To Be Your Wife

by Rae Kennedy

  Tuck and I share the tequila while Haley finds a vanilla vodka because tequila makes her gag.

  Halfway through the movie Tuck and I give up on pouring into the shot glasses and start taking swigs directly from the bottle. We slide to the floor in front of the couch. My face is hot, his arm is around my waist and I think he is watching me more than the movie.

  “Let’s dance. I feel like dancing,” I say.

  “Why are you yelling?”

  “I’m drunk. Don’t judge me.”

  “I’ll dance with you,” Haley says as she blasts music from her phone through the speakers.

  I grab the bottle of tequila by the neck, using it as a microphone as we dance and sing. I may or may not sneak a couple more sips.

  I shake my hips extra seductively for Tuck, who is still sitting on the floor, his arm resting on his bent knee, watching me with happy eyes. He takes his eyes off me for only a minute when he checks his phone. His mouth hardens briefly before he returns it to his pocket.

  I crook my finger at him, motioning him over. Haley yawns and goes to lie on the couch as Tuck gets up and comes to me. The song playing isn’t a slow one, but he slips his arm around my waist and places my arms around his neck. With our bodies pressed together, he sways with me. Forehead to forehead, we dance to our own song.

  Haley’s head has drooped to the arm of the couch, her eyes closed.

  I rest my cheek against Tuck’s chest. He smells like spice and tequila. He leans down and whispers in my ear, “I think I’ll keep you. For like, ever.”

  I stiffen and straighten to look up at him.

  “Did that scare you?” he asks, smirking. But when I don’t respond right away his smile dissolves.

  “No, I just—” My voice comes out all weird and too high.

  My mind is in an alcohol-induced fog and it takes me too long to get the words out. Long enough panic grows in Tuck’s eyes, as if he’s afraid he really is scaring me away. I never want him to look at me with uncertainty again. My heart is thumping.

  “I want that too. The ‘you keeping me’ part.”

  * * *

  “I promised you a slow fuck, didn’t I?” Tuck crawls over me on his bed.

  “Mm...yes you did.”

  I kiss his lips and he lowers his body over mine. He straddles my hips and his arms cage me in as he kisses the tip of my nose.

  “But you promised it to me yesterday,” I say.

  “Well, someone decided to get all drunk and pass out on me last night instead.”

  “I wasn’t that drunk.”

  “Sure.” He kisses my mouth again before sitting on his heels, still straddling me, and removes his shirt. I gaze over his chest and down his stomach to the trickle of hair that disappears into his shorts. He unbuttons them and pulls down the zipper. He takes off the shorts but leaves on his boxers. His cock isn’t fully erect but is already straining at the waistband, the tip barely peeking out.

  He lays back down over me, apparently not as eager to take off my clothes. We lie on his bed and make out. I enjoy the weight of him on me and the caress of his hands as they rub my arms, down my legs, over my hip, across my stomach, and under my shirt.

  Our mouths never part as he nimbly unhooks my bra. His warm fingers tease under the lacey fabric, skimming the soft flesh of my breasts and my sensitive tips, and I touch him too.

  I scrape my fingertips down the taut muscles of his back to his firm ass. I palm his erection through the front of his boxers and he tweaks a nipple. It sends a zing all the way down to my clit and I gasp.

  I slip my hand into his boxers. He’s so hard, his tip slick with pre-cum. I’m already wet and needy for him but this discovery makes me want to ravage him. But as much as he knows I like it hard and fast—I know he likes it slow. So we take our time.

  He removes my shirt and bra while I continue to stroke him. He slides down to kiss and suck on my breasts. I can’t reach his cock anymore, so I grasp at his shoulders, starting to writhe underneath him.

  His fingers tickle against my skin as he undoes my jeans and I help kick out of them. He leaves my panties on and kisses me again. We’re dry-humping in just our underwear, his hard cock rocking mercifully against my clit. I’m warm and getting wetter for him. I’m dying for him to touch me more, needing some relief from the throbbing. I rut harder against his erection so we are both panting.

