When the Side Nigga Catch Feelings 1

by Jessica N Watkins

  She didn’t answer. She just looked at me with this weird glare on her face.

  “What?” I pressed.

  “Why are you so relieved?” she asked.

  I frowned. Damn. I didn't know she had peeped that. “Huh?”

  She leaned against the dresser and folded her arms. “What would be the big deal if you were pregnant by your husband?”

  “Because, Treasure…” I paused. I was considering lying to my best friend or finally telling her the truth and getting this off of my chest. I was tired of talking to myself about this anyway.

  Fuck it, I thought. Then I admitted, “Because, if I was pregnant, it might not have been Ross’ baby.”

  The look on Treasure’s face was fucking priceless. If I could have taken a picture so I could’ve laughed at that shit later when I had the strength, I would have.

  “Biiiiiiiitch,” she sang as she slid dramatically towards the bed. She kneeled down on the floor next to me and stared at me with wild, wide eyes. “You fucked somebody?” She was still whispering, even though Ross had crept out of the house an hour ago.

  “Yeah.”

  “When? Who? What the fuck, bitch? Why didn't you tell me you were feeling somebody?”

  My eyes narrowed at her as I held the cold towel on my head myself now. “Did you tell me about Damo?”

  She waved her hand. “That’s different. I’ve been a hoe. That’s nothing new. You’ve never been a hoe, though, and you most definitely ain’t neva stepped out on Ross. Bitch, we besties! And you ain’t tell me?”

  I pouted. “I was ashamed.”

  “Why? Fuck Ross! You ain’t got shit to be ashamed of. You should have been stepped out on his ass. No wonder you started fighting his ass back. You must have gotten dick whipped.” Before I could even say anything, her eyes got even bigger. “Oooh! You did get dick whipped! Who is he?” Every time I opened my mouth, she kept rambling, “Where you meet him at? What’s his name? He got some friends? Wait. No, I need to put this pussy up. She has been making wrong decisions lately—”

  “Treasure!” I forced out. Yelling made my stomach move, so I cringed and held it.

  Treasure’s pout sympathized with me. “Sorry. Tell me.”

  I looked at the ceiling and swallowed my embarrassment. Even that taste gave me the sudden urge to vomit.

  I heard Treasure suck her teeth. “Who—”

  “Mello,” I spit out. Then it got so eerily quiet that I got scared, thinking the bitch had passed out. I slowly turned my head, hoping that I didn’t have to peel myself out of this bed to bring her ass back to life. Instead, I saw her sprawled out on the floor, kicking and punching the air with a big-ass smile on her face.

  “Yaaaaaaaassss, bitch!” she finally let out as she jumped to her feet. “Yes!”

  “Treasure…”

  “Mello, bitch? Mello? That tall, sexy, big-dick motherfucka?” I nodded, and her smile got even bigger. “Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaassss!”

  I stared at the ceiling still. Treasure was loving this shit, but that quick pregnancy scare had just reminded me how much of a mistake Mello had been.

  She could be as happy as she wanted to be, but it was for nothing because me and Mello would and could never happen again. It was best for both of us.

  17

  Mello

  I grunted as I hit the ignore button, put my phone back in my pocket, and hit the blunt.

  Mo laughed at me as he stared into the street. The party was crackin’ on his block. It was damn near two in the morning, and people were still pulling up. This block party looked like a festival. It had to be at least five hundred people in the middle of the street getting it to DJ PJ, smoking and shit.

  “Ain’t shit funny,” I fussed after exhaling and watching as the light cloud of loud left my lungs.

  This motherfucker was still laughing as he took the blunt from me. “Man, she’s been blowing your phone up all night.”

  I didn’t even say anything. I wasn’t about to entertain him. I didn't want to talk about Diamond. She had been a straight-up stalker. Ever since she’d gotten the dick, she acted like she didn't know how to breathe without being next to me. If she wasn't calling my phone, Teyanna was. The more they called me, the more I got frustrated that I could get any bitch to be on my dick except for the one I wanted. No matter how hard I tried not to think about her, she was still on my mind. Putting my dick in Diamond hadn’t fixed a goddamn thing.

