When Stars Are Bright

by Amber R. Duell

  Nik lets his lashes flutter shut and takes a few long breaths. “Where is Walter now?”

  “The police took him.” I lay my head back down on the bed beside his hip. “I told them everything about the kidnapping and the troupe.”Almost everything. I didn’t mention Nik’s history, the blackmail, or the magic.

  “Good.” His body relaxes. “That’s good.”

  I’m not sure how good it is. The detective told me I shouldn’t leave town before Walter’s hearing but if I have to, I should be available to travel back. They need my testimony to go to trial. I have no intention of staying here and I definitely don’t want to come back. Ever. But that’s a problem for another day. Christian’s appearance has changed things. I want to leave everything behind which may be cowardly but it is what it is. I’m tired. I hope Nik wants to leave New York behind too because it isn’t likely Walter will keep the robbery to himself after everything that happened. And we have to take his magic into consideration. Can a prison hold him?

  “So.” Nik cracks one eye open. “That was Christian?”

  “Yes.” A heaviness tugs at my core. Exhaustion and confusion. For whatever flaws Christian has, he came for me in the end. If he hadn’t, I’d likely be dead or on a train back to New York with a gun to my head. He deserves a chance to explain his engagement and why he didn’t come sooner.

  “I’m glad for you,” Nik says.

  My body tenses. I’m glad too, but I’m not sure if I should be until I talk to Christian. “Don’t push me out the door just yet,” I say. “I’m not leaving until I know you’re going to be all right.”

  He flips his hand over to meet my grip. “I’m fine, Canary. Get out of here and forget about me. Start your life again.”

  “Forget about you?” The air whooshes from my lungs. “I’ll never be able to do that.”

  His smile is faint.

  “I’m not going to abandon you in the hospital. End of story. You don’t know anyone here, and what if the police come back to arrest you? I’m not leaving until you do and there’s nothing you can do about it.” I cross my arms and glare at him.

  “So tough,” he jokes.

  The girl I was before is dead. The world looks different—bleaker—now, but somehow I feel stronger for it. I can’t find the words to make him believe it; I barely believe it myself but I am tougher now. I remember the desperation and the despair of the few months, but not in a tangible way. It’s like looking at a photo of someone else. All the horrible feelings are still inside, but they’ve gone through a filter. Or maybe I’m still partially numb from shock.

  “Miss?” A nurse in a white dress and matching cap touches my shoulder. She extends a towel and smiles. “The doctor will be by shortly to examine him. Maybe you’d like to wash up and wait with your friend?”

  “I...”

  “We’ll take good care of him,” she assures me. “I’ll even sit with him for awhile if you’d like. I have the time.” There are only two other patients in the room and a dozen empty beds identical to Nik’s line the wall.

  “Go on. Talk to Christian,” Nik urges.

  “But…”

  He taps the IV line running to his good arm. “I’m not going anywhere, Canary. Cross my heart.”

  I know he’ll be okay but I don’t want to leave him, not even for Christian. I’m too afraid Chamberlain will send someone to finish what Walter started. Too afraid that, if I ever stop looking at him, I’ll never see him again and the thought makes me sick.

  The nurse gently helps me off the stool and places the towel in my arms. I shuffle toward the end of the bed, my gaze never leaving him.

  “Get out of here. You’ve been waiting long enough for him.” He closes his eyes. “I’ll see you later.”

  I wince. The conversation with Christian won’t be easy. I don’t know what he knows or where to start. What to say… “I’ll be back. Don’t move him,” I tell the nurse.

  She pats my arm and turns her attention to Nik’s bandage. “How are you feeling?”

  I turn away and hurry to the nearest bathroom.

  Goodness, I look awful. No wonder Nik didn’t want to look at me anymore. My hair is a twisted rat’s nest. The tears left clean streaks down my dusty face. I set to work scrubbing the layer of gray from my cheeks, then turn to the dried blood on my arms. The sink runs red with it. There’s nothing to be done about the stains on my dress but at least it doesn’t look like I just went through what I did.

