by Pua Ramona
See you soon.
Love,
Dad.
I sit there and cry. I wish Dad were here right now so I could tell him how sorry I am for the things I’ve said. I have so much I want to talk to him about. I want to tell him that I’ve found the woman who fits me, who deserves all my love and to be loved by me. I want him to meet Sina, I want him to know who she is, and how much life she brings into mine. I want him to know how much she means to me, how she fills my heart with so much love. I want him to know that she’s the one I planned on marrying (If she’ll still have me.) I want him to know how crazy I am about her, I want him to know that I’d do anything right now just to have him here so he could tell me that things were going to be okay. What I want most is to tell him how much I love him and that I’m everything that I am because of him. I need him to know that I’m exactly like him. My chest starts tightening and I hold on to his letter and take a deep breath. With everything falling apart around me, Dad’s letter is my lifesaver. I take another deep breath and know that I’m going to be okay. Even if I have to be okay on my own without Sina. I have to show her how much she fucking means to me. I fucked up bad, but I’m willing to do everything and anything that’ll keep her here with me. I’m going to make sure that she knows that she’s going to be the only woman who I will dance with for the rest of my life. I’m going to show her that I’m ready to fight for her. I don’t care if it takes me years, I am ready to fight for us. She’s it for me and she deserves the whole me. I want her to know that she still and will always own my heart.
I close my eyes and silently thank Dad for the letter, and for helping me let go of my past. For the first time in a long time, I’m able to breathe. Sina is still sleeping, but I reach over for her hand and lift it to my mouth, kissing her fingers and then her wrist. I lace my fingers through hers and hold onto her hand while I run my other hand through her hair. I’m not sure how long it’s been since I’ve actually had a conversation with God, but it’s time for me to change a lot of things in my life, and if praying will help keep me out of trouble, especially from fucking things up with Sina then I’ll do it morning, noon, and night. I’m not sure if God is even listening to my sorry ass, but I have to start somewhere. I close my eyes, bow my head and I pray for forgiveness. I pray for acceptance, I pray for guidance, I pray for patience, I pray for peace and I pray for unconditional love.
Sina
I woke up this morning because I needed to use the bathroom, but something heavy was holding me hostage. I moved to see what it was and saw that it was Eli’s arm draped over my waist. I must have slept hard last night, because I don’t remember him getting into bed with me. I could have pushed his ass off the bed but I needed to pee bad, so I moved his arm off me instead. I got out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. I tried not to feel bothered when I saw that I was still bleeding, but it bothered me a whole lot. Doctor Powell did mention that it’ll be that way for at least two weeks. My body felt like I was tackled by a linebacker, I was achy all over and I felt pretty dirty. I needed a shower badly but I had nothing to change into. I washed my hands before I walked out of the bathroom.
Before I can get back into bed, Annie walks inside with a bag. “Morning doll face” she whispers. I smile and walk toward her. She smiles and says, “Your friend came by earlier and asked if I could give these to you.”
“Was it Marino?” I ask.
“Yes, he said he grabbed extra things for the asshole as well.” She looks over at Eli and looks back at me “His words not mine” she giggles.
“Of course he did.”
She puts everything on the chair and asks “How are you feeling?”
I take a deep breath and say, “I’m sad and hurt. And a little numb.”
Annie smiles at me sadly and says, “And you’re allowed to feel those feelings. Just make sure not to stay numb too long, because you will miss out on everything.” I feel my eyes sting and I wipe the tears that are starting to fall. “He loves you, you know.” I look at her and see that she’s looking at Eli. “I can tell he’s a little bit crazy and jealous, but he means well.”
She looks at me and says “Let him love you, but at your pace. Don’t stay cold too long Sina, because the last thing you want is to hurt alone.” She hands me a brown bag with coffee and says, “You’re a lucky girl. You have these two handsome fellas who want to take care of you.” She smiles and walks out of the room. I take a sip of my coffee and smile as I open the brown bag. There are two of my favorite cupcakes with a note.
