasant residues. These residues lead to the formation of limiting beliefs about the other person or the relationship. The frustration that accumulates is expressed through limiting beliefs like “It’s better to be alone than…” or “All men/women are the same.” We project our anger and frustration onto the other person. Only he/she is to blame and we are ‘perfect.’ I remember how I was frustrated by previous relationships and which negative emotions I would broadcast to my surroundings. It’s no wonder I found myself alone for a long time. I received exactly what I had said: “It’s better to be alone than in a romantic relationship.” Even though I so badly wanted one, I didn’t understand why I wasn’t finding a serious relationship. The same limiting beliefs that I had implanted in my subconscious created a behavioral pattern that pushed any relationship away from me. Over the years, I was able to overcome that limiting belief with the help of the tools that I am providing in this book.
People expect to attract healthy relationships that are right for them, while they are immersed in negative thoughts or holding onto prejudices that feed on the past. People who don’t cleanse themselves of the prejudices and limiting beliefs that are rooted inside of them, shouldn’t expect to find a healthy relationship. What in fact will they find? They’ll find a relationship that reflects their self. Perhaps at the beginning everything will flow splendidly, but later on all of the residues will surface and the relationship will become a failure - a foretold failure.
The trauma your subconscious mind absorbed in relationships throughout life, such as betrayal, lack of appreciation, abuse, or anything else significant, engrains its mark on the character of your current or future relationship. For example, if a man who was cheated on by his partner gets into a new relationship, he will always be worried that it could happen to him again. Until he cleanses himself of this limiting belief that everyone is a cheater, he won’t be able to be relaxed, have peace of mind or trust his partner. And by the way, he shouldn’t be surprised if it happens to him again. After all, he is thinking about it all the time and it’s what he is broadcasting to the universe with a lot of concerns and emotion. Until you learn how to put your ego aside and let go, you will not be able to progress, especially not in relationships, where everyone wants to be right. The moment you rid yourself of the ‘poison’ that is fixed in your head, you will be able to attract into your life a healthy and pleasant relationship.
During arguments, there are two choices. One is to bang your head on the wall, meaning blame the other person, to be right at all cost, to cause tension, and disconnect. Then throughout the night, to endlessly think about the situation, feel tense and irritated for the next few days, causing your brain to release a stress hormone to the blood stream that weakens the immune system, and so on. The other option is to tone down the ego and to tell the other person that he or she is right, in order to instantly eliminate all of the tension and anger. Each person should consider whether they should let the ego run them or not.
If you are in a relationship, don’t try to change the other person. This approach won’t work. I don’t ever remember actually succeeding to impose my opinion on my partner during an argument. I always thought that I was right and my partner is to blame. Instead, make a change in your approach - change your thoughts and behavior patterns in a more positive direction. You’ll see that the relationship will reach a new level or will end, because the universe will direct you to a better place that matches the high frequency you are now in. In any case you will benefit from it.
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“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.”
- Jimmy Hendrix
Self-Love
I never had a problem loving myself. I always knew that if I don’t love myself, other people won’t love me and people around me will treat me according to how I feel about myself. Therefore, I was never ashamed to compliment myself in front of the mirror. Now I chuckle when I remember how I would look in the mirror and say things like, “Hey Yuval, you look like a million bucks,” or “You’re so hot!!” In my youth, I wasn’t aware that this was an affirmation that served as another brick in the building of my self-confidence. One of the most important things that you have to understand and apply is to know how to love yourself. Most of you know this. It’s no secret that that it’s important to love and appreciate yourself. But there is a difference between knowing and applying. This section provides tools to help you successfully apply affirmations. When that happens, the way will be paved not only for normal relationships, but also for the right choices, such as a healthy diet, which I expand on later.
I won’t get into psychological explanations, but a lack of self-appreciation or self-love could stem from things that relate to our distant past or experiences we’ve had.
Self-love is sometimes interpreted as something egotistical, but that is not actually true at all. Egoists take care of themselves at the expense of others, while a person who loves him or herself knows how to love other people.