  I glance at myself again, a far cry from the girl Christian knew, and vomit into the sink. He claimed to love a happy, energetic girl but that’s not me anymore. If I was a bad choice for him before, I’m a hopeless choice now. His parents will never approve, even if I want them to, and I’m not sure I do. Going home is one thing, but going home and pretending like nothing changed is another. Everything is different.

  Sighing, I head back to the waiting room where the police left me—a long hallway off the side entrance with brick flooring and dark u-shaped chairs. Assuming Christian hasn’t wandered off he should be nearby. I round the corner and stop in my tracks.

  He’s slumped over his knees at the edge of a bench. His fingers disappear into messy bronze hair. A small cut on his cheekbone is already bruising. I watch him from a distance, my heart sputtering in my chest. I’ve never felt so awkward near him before, but I can’t stand here staring all day. I move slowly closer.

  At the sound of my footsteps, he looks up, saying nothing.

  “Hallo.” I break the silence in Dutch. It feels strange on my tongue even after such a short amount of time.

  Christian pushes silently to his feet. He tosses his dinner jacket aside and with two steps, his arms are around me. I’m held against him so hard my lungs struggle for air but I don’t care. I remember the feel of him exactly. The light hint of mint leaves mixes with sweat and if I close my eyes, it’s like we’re on one of our dates. But the feeling doesn’t last longer than it takes to think it. He’s engaged to someone else now.

  “I thought I’d never see you again.” His voice is muffled against my hair.

  I clutch at his wrinkled shirt and, before I can stop them, sobs wrack my body. I lean into him, fighting to inhale. All my feelings for him, the good and the bad, seep out in the form of tears. I thought the well dried up when I sat with Nik but it feels like a bottomless pit again. I want to tell him I’d given up hope of seeing him too but the words don’t come. I can’t tell him how much his betrayal hurts. I want to enjoy him—us—for a moment first. Just one.

  “Let’s get out of here,” he whispers.

  For every bit of me that wants to stay, I equally want to escape the curious onlookers in the hall. I cling to his hand and follow him outside. I need answers, and more importantly, I need to feel safe again. I want Christian to hold me, protect me, and give me a taste of home, even if it’s for a few minutes.

  “The detective told me there’s a hotel a few blocks this way,” he says.

  I let him lead me down the sidewalk, silent tears running down my face. It isn’t until he’s secured a room and we’re inside that the tears stop for a second time today. I’m sure I look even more wretched now than I had in the hospital bathroom but I only care Christian’s here in front of me. Nik haunts the back of my thoughts, lingering just out of reach. He’s in safe hands where he is and, right now, I have to sort things out for myself.

  “Do you need anything? Are you hurt?” He holds me at arm’s length and scans my body. His thumbs rub against my upper arms, sending chills skittering toward my elbow. “If anyone hurt you…”

  “No.” I use my palms to wipe the moisture from my cheeks. “I’m not hurt. Not really. You came in before Walter could do anything.”

  “I don’t mean this morning. Were you hurt at all by that man or anyone else?” he asks in a choked voice.

  There’s being shoved in a trunk, the chloroform, and the ropes tying me to the bed frame. A single punch after my second escape attempt, but no one’s laid a
finger on me since I arrived. The slap I received from Augustine isn’t significant enough to worry him over. The biggest weapon of choice was manipulation. I consider myself lucky, given the situation. Things could’ve been much worse. There were even moments I was happy.

  “Do you remember Walter? From the dance?” I ask, ignoring his question.

  “From the dance?” His face darkens as he thinks back. “The man in the barn? That was him? How did he find you? I didn’t see a car behind us on the way to your house.”

  How could I tell him the truth? That magic is real and Walter can transmit. There’s no other way he could’ve followed us.