Sina,
I figured you’d need something to help with your morning, So
I grabbed you some coffee and a couple of your favorite cupcakes.
I thought about grabbing some for that asshole, but decided not to.
☺ I’ll see you later, wanted to make sure you had some fresh clothes
before they released you. If you need anything let me know. Now drink
your coffee and eat your sweets, then please take a shower because
you probably stink hahaha. Get well soon babe.
Your friend,
Rino ;)
Asshole. I do just that, I sit down and eat my cupcakes then wash it down with my fresh cup of coffee. I sigh. My god I needed that. I throw my trash away and grab me something to wear. I definitely need a shower. Marino knows me too well, he even made sure to pack my hair products along with my granny panties. What an asshole. I chuckle and make my way to the shower. The water feels so good on my skin. I make sure to double wash everything, especially my lady bits. It feels pretty good being able to run my hands through my hair without my fingers getting tangled in it. I get out of the shower and throw on my black yoga pants, my bra, and one of Rino’s shirts on. I shake my head and giggle.
Rino is really trying to upset Eli and I think it's quite funny. I toss my hair up in a messy bun and root through one of my bags for my glasses because I didn’t want to fight with my contacts. I put the hospital gown in the hamper and make sure I straighten up before I get released from the hospital. I’m not sure how I’m feeling toward my family, but I’m missing my baby girl like crazy. I grab my phone and check to see if anyone has called. Well damn, I have a lot of missed calls, voicemails and text messages. I’m not in the mood to go through them all right now so I just zip my it back into the bag. I look over to the bed and I’m not sure if I should wake Eli up or just let him sleep.
A huge part of me wants to leave his ass here when I get discharged just to piss him off. I laugh at the thought and walk closer to the bed. I move the pillow out of the way and sit down on the bed. I want to run my fingers through his hair, but I’m still angry with him. I reach for the blanket and he starts moving. And his eyes slowly open. Shit, dammit to hell. I will never get tired of his eyes.
Eli
I must have fallen asleep after my intense prayer session because as I open my eyes Sina is showered and dressed and watching me with her big brown eyes.
I smile at her then laugh because she rolls her eyes at me and says, “You need to go brush your damn teeth. Your breath smells like ass.” She gets out of bed to grab an extra toothbrush from her bag. Wait, she didn’t have a bag with her yesterday? “Rino came by earlier to drop some clothes off so I could have something to change into, and the necessities that we needed” she says, seeing the question in my eyes.
I smile and say “I’ll have to remember to thank him later.” I stand up from my chair and walk over to where she’s standing. She hands me the toothbrush but before I take it from her I wrap one of my arms around her and pull her in to me. “Good morning beautiful” I whisper in her ear.
She sighs and says “Your breath still stinks.” Then she pulls herself away from me. I know she’s trying to close herself away from me. But I’m not going to stop showing her that I love her.
“Thank you for letting me stay with you Sina” I say.
She looks over her shoulder and says “I didn’t have a choice.” Shit. I have a long way to
go, but she’s worth it. If she wants me to grovel at her feet, then fuck it, groveling it is. I just hope that she doesn’t give me shit when she finds out that she’s going home with me.
“I know you're mad at me Sina, and I feel you pulling away because you don’t trust me. But I promise you that I will do everything to show you how much you mean to me.” Her eyes are closed and I want her to believe me so badly. I lean into her and breathe her in placing small kisses on the side of her neck. “I love you Sina, and I am going to love you the right way.”
Chapter Forty-Five
Eli
Doctor Powell walks in around ten o’clock and Sina hasn’t said one word to me. It’s a little irritating, but I keep my mouth shut. I don’t force any conversation and make sure not to push her, so I sit there going through my phone while she does the same. There’s so much going on that I’m not even sure what day it is so I decide to attempt a little small talk. “Hey Babe, what day is it today?”