People who don’t love or value themselves shouldn’t expect other people to love and value them. Let’s recall for a moment the story about my friend who didn’t know how to be grateful for his apartment and later he got what was coming to him. He treated his surroundings with a lack of appreciation. He was also judgmental and critical of himself. It’s no wonder that I’m th
e only one who managed to tolerate him and over time. And his wife… she’s now his ex-wife. If a person is in a place that he’s not satisfied with, he’ll have a hard time attracting a healthy and compatible relationship. Not only that, a person like that, who is focused on negative feelings about himself, is always transmitting to the universe a negative energy and a low frequency. Accordingly, he will be confronted with negative situations that match the frequency that he is broadcasting.
For example, a person who thinks that he doesn’t look good or won’t be successful in a relationship will attract into his life situations that match the negative frequency that he is broadcasting. In addition, people with a low level of self-love could possibly degenerate to having self-destructive and aggressive behavior and depression - behaviors that actually stop them from self-actualization.
Actions
Through a few simple techniques, we can empower ourselves, our inner feeling and as a result, our behavioral pattern. To get other people to love you, you must love yourself. Make the decision that you already love yourself and say it aloud. Choose 3-5 empowering phrases from the list below; find a quiet place, breathe deeply to relax and release tension from the body. Place your hands over your heart and feel from that area. Say each phrase at least ten times, while you are combining feeling and intention with your whole heart for what you are saying.
It’s reasonable to assume that it will be hard at first to accept what you’re saying, which is totally fine, but over time you will start to see and feel a change.
Just like you believed what people said to you over the years and it caused you to be self-destructive, can now believe that the phrases you say to yourself will do the same thing, only from the positive perspective. Do this for 21 days, in the morning and at night before bed. You will start feeling the change within yourself towards yourself and also in those around you towards you.
Remember, only persistence will bring results. Try to enjoy the process – persistence always pays off.
The world is a mirror that reflects your relationship to it. If you turn your back on the world, the world will turn its back on you. If you fight the world, the world will fight back. The moment you finish the battle, it’s over!
Here are a few examples of empowering phrases that you could use:
“I love myself as I am.”
“I accept myself as I am.”
“I am confident in the person I have become.”
“Every day I focus on my inner strength.”
“Life brings me enjoyable situations.”
“I love myself and I deserve goodness in my life.”
“I am an emotionally strong person.”
“I love and respect who I am.”
“I am whole with my appearance.”
“I fill myself with positive thoughts.”
“I attract beauty to my life.”
“I am healthy and happy.”
“I am free of negative thoughts.”
“I love every limb of my body.”
“I see the true beauty that’s in me.”
“I think positive thoughts about myself and others.”
“I love the person that I see each day in the mirror.”
“I believe in myself 100 percent.”
“I am worthy of seeing myself as beautiful inside and out.”
“I am equipped with all of the willpower that I need.”
The key to being happy in a relationship is first and foremost to be happy with yourself and to feel good with yourself. Among other things that personally help me to feel good is to be in and to live in a clean and inviting environment. Don’t expect to draw a relationship to your life if your home is a dirty mess. I assume that you wouldn’t feel comfortable with yourself if someone were to come into a home like that.
Manifesting a Relationship
Through the Law of Attraction
About two years ago, a woman that I didn’t know contacted me. It turns out that I had given her my phone number on a dating app. I had forgotten all about it, but after a short conversation I realized who it was. After about five minutes, I said to her honestly, “You sound like a good person, but you’re not for me”… I won’t delve into the details of the conversation with you in this chapter, I’ll just focus on the bottom line - she wanted too much, to say the least. You could hear in her voice that she’d be willing to get married right away. That alarmed me. The disrupted balance that she was broadcasting was so strong it was to the point that I felt the need to volunteer my services to her and I offered her help over the phone any time she likes at no cost. We spoke for hours and we communicated through text messages. I pointed out all of the mistakes she is making in her search for a relationship. I made a plan of action for her that was customized to her desires.
