When the Side Nigga Catch Feelings 1

by Jessica N Watkins

  “You a’ight?” I stood in front of her, examining her. She tried to smile through her pain, but that didn’t work. I could see the sadness all over her brown face.

  “Yeah, baby. I’m good.” She stood up, hugged me real quick, and then kissed me on the cheek. “How you doin’? What’s going on?”

  “Ma, stop playing,” I said, ignoring her bogus attempts to front.

  “I’m okay,” she insisted.

  When I rolled my eyes, they caught a glimpse of a watch sitting on the accent table next to the couch. I recognized that watch. It was the same watch that my father had had on at my welcome home party.” I had eyed it the whole time he chopped it up with me because I wondered how much he had spent on it.

  I looked at my mother with eyes narrowed into slits. “My father been over here?”

  She had the nerve to look at me like I was the one full of shit. “No. Why would you—”

  She stopped when I flew towards the accent table, scooped up the watch, and held it up. She cringed with guilt.

  “So, he ain’t been here?” I asked.

  Her shoulders slumped in defeat.

  I didn't mean to look at my mother the way I did, but she was acting like a little-ass girl. I knew that she had still been after my father over these years. Before he married Heaven, I caught my mother lying about coming to Chicago and being with him a few times. It blew me how she was so in love with him that she didn't give a fuck if he was being a father to me or not. As long as he was dicking her down, she was cool. I was grown now, so it was no sweat off my back. But she was still that immature little girl with a crush on a man who didn’t want her.

  “You fucking with him again?” I asked. “Don’t tell me you willing to be his side bitch after he chose another woman over you.”

  “No,” she insisted. “I haven’t slept with your daddy in years, Mello.”

  “Then why you gotta lie about him being here?”

  “Because I know you don’t particularly care for your father.”

  “I got a right not to care about his ass!” I snapped. I hated when she took up for him.

  “Well, we have been in each other’s lives for years. We’re friends. And he came over here to talk to me about Heaven.”

  I froze. Just hearing her name did something to me. Even after she had turned her back on me after I took that chance, I still felt like a bitch when I heard her name.

  “Heaven?” I asked. “What about her?”

  “He…he…” She shook her head. “Never mind.”

  I stepped closer and pressed, “Tell me.”

  “No. You and Heaven are friends. I don’t want you repeating anything.”

  “Mama,” I growled. “I won’t say anything. You’re my friend first.” She was. We had practically grown up together. She was the homie.

  She sighed. I could see the reluctance in her eyes as she told me, “He thinks she’s cheating on him.”

  I sent a prayer to the Man Upstairs, begging Him to not let my mother see the guilt on my face. “Why?”

  “Because she’s been at home acting up, getting outside her body, and shit like that.”

  Umph. I guessed I wasn’t the only one Heaven was tripping on. I forced myself not to think too long about her, though. I had to move on from shorty. She wasn’t giving me a choice.

  “Well, why you have to lie about that?”

  She shrugged and put her hand lovingly on my shoulder. “Because, sweetie, I know how you get about your father.”

  “Because he’s selfish than a motherfucker. All he thinks about is himself. He don’t fuck with me and he don’t fuck with you. He’s using you. He’s stashing his guns and shit over here. You could go to jail, Mama…you, not him. He’s not stashing his shit at his crib where he lays his head, where his family at, is he? Now, he wanna run over here when he needs someone to talk to? Fuck him. That ain’t no friend, Mama.”

  “Okay, sweetie.”

  I shook my head, but I didn’t say anything else because I knew that what I was saying was going in one ear and out of the other. When it came to talking to my mother about Ross, she was a child and I was an adult. But I guess I couldn't blame her. Clearly, he was good at what he did. Maybe instead of hating my father, I needed to try to be more like him, because, by the looks of it, he was winning.

  I chopped it up with my mama for like an hour before I jetted. I barely remembered the conversation we had while I was there checking up on her. Hearing Heaven’s name had me right back where I was a week ago when I decided to leave her alone.

