The Stillwater Bay Collection (Books 1-4): Stillwater Bay Series Boxed Set

by Steena Holmes

  “I considered you a good friend, Julia. I thought”—Charlotte sighed—“I thought I knew you.”

  “You do.”

  Charlotte’s brow arched. “I’m not so sure anymore.”

  That hurt Julia more than she’d wanted to admit. “I’m sorry, Charlotte. Sorrier than you could ever imagine.”

  Charlotte cocked her head, a pained expression entering her gaze.

  “I know,” she said. “You’re sorry for keeping your history with Jordan a secret. Right? For lying to me all these years? For not telling me the truth about Gabe?” She sat down at the kitchen table, her back ramrod straight in the chair. Jordan stayed where he was, silent and stiff.

  With a mouth full of dry cotton balls, Julia attempted to say something, but Charlotte’s hand shot up, stopping her.

  “We came here for a reason, but…there’s something I need to say first, okay?”

  “Okay.” The word came out way too slow.

  “I’ve thought long and hard about this. I really have.” Charlotte toyed with the glass on the table. “There’s more to the story than I’ve been told; I know this.” She looked over at her husband with a look Julia couldn’t quite decipher. Sympathy? Understanding?

  “I’m not sure if I was just living in my own little perfect dreamland or what, but I should have seen this, right?” The dismay and fear Julia saw on Charlotte’s face there mirrored everything Julia felt in her heart.

  One leaden step at a time, Julia sat down beside Charlotte. She blinked repeatedly before looking up toward the ceiling as if for help.

  “I never knew how to tell you,” she finally said, the words forcing themselves out of her mouth. “I figured you had no idea who I was from the way you continually welcomed me into the town and dropped by for coffee all those times.” She looked at Jordan and frowned. “I figured it was his place to tell you.”

  “I was just a fool,” Charlotte muttered.

  “No. You are anything but a fool. You have the most welcoming soul I’ve ever known. I saw that right away. You…” Julia wanted to find the right words to explain. “You drew me in, Charlotte, and opened your heart to me and—”

  “Why didn’t you stop me? Why didn’t you push me away harder? Do you know how betrayed I feel right now, Julia? I couldn’t care less about the fact you have a history with Jordan—we could have worked through that. But to keep Gabe from me like you did”—Charlotte tapped her chest—“that hurts.”

  Julia sighed. This was something she knew she could never be forgiven for. Who knew what Gabe’s life might have been like if Jordan and Charlotte had been in it? She’d often thought about that…wondered whether, if she’d chosen differently, it really would have made much of a difference.

  “We both”—she looked toward Jordan again—“made a lot of mistakes.” She caught his flinch. “There are so many things I would do differently if I had the chance, but I don’t. All I can do is focus on the future.” Her voice broke as she closed her eyes. Who was she? A mother without a son. She was lonely and empty and the future, her future, stretched out in front of her. Jordan’s idea gave her a purpose, or she hoped it did, at least.

  “Jordan, all I can think about is your idea. I know I told you I couldn’t be a part of it, but I’ve changed my mind. I need to be, if I can.” That hope she’d witnessed in Jordan’s eyes the other day, it filled her after he left. She wasn’t sure how she could help, but she wanted to.

  “His idea to right a wrong?” Charlotte asked.

  Julia nodded.

  “Before we discuss that, there’s something I need to tell you.” Jordan appeared nervous. His hands were clasped tight in his lap but his leg bounced with energy as he sat there.

  Julia noticed the way Charlotte rested her hand on his leg. His movement eventually slowed and then stopped.

  Julia lifted up her glass and sipped the tea, trying to wrap her head around what was going on right now. What did he want to tell her?

  She caught Charlotte’s glance. They stared at one another.

  “I’m sorry.” They both said at the same time.

  Julia wasn’t sure if those two little words would ever be enough.

  Probably not for Charlotte. Not for Jenn and Lacie. Not for anyone in this town affected by the decisions she’d made, the secrets she’d kept, or for what her son had done.

