Sand dollar

by Hollye Davis

  If it had been just about the words she could deal with it by ignoring them. She was good at that. Didn’t she just spend her entire Junior year disappearing? But she didn’t count on was the attacks became more physical. She thought she had left that horror back in a dank tiny apartment in Germany.

  She couldn’t walk somewhere without someone shoving, pinching or kicking her. Looking at her arm, she knew she would have bruises all over her body by the end of the day. Going to the office was not an option, and neither talking to the teachers, because she quickly realized they all quickly turned their heads to what they justified as “harmless” flirting.

  When the final bell rang she was so anxious to leave that she nearly fell face first on the bus steps.

  “You’re such a loser,” said the shrilly voice with a wicked laugh she was beginning to associate to the head cheerleader. The obnoxious foul person continued with, “Good God you are riding the bus! That’s PEFECT!” Then she flicked her off and bounced off to the parking lot probably to get into her red convertible Barbie car specially made for fornicating trashy cheerleaders.

  After entering the bus, Cloe sat in the first available seat she could find, leaning against the window stretching her legs far in front of her so no one could sit by her. She tried to close her eyes but she had that uncomfortable feeling someone was staring at her. She turned to see the grocery-store-death-chick with that stupid squinty-eyed stare.

  “Do you mind? I really don’t need your shit either,” Cloe said to her. Then turning back around, she closed her eyes for the rest of the trip home.

  When she arrived at her bus stop and walked through the community gates profound relief settled over her. She felt like she had been through hell and back.

  The sanctity of the cottage loomed before her along with Edwin’s car. She took off in a sprint, taking the stairs two at a time, until she busted through the front door straight into his arms. He was laughing and she was crying.

  “It can’t be that bad!” he said as he caressed the back of her head.

  “Yes, and so much worse,” her words drenched with tears. He carefully led her to the couch.

  “Tell me about it,” he said in a low calm voice and she did. The words pouring from her mouth, tears dripping down her cheeks.

  She expected Edwin to be bit upset but otherwise unmoved, she expected him to tell her that things were going to get better. What she didn’t expect was his complete and total anger. Edwin was livid. He was pacing the living room and muttering curses underneath his breath, which were as much out of character for him as it was for her.

  “Damn it, I can’t do a DAMN thing.” He yelled. She folded herself further into the couch not sure how to take his outburst. He paced again, muttering under his breath.

  Finally she had enough, “Don’t worry Edwin, I’m good at making myself disappear, they’ll forget about me before long.”

  The statement bothered her because she loathed disappearing again when she had felt alive for the first time in a very long time. She deserved as much as any other person to have her day in high school.

  She got up and gave Edwin a kiss, “I’m going to take a shower to wash off the filth of the day.” He absently nodded.

  After her shower, she walked into the living room following loud voices. She saw Edwin and her aunt out on the deck what seemed to be an argument. She stopped outside their door straining to hear their conversation.

  “You need to tell her now, Edwin.”

  “Today is not a good day,” Edwin answered pacing raking his hand through his already mused hair.

  “You have been saying that forever. This has got to stop. You are going to hurt her!” Aunt was angry and frantic, her hands waving through the air.

  Edwin stopped and turned to look straight at her as if he felt her presence.

  “I assume you’re talking about me?” she blurted out hurt.

  They both looked a little ashamed, as they should.

  “It’s nothing really,” Edwin said and Aunt gave him a hard look.

  “It’s just that I have to go out of the country for a month or so and we didn’t want to tell you with everything you have going at school.” A sharp pain hit her stomach and Aunt looked about to explode.

  “When?” She barely got out with bile rising to her throat.

  “In three weeks.” Three weeks? She repeated in her head. Edwin would be gone from her life and forget about her. She knew he would. Her eyes filled up with tears and she ran to her room and fell down her bed covering her head with a pillow as sobs hit her repeatedly. It was horrible. She hated feeling out of control. She had spent her life out of control. Won’t it ever get better?

  She felt the bed dip with Edwin’s weight. He leaned over and slowly removed the pillow, brushing the hair off her face.

  “Why?” She sobbed.

  “My father needs me to accompany him to England.”

  “Why!” She knew she was being irrational but she didn’t care.

  “I don‘t have a choice,” he answered simply.

  “Tell him no.”

  “I can’t.”

  He stretched out next to her, caressing her face, kissing her neck then rubbing her back, which calmed her down considerably.

  “I don’t think I can bear it,” she cried some more.

  “I know how you feel but it’s nothing I have a choice in. In fact I’ve been putting it off for a long time. I just wanted more time with you. I’ve been selfish and now I have to pay for it.”

  She pried opened her eyes that she was sure were puffy and red.

  “Why now?”

  “I hoped school would keep you distracted enough in order not to miss me.”

  She snorted her disbelief; good grief was he an idiot? She needed him now more than ever. He continued, “I’ll make sure things are arranged for you to have it easier at school before I leave.” What the hell does that mean? But she didn’t ask, she was hurting too much and at this point she didn’t care about school or anything but Edwin.

  Edwin still rubbing her back, which he knew she loved, worked down her legs to her feet. It felt so good that at one point she stopped crying and let sensations overcome her.

  When he started kissing her,all thought of the day and him leaving went out the window. At least for a few minutes she could forget about it.