  My mind had been so consumed with Heaven that I finally took this chick, Diamond, up on all of her thirsty-ass advances and hung out with her. Between Heaven ignoring me and Teyanna blowing my phone up trying to get me back, I needed to take my mind off of the bullshit. Diamond was a great distraction. I had met her at the shop when Mo was cutting her son’s hair. I had never really given her any play because I was with Teyanna at the time. But after Heaven continued to dodge my calls and texts, I hung out with her that day that I showed up at my pops crib with her.

  Yeah, that was petty for me to do, but I was being petty on purpose. It pissed me the fuck off that after telling that girl what she meant to me that she went ghost on me. Did I expect her to leave her husband after one day and some dick? Fuck no. But I did expect her to be the friend that she had always been by at least acknowledging me. And when she didn’t, that killed my ego. I felt the need to show her that I wasn’t fazed, even though I most definitely was… even though I continued to lick my lips besides having washed my face countless times, just hoping that the taste of her pussy was still there so I could remember how sweet that motherfucker was.

  That bullshit move had been a fail, though. I still hadn’t gotten a reaction from Heaven, so I was done chasing her ass. I was now feeling like I had fucked up. Before, when I was crushing on her from afar, at least she was in my life. But now that I had finally fulfilled my fantasy, she was gone.

  “Uuuuh, fuuuuck! Yes, Mello! Shit! Give me that dick.”

  I looked down on Diamond as her face contorted into ugly expressions as she forced herself to take all of this dick. She was a fucking champ too. I was pissed at myself for ruining what Heaven and I had, so I was taking my frustrations out all on that pussy, and she was letting me.

  Since the day we’d hung out, Diamond had been on my dick, thinking she had her one. But after Teyanna and Heaven, I wasn’t ‘bout falling for nan nother bitch. Now, I was wearing my heart on my sleeve and these bitches were tank tops.

  16

  Treasure

  When I was leaving Damo’s house that day, I had a right to be scared. He wasn’t trying to take no for an answer. The moment I got in my car and peeled off, he started blowing my phone up to the point that I had to turn it off when I was around Vegas. He was sending me text message after text message, asking was I seriously done with him. The things that he was saying were scaring me even more. He was acting as if what he and I had been doing for the last couple of months was a real thing to him, not just the fun that it was supposed to have been.

  And then a few days later, on a Wednesday morning, I woke up and could’ve sworn I heard Damo’s voice in my house.

  I lay in bed completely still on my back staring up at the ceiling, making sure not to make a noise. I wanted to be sure that I was hearing what I thought I had in my sleep.

  “Man, I swear to God.”

  I sat straight up as I gasped. I jumped out of the bed, cursing, “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

  Since Damo and Vegas were friends, he had been in my house a few times. But he had been acting so erratic that I didn’t trust him being here now.

  I ran towards the basket in the corner. I dug inside, throwing clothes everywhere until I found something I could throw on. Finally, I came across some joggers and one of Vegas’ white tees. I threw them on and sprinted out of the bedroom door. Once in the hallway, I slowed down, took a deep breath and tried to appear as calm as I could a
s I strolled into the dining room. Damo was sitting comfortably at my dining room table, rolling a blunt.

  Sitting across from him, Vegas looked up at me with his gorgeous smile. “Morning, babe.”

  I looked at him and tried to make my smile look genuine. Not for him, but for Damo’s petty ass. “Morning.”

  Then Damo had the nerve to smile at me behind Vegas’ back. “Morning, babe,” he had the nerve to say.

  I immediately cut my eyes at Damo just as Vegas looked at him, laughing. “This motherfucka funny.”

  I forced myself to smile as I walked towards the dining room table. “Yeah, you full jokes this morning, Damo. What you doin’ over here so early?”

  “Came to smoke a blunt with my homie. You gon’ cook us breakfast?” I hated the way he was looking at me. He was doing the most. Before, he would have never been looking at me like this with Vegas in the room. Now, he was smiling, licking his lips, and playing games.