  This summer wasn't going how I had planned it at all. I had just gotten a degree. I was damn near a genius. I was supposed to be downtown at a cushy-ass job, chilling with my bitch. Instead, I was sitting around dudes that were getting more money than I was, when they hadn't even finished fucking high school. And instead of chilling with my bitch, I was in the middle of a bunch of bullshit with every piece of pussy I had been in since I touched down in Chicago.

  This was all so whack. I was starting to think that I should have stayed my ass in Florida.

  “Aye, fam,” I heard Mo say as I felt him nudge me in my side.

  “What up?” I looked over at him slowly. Mo and I were working on our third blunt. I was high as fuck and moving slow.

  Mo’s eyes were on the middle of the street. “There go yo’ baby mama.”

  His head tilted towards a sea of hundreds of people who were in the middle of the street. But I could still see my baby mama sticking out like a sore thumb with her fine ass.

  For a long time, it was easy for me to ignore how fine my baby mama was because she had been such a lying-ass bitch. At sixteen, when I found out she’d had a boyfriend the whole time she was fucking me, when I looked at her, all I saw was a hoe. Now that I had gotten over that and was much older, I could appreciate her beauty. And all the other dudes on the block were appreciating it too. She had on another pair of little shorts like her booty wasn't too big for them. She had never been my woman, but I instantly stood up, ready to go get her out of the fangs of these thirsty-ass dudes. She wasn't my girl, but she was definitely my baby mama, so motherfuckers had to respect her.

  But before I could even take a step down, shots started to ring out.

  “Shit!” I spat as I immediately ducked.

  Everything started to happen so fast. While lying on the concrete step, I peered up to see where the shots were coming from. I saw a car barreling its way up the street, despite the fact that it was full of people. Everybody was screaming while running to get out of the way as the car drove through the crowd, firing shots. It was mayhem. The screams were deafening. The gunshots sounded like thunder. The music had suddenly stopped. The block party went from the soundtrack of the Migos and Jay Z to a soundtrack that resembled a horror film.

  My eyes darted everywhere, trying to find my baby mama. Finally, I found her. She was running toward the corner. I looked back towards the car and saw the shots firing from the passenger’s side window as it came speeding down the street towards the house where I was. I jumped to my feet, jumped down the concrete steps and ducked down in the alley. I was wondering whether I should shoot the dice and run to make sure Paris got out of there. Peering over the house that I was hiding behind, I looked towards the corner and saw Paris nearing the corner. Once she disappeared around the corner, I was relieved.

  And then, just that fast, the gunshots stopped and were replaced with the sound of screeching tires. We all stood up slowly and looked around to try to measure the casualties. Bodies were laid out in the street and on the sidewalk. When we should have run to ensure our own safety, we just stayed.

  This was nothing new. This was summertime Chi. Screams started to ring out as people started to discover bodies that were laid out suffering from gunshot wounds or dead. Just that fast, things had gone from sugar to shit, but most of us had little reaction because we were used to it. We had been raised in this shit. I looked down the street and saw my baby mama jumping in her car. I didn't bother to call her because I didn't want her to come back looking for me.

  One thing was for certa
in, I definitely shouldn't have brought my ass back to Chicago. I was starting to think that I needed to go back to boring-ass Florida.

  I stood in the gangway, looking around in awe. My heart was still beating fast because it was like my life had just flashed before my eyes. Looking at this mayhem made me appreciate life and the people who were in it. I thought about my mama and then I thought about Heaven. What if I had gotten shot? What if I had died tonight? She had been in my life for two years. She didn't even know the effect she had been having on me all of this time and what she meant to me. I could have died tonight without us even speaking.

  I knew I could never have her like I wanted her. I knew the feelings I had for her would never be reciprocated. I could never give her what my father had given her. We were in a no-win situation. There was nothing I could do but try to repair our friendship. But I didn’t know what to say. So, all that I could do was text her three simple words: I miss you.

