by Sherri Renee
The corner of my lips tipped up. “I’m not sure if you understand exactly what you’re committing to.”
“I snore.”
I shook my head as Lucas jumped subjects as he was sometimes prone to do. “What?”
“Yep,” he said with a firm nod. “I snore. Bet you didn’t know that when you fell in love with me. Now that you know I’m not perfect, are you going to walk away?”
I tipped my head. “That’s hardly the same thing.”
“Maybe not.” He shrugged. “But the fact that you’ve been sick, that you might get sick again, doesn’t change who you are or how I feel about you.”
“And your snoring doesn’t change how I feel about you.”
“You say that, but you haven’t slept with me yet.” Lucas’s words hung in the air. His eyes grew so round I thought they might pop right out of his head and land on the floor.
I snickered.
“I didn’t mean it like that. Swear.” Lucas looked so adorably horrified that I burst out laughing again. My raw throat didn’t appreciate it, but I couldn’t stop myself.
“Boy, let Dr. Reynolds hear you say that, and I’m sure he’ll really have a lecture for you.”
Lucas dropped his head forward with a chuckle. “I’m sure he would. He’s very protective of you.”
“He’s been great. I don’t know what kind of shape I’d be in right now without him.”
“So,” Lucas said. “Are you done trying to run me off?” His eyes locked on mine, and my breath caught. I could see his love for me written on his face. It might still be scary sometimes, but I was done trying to push him away.
“I’m done,” I said softly.
Chapter 36
Forty-eight hours in the hospital worked out to something like a million-hours in dog-years. It basically dragged by like all eternity. With Lucas and Ginger and my parents all taking turns keeping me company, I somehow survived it.
I’d received the all-clear from Dr. Reynolds, and the discharge papers were on the way. Now all I needed was Lucas. It was hard for my parents, but they’d agreed to let Lucas drive me home once I was discharged. If I really was going to live, it was probably good for all of us to have me grow up and develop a little independence. I might even ask Mom to teach me how to cook a few things.
Mom had brought me some clothes. My favorite red t-shirt with a picture of a cat on it, and a baggie pair of warmups. Not exactly as flattering as the dress I’d bought for the dance, but I knew Lucas wouldn’t care.
They’d inserted the vacuum tube through a small incision in my groin for the procedure, and it was still sore. But not too bad at all. I could walk, and I was even allowed to shower earlier. It looked like Dr. Reynolds was once again right, and I’d be good as new in no time.
“Here you go, Maddie.” A nurse I didn’t recognize with dark hair and a friendly smile handed me a clipboard with some release forms to sign. “Is your ride here, yet?”
I checked my phone for new texts and shook my head. “Not yet, but he should be here any minute. Can I wait in the lobby?”
“Sure, dear. Let me get a wheelchair, and I’ll take you down myself.”
I grabbed my bag and looked around the hospital room, hoping I wouldn’t see another one for years to come. My heart felt normal. Dr. Reynolds had weaned me off all my regular meds and just had me on a pain med and blood thinner for a few days to make sure I didn’t have any more clotting issues. After that, well, I would pretty much be normal.
We’d missed the dance, and my “romantic dinner and a kiss” night. But I was already making new plans for our first kiss. As long as we kept it short and sweet, I was kind of thinking I might kiss Lucas when he dropped me off at my house today.
It wouldn’t be the big romantic event I’d been planning, but we’d waited long enough. I wasn’t worried about romance. I just wanted to smooch my boyfriend. I grinned. I loved that I had a boyfriend, and I loved even more that it was Lucas.
“Your chariot awaits.” The nurse waited for me to settle in the wheelchair then started the familiar journey to the lobby. She rolled me into the elevator, and I shot Lucas a quick text.
I’m free! Meet me in the lobby.
I added a heart emoji just because my heart was so filled with happiness I couldn’t resist.
“Here’s your stop, honey. Do you want me to wait with you?”
I glanced around and shook my head. “No, thanks, my boyfriend will be here soon.” I could feel the sappy grin on my face as I said the words. The nurse chuckled at me before winking.