  He finally slips off my panties. Too slowly. Then his fingers are between my folds, circling my clit and I moan.

  “Oh fuck, I love this pussy.”

  I buck my hips, urging him further, but just as quickly as they were there, his fingers are gone.

  He leans down and presses another soft kiss to my lips before whispering against them. “Almost as much as I love you.”

  My clit is buzzing and I try desperately to find something to press against it, but he’s too far away. I reach down to touch it myself but he gently grabs my wrist and stops me.

  “As much as I love when you do that. I’ve got you, darlin.’” He licks his lips then lowers his face between my thighs. I let out a shaky breath as he licks me in one long stroke. “Mm, so sweet.”

  But then he’s up, kneeling over me again. His mouth, his touch, gone.

  “Tuck, please...”

  He pulls his boxers down, freeing his massive cock. He grasps it tightly at the base and it lengthens in his hand—it’s beautiful, thick and veiny. He looks down at it in his hand and spits on it, spreading the wetness over his tip with his fingers. I watch greedily as he lowers it to my pussy. But instead of nudging at my entrance, the blunt head of his prick presses right against my clit.

  “Oh,” I groan.

  He guides his cock through my wetness and back to circle over my little bundle of nerves.

  “There it is,” he says with a smile. “I love when your pretty pink clit comes out to see me. Can you feel it?” He continues pleasuring my pussy with his dick. “Can you feel how big and hard your little clit is getting?”

  “Yes,” I pant. “I’m gonna...oh god...I’m coming.”

  In a second his lips are on my clit, sucking it off through my orgasm. I come so strong I hardly even register he’s slid two fingers in my pussy and one in my butt.

  He sits up and watches me, removing his fingers then sliding the two that were in my pussy into my ass. They’re slippery and warm and I wiggle against them, coaxing them deeper.

  “Is that what you want?” I ask.

  He looks at me curiously. “What?”

  “In my ass?”

  He’s caught off-guard but then smiles. “Do you want that?”

  “I like when you touch me there.”

  “I’ve never done that before.”

  I haven’t either but I’m a little surprised at his admission of how comfortable he seems back there.

  “I’d be willing to give it a try,” I say and I notice his cock jerk against his abdomen.

  “Fuck, you’re so hot.” He finger fucks me harder then reaches for his bedside drawer. “But I think we’ll need to work up to that.” He makes quick work of the condom then lines us up before lowering over me, staying close. “Maybe we can go toy and lube shopping later?”

  “Yeah,” I say as he sinks fully into me, taking my breath away.

  He looks into my eyes as he rocks in and out of me. Our bodies undulate together in the same rolling rhythm. Our lips brush, our fingers intertwine, and I don’t know how the moment could be any more perfect. The joining of our bodies is as natural as breathing. Tuck is my air.

  * * *

  I press my knuckles into the soil, compacting it around the freshly planted red geraniums. I stand to look at my work as Tuck trims low-hanging branches from the tree in the center of the yard.

  I brush the dirt from my hands on my old tank and cut-off shorts. The late morning sun has risen over the house to beat on our backs. I notice my shoulders are starting to freckle.

  Tuck walks over to me, taking a drink from his water bottle befo
re handing it to me. The water is cool and sweet and I gulp it down.

  “Thanks for your help.”

  “Of course. It looks great.” The little pops of color along the front porch and walkway make Tuck’s cute bungalow look even more welcoming.

  “I’m going to repaint Cade’s old room and there are a few places where the baseboards need to be touched up, but once that’s done the place will be in real good shape.”

  “I didn’t know you were so handy. You’ll have to help me fix up my house.”

  “I plan on it.” He looks down at me with a little smirk on his face and wraps a sweaty arm around me. “I have lots of plans, actually.”

  “Oh really? Are you going to tell me about these plans of yours?”

  “Soon.” He grabs the water bottle from my fingers and downs another sip. “I’m going to go take a shower and get cleaned up. Care to join me?”