  Heaven

  The next day, I wasn’t feeling better at all. The weakness, dizziness, and vomiting wouldn’t stop. I was sure that I had to be pregnant. I was so sure that I had taken another pregnancy test that morning, but it had the same negative result.

  “Let me take you to the emergency room, Heaven,” Esperanza begged as she sat on the bed next to me. She was looking down on me as I assumed a mother would when her child was sick.

  Ross was sitting on the bed next to me as I lay on my back watching as they also looked down on me with faces that appeared to be staring down in a damn coffin.

  They are so fucking dramatic.

  “I don't feel like it,” I complained.

  I just wanted to lay there. Moving would just make it worse.

  Divine smacked her lips as she stood about fifteen feet away in my bedroom doorway holding Sunshine. I had refused to have her around me until I was better.

  “It's just the stomach flu or something,” I told them both. “I’ll be fine in a few days.”

  Esperanza scowled. “But you’re dehydrated. You haven’t drank or eaten anything in two days.”

  “I ate some of the soup Ross brought me this morning, but I got worse. I couldn’t finish it. I just want to lie down.”

  Esperanza was sucking her teeth now. “Fine, but if you aren’t better by morning, I am taking your ass to the emergency room myself. Understood?”

  Ross chuckled and shook his head at her bossy ass. I nodded, and she lightly tapped my thigh before standing up to leave. “I’m going to get you some medicine.”

  “I took some already.”

  “Yeah, it isn’t working,” Ross added.

  “Well, I’m going to figure out what will work.” She disappeared out of the doorway, and Divine followed her.

  I felt sorrier for Divine than I did for myself. The look on her face since I told her about Damo reflected how I was feeling on the inside. Too bad she had no clue that this wouldn’t be the last time she would be played by an ain’t-shit nigga. This was only the first time of many to come.

  As I felt Ross’ hand run softly over my cheek, I looked up at him. Ever since Charles’ wife died, he had been so attentive and sweet. Had I known that nutting up would make him act right, I would have done it a long time ago.

  “I gotta go make some moves, babe.” He bent down and kissed my cheek. “Call me if you need me. I’ll be back soon. I won’t be out too late.”

  I said, “Okay,” but I looked at him strangely behind his back as he got out of bed. He had been acting like the picture-perfect husband for the past two days. During the talk we had after Charles’ wife died, he made promises that he would change. It was hard to believe, considering his bullshit ways, though. However, it was like his bullshit ways had vanished just that fast. I wanted to believe that it was because he was really trying to change. But I could only hope that it was the case and wait to see if he would break bad yet again.

  In the meantime, I had been too fucking sick to even think about if I wanted to wait around to see if he would or not.

  “See you, bae. Love you,” Ross said. He looked at me while standing in the doorway, waiting for my reply. As we looked into each other’s eyes, I actually felt like I was looking at the sweet, loving Superman that I had met at the club that night three years ago.

  When he smiled, I did too. “Love you too, baby.”

  He walked out, and I lay there looking at the ceiling wondering if Mello had actually fixed my marriage. I had stood up for myself because of what he had shown me. And now, it seemed like things were better. But even though things seemed like they were better, I was still missing something. And if I were to be honest with myself, I knew that what I was missing was Mello. I wondered if his phone calls over the years had actually meant more, but I didn't see it because I was too far up Ross' ass. I wondered if Mello had actually been to me what I had been missing from my husband this whole time.

  As I looked at my phone, I realized I hadn't checked it since the night before because I had been so sick. I started to go through my notifications and saw that I had some unread text messages. My heart skipped a beat when I saw Mello’s name. I had yet to even read what the message said; just knowing that there was something there from him, fixed everything. Butterflies flew intensely through my stomach. My world smiled so big.

  But then I instantly felt so much shame because I had no business feeling this way for him.

  I opened his text message and read a simple: I miss you.