  “Lacie would say forgiveness is a choice we make.” Charlotte reached over and touched Julia’s hand, then stood and walked toward the front room. “She also said that it was never an easy decision to make—if it was, then it wasn’t from the heart.”

  Charlotte paused at the front door and looked out. “Are things getting better?”

  It took Julia a moment to follow the train of thought. She gave a small shrug of her shoulder, hoping that would suffice.

  “Julia?” Charlotte turned and crossed her arms. “Is everything okay?”

  Julia stood and walked to the doorway separating her kitchen from the front hall. She winced as she realized the curtains covering the front window were open. She noticed a group of teens walking toward the house.

  “What’s wrong?” Jordan immediately went to the window and frowned at the teens. “They’d better be headed toward the beach.”

  Julia caught the exchange between Jordan and Charlotte at his words. She nodded, trying to confirm Jordan’s words, and yet she caught herself backing away toward the kitchen, where she was out of sight. Every muscle in her body tightened as the sound of the group’s laughter filtered through the open back door.

  “Julia? Are people still harassing you?” Charlotte’s brows furrowed. “Are you…” She glanced out toward the window again, “are you trying to hide?”

  The moment Charlotte closed the curtains Lacie had opened earlier, Julia was able to breathe.

  “Oh, God, I’m so sorry,” Charlotte said. “I thought things were better. Sheila told me things were, that people were standing by your side and helping to make sure you felt safe.” For just one moment Julia saw her friend standing before her, concern in her gaze.

  “Sheila’s been amazing,” Julia agreed. “She’s done so much to help me and I…I can’t thank you enough for that.” It was harder than she’d imagined to accept help from others. The food. The cleanup. The small gifts to let her know she wasn’t alone. It made her feel very uncomfortable, and very mindful of how much she owed this community.

  “Clearly it hasn’t been enough. Have you notified—”

  “The police?” Julia interrupted her. “It’s not necessary, Charlotte. Believe me. It’s fine.” A chill ran though her body and she pulled the edges of her thin sweater tighter across her body. “It’s fine,” she repeated.

  “It’s not fine.” Jordan stood there, arms crossed over his chest. “It’s not fine that you’re being treated like this. It’s not fine that people have forgotten who you are and what you meant to them before all of this happened. It’s not fine, Julia, and you need to stop pretending it is.”

  The force of his words, the emotions behind them…it surprised Julia more than she’d expected.

  He cared. For some reason she couldn’t fathom, he cared about how she was being treated.

  Jordan Stone. Who would have guessed.

  “Why does it matter now, when it never did before?”

  He wiped his hand across his face with obvious frustration. “Because it does.”

  “Julia.” Charlotte’s voice broke the intense look between her and Jordan. Julia clenched her eyes shut for a moment before she focused her attention on Charlotte.

  “Why are you here, Charlotte? Why now?” She stressed the word you. Why was Charlotte here? Not that she was complaining, but truth be told, if she was going to have this conversation with Charlotte about the child she’d kept a secret with her husband…then she’d feel more comfortable if Jordan wasn’t around.

  “We’re here because of me. Because I need to make right a wrong, or at least try to,” Jordan replied bringing them back to th
e earlier topic of discussion.

  Charlotte sat back down in the kitchen chair and played with the cup in front of her.

  Jordan took the folded note he’d received from Gabriel out of his pocket and handed it to Julia.

  “Gabe gave me this at the school. I…” his lips trembled, “I didn’t read it until afterwards and I wish I had taken the time then. It might have changed everything.” His hand shook as he held onto the folded note.

  Julia slowly reached for it but didn’t read it.

  “What would it have changed?” She asked softly. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to open the note. These were her son’s last words…

  “I maybe could have stopped him? I could have helped him?” Jordan shook his head. “All his life I’ve done everything wrong…for once I could have done right by him and I didn’t.”

  In shock, she was at a loss for words.

  “I was wrong, Julia. I want to try to make up for it. I’m going to talk to Samantha. She’s going to write an article on me and I’m going to confess Gabe was my son and that I let him down.”