  I remember my disappointment when we didn’t get our shower Friday morning. “I’ll be right behind you.”

  Tuck runs inside and I drag the hose over to the new flowers and water them.

  The shower is already running when I enter Tuck’s room. I start to undress when a buzzing vibrates against one of the bedside tables. I step over to it, thinking it may be my phone before I realize it is Tuck’s.

  The caller’s name is clear across the screen—Ali.

  CHAPTER 23

  Why is Tuck’s Ex calling him? Is she the source of those phone calls he’s been avoiding? Does he answer her calls when I’m not around?

  I’m not used to this tightening feeling in my chest. I don’t like how, at the same time a cold chill sinks through my body, heat stirs in my cheeks and behind my eyes.

  She doesn’t leave a voicemail.

  The water shuts off and then Tuck is walking out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist. His expression relaxes when he sees me.

  “Oh good. I was getting out to check on you. I thought you’d be right behind me.”

  “Sorry, I—” I realize I’m about to make something up but why would I do that? I have nothing to hide. “Ali called you.”

  Tuck rubs at the back of his neck. Water droplets still cling to his skin.

  “Is that who’s been calling you?” I ask.

  “Yeah. She’s been calling the last week or so. I haven’t spoken to her. I hoped if I ignored the calls she would get the hint I don’t want to talk to her.” He steps toward me, his brow creased. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to block her, but maybe I should.”

  “You should talk to her.”

  His head snaps to me. “You want me to talk to her? My ex?”

  “Yes. Explain to her you’re in a relationship and let her down easy. You won’t have to hope she gets any hints if you’re just upfront with her.” Though he hadn’t mentioned her much, Tuck had never spoken ill of Ali, and even though he was hurt by their break-up, they seem to have parted on good terms.

  “Okay. I’ll call her.” He places his hands on either side of my face and kisses me sweetly on the lips. “But later. I only have you for a little while longer today and I want to give you all my attention.”

  * * *

  Wes helps clear the table after dinner on Tuesday—it’s the first family dinner he’s come to in a while and I’m glad he’s feeling more comfortable around me. We’ve been working on the ranch together, but he’s been keeping a safe distance between us. Tonight was the first night we talked. It almost felt like things were normal again.

  I bounce my baby niece on my hip, making silly faces at her. She giggles and makes raspberries with her tongue, drooling down her double chins and showing me a gummy smile. Jack and Emily round up the boys before stealing back the baby. Wes claps me on the shoulder, giving me his easy smile and says goodbye as he puts on his hat and leaves behind them.

  Dad helps my mom clean in the kitchen. Gracie runs out the front door to hop in the back of a pickup truck full of other teenagers, her blonde ponytail swinging behind her.

  I pull out my phone to call the person I wish was here right now.

  Tuck doesn’t answer so I send him a text.

  Me: Working late tonight?

  It’s not quite eight o’clock and he’d be home already on a normal day. But he doesn’t respond to my text either.

  Me: Is Tuck home yet?

  Haley: No, haven’t heard from him. Everything okay?

  Me: Yup. Thanks.

  He must be at work then. He usually responds to my texts quickly even when he is at work, though, and it’s now been half an hour. Maybe he’s driving?

  Me: Just wanted to say I miss you. Call me when you’re off? Love you.

  * * *

  I must have fallen asleep waiting for a response. I’m cold and laying on top of the quilt when my phone rings a little after eleven. I blink as the bright screen glows in my darkened room.

  A picture of me and Tuck is on the screen—our faces smashed together, big, goofy grins, his arm around my shoulders, our eyes squinting in the sun in the selfie he insisted on taking at Gracie’s graduation barbeque.

  “Hey, honey,” I say groggily, my smile growing.

  “Hi.” He pauses, like he’s clearing his throat. “Can you come down?”

  I sit up. “You’re here?” I’m smiling so big my cheeks hurt as I run down the stairs.

  “I’m right outside.”

