Pieces of Me

by Pua Ramona

  “Hey Sis” Luka says. Everyone was in the backyard.

  “Do you know what the meeting’s about?” I ask and he shakes his head.

  “Nah, we got Mama’s text and we’ve been here ever since.” He says with a shrug.

  The back door opens and my sister sticks her head out. “Mama, wants everyone inside” she says. Eli keeps a hold of my hand as I follow him inside.

  “Are we in trouble?” I ask Megan.

  She chuckles. “How old are you? Why? Did you guys have sex somewhere you weren’t supposed to?” She says doing that creepy eyebrow thing again that she does.

  I roll my eyes. “You’re an ass.”

  She laughs. “Crybaby.” We walk through the kitchen to the front room and find Mama, Mama, Eliza and Grandpa Tali are already there. We all find somewhere to sit and we wait quietly. Shit. I think I’m about to throw up in my mouth.

  “Relax babe,” Eli breathes into my ear. Inhale. Exhale.

  Grandpa Tali starts talking. “First, I want to thank you all for being here. I also want to thank Eliza and Elijah for being here as well.” I’m not sure what was going on, but whatever it is, it’s probably important. Dammit. My knee starts to bounce on its own.

  “What’s wrong?” whispers Megan.

  I lean closer. “I need to pee.” I whisper.

  She laughs quietly. “You’re going to have to hold it.” Dammit Megan you asshat I know that I think to myself.

  “I asked everyone to be here because I figured it was a good time to pray together as a family,” Grandpa continues. Breathe. “Let us pray.” He says and every one closes their eyes as we all bow our heads. Eli reaches for my hand and I’m able to breathe. A few minutes into our prayer meeting and all of sudden I hear someone crying. I look around, but no one in the room is crying. I must still be extremely tired because I’m hearing things now. I close my eyes, and I hear it again.

  Grandpa Tali starts reciting a scripture from the Bible and we all join him. Grandpa Tali closes the prayer and I realize that whoever is crying is outside. I’m not sure if anyone else can hear it so I sit quietly in case they all think I’m going mad. Eli squeezes my hand and I know he hears it too.

  Luka is the first one to get up, he pulls the blinds up and freezes.

  “What is it Son?” Mama asks.

  “Mama, there's people outside,” he says.

  Daniel helps Grandpa up and holds on to him until they get to the window.

  “Sina, come here” Mama says. Eli pulls me up and we walk to the window. I don’t know what to expect, but what I see literally brings me to tears. There are more than a dozen people outside, and they aren’t just random people either. It’s Auntie Lupe, Uncle Niko, and June-Bug covered with fine mats. I knew it was them because I heard June-Bug crying. Auntie Claire and a lot of Dad’s relatives are all sitting behind them facing the house with their heads bowed down.

  “Sina, do you know what they’re doing?” Grandpa Tali asks and I nod my head. He holds his hand out. I walk over to him and hold his hand with both of mine. He kisses my hands and holds my face gently. I can feel his hands shaking, “I am so sorry for everything that this family has put you through.” I shake my head no, because it isn’t their fault. “It only takes one person to break the family tie Sina. I am sorry that I couldn’t keep you safe” he cries. “Whether you forgive the family or not, we won’t blame you. I just need you to know that I will always love you and as long as God allows me to be here I will do everything to keep you and the rest of this family safe.” He holds his hand out and Eli takes it. “The same goes for you Elijah. I am sorry for the heartache that you and your mother went through, but know that whatever you and my granddaughter decide to do, I along with this family will respect it. Thank you for putting Sina first, and for believing her when she thought she had no one.”

  Eli is trying his best to hold it together. This is something so new to not only myself, but for Eli and the rest of my family. I can see Eli is confused as well so I give him the short version of what's going on right now.

  “I’ve heard of an Ifoga, but never seen one before.” I say.

  He quietly asks, “What’s an ifoga?”

  I can’t stop crying, but I have to make sure that he understands. “It’s the Samoan way of asking for forgiveness. So, it’s up to us if we forgive them or not. If we choose to forgive them we have to go outside and remove the fine mats, but if we don’t they will sit outside until we’re ready to forgive them.”