  Numb, Julia didn’t know how to respond. Her mouth opened and closed but there were no words. She swallowed and tried to wrap her brain around what she’d just heard.

  Jordan’s red-rimmed eyes brimmed with tears.

  “He came to face me, to talk to me and I turned him away. I…I will never forgive myself for how I’ve treated him. Never.” His head bowed, his body shook and for one brief moment, Julia felt sorry for him.

  Jordan was willing to admit Gabe was his son. She couldn’t wrap her head around that.

  “You’re willing to take the blame? Why?” She couldn’t understand what was happening.

  “I’ve wanted to all summer.” Jordan’s voice was barely a whisper.

  “But why? I don’t understand, Jordan. What difference does it make? Gabriel doesn’t need you to stand up for him now. He’s dead. It doesn’t matter anymore.” A little too late…the ache in her heart from missing her son intensified.

  It would never go away.

  “Gabriel didn’t bring the gun to the school because of you.” If anyone needed to share the truth, it was her.

  She’d known something about her son she’d never shared with anyone.

  “Gabe took the gun to end his own life.” Her words hung heavy, like air just before a thunderstorm. “I don’t understand what happened at the school or why he shot—” A vise grip tightened around her heart. “My son was depressed and suicidal, and his death is on me, because I should have gotten him the proper help he needed.”

  “It’s not your fault.” Charlotte reached out.

  “It is. If anyone is to blame, it’s me.” Julia had accepted that truth. All the deaths from her son’s hand…that was on her.

  She’d found his suicide note weeks afterward, hidden away in the one place he knew she’d find it.

  She hadn’t shared it with anyone. Not even Lacie. It wouldn’t change anything; it wouldn’t bring back Lacie’s son or anyone else that had died that day.

  “I’m so sorry.” There were tears now in Charlotte’s eyes as she pushed herself up from the table and wrapped her arms around Julia. “I’m so sorry.”

  Julia savored the feel of her friend’s embrace, not realizing how much she’d missed Charlotte until right this moment.

  “You have nothing to apologize for. Do you understand? I’m the one who should be—”

  “No.” Charlotte interrupted her. “We’ve both made a lot of mistakes. We all have.” She looked over her shoulder at her husband. Julia saw him give a slight nod in return. “No more apologies, okay? If we could all change the past, we would. But all we can do is move forward. Together. Strong. Okay?”

  Together? For one brief moment, Julia didn’t feel alone. Not like she had for the past three months.

  “Okay.” For the first time in a long time, Julia was able to smile.

  Bolstered with strength, Julia faced Jordan.

  “About that talk with Samantha.” A sense of rightness filled her and for a brief moment in time, her heart felt at peace. “Admitting the truth about being Gabe’s father won’t change the past.” As much as it meant to her that he was willing to do that…it was unnecessary. The focus would be taken off of what they wanted to do in Gabriel’s memory and placed on the past…something no one in Stillwater needed.

  “I don’t understand.” Jordan’s brow creased.

  “Use it to change the future instead.” With that, Julia laid out her own thoughts and feelings on the idea Jordan had presented to her a few days ago.

  An idea that would change lives.

  16

  Charlotte stood at her bedroom window and watched as fat droplets of rain fell from the dark clouds above. Buster was hiding, burrowed beneath a mound of towels as thunder rolled through. Jordan had just placed a few more warm towels over the dog and was now rubbing his back.

  “He didn’t used to be like this with storms, did he?” he said absently.

  Charlotte shook her head. “No. Not sure why he doesn’t like them now, but at least the warm towels help.” Personally she loved the storms that rolled in over the bay.

  Jordan left the bed to stand beside her. With his arm around her waist, Charlotte leaned on him.

  “We haven’t talked about the renovation idea or moving into the Umber house in a bit.” She looked up at him. “I think we should do it. As soon as we can.”

  His eyes lit up. “You’re sure? I can let Scott know and then we can meet with a contractor to get things started.”