  I can’t quite place the tone in his voice. He’s saying every word carefully, slowly. It’s not right. I hang up as I reach the front door.

  I open it and Tuck is standing on the porch, the full moon high in the black sky behind him. He steps to me, his hands coming to my face. His eyes search mine, his mouth in a grimace and I know something is very wrong.

  “I love you,” he says before he kisses me.

  It’s a desperate kiss. He holds me tight as he takes my lips and tongue again and again. When he finally pulls away, his hand on my cheek is shaking.

  “Tuck, what’s wrong?”

  He swallows and breaks eye contact. “Let’s sit.”

  We sit on the porch swing and he takes my hand, squeezing it.

  “I talked to Ali today.”

  “Yeah? How’d it go?” I don’t know why I’m asking. I can tell it didn’t go fucking well by the look on his face.

  We sit looking at each other for several moments while he composes himself. He doesn’t want to tell me. The sound of my heartbeat is deafening.

  He takes a deep breath. “She’s pregnant. It’s mine.”

  My mouth opens but no sound comes out. “Oh my god,” I finally manage to say.

  He’s bent over with his head in his hands. “I’m so sorry. I fucked up. I don’t know how...I used a condom...”

  I rub his back. “Are you sure it’s yours?”

  “She said she and her ex hadn’t been together for weeks before that night.”

  He drops his head again so I rub his back some more. I don’t even know how to process this, but I can tell he’s a wreck, so I just try to comfort him.

  “It’s okay. We’ll get through this. We’ll figure it out, together. I love you.”

  He looks up at me. The sadness in his eyes is even more gut-wrenching than before, as if my words have made everything worse.

  “She asked me to get back together. She wants us to try again, to raise the baby together. To be a family.”

  My knee-jerk reaction is to laugh at the idea. That’s not even remotely going to happen. But the look on Tuck’s face is serious. Sober.

  “Is that what you want?” I choke on the words.

  “It’s not about what I want.”

  “Of course it is—”

  “I’m trying to do the right thing here.”

  “Right for who?” I didn’t mean to raise my voice.

  “For the baby!” Now his voice is louder, his posture stiff. “I’m sorry, I didn’t come here to argue.”

  “You’re right. How about we go inside? We’ll get something to drink and discuss this mor
e.”

  “I didn’t come here to discuss it either.” He’s not looking at me.

  “What?”

  What the hell does that mean? Tuck is focused on his hands, balled up into fists on his knees which are bouncing up and down rapidly. And I know. I’ve been worrying these last couple days about how I’ll respond when he proposes to me and now he’s...

  “You came here to break up with me.”

  It’s not a question but he answers it with a small nod. His eyes are shiny in the moonlight.

  “No,” I say. “You can’t—” But my chest feels like it’s caving in on itself. I can’t speak, I can’t breathe.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispers as he reaches for me.

  I twist away from him. How can he do this to me? To us? I don’t want to be near him. I don’t want him to touch me. At the same time, that’s all I want.

  I’m shaking.

  I. Can’t. Breathe.

  “Come here,” his voice trembles.

  But I don’t go to him.

  “Court, please,” he begs.

  Before I can respond he has his arms around me. I’m engulfed in him, my face pressed to his chest and I hug him back as tears run down my cheeks. He tries to wipe them away with his thumb.

  It doesn’t work.

  We sit on the swing, holding each other for a long time. I breathe in his scent. I listen to his heart beating beneath me.

  Neither of us says a word or make a move. We both know once we do—that’s it.

  It’s over.

  CHAPTER 24

  I don’t tell my family about it.

  I don’t know why. Maybe because if they don’t know anything is wrong it will be easier for me to pretend I’m fine. And I’ve been doing a good job of pretending. I stay busy working on the ranch, helping clean around the house, even joining Gracie and my mom when they’re cooking meals.

  It’s the moments when I’m alone that are hard. When I know no one is around to see me cry, that’s when the tears flow.

  When Friday rolls around, I figure they’ll notice when I don’t leave for Tuck’s and I’ll have to tell them.