  He takes a deep breath and takes my hands in his. “Whatever you decide, I will support you.” I know in my heart that it isn’t any of their fault so I have to forgive them.

  “I love you Grandpa.” I wrap my arms around him and say, “I forgive you.”

  “Your father would’ve been so proud of you Sina. You are a brave girl and this family is blessed to have you” he says. Grandpa kisses my forehead then he lets me go. I can hear everyone crying outside and it breaks my heart. Mama, Megan, Luka, and Daniel understand my decision and I love them for always being there for me. I mouth “I love you guys” then I tell Eli that I love him.

  He kisses my forehead and says “I am so proud of you Sina.”

  I take a deep breath and walk out the door. Each step I take my heart feels heavier the closer I get to them. My heart breaks for Auntie Lupe, Uncle Niko and June-Bug. I need them to know that I’ve never blamed them because they didn’t know. The closer I get the faster my heart beats. With each step my heart aches for them. As I remove each fine mat, the louder Auntie Lupe cries. I lay the fine mats gently to the side then I kneel in the front of them. I reach for Auntie Lupe and Uncle Niko’s hands and I hold them. They have their heads bowed and I can’t take it anymore. I lean in toward them and say, “Auntie Lupe, Uncle Niko I forgive you. What happened to me and Eli isn’t and wasn’t your fault.”

  “Auoi” Auntie Lupe cries.

  “I love you both, you’re my family” I cry. They both look at me and my heart hurts so bad for them because their eyes hold so much pain.

  “Sina, please forgive us” Uncle Niko cries. I wrap my arms around both of them and we cry together. I cry for their pain, I cry for the broken hearts and I cry for Jackson. I cry because even though I forgive them, I know that their family is broken. I kiss Auntie Lupe on her cheek, then I kiss Uncle Niko on his forehead. I let them go then I move over to my brother. I grab June-Bugs hands and he leans down and kisses my knuckles.

  “I am so sorry Sina” he cries. I let go of his hands and I hold him.

  “I love you Junior.” He’s a big guy, but that doesn’t stop me from holding on to him tighter. “This doesn’t change my love for you. You’re still and will always be my brother” I cry. I wish Daddy was here right now because after all these years, I finally understand what family means. It doesn’t matter where I am in this world, what matters the most is that I always remember where I came from. And even though I don’t know the whole Samoan traditions, it’s okay for me to be proud of my culture. I have learnt that it doesn’t matter what I do or don’t do, there will always be someone that will judge you and I understand that now. I owe it all to Daddy for teaching me everything that I know today. I may not be suitable to be a pastor’s wife, but I am good enough to be in this family. AIGA: Is where my roots begin and where unconditional love never ends.

  Chapter Seventy-Three

  Eli

  Everyone left about an hour ago after Grandpa Tali prayed over the whole family. What I experienced tonight was probably the most intense and most honest evening I’ve had in my life. It made me realize how much family means to Sina. I still have a lot of questions about what happened tonight, but that’s a conversation for another day. I may not come from a cultural background, but I do come from a family that shared the same beliefs, and that was good enough for me. Have I mentioned how much I love her and how proud I am of the strong woman that she’s become? Because dammit I got fucking lucky with her. Or should I say I’m blessed to have her
in my life. It didn’t matter because at the end of the day whatever or wherever Sina was going to be, I will always follow her. I may not understand her culture, but I’m willing to learn because I know it’s important to her. If that means I have to wear an ie lavalava then I’ll do it proudly because it’s important to her, and if I have to learn to speak the Samoan language I will learn because it’s important to her. Anything that’s important to her is important to me because I love her.

  “Are you ready to make her your wife?” Megan asks.

  I look over my shoulder and say, “Fuck yes!”

  My soon to be sister in law laughs. “I still hate you” she says and I chuckle.

  “I hate you too Sis.”

  She gives me the finger and says, “I’ll see your lame ass tomorrow” before she leaves.

  Luka and Daniel are still at the table eating. “Is she still outside?” They ask as I pull a chair out and sit down.