Over the course of a month, she learned to use all of the tools that I provided her with exceptional persistence. She knew how to dream about the man of her dreams and to visualize him. She stated affirmations that I had customized for her and most importantly, she didn’t demonstrate excess desire, as in the past. She wanted a man that would not only be a partner in life but also in her business; a man who wanted children and is, of course, good looking. About a month later, it happened. She found exactly who she was looking for and who she had visualized, down to the smallest detail.
Here is a portion of the letter that I received from her, after she gave me her permission.
“I thought to myself: “Wow, that really would be a dream”. There was another friend who told me a while ago: You need someone who will take care of your productions. So I started to visualize how my man offers me his hand and helps me down from the stage at the end of the play. I saw the way he escorts me to performances every night and how he comes home and tells me that he booked performances for me in important places and I jump into his arms and kiss him.
I mostly visualized my man around my productions because it was easier for me that way. I really started to wander around like I was hypnotized, letting go of everything. My piano students even started to drop off because I was focusing on the man that I visualized and for a few months already I hadn’t wanted to teach anymore. Not because I wasn’t a good teacher, it just seemed like a natural part of the process. I could take care of money, but it was like I was wrapped in an enchanted cloak that foretells a new life. Something will come. Worst case scenario, I could move back in with my parents for some time until my play picks up momentum.
Then I decided to do what you said: to not go on dating sites and to let go! The truth is, I was starting to go crazy from the dating and was almost addicted to it. I felt like my flow was stuck and it used up many hours of my time. I said to myself, I am taking a break for a month to discover myself. A month just for me. I’m not going out on any dates. I’m just going to live in my own bubble and feel like I am living with a husband and that I already have everything I’ve dreamed of. Suddenly, after I let go, guys started to try to get in touch with me nonstop!!! One of them sent me a picture of a performance hall and a short video of himself as producer, which is what I had visualized. Just like you told me to do!!
I want to thank you!!
Truth be told, there is no way of knowing what the future holds. And I’m not even thinking about the future at the moment. I am just enjoying loving him and enjoying the way I am blossoming. Everyone says we have to play games with guys. But I’m not good at the games and never have been. Whenever I was real and direct, that always worked best. I said to him: ‘Since I met you, no man stands a chance. I realized that just loving you makes me feel wonderful.’
If it were not for your guidance, I could’ve sunk into negative thoughts and not believed that a man like him would want to be exclusive with me. I chose to trust him and I agreed to be exclusively his :) And who knows about the future, but the present feels so amazing. It is so wond
erful to love all day long, to create out of love and to feel happy, no matter what tomorrow holds. I will continue to think positively, everything will continue to be magical and my play will also be successful just like I visualize it …
Thank you again, Yuval, for all of your help, positive energy and good intentions. May all of your wishes come true and may your book become an international bestseller.”
Actions
Get a pen and paper and describe, down to the smallest detail, the partner you want. Write down each of the qualities that he or she has, even height, hair color, a sense of humor, how he or she dresses, and anything else that comes to mind. One thing to leave open is are the facial details. Don’t illustrate the face; leave that to the universe to choose.
Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and relax your body. Visualize yourself with the person you now described with your own handwriting. Visualize yourself walking together in nature, traveling on a vacation, making love, kissing, hugging, laughing, and any other pleasure that comes to mind. Try to feel it as much as possible. Focus on your heart area - emotion plays a very important role here in the process of creating your request.
You should act and feel as though you already received the relationship that you dream of. Make space in your closet for your future partner’s clothes. Buy another toothbrush. When you eat dinner, set another place next to you at the table. Always visualize that another person is at home with you and act accordingly. What you’re doing is creating a future reality for yourself.
Do this every day, in the morning and at night before bed for at least three weeks and according to all of the rules of visualization that were explained in the ‘Practical Tools for Applying the Law of Attraction’ chapter. Don’t sink into thoughts and occupy yourself with questions like ‘When will he or she arrive? How? Why?’ Simply let go in order to not activate the forces of balance. It’s important that you understand that only focusing on the goal will bring results, so be patient.