  Christian’s brown eyes take me in from head to toe, not missing a single inch, and he skims his hand over my arms, my neck, my cheeks. “God, Lina. I was so worried. I didn’t know what to think. You broke things off with me then vanished. I knocked on your door only minutes after you got out of the car to beg you for another chance. You didn’t answer and I couldn’t see you through the window so I figured you ran out the back. I planned to give you a little time to think before trying again, but your mother practically knocked down my front door the next morning.

  “She said you were missing and thought I had something to do with your disappearance. The police looked everywhere for days. I couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t eat. I swear, every time someone walked into the room, I thought they were going to tell me you were dead. I felt dead myself.” He crushes me to him again. “I’m never letting you out of my sight again.”

  He knew I was gone so soon after it happened and still it took him this long to come. It shouldn’t have been such a hard decision for him. “You were so worried about me that you got engaged to Cornelia Jonckheer?”

  He pushes me back and takes my face in his hands. “I what?”

  “Your mother told me.” My voice is harder than I intend, but he doesn’t deserve to be let off easily. “You were at your engagement party when I called.”

  “You talked to my mother?” His eyes nearly pop from his head. “My mother told you I was engaged to someone else?”

  “Did you get my letters?”

  Patches of red rise on Christian’s face and he draws deep, angry breaths through his mouth. “I swear, if I had, I would’ve been on the next plane to bring you back. You know I would. My mother never told me you called.”

  “Okay.” I’m too tired to argue. Whether his mother hid them or Augustine never sent them, I’m grateful he showed up when he did. It doesn’t change the fact that he didn’t deny the engagement. I brush his hands away from my cheeks. “I’m going to take a nap.”

  “Lina, wait.” He catches my hand. “I’m not engaged to Cornelia or anyone else. I don’t know why my mother told you that. There wasn’t a day that went by that I wasn’t out looking for you.”

  My heart jumps. Not engaged. A new wave of tears burn at my eyes but I will them away. I know why she told me that—to keep me out of the way. How convenient for her that I disappeared after her husband tried to pay me off, but I never realized they hated me so much as to abandon me to the world. Even my mother wouldn’t have suspected it of anyone.

  “Your mother…” He studies me hesitantly. “She told me. About you.”

  He can’t mean about the magic—my mother never said a word to me about it so why would she tell him? “About me?”

  “Being a Symric,” he whispers. He watches my face as he says the word, waiting for my reaction. I press my lips together and my chin trembles, but I say nothing. He’s giving nothing away to tell me how he feels about it either. Not even surprise.

  “How is she?” I ask instead. When I get home, I’ll figure out the truth. My truth. “My mother, I mean.”

  “She took it hard. I checked in on her every day. Sometimes twice. She had enough energy to toss a shoe at my head some days, but others she wouldn’t even roll over to look at me.”

  My chest aches, and I bury my face in his shirt. “I don’t know anything anymore,” I say quietly, my words hollow. “I thought you were finished with me. That my mother was right and I wasn’t anything to you.” I hiccup. “I thought you left me here.”

  He tips my chin up. “You can’t think that. Not really,” he pleads. “You couldn’t believe that I would…”

  The hurt on his face makes me want to deny it, to tell him I never believed it, but I did. Any hope of him coming to the rescue dwindled away with each passing day until it was crushed completely. In the end, I had to choose between wasting away, waiting for someone I knew would never come, and getting as far away as possible with Nik. I chose the latter. I had to if I wanted to stay sane. Stay free.

  “If you didn’t get my address from my letter, how did you find me?”

  “The...” He drags a hand over his mouth, looking away. “A sailor wrote home about a girl matching your description. He said you tried to jump overboard and your brother was taking you to New York for medical treatment, but it didn’t set right with him. His mother saw the image of you I put in the paper and let the police know. I hired a private investigator the same day. It didn’t take long for him to find you with your name being on a theater bill. I chartered a plane the second I got his telegram to come get you.”

  “Oh.”