  “Yeah, she’s walking your grandpa and your Auntie Claire to the car.” I tell them. I don’t know what they’re eating, but I figure since I’ll be marrying the whole family that I should start learning now.

  “What’s this?” I ask, pointing to it.

  “Cocoa rice” Daniel says.

  What the fuck?

  “Don’t knock it ‘til you try it Bro” Luka says. I don’t want to look like a punk so I try it. I expected it to taste gross, but I’m surprised at how good it is.

  “Try it with bread and butter” Daniel says. He gives me a slice of bread that’s still hot with butter on it. I take a breath then eat it with the cocoa rice.

  “Shit! This is good!” The guys laughed.

  “E, wait ‘til you try oka” Luka.says.

  “What’s that?” I ask, frowning.

  “It’s pieces of raw fish marinated in coconut milk with onions, salt and pepper. People make it different, but it’s fucking good.” He says looking hungry just thinking about it.

  “Yeah, baby steps man, baby steps.” I laugh as I eat the rest of my chocolate rice. I feel arms around my neck and feel Sina rest her head on my shoulders.

  “I’m ready to go home,” she says and I turn my head and give her a quick kiss.

  “Let me wash my bowl then we can leave.” Her eyes are swollen from crying again, but this time is different because when she looks at me she looks relieved.

  “Leave it Bro, Luka will wash it” Daniel says.

  “The fuck you volunteering me for,” Luka says frowning at him.

  Sina rolls her eyes. “Come on Emma, we’re leaving” she calls.

  Emma comes running inside from the back yard. “Can I watch t.v in my room when we get home?” she asks. I love that my girls both refer to my home as their own.

  “Yes, but you have to take a shower before you get in your bed baby girl.”

  Emma smiles. “Thank you Mama.”

  “Say goodnight to your uncles so we can go.” Emma says goodnight to the guys.

  “Night Uncle D.” Emma says to Daniel

  “Night princess.” He says and plants kisses all over her face.

  Luka picks her up. “You little traitor.”

  Emma giggles. “Night Uncle Luka.”

  He kisses her forehead. “I love you.”

  “I love you too Uncle.”

  Sina and I do our rounds of saying goodnight and I drive my girls home.

  Sina is in Emma’s room getting her ready for bed, and I’m in our room already in bed waiting for her when my phone starts buzzing. I grab it off the nightstand and check to see who it is. It was a text message from Mama:

  Mama: Just wanted you to know that I love you Son!

  Me: Love you too Mama.

  Mama: Sleep with angels.

  Me: Night Mama!

  I set my phone back on the nightstand and I feel the bed dip a little.

  “I am so tired,” Sina says. She gets under the covers and I wait for her to get comfortable before I turn the light off. “Is she sleeping?” I ask as she lays her head on my chest and I kiss her hair.

  “She’s probably going to fall asleep with the t.v. on.” She says as she starts fidgeting.

  “Babe, are you not comfortable?” I ask.

  She sighs. “Can you spoon me please?” I’ve never been a spooner, but I am now. And I definitely don’t mind kissing and cuddling. “Better?” I say as I wrap my arms around her and tuck her into me.

  She sighs again. “Much, much better. Thank you.” I kiss her bare shoulder. I want to do more than just kiss her goodnight, but after this evening I know she’s exhausted.

  “I love you Eli” she whispers.

  I kissed her neck again. “I love you too beautiful.” I say. Her breathing slows down and I know she’s sleeping so I kiss her again before letting sleep take me under too. I can’t wait for tomorrow because I’m going to ask her to marry me. My life is good and I fall asleep with her wrapped in my arms and I love her in my dreams.

  Chapter Seventy-Four

  Sina

  Why is it when all you want to do is sleep, your stupid phone wants to go off non stop?

  “Babe, your phone’s buzzing,” Eli says to me but I’m going to pretend like I don’t hear it. “Babe! Will you make your phone shut up?” He says again.

  Oh hell no! I turn over so I can give him a piece of mind and sigh, he’s beautiful. I grab my phone from him and growl, “You could’ve answered it.” He chuckles then kisses my shoulder.