She gives me the dirtiest look and says “I’m not your ‘babe’ and I’m sure your phone could answer that for you BABE!”
I want to laugh but I don’t want to upset her anymore than she already is. “Is that sarcasm I hear in your tone?” I tease. I swear if she keeps rolling her damn eyes like that, her damn eyeballs are going to fall out of her head. “If you don’t stop with the attitude, I swear I will spank that ass.” Her face scrunches up and I want to kiss her so fucking bad but I hold myself back.
“If you want my foot up your ass then go right ahead” she snaps. I can’t help it, giving in and chuckling. She’s going to make this shit harder than I thought, but that’s okay I don’t plan on stopping and I’m definitely not going anywhere.
“Good morning Sina'' Doctor Powell says. Then he looks at me. “How are you Mr. Hunter?”
“I’m doing good doctor, '' I say and he looks back at Sina.
“I’m okay, just tired,” she says.
I’m not sure if she wants me in here or not, so I stand up and say “I’ll just wait outside.”
Sina looks at me then looks at Doctor Powell. “You can stay Eli'' she says quietly.
“Are you sure?” I ask. She nods her head yes then I move to sit next to her. Fuck, she smells so damn good.
“Stop sniffing me” she whispers. I feel my face get hot so I clear my throat just so she can stop looking at me like I’m an idiot. Well, I am an idiot. I didn’t think she would hear me sniffing her sweet ass.
“Am I still cleared to leave today Doctor?” she asks hopefully.
“Yes. Everything came back good, so there is no reason to keep you here any longer. But I did want to ask if you were in any pain today” he says looking into her sad brown eyes.
“Just cramping a little but I’m feeling okay” she says with a shrug.
“Okay, Annie will be in here shortly with your release forms. All we need is your signature then you both are free to leave. Try and get some more rest Sina. Your body needs all the healing, so make sure to not overwork yourself.” He says before turning to leave the room.
“I’ll try,” she says.
“I’m sorry for your loss Sina. El, you take good care of this young lady” he says. Then he walks out.
Five minutes later Annie walks in with the papers for Sina to sign. “You have everything Doll-face?” she checks.
Sina smiles and says “Yes I do. And thank you so much for everything.”
Annie hugs her and says “You take care of yourself now, and come by and visit me sometimes. Maybe you could take me out for some coffee and cupcakes.” She winks at Sina making her blush. Am I missing something here? Annie giggles before she walks out.
I look at Sina and ask “What was that about?”
All I get in return is, “Hmmm.”
Annie comes back with a wheelchair and she says “Hospital policy.”
Sina rolls her eyes and says “Let me grab my things.”
But before she can reach for them I cut her off and take them for her. “I got it babe.”
She gives me another dirty look and says “I am not your babe.” And Annie laughs.
“Come on girl. I promise I’ll push you all the way outside.”
“That doesn’t make me feel any better, Annie,” Sina grouches. Annie and I both look at each other and we snigger.
Sina looks over her shoulder and says “It’s not that freaking funny.” I check the room once more, making sure that we’ve got everything.
“Do you still want your coffee babe?”
“No, you can throw it in the trash” she says. I get ready to toss the cup in the trash and I see that there’s a brown bag in there already. I don’t want Sina to know that I’m being nosey as fuck so I make it look like I dropped my phone. I go to fish my phone out the trash and see that there’s a note from Marino. I take a deep breath and remind myself that he’s her friend, but it doesn't mean I have to like that he’s still doing things for her. I seriously need to check this jealous side of me, fuck. Annie starts pushing Sina out of the room and I follow right behind them. We walk out of the hospital and I say “Wait here, I’m parked right there.”
“Okie dokie” Annie says. Sina doesn’t even bother looking or saying anything to me so I walk to the parking lot to get the truck. I make sure to tuck her things in the back then drive to where they’re waiting. I try to help her in, but she isn’t having any of that.