“You take care now, sweetie.”
She headed back to the elevator with the wheelchair, and I found an empty seat near the window. Now that I’d decided to kiss Lucas today, I wondered if I should spring it on him as soon as I saw him. Or, I could wait until we got to his truck. We’d at least have some privacy there.
If I waited until we got to my house, odds were good my entire family would be at the front door waiting for me. I really didn’t want them as an audience for our first kiss.
I scrolled through my texts. Ginger had sent several, and they each contained a heart emoji, too. Thankfully, I’d convinced her to go to the dance without me, and it sounded like she and Lucas’s cousin had hit it off.
And best of all, he’d been a perfect gentleman. No octopus arms for him. I hated that I’d missed our double date, but Ginger had done fine without me. I texted her to come over later to give me the ‘deets’ as she liked to say, then put my phone away.
Humming softly to myself, I wondered if I’d ever get a chance to wear my new red dress for Lucas. Maybe we could go out to eat somewhere a little fancier than The Greasy Spoon one day soon, and I could wear it then. Or even better, I could take it to California, and we could plan a special night out.
I tapped my short nails on my thigh and dug my phone out of my purse again. Still no word from Lucas, but Mom had texted asking when I’d be home. I told her soon, then opened the new book I was reading on my phone and skimmed over a few pages, but I couldn’t concentrate. What was holding Lucas up?
I didn’t want to rush him. He could have stopped off to buy me balloons or flowers or something. But I was getting worried. I dialed his number, and my stomach dropped when his phone went straight to voicemail. That wasn’t normal.
I frowned as the minutes ticked by on the clock. With each one, my worry grew. I knew Lucas was long past the stage of bailing on me and going back to Brianna, but I couldn’t even guess what else might be holding him up.
A faint siren grew louder, and an ambulance pulled up next to the emergency room entrance. I looked around it toward the parking lot, hoping to see Lucas’s truck pulling up, but there was still no sign of him. I sent him one more text, telling him if I didn’t hear from him soon, I’d go ahead and have my mom pick me up.
The automatic doors at the emergency room entrance slid open. There was a lot of commotion. Doctors and nurses gathered around a stretcher. Someone yelled out information while the stretcher rolled toward the ER.
“Male, eighteen. Head-on collision. Resuscitated at the scene.”
My eyes were drawn to the scene, and my breath caught. I slowly stood and took a few steps toward the stretcher, pulled by some invisible force. I clutched my burning stomach with one hand as everything else in the room faded away. All I could see was the crowd of paramedics and doctors rushing through the room with the stretcher.
Chills raced up and down my arms and legs, and I found myself just outside the circle of professionals guarding their patient. My brain buzzed, and some part of me said I was letting my paranoid side really pull one over on me. But the panic coursing through my veins like liquid fire told a different story.
I had to see the guy on the stretcher. He needed to have blond hair and blue eyes and be really short. Or have long hair and a nose ring. Or. . .
One of the nurses stepped aside, and time slowed. I turned my head, peeking through the gap she’d left and caught a glimpse of
short, dark hair. And blood. So much blood. The face was tipped away from me, but I would have recognized it anywhere.
My heart jolted, more painfully than ever before, and I couldn’t move.
“Lucas.” His name left my lips soundlessly. Time caught up, and everything came crashing back in—the race across the floor with the stretcher. The shouted facts and directions.
I tore myself from my shock and sprinted the last few steps across the room. It couldn’t be Lucas. It just couldn’t be. It had to simply be a poor soul who resembled him. I told myself that lie a hundred times over in the few seconds it took to push my way through the sea of scrubs and white coats.
And when I finally stood directly beside the stretcher and looked down at the face I knew as well as my own, my lie, and my life, shattered.
Chapter 37
Minutes. Hours. Days. I had no idea how much time had passed. Mom had sat with me for a while but finally went home after failing to convince me to go with her. I was numb. I couldn’t process anything, but I knew I couldn’t leave Lucas at the hospital alone. Hospitals made him uncomfortable. I needed to be there to let him know everything would be okay.
