by Robin Roseau
“You’re right. I have no right. I am sorry you are scared. I’m sorry you don’t believe me. I’m sorry I didn’t have time to gain your trust. I do not believe I could have lured you to join us. Perhaps through seduction, but that would have taken time I don’t have, and it’s at least as calculating as what I’m already doing. I am sorry. I am desperate.”
“Because we only have six more weeks?”
“Not only that. Jeraya, I want to go home, and for that, I need Shi`nual.”
My next words were a whisper. “She’s a goddess. She can bring you home.”
“Yes, she’s a goddess. I don’t know if she can bring me home, although I doubt it. But she’ll know what I must do. I know some magic, but I don’t know enough.”
I inclined my head. I heard her, and I couldn’t blame her for wanting to go home. I couldn’t blame her for being desperate. And she was probably right; she would have had to offer me quite a lot to come with her.
I wasn’t the adventurous type, after all.
“Go away,” I said. And then I turned away and laid my head against Alyidil’s shoulder.
We rode on. I spoke to no one, but I wondered. Could she have seduced me? I didn’t know.
Could Alyidil?
I rather thought she could have.
Waiting
They didn’t bring me to Mendelo, the capital city of Sargaren. They brought me to Deepwater, a cove in the northwest. Lal Keshia held a home on the cliffs north of the cove. From the front porch, one could see the open ocean. From the balcony above the porch, one could see the furthest corner of the cove. Or one could walk to the cliff edge and see the entire cove laid out, but Lal Keshia forbade me, pointing out the cliffs could crumble, and she hadn’t brought me here to die.
It was late when we arrived, and we had pushed our travel longer than we had other days. I was exhausted. We all were. And so, there was little discussion. Holding hands, Alyidil and I helped with the animals and then helped to carry our things into the house. Lal Keshia stepped in front of me. “It’s late, and we’re all tired. Tonight, you will stay with Alyidil. Tomorrow we will discuss your other choices.”
“Someone else?”
“Other choices,” she repeated. “I hope you feel welcome in my home.”
“It seems nice,” I said. “You must be very wealthy.”
“No, not really. The five of us built it together.”
“The land…”
“We did someone a favor, and we were paid with the land. I am somewhat wealthier than you are, but my wealth is not in gold and gems. The house is warm and comfortable, but it is not grand. Perhaps we can speak more tomorrow.”
I nodded, and I let Alyidil lead me away.
We climbed the stairs, and then we turned left, then right, entering a room on the back of the house with a view not of the ocean, but of the forest. It was simple, but I would learn the bed was comfortable.
I turned to her. “What did she mean when she said I would have other choices?”
“I imagine we’ll both learn tomorrow.”
“I’m scared.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Did you know she wants to go home?”
She paused. “Yes. Do you blame her?”
“Not for that. If she were to invite you, would you go with her?”
“I don’t know,” she replied. “I find it unlikely.”
“Would you return to Gelsara?”
“No. The path to Gelsara is across the great desert and through Sendisha. We would never return that way.” And then she moved both my hands to her shoulders, and that is how we touched while she readied for bed. We traded, and then we moved under the covers.
She held me like she did every night for the last two weeks. I lay in the dark, feeling her body behind me. I lay for some time until I whispered, “Are you awake?”
“Yes.”
I paused then said, “If you had tried, you could have seduced me. Easily.”
“I would have liked that.”
“There wasn’t time.”
“No. And it was too unsure.”
“I wish things were different.”
“So do I.”
* * * *
The six of us shared breakfast, and then Lal Keshia said, “Now that we have arrived, we have five weeks to make preparations. We have much to do. The house must be perfect.” She paused and then, without looking at me, she added, “And the host must be perfect.”
“Then you picked the wrong woman,” I said with a smirk. “I’m so sorry.”
“We must keep her safe,” Lal Keshia said. And then she did look at me. “Secure.” It sounded quite ominous.
“What is that supposed to mean?” I lifted my left hand, clasped in Alyidil’s right. “It’s not like I can go anywhere.”
“Alyidil will have duties,” she explained. “I considered giving you the choice of helping her, or perhaps being transferred to someone else.”
“I do not care to be transferred to someone else,” I proclaimed, “but perhaps Alyidil would rather be rid of me.” I looked at her. She didn’t look at me. “Oh,” I said. “I see.”
That was when she looked at me. “No, Jeraya. I do not want to be rid of you, but I have duties, and I cannot do them like this.”
“Even if she could,” Lal Keshia said, “little accidents happen. You must be perfect.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“No little cuts and bruises,” she explained. She gestured. “This is awkward for both of you, although you are more practiced than you were. Even when moving carefully, sometimes you bump into something. If you had tasks distracting you, these little accidents are more likely. There is time for you to heal, but later, there won’t be.”
“So, you’ve decided not to ask my opinion.”
“Yes.”
“And what are you going to do with me for the next five weeks.”
“There is a room. It is comfortable.
“You’re going to leave me locked in a storage room in the basement for five weeks?”