  Vegas didn’t peep anything, however. “Yeah, baby, what’s up with some pancakes and salmon croquettes?”

  I looked at Vegas and smiled. “I got you, baby.”

  And Damo kept on fucking with me. “What about me?”

  “She got you too, fool,” Vegas replied while scrolling through his phone.

  “Aye, man, you lucky as hell to have a woman like Treasure.”

  Vegas looked at Damo and then at me with a loving smile that made the guilt gnaw at me from the inside out.

  “Yeah, I know,” Vegas said as he gazed lovingly at me.

  “You got a real one, dawg.”

  Now, Vegas was looking suspiciously at Damo as Damo stared at me. I suddenly felt really faint. The longer Vegas watched Damo stare at me, the fainter I felt. It felt like the time crawling by was hours, but it was probably only seconds before Damo broke our eye contact and looked at Vegas.

  When he then said, “Bitches ain’t shit, man,” in this suddenly serious and dry tone, I felt the world moving under my feet.

  Vegas’ eyes squinted with curiosity. “Why you say that?”

  I couldn't stand there and listen to Damo’s reply. “Uhh, babe,” I said to Vegas before Damo could answer him. “Let me go brush my teeth and what not before I start breakfast.”

  The guilt and shame made me turn around and head back to the bedroom before Vegas could even respond. I scurried down the hallway. As soon as I got inside of my bedroom, it felt like God had returned my air supply. I could finally breathe. I took big, long breathes as I bent down and rested my hands on my knees. I was breathing so loud that I could hardly hear what was being said in the dining room. All I could hear were the deep rumbles of Damo and Vegas’ voices underneath the deathly afraid thoughts in my head that were as loud as thunder. I couldn’t think. Despite feeling the air in my lungs, I felt like I was suffocating.

  “Treasure…”

  I jumped out of my skin, spinning around to face the doorway. When I saw Damo’s face, I raced towards him and started swinging on him. He was easily able to grab me, holding my arms in a tight grip. I couldn’t move as he walked me into the room.

  “Stop playin’ with me,” he threatened lowly in my ear.

  “Where is Vegas? What did you say to him?” I asked frantically.

  “I didn’t say shit. He went to the car to get his weed.” He saw my relief and laughed like he was watching All Def Comedy Jam. “I told him I was talking about some bitch I was fucking with that wasn’t shit. Didn’t bother to tell him that it was you.”

  My eyes narrowed at him, but before I could say anything, he walked out. I felt the urge to chase after him and curse his crazy ass out, but I soon heard the chirp of our alarm, indicating that Vegas had returned.

  Heaven

  “Ooooh, Goooood.” I moaned as I held my stomach and rocked back and forth slowly in the bed.

  I could feel the cold towel that Treasure was pressing against my forehead.

  “Thank you, friend,” I managed to say through the sharp pains shooting through my stomach.

  “It’s okay,” she assured me. “I was happy to get the hell out of my house. Damo was over there.”

  The nausea and dizziness were so strong that I just knew I was dying. But I still managed to cut my eyes at Treasure.

  “I know, right?” she asked. “I told you he been on bullshit ever since I stopped messing with him. I fucked up with that one, girl. I was sexing him too long. Now, he thinks he owns the pussy for real. I was supposed to stick and move—”

  “Urrrgh.” Just then, I felt a sudden wave of nausea come over me. I groaned, interrupting Treasure’s venting.

  Treasure eyes suddenly filled with so much sympathy. She started to dab the cold towel on my forehead as I tried my best to keep myself from throwing up. At this point, it hurt to throw up because I had been doing it so much and there was nothing left in my stomach to come up. It had now gotten to the point that I was just gagging violently.

  “I’m sorry, friend,” Treasure comforted me as she dabbed my forehead. “I’m over here talking about his dumb-ass while you feel like crap. You don’t wanna hear about my bullshit.”

  I went to shake my head to stop her, but then stopped because even head movements made my stomach swim. “It’s okay. I wanna hear about it. I’ve been in this bed bored as hell for days because I can’t move without having to throw up.”