And it would be okay. There could be no other ending to our story. Anything else, after all we’d been through, was just too cruel. We’d get our happy ending. We would. We had to.
“Maddie?” The same nurse who’d taken me to the lobby squatted down by my chair. “Your Lucas is out of surgery, honey. His family has been with him, but they’ve gone to get something to eat. He’s not awake yet, but they said you can sit with him, if you’re up to it.”
I nodded briskly, standing and rubbing my hands over my tired eyes. I liked that the nurse had called him ‘my Lucas.’
“I’m ready,” I told her, eager to see that Lucas was alive with my own eyes.
The nurse left me at the door to Lucas’s room. I stared into it, taking in the familiar, and some not so familiar, machines that surrounded the narrow bed in the middle of the room. I let myself glance at the TV, which was off, and the flowers that already crowded a table in the corner.
After I’d looked everywhere and at everything else, I let my eyes drift to the still form in the center of the bed. My stomach flipped. I wrapped my arms around my waist, shaking my head.
Nothing about the scene was right. Lucas was the healthy one. If either of us had to be in that bed, it should have been me.
“I was the one with an expiration date, not you,” I said, creeping into the room as silently as Lucas had crept into mine the first time he’d visited me in the hospital.
“This can’t be happening.” I sank into the chair beside his bed because my shaking legs wouldn’t support me. My thoughts were so scattered and random, I felt like they were all swirling in a pot. I needed to pick one out and focus on it, but I just couldn’t.
Vibrant, kind, amazing, healthy Lucas was lying on a hospital bed, possibly taking his last breaths, and my heart shattered. I let out a sob, covering my mouth with my hand as tears streamed down my cheeks.
That was not how things were supposed to turn out. We were supposed to have our chance at a happily ever after now that I was better. What kind of cruel twist of fate had put Lucas here?
I let my tears fall unheeded and grabbed Lucas’s hand. “Lucas. You’re going to be okay. Do you hear me? You promised to take me surfing. We already have our airline tickets. You have to open your eyes right now and talk to me. We have plans to make, Mister. No time for lying around like this.”
Lucas’s hand moved under mine. I jerked my gaze to it, wondering if I just wanted him to move so badly I’d imagined it, or if he’d actually moved. He moved again.
“Yes. Lucas! I know you can hear me. Open your eyes. I need to see those pretty eyes of yours.” My heart throbbed with hopefulness, and I prayed and begged and pleaded that Lucas wouldn’t leave me. Not now, not when we were just getting our chance to live.
His eyes fluttered. I let out a sobbing laugh. “Yes, there you are. I’m here, Lucas. Talk to me.”
Lucas opened his eyes. One was so puffy and swollen it was little more than a slit, but his gaze drifted to me.
I was sobbing openly now and didn’t even care. “There you are! I was so worried about you. Oh, Lucas, you scared me to death.”
Lucas didn’t smile. His expression didn’t change at all. He just swept his eyes over my face as if memorizing every detail. My chest tightened with fresh panic, and I squeezed his hand.
I swallowed hard. “You’re going to be okay,” I repeated. “The doctors said the sooner you woke up, the better, and you’re awake.” I babbled on, trying to convince him, me, maybe even God Himself that Lucas was going to live.
“I bought a new bikini for the Cali trip,” I continued to babble when Lucas didn’t say anything. “It’s blue and white and pretty tiny.” I forced a smile. “I think you’ll like it." Still no response from Lucas, and I started really freaking out.
“Should I call someone? A nurse? Your parents?” I searched for the call button, but Lucas squeezed my hand, stopping me. I jerked at the movement, my gaze flying to his pain-filled face.
“You’re hurting. I’ll call the nurse.”
“Wait,” he mumbled, his voice scratchy and hoarse. He cleared his throat and blinked, squeezing my hand again.
My heart thudded as I waited for Lucas to speak. I was torn between rushing for a doctor, or spending whatever precious seconds I had with Lucas now that he was awake. He didn’t say anything, but his eyes devoured me like he’d been starving for the sight of me. Just as I’d been starving for a look at him.