Annie moves the wheelchair and asks “Do you need help getting in?” Sina shakes her head no and says goodbye one more time. Before she can get herself in I wrap my arms around her curvy waist and hoist her little ass inside. She tries to push me away but I make sure I buckle her in before I go round to my side.
“Asshole” she says.
I kiss her on her nose and say “I heard that,” as I close her door.
Annie shakes her and says “Be good to her, and good luck Eli.” I thank Annie one more time before we drive away from the hospital.
Chapter Forty-Six
Sina
I haven’t said one word to him since we’ve left the hospital. It’s not because I’m upset with him, I am just at the point where I am tired. So me not saying anything is my way of dealing with my feelings. I have so much that I have to focus on right now and our issues aren't a priority. I have to think about what needs to be done for my brother’s funeral, then I need to figure out what our plans are for our son’s funeral. I notice that Eli drives past the exit to Mama’s place so I look at him and say, “Um. You just passed the exit.”
He doesn’t look at me but instead he says “I know.”
I sit up straighter in my seat and ask him “So then where are you taking me?”
“I’m taking you to my place,” he says like it’s a done fucking deal.
“I am not going to your place Eli. Now take me home” I snap.
“Sina, I spoke to your family and they all agreed that it was a good idea that you come back to my place with me so I could take care of you” he says.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now? Not only did everyone keep Micah’s sickness away from me, now all of a sudden everyone thinks they know what’s best for me? Get the fuck out of here with all that bullshit.” My heart beats so hard against my chest I worry it's going to burst out. How dare they have this talk and not talk to me first. And who the hell does Eli think he is acting like he owns me. The thing I hate the most is being told what to do, especially when I am grown enough to make decisions for myself. “Eli, if you don’t turn this damn truck around, I swear to God you are going to regret it.” He takes a deep breath then takes the next exit. He pulls to the side of the road and turns the truck off. I try to open my door so I can get out just as I hear the door locks click. This asshole just locked the fucking doors. “Eli, if you don’t unlock my door I’m going to lose my shit.”
He gets out of his side of the truck and walks around to my side mumbling to himself. He unlocks my door and steps off to the side. “Fine. You want to go to your mother’s t
hen you can walk” he says with a little bit of asshole in his tone. Fuck him. I grab my bag and slide out of his car. I don’t want to be around him anymore so I start walking away without a word.
“Sina!” he yells. I keep walking, he can go fuck himself for all I care. I hear footsteps behind me and start walking faster, well I try too at least. I can feel him right behind me just before he steps in front of me and picks me up swooping his hands under my legs and carrying me back to the truck like a fucking bride.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I growl into his chest. He doesn’t say anything and continues to walk back to the truck. “Put me down right now Eli” I yell trying to hit him without falling.
“Is everything okay here?” A voice says from inside the car that's pulled up next to us. down.
“Yeah, my wife’s just having a shitty day so she’s being a little dramatic,” Eli says. A little dramatic?
“Oh! My wife’s the same way man” says the asshat who’s no longer worried about my safety and joins Eli in laughing at their silly little wives. “You love birds, have a good one.” He says as he drives away. Fucking bastard. The next thing I know my ass is planted sideways on the front seat of the truck.
“What the hell is your problem Eli?” I growl.
He looks like he’s getting ready to flip out on me again but he surprises me when he steps between my legs. “Would you please calm the fuck down?” he says. “I know I fucked up and you don’t want to be around me, but I can’t have you staying at your mother’s place Sina. There’s too much going on and you need to be able to rest, you’ve been through a lot. I know you want to help with the funeral preparations, but I’m more concerned about your health than I am about you being an extra hand over there. I should’ve talked to you before we left the hospital, but you weren’t talking to me. If I would have known that you were going to lose your shit like this, I would’ve taken you home. Now, we’re going to my place so you can settle in, then we’ll call your mother. She wanted to come by to see you and to drop Emma off.” I blink at him. “Did you think I was going to have you there without her?”