  I was shocked when tears slid out of my eyes and down my face onto the pillow that I was lying on. I couldn't believe I was crying tears of joy. I couldn't believe I felt so much relief and happiness that he had sent those words. But I was still so frustrated. Those tears were also of anger because I knew I couldn't have Mello, no matter what.

  It had been weeks since we’d slept together, and my feelings for him were only multiplying. I had wanted my friend back. But, because of the emotions swimming through me, it was obvious that our friendship would never be platonic again. And since we could never be more than friends, he could never know that I missed him too.

  Ross

  I took a deep breath and forced myself to get out of my ride. I couldn’t believe it, but I actually felt guilty for sneaking and doing this. I had been lying to Heaven for years without feeling any remorse, but now, I felt bad for going back on my word. When I told her that I was going to change and fix us, I was being genuine. Watching Charles mourn his wife and seeing that I was losing Heaven had me ready to change my ways for real. These hoes weren’t worth Heaven.

  But I didn’t know how to change. Not on my own.

  I hated keeping this from Heaven, but I was too embarrassed to tell her about this. I walked towards the building with a heavy heart, feeling like she should be the one here with me.

  18

  Heaven

  “So, is this his bitch or nah?” Treasure sat next to me at the island in the kitchen looking down at my phone, frowning just like I was.

  I sighed, shrugged, and tossed the phone down on the island. “I don’t know.”

  On the screen was a picture of Diamond and Mello that Diamond had posted on her Instagram. Leave it up to Treasure to find Diamond’s Instagram account. It’s not like Diamond and Mello weren’t booed up in the picture. It was a picture of him, her, and some other guys, whom I didn’t recognize. They appeared to be at the club from the night before. But the fact that he was still kicking it with this chick and was all out with her on social media had me feeling some type of way. This bitch was out with him probably enjoying nights out like the one he had given me while I was at home dealing with the bullshit.

  I felt the heat of jealousy rising under my skin as I stirred the grits in front of me with my fork.

  Today, I was feeling ten times better. I was still a bit weak, but the dizziness had stopped, and I was actually able to keep something down.

  “You gonna ask him?” Treasure eyed me as she stuffed her mouth with the omelet that Esperanza had made us
along with the grits. Sunshine was next to us, eating the bits of a pancake that I had cut up. She was using a fork like a big girl. My baby was growing up so fast.

  “No.”

  “Why not?” I was glad she had lowered her voice as she said, “He said he’s feeling you, and you feeling him.”

  My eyes rolled. “I never said I was feeling him.”

  “Girl, please. You think about him all the time, you miss him, and you’re jealous that this bitch keeps posting up with him on Instagram… You’re feeling him.”

  Fuck it. There was no need to deny it because she was right.

  I told her, “There isn’t a reason to ask him. What’s the point? It's not like I can be the one with him.”

  “True… But so? I know you can never really be with him. I mean, even if you do leave Ross, he would never let that happen. But that doesn’t mean that you can't fuck with him.” She ended with a slick smile.

  I shook my head, saying, “Treasure, I’m not like you.”

  She dramatically clutched her chest with her eyes bucked. “Excuse muah?!”

  I slightly rolled my eyes. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

  “I know. I know you’re not like me. You are better than me and way more committed to your man than I am… I mean, was… because I’m done being a hoe. But, anyway, you a better person than what I used to be, but in this case, you don’t have to be. Ross ain’t shit. He doesn’t deserve you.”

  I hated that she was right. The day before, when Ross left, I called him because I had actually started to feel a little bit better. I was actually hungry. I called him for a whole hour, and he didn't answer the phone. And when he finally answered, I didn't like the fucking answer that he was giving me. Just that fast, he was turning back into his regular self in just two days. Just that fast, he was back to lying to me, and he was probably back fucking the next bitch. He was also working out every day all of a sudden. He had never worked out. Not once since I had met him. Now, he was hitting the gym every day. Who the fuck was he trying to look good for? For a week, I had been eyeing him sideways. He hadn’t disappeared again since, but I still had a sick feeling he was still the same ol’, ain’t-shit-ass Ross.