  “I’m sure.” It seemed like so long ago when Jordan first brought it up, but if they were going to do it, they needed to start seriously thinking about it. Besides, they needed something in their life that had nothing to do with what they were doing for others—renovating their home was all about them and their needs.

  She accepted Jordan’s kiss before relaxing against him again to watch the storm.

  They’d talked with Julia last night about the interview with Samantha. Jordan remained adamant that he do what he could to alleviate the stress and focus from of Julia and Gabe.

  Jordan wanted to create a foundation to help youth with mental health issues in Gabe’s memory.

  His mistakes in not accepting Gabe as his own, the negative impact he had on Gabe’s life, and the conversation he’d had with his son at the school, it was Julia who finally made him realize it wouldn’t matter, that he could admit to it, tell the world…but all it would do was absolve him.

  He could never truly make up for his actions. But he could make a difference.

  Having Julia at his side, as Gabriel’s mother, it would hopefully send a message to other parents…that they aren’t alone.

  Charlotte wanted to help. She wanted to stand beside her husband as well, but she realized last night, as she stared up at the popcorn ceiling she detested so much, this was Jordan’s journey to take…not hers.

  In fact, if anyone was to be there to make a difference, it should be Julia.

  Surprisingly, Charlotte was okay with that. She would be there to lend a hand, to support as needed…but this wasn’t her cause. It wasn’t her crusade. It wasn’t her atonement.

  “I know nothing about starting up a charity,” he muttered.

  “So you’ll learn. Today is the first step, mentioning it to Samantha and getting her on board. Take it one step at a time and figure it out as we go. Sheila’s already creating a list of people for us to contact for support and help.”

  Sheila loved the idea, and thanks to the responders who had come to their town following the shooting, she already had a file of charities and foundations they could contact if needed.

  Jordan’s arm dropped from her waist and he crossed the room to head downstairs. “I’ll put some coffee on.”

  She sat down on the bed after he’d left and reached out to scratch Buster behind the ears.

  Letting go and losing control would be a hard pill for Charlotte to swall
ow, and yet she had a feeling things wouldn’t unravel as she thought they would.

  The doorbell rang.

  Charlotte sat there for a moment longer, eyes closed, hands on her lap, and breathed in deep.

  They would survive.

  They would be stronger.

  They would heal.

  “Charlotte? Samantha’s here, along with…” Jordan’s voice faded as he called up the stairs.

  Who else was here? She strode out of the room and headed downstairs, where Anne Marie, Gina, and even Doris stood huddled together in the doorway as they peeled off their jackets and set their umbrellas down in the stand.

  “Lacie spoke to Julia. She called Anne Marie, who called Gina who in turn called me. Although,” her gaze narrowed, “my daughter should have been the one to call me.” She harrumphed as she handed the pie she held to Jordan.

  “I’m lost.” Charlotte turned from Jordan to her mother to Anne Marie. “Why are you here?”

  “Lacie told me about Julia’s idea, about the talk you all had last night. About the role Jordan plans on taking…,” she gave them both a soft smile, “well, it’s a roll we all need to take on. We’re all responsible.”

  “Responsible?” Charlotte’s brows knitted together. “I’m lost.”

  Anne Marie linked her arms through Charlotte’s and pulled her to the side.

  “We’re here to accept responsibility for Gabe. It takes a village to raise a child, and this village let that boy down by not seeing he needed help. We want to be part of the solution and we want to make sure the story gets told the right way.” She nodded her head towards Samantha who stood off to the side, alone.

  Samantha rolled her eyes, obviously listening in. “I told them I’m here as a friend, but they don’t seem to believe me.”

  “You’ve got a good heart, girl, but you’re still a journalist.” Anne Marie frowned for a moment before she in turn gave Charlotte a hug. “We’re here to support Jordan as well. This is a heavy burden to carry. It’s time we all stop turning a blind eye. Our children are important to us, and it’s time we start focusing more on their well-being rather than insisting they act however we deem appropriate.”