  All the doubts I had peel away, one layer at a time, until I know with the same certainty as before that he loves me. No amount of suspicion whispered to me else will ever take root again. I’m a fool to have ever believed it, even under the circumstances. I know Christian and I know how he feels about me. He can’t understand the changes forced on me but for this one night, I’ll be selfish. I’ll pretend I’m the same for a small taste of what we had.

  I stretch up on my toes, pulling him down to meet my lips. The world explodes around us and I lose myself in it. Totally and completely. We belong to each other, just as we did before.

  “Wait.” Christian breaks away. His chest heaves and his cheeks are flushed, but he hesitates as he touches me. “There was a message waiting for me when the plane landed, telling me you were at Grand Central. The detective followed you there. I know I should’ve made myself known right away, but I had to see...”

  “See what?” I murmur, eager to get back to kissing. To forgetting.

  His gaze darts away. “You looked so close on the platform. His arm was around you and...”

  My face falls. I knew someone had been watching but never would’ve guessed it was Christian. If only I searched the faces instead of Nik, Walter never would’ve been able to get to us. “You were watching us?”

  He swallows. “I’m sorry. I know it’s wrong, but you were leaning into him and I didn’t know what to do. It felt like I was losing you all over again, and I had to be sure.”

  “Sure about what?” I ask.

  “That you weren’t with him. That you hadn’t forgotten me and moved on,” he chokes out.

  “Christian—”

  “I’m sorry. It was wrong of me to spy on you like that, but, God, Lina. It hurt so much. And... and I still don’t know so please just tell me. Are you with him?”

  “With Nik?” I lean back. Why do people keep implying Nik and I are together? Because they have eyes. I shake the idea out of my head. It’s not like that, even if it looks like it. “He was the first person to believe I was kidnapped and not insane. He helped me convince Augustine I was telling the truth, which led to my having a safe place to stay. He helped me create an act for the show, which was supposed to help me earn money to get home. Knowing I’d never see a penny, he took a job smuggling alcohol so we could both leave. When I dragged him out of bed to run away before Chamberlain could force me to marry him, he didn’t hesitate and bought us both train tickets. We were going to find his sister in North Carolina and then he was going to help me get back to Holland. Nik’s the only person I’ve been able to rely on since I stepped foot in this country and I’ll never be able to repay him.”

  I gasp as I finish speaking. Having it all laid out together, hearing the defensiveness
in every word… Nik became more important to me than I realized. The term friend feels wrong to describe him. It’s not powerful enough but I don’t have one to replace it. None that would be appropriate anyway.

  “I’m sorry,” Christian says. He presses his forehead to mine. “I shouldn’t have thought that. It was stupid. You’ve been through so much and now here I am, accusing you. Can you forgive me?”

  I kiss him again, sweeter this time now the desperation is gone. He relaxes into me, satisfied it was a misunderstanding, but I can’t shake the tension. Confusion settles over me like a thin veil. Is this wrong? To love Christian but feel so connected to another man? It feels wrong, like a betrayal to them both.

  “I love you,” Christian murmurs against my mouth.

  I wrap my arms tightly around his neck, throwing myself into the kiss. I’ll worry about right and wrong in the morning.

  I hover beside Nik as he makes his way down the gray hospital steps. Less than twenty-four hours under a physician’s care can’t be enough time for a gunshot. The hospital staff doesn’t think so either, but we can’t risk staying longer and having the authorities coming for him.

  “Are you sure you’re well enough for this?” I ask.

  “There isn’t much choice.” His wounded arm is wrapped tightly against his abdomen with white cloth and each step is painfully slow, but it doesn’t stop a smirk from playing across his face. “Don’t worry. I know my limits.”

  “I have to disagree.”

  He laughs. “I’m just walking to the car.”

  I glance at Christian where he waits beside a brown Mercedes Benz with a soft top and long hood. Apparently his father keeps it stored here for business trips. My mother will have a stroke if she ever learns I slept in the same room with him, regardless of the fact nothing happened and we had separate beds. I simply wanted him close by. I’ll gladly take any lecture she wants to give me about it.