  I push him away and say “Hey Mama! Yes, you woke me up.” I feel a hand on my thigh, I reach for his hand and pinch it, hard. “But it’s only eight in the morning!” I whine. Who goes out this early? “Fine Mama. I’ll be ready before you party animals get here,” I say rolling my eyes.

  “No Mama, I am not rolling my eyes,” I lie to her.

  “ Yes, Love you too, bye Mama!” I say as I toss my phone to the side. “Did your mom say anything to you about spending the day with Mama and I today?” I ask Eli, feeling grumpy that I’ve got to get up so early when I am still exhausted from last night.

  He rolls his eyes at me and says, “No babe! Why?”

  “Because I have to get ready right now, they’re picking me up so we can catch up.” I groan and he laughs.

  “And that’s a problem why?” he asks.

  “It’s not, I was just hoping to spend the day with you and Emma.” I say pouting.

  “Babe, we’ll be here when you get back. Promise.” He says kissing me.

  “I can take Emma with me if you want.” I offer realizing he’ll be on Emma duty all day if I don’t.

  He shakes his head. “Nah! I’m sure we’ll find something to do while you’re out knitting sweaters with our moms.” What an ass! I punch him in the chest and jump out of bed before he can get me back. I’m three steps away from the bathroom and I feel his hands around my waist and the fucker literally body slams me back onto the bed.

  “What the hell Eli?” And the asshole laughs. Shit. “Don’t even think about it.”

  “What are you going to do babe?” He teases. Dammit he’s going to do it.

  “Eli. I swear if you tickle me I’ll seriously kick you in the balls.” Please, don’t do it. And he does it. “Stop! Eli!” I try kicking, but he’s obviously stronger than me.

  “Who’s the boss of you?” he laughs and I keep kicking my legs.

  “Not you, asshole!” He’s laughing his ass off and I’m about to pee myself.

  “Fine!” he says tickling me harder.

  Fuck it, desperate times call for desperate measures! “What the fuck?” Eli’s squeals and his face is freaking priceless. “Babe!!! Did you just?”

  Oh yeah, I did. “Yup! You wouldn’t stop tickling me, so I had no other choice but to sacrifice your nipple!”

  He lets me go. “You little shit, I can’t believe you just pinched me”

  I get out of bed like a boss. “Have fun rubbing on your sensitive ass nipple, lover.” I wink and close the door behind me laughing to myself about how awesom
e my tactics are.

  “I can’t believe she pinched my nipple.” I hear him saying to himself while I undress. Sigh. The plan for today is to spend the day with our moms then when I get back, I am going to put my whole heart on the table and hopefully when I’m done Eli will ask me to stay. Yup! I’m definitely going to put my big girl panties on and tell him to choose me. Gag! I just threw up in my mouth. Sigh. Does he want me to stay? I really hope he does, because if he doesn’t feel the same way I’m kicking my own ass. Ugh!

  Chapter Seventy-Five

  Eli

  Today I'll be asking Sina to stay. Today’s the day I’m going to ask her to choose me for the rest of her life. Today’s the day I’m asking the woman who stole my heart to be my wife.

  “Are you nervous?” Megan says. I asked her to come earlier because she has something that I need in order to pull this proposal off.

  “I’m a little worried that she’ll say no.” She fucking laughs at me and I cringe. “Are you fucking laughing ‘cause she’s going to say no?” I ask. If she says no, there’s no way I’ll be able to go back to just being her fucking boyfriend.

  “Calm your balls down princess” she says. Smartass! “She’s definitely going to say yes, after she breaks down.”

  “Is that a good thing? Her breaking down?” I ask, frowning.

  “Definitely a good thing.” She laughs.

  “Good, because I was going to say that if she does say no I won’t be able to go back to being just her boyfriend. Fuck that.”

  Megan laughs. “Yeah, that would be stupid. Plus, you’re too old to be a boyfriend.”

  Too old my ass. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re a pain in the ass?” I ask innocently.

  She laughs. “My hubby tells me that every day.” Of course she’s proud. I shake my head at her bullshit.