“We’ll move in a bed and some furniture,” she offered. “Can you read?”
“Yes, I can read,” I said. “But unless you give me lamps, that won’t matter, will it?”
“I won’t give you a lamp, but I will use my magic to give you something nearly as good, and you can’t use it to cause mischief.”
“You think I’d intentionally burn the house down? You think I want to burn to death?”
“I think you don’t believe me when I say you won’t be harmed,” she replied. “And so, killing yourself may be preferable to letting me have what I want. In a moment of rage, you may make choices you wouldn’t make during calmer moments. If you can kill the rest of us in the fire, I think you would at least be tempted. Don’t bother denying it, because I wouldn’t believe you as long as you don’t believe me.”
“If I were willing to kill myself, I’ve had two weeks to do it. All I had to do was jump from a horse and run into the woods.”
“Perhaps, but that had little chance of taking me with you,” she pointed out. “And you weren’t sitting idle, able to brood over your situation.”
“I did plenty of brooding.”
“You also did more looking around than you may be willing to admit,” she countered. “And you did clutching and touching and a little talking. Several times I observed smiles, and on three separate occasions, you laughed.”
“I didn’t.”
“Burquiri told a rather amusing story yesterday afternoon,” she said. “You laughed with the rest of us. Shall I detail the other times?”
“No.” I smiled. “I have to be perfect, do I?”
“We’ll be discussing why you will not intentionally hurt yourself.”
“I bet your goddess won’t be impressed if I have rope burns from being tied.”
“I imagine you’re right,” she said. “She might not care if I use my magic to make you sleep for a month.”
/>
“If you could have done that, why haven’t you already?”
“Magic has a price. Maybe I wasn’t willing to spend magic when mundane methods were readily available.”
I glared at her, entirely unhappy. Then I whimpered. “Please don’t lock me up for five weeks.”
“It will be as comfortable as we can make it.”
“I’ll be alone,” I said. “I don’t like being alone.”
“You would rather have our company than none at all?”
“Does that surprise you?”
“Yes, actually. Oh, I think you’ve been warming up to Alyidil, but I dare say, if I suggested you be bound to me instead of her, you’d accept, wouldn’t you, if that kept you out of the room we’ll make for you.”
“Yes,” I said. “I probably would. Please, Lal Keshia. I’ll behave. Isn’t there a compromise?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “This magic is not trivial.” She gestured towards our clasped hands. “Oh, once it is set, it costs nothing to continue. I could leave you like this a long time. The magic slowly fades, taking perhaps a year or so. But I can’t take the bracelets off and put them on.”
“Why not?”
“The bracelets must be matching pairs, as close to identical as can be made. I anticipated something like this and had these ready. It took three nights to imbue them with magic. But when I remove them, you will see. They will melt away.”
“Oh.”
“I have one other pair. I could transfer you to someone else, if you and Alyidil were deeply at odds, although I probably would have sought other solutions first.”
“It wouldn’t have taken much to keep me meek.”
“I believe you are correct,” Lal Keshia agreed. “If you were willing, I could transfer you to me, but I am going to need both my hands free, and there are other problems.” She paused. “You are going to cooperate.”
“I don’t think so.”
“You are,” she said. “You are going to stay in my good graces.”
“Why am I going to do that?”
“Because I need a chance to consider compromise solutions. It may take a few days to fully satisfy you.”
“It’s going to take at least five weeks to fully satisfy me,” I said.
“I believe you understand what I meant.”
“Fine,” I spat. “It’s not like you really care about me, other as necessary for your ritual.”
“I hold no ill will towards you, Jeraya, and you don’t know how grateful I am to have found you, even as unwilling as you are to help me.”
“You never gave me the chance to make it my choice!” I screamed. “You made sure I didn’t have a chance to say ‘no’. You didn’t even try to talk to me about it first. I couldn’t leave work when you wanted me, so you didn’t make a single additional attempt to arrange a meeting. You didn’t explain to me what you needed or why. You just had these four attack me. Maybe if you’d actually tried talking to me, you could have convinced me to help you.”
“I can’t pay you, Jeraya. I can’t give you riches. The best I could have offered was an adventure. Would you have taken it?”
I glared.
“The people of this planet are not as adventurous as I am accustomed,” she continued. “My people love to explore. We have been everywhere, it seems. But here, few of you ever travel more than a few miles from where you are born. Tell me, Jeraya, are you an adventurer?”
“You already know I’m not. Why are you being shitty?”
“I’m not trying to be shitty, as you say. I am trying to explain. I don’t think I had anything to offer you. I couldn’t think of something then, and I haven’t thought of anything since. And I don’t think you would have gone with us simply out of empathy for my situation.”
She was right. I don’t know how much she would have had to pay me to convince me to give up my life, and she claimed not to have it.
I wasn’t willing to admit any of that, so instead I dropped my gaze. I wasn’t going to sway her.