  “Did Sunshine give you a virus or something?”

  I swallowed slowly. My throat was so dry that it felt thick and like sandpaper. “No, she isn’t sick. I think I got alcohol poisoning or some shit. I’ve been like this since I woke up three days ago.”

  “That day you and Ross were fighting?”

  “Yeah. He came in that day really apologetic. I never saw him so sincerely sorry before.”

  Treasure’s eyes rolled to the ceiling. “And you believed that shit?” she asked me.

  “I don’t know,” I mumbled and continued, weakly, “But I stopped arguing with him when he told me that Charles’ wife died.”

  Treasure removed the towel and looked at me with disbelief. “His homeboy from school?”

  “Yeah.”

  She sighed. “Damn. For real?”

  “Yeah. It fucked Ross’ head up. So, we drank the whole night. I haven't been feeling right ever since. Now, I’m dying.”

  Treasure chuckled. “You are not dying, girl.”

  Groaning, I whined, “I feel like I am.”

  Then Treasure looked at me skeptically. “Are you knocked up too?”

  “Hell no.”

  “You know that shit comes in threes.”

  “And?” I asked, immediately dismissing her. “I’m not pregnant.”

  “Well, lucky for you, I brought a test over here with me to make sure.”

  “Lucky for me? I’m not the one who thinks I’m pregnant!”

  She sucked her teeth as she sat up on the bed and bent down on the floor. I could then hear her going through her purse. Then there was suddenly a Clear Blue Easy box in my face.

  My eyebrow rose. That was the only movement that I could make without feeling sick to my stomach. “You just walk around with that?”

  “Nah. I stopped at the drugstore on the way over here since you said you’ve been so nauseous.” My eyes rolled as she asked me, “Can you make it to the bathroom?”

  “Fuck no. But you can use the bedpan under the bed.”

  She was repulsed, with her dramatic ass. “Ewwwww!”

  “What? I haven’t been able to move in days.”

  Treasure laughed and shook her head as she opened the box. As she took the test out, I started to think how ridiculous she was being. Pregnancy never entered my mind because Ross and I had barely been having sex.

  But then…

  “Oh shit,” I mumbled.

  “What?” Treasure asked curiously.

  Treasure was too busy on the floor sticking the test into the bedpan to see my face. So, I replied, “Nothing.”

  But, on the inside, I was freaking
out! It had dawned on me that Mello and I had had unprotected sex. This was the last thing I needed; for me and my sister to be in the fucking abortion clinic. I was already having a hard time trying to figure out how to sneak Divine in for her appointment without Ross finding out. How the fuck was I going to make it there? Because I couldn't shoot the dice and have a baby that was possibly by him or his son! Just thinking about it was making my stomach turn more than it had been for the last three days. I was really sick now.

  “Okay,” Treasure said as she stood upright looking at the test. “It should tell us any minute now.”

  I wanted to disappear. I couldn't even hide how anxious I was. I sat there biting my lip. Looking at the ceiling, I could feel Treasure looking at me.

  For the past few days, I had been so sick that I really couldn't do anything but lie in bed, watch TV, and look at my phone. Of course, I was all over Mello’s social media, watching him kick it and live life as if he hadn’t turned my world upside down. He was out on the streets with Diamond and his friends, kicking it while he had possibly just completely ruined everything for me. He’d claimed he was feeling me, but he couldn't have been feeling me that much if he had disappeared so easily. Yeah, I hadn’t been answering his calls at first, but considering the circumstances, I thought he would’ve understood.

  I guess those feelings he’d had, had suddenly disappeared. I had to stop calling since he had me on the block list. In the back of my mind, I hoped that he would show up at some point. I missed my friend and I wanted to him back, but I definitely didn't want him to be my baby's daddy.

  “It’s negative.”

  Man, I felt so relieved that I damn near didn’t feel how sick I was anymore.

  “Thank God,” I sighed out loud.

  It was so quiet in the room that I looked over at Treasure, who was staring at me curiously.

  “What?” I asked her. “Why are you looking at me like that?”