I wrapped his hand in both of mine, and his face screwed up in pain. I loosened my grip immediately. “I’m sorry! Let me get someone,” I pleaded. It killed me to see him hurting. I fumbled with the call button, giving it a firm push.
He shook his head, his fingers closing over mine. “Don’t leave yet.” His voice was faint, but I had no trouble hearing him because my focus was one-hundred percent on Lucas. Nothing else existed at that moment—just him and me.
“I’m not going anywhere, Lucas. I’ll stay as long as you’ll let me.”
Soft eyes continued to search my face, and I saw that they were gray without a trace of green. I swallowed back rising fear. I knew it didn’t mean anything, but it felt like the life was draining out of him, leaving him as cold and gray as his eyes.
“I’m sorry I didn’t pick you up,” Lucas’s lips barely moved, the effort of speaking almost beyond him.
I let out a short laugh, wiping the tears on my cheeks. “Don’t even think about that. I’m fine. It’s fine.” I swallowed again and gently squeezed his hand. “And you’re going to be fine.”
His expression didn’t waver. He stared at me with that same solemn look, memorizing my every feature. I tried not to panic, but I knew something was really wrong.
“You are going to be okay, Lucas. You have to be. We have plans, you know. Tickets are already booked, so we can’t change them now.” I babbled nonsense, desperate to fill the silence. To deny the truth I saw on Lucas’s face.
Tears streamed down my cheeks.
“Don’t cry,” Lucas’s faint words made me cry all the harder.
“I’m not,” I lied, swiping at my tears as if he couldn’t see them.
“Do you remember,” he said. His voice was so raw and filled with pain that I wanted to shush him and tell him we could talk later, but somewhere deep inside, the knowledge burned that we wouldn’t have a later. “. . .the day we talked about death?” he said. His eyes went back to devouring my face.
I didn’t remember exactly which conversation he was talking about. We’d had many death talks, considering all my issues and fears, but I nodded anyway and tried to brush my tears away as fast as they fell.
“It was the day you told me you were in remission.” His lips moved, and I could almost make out a smile. I nodded hard and rubbed my fingers over the cool skin of his hand that was normally so warm. I fo
ught back a gasp. I couldn’t do this. Lucas couldn’t do this. Lucas was everything strong and healthy and filled with life. His pale form, so battered and still, didn’t make sense.
“You were worried you could get sick again,” he continued. “And I said. . .”
My fingers stilled on his hand. The words flooded over me as if he’d just said them yesterday. “You said, ‘And I could get hit by a truck. . .” My chin dropped, and the horror of his unintentional premonition washed over me in icy waves, sending goosebumps up and down my arms and legs.
“. . .and die tomorrow,” he added. “But I didn’t die then. Look at how many days we’ve lived since those words.”
I gasped for breath and shook my head. “What?” I tried to make sense of what he wanted me to understand, but his skin was losing its rosy color, dripping into a bland gray. Lucas looked worse by the second. I glanced toward the door, wondering what was taking the nurse so long.
“Let me get someone,” I said, starting to stand.
“Wait.” Lucas squeezed my hand again. “I need to finish.”
I gave the call button a couple more jabs then sat stiffly on the edge of the chair, my hands wrapped around Lucas’s, and every fiber of my being screaming that Lucas had to be okay.
“We’re all born with expiration dates, Maddie. Most of us just don’t know what our dates are. I need you to promise me.” He scrunched his eyes closed, and pain lined his face.
“Lucas, let me go get help!”
He swallowed and opened his eyes, giving his head a slight shake. “Promise me you’ll live, Maddie. For however long you have. You won’t lock yourself away again. Not because of you, and not because of me.” His eyes closed, but he continued. “Promise me you’ll be on a surfboard before the summer’s over, Maddie. Promise me.”
I let out a sob, running my hand up and down his arm, scared to blink in case I missed his last moment. “I’ll do that with you.” Tears clogged my throat, but I forced out a desperate plea. “With you by my side, I’ll be on a surfboard next week. Tomorrow! I can’t do it without you, though.” My vision blurred, but I refused to blink. I couldn’t look away.