“Jeraya,” she said gently. “In your anger at me, you will probably consider ways you can stymie me. It wouldn’t be that difficult for you.” I said nothing to that, but she was right. “I want you to consider a few things. First, on my world, women with your appearance hope to become a host to Shi`nual.”
“I only have your word for that.”
“True. Second, I’ll repeat a promise. If you do not intentionally ruin this for me, then you will not be harmed. We will take care of you.”
“Am I going to need taking care of?”
“If she accepts you, the experience is overwhelming, and you will probably be as weak as a baby for a while afterwards. If she does not accept you, it is still a draining ritual. You will need less care, but then you will be a woman far from home with, as you pointed out, nothing but the clothing I give you. I won’t cast you away.”
“You won’t be here, if you get what you want.”
“If she accepts you, that is my hope, but you will be cared for. If she does not come to me, then I will be right here, deeply disappointed, but I will not direct that disappointment onto you, unless you intentionally vex me.”
“Did you just threaten me?”
“Only with a lack of care,” she said. “Maybe ruining this for me is worth what would happen to you afterwards.”
“You’d hurt me.”
“No. I would take you into the village, get you a room at the inn, and leave you there. The room would be paid for two nights. After that, you would be entirely on your own. Maybe that isn’t so bad. But maybe you will choose to help me, as long as you’re stuck here.”
I considered what she said and then said, “You’re not going to offer a larger threat than that?”
“No.”
“You’re not worried I’ll tell everyone what you’ve done?”
“No. If I feel the risk is high, I will use my magic to prevent it.”
“By killing me?”
“By making your mouth close if you try to talk about me, by making your hand clamp if you try to write about me.”
“Fine,” I said. “Prove it.”
“Tonight.”
“Fine.” I smiled. It wasn’t a nice smile. “I bet it wears off.”
“I bet I’ll be long gone before it does.”
“You’ll give up this fine house?”
“I would take some money for it, probably less than it is worth, as there is no one living in Deepwater who covets this location and has the means to pay me.”
“You’re really not going to make a real threat?”
“Nor a real offer of compensation,” she said. “Are you going to stymie me, Jeraya?”
“No,” I muttered. I thought it likely I was lying. “Why did you come here, anyway?”
“Do you mean this location, or this world?”
“This world.”
“I told you: I was banished.”
“By your king?”
“No,” she said. “My sister.”
“What?” I spat. “Why?”
“She wanted the things that were mine.”
“She did this to you because she wanted your money?”
“Well, I was rather wealthy, but it was far more than that. She wanted my position.” She lowered her voice, and I could hear the pain. “My wife.”
“Oh.” I thought about it. “I’m sorry. That’s horrible. Why would your wife accept something like that, if it was your sister that did this to you?”
“I imagine she doesn’t know,” Lal Keshia said. “My wife is exceedingly beautiful and gracious. She is the walking epitome of joy. My sister and I both attempted to court her.” She offered a laugh. “Many, many people tried to court her. But her family directed her towards my family. Her attention solidified a business arrangement.”
“She’s part of a trade agreement?”
“An entirely willing portion,” Lal Keshia explained. “In cases like this, it is extremely common for someone like h
er to transfer her affections to my sister if I were to die or disappear. If Nur Mareet had disliked Lal Selgen, there would be no obligation. I am more charming than my sister, but she is somewhat prettier, and the competition between us was closer than I would have preferred. Lal Selgen would have immediately invited Nur Mareet into her home, to take care of her, and I have no doubts my wife now shares my sister’s bed.”
“That is terrible.”
“What my sister did is terrible,” she agreed. “I hold no ill will towards Nur Mareet. Indeed, if I had died or truly disappeared for other reasons, then joining with my sister is what I’d hope for her.” She looked away. “They probably have children by now, so even if I am able to return, Nur Mareet may not choose to take her children from their other mother.”
“I’m sorry,” I said again.
She inclined her head then finally turned back to me. “Jeraya, I am sorry for the ways I have hurt you. Do you see my desperation?”
“Yes,” I said. “Promise me again.”
“As long as you are well-behaved, you will not be hurt in any way I can prevent. Regardless, you will not be harmed. If you do not destroy my ritual, then I will ensure you are well taken care of while you are recovering, and I will help with your decisions once you’re ready to decide what you want after. I’m sorry, but I cannot promise you riches.”
“I don’t want riches,” I said. “I just want…” I didn’t know what I wanted anymore. I sighed. “If you’re going to shove me into that room, let’s get it over with.”
“We need to prepare the room first. If you and Alyidil see to cleaning here, the rest of us will see to your stay.”
I nodded.
* * * *
Alyidil and I turned to each other. “Did you know all of that?”
“Not all,” she said. “Much. I didn’t know about her sister taking her wife.”
“That’s disgusting.”
“What her sister did is disgusting.”
“That’s what I meant,” I said.
“It’s not really a unique story,” she said. “The details, perhaps.”
“I suppose you’re right.” I looked down at our clasped hands. “Has this been terrible for you?”