  Later that night he got up and brought back some snacks for them to eat in the bed forgoing dinner. She loved him so much she didn’t want to be without him, “Can I go with you?” she asked a bit desperately.

  He scrubbed his face with his hand, “Believe me, if you could, you would.”

  She began to cry again. It was a long miserable night, the prefect end to a long miserable day.

  The heat of the bodies on the bus assaulted me. Thoughts of running away, hiding, disappearing became dominate. The noise of the excited infants was deafening and all I wanted to do was go home and lay in the bed with Edwin.

  I wanted to forget college, to forget everything I had wanted, but I know it was counterproductive to have such damaging thoughts. I had dreams and aspirations that included finishing high school. Everyone thought I would be a high school drop-out or a run-a-way, and honestly I had come close many times but I had always preserved. I could do it again. I would survive and be better for it. –Cloe’s diary

  Chapter Two Unexpected Friend She was proud that she had actually remembered to set the alarm the night before and had plenty of time to get breakfast and not run to the bus. She took the same seat as the previous day and grocery-store-death-girl resumed her squinty-eye stare. She really needed to have a name for her.

  “What’s your name?” Cloe snapped at the girl. She really didn’t have any patience for crap that morning.

  “Kim,” the girl answered almost nicely. Cloe was shocked the girl didn’t give her some made up name like “it, the number 4, or just plain screw you.”

  In an odd way Cloe was disappointed. If Kim gave her some sarcastic answer
she could have at least snarled at her to get some of her frustration out.

  “Cloe.” She pointed to herself and pounded her chest like a caveman.

  Kim actually laughed at that.

  “What you did to that bitch cheerleader was awesome, but your life is going to be hell,” Kim stated matter-of-factly.

  “I know. It already is,” Cloe mumbled miserably.

  Kim then slid over to her seat and asked, “Do you know anything about her?”

  Cloe shook her head.

  “She’s like the most popular girl in our school and has been for a long time. She claims herself to be the next big actress. She has been the lead in every play since I can remember. She is involved in everything, homecoming queen, head cheerleader, I’d be shock is someone else got crowned prom queen. The teachers, principals, the whole damn school thinks she hangs the moon. Yet we mere mortals hate her. She’s mean and spoiled. She thinks she can walk over everyone and get away with it. The sad truth is that she can walk all over everyone and get away with it. She has these lemmings that follow her and do her dirty work. That way her reputation is never jeopardized.”

  Cloe was blown away, “It sounds like the mafia.”

  Kim laughed,“Yeah, that’s the perfect way to describe it.”

  The bus went over a bump and several others while they sat silently. Then Cloe turned toward Kim and said, “Your uncle is gross and a creep.” She didn’t know why she said it but she guessed it was a moment of bonding.

  Kim looked stunned and then nodded, “You have no idea.”

  Cloe watched her for a moment. Kim was actually quite surprisingly pretty. She had no idea what her original hair color was, but her eyes were an unusual shade of green if you could get past the black gunk. It was almost as if she was working hard to make herself ugly.

  When they got to school Kim went the opposite direction. To her profound relief there was no one at her locker.

  But the relief only lasted for a minute. Her stomach lurched when she opened her locker and she stared at spray-painted “Bitch, Whore” and many other cuss words that didn’t bear repeating or reading. Her heart sunk and stomach hurt. There goes the theory she could just disappear.

  Determined not to let them beat her, she read somewhere hair spray could be used to get spray-paint off so she spent her homeroom cleaning the inside of her locker. It worked too, well to an extent. At least the words weren’t distinguishable anymore.

  Wanting to go home nearly overwhelmed her but she forced herself to go to her classes. She needed to graduate so she could go to college and support herself. Nothing was going to stop her, not an abusive father or a psycho spoiled cheerleader.

  The first two periods were normal –kind of. At least there wasn’t an overabundance of harassment. She still got catcalls walking to her class, and every once in a while someone would shove, pinch, or trip her. She hoped that after a while they would get tired of that too. All she had to do was endure.

  She walked to her third period class somewhat apprehensive. Art was one of her favorite subjects and she didn’t want it to be riddled with practical jokes or harassment. Sitting at the same spot the previous day, she kept her head down afraid eye contact would give them the excuse they needed to start on her.

  All the precautions were fortunately for not. To her relief her table talked about nonmatters, such as weather, our summers, etc. Never once did they mention the cheerleader or how much a spaz she was.

  Jody seemed to be having a better day, but more amazing was that Kim and Jody hit off instantly, even though they couldn’t be more opposite.

  During their light banter, Cloe learned that the boy at the end, who took everything so seriously, was named Aaron and he was a wonderfully talented artist.

  The guy with the gray streak in his hair was Tom, a foreign exchange student from Scotland. His friendly dark eyes, pale skin, dark hair, even with the gray streak, which she found out was natural, like a birthmark or some such thing, was quite handsome.

  Shawna was a Turkish girl whose family moved to the United States back in the 90‘s. It was after the first Iraqi war when a lot of the Turkish people became refugees. Caleb was a shy husky boy who liked video games to the point of obsession.

  Their table was full of people who were different than the normal high school hierarchy. They were also vastly different than her friends at the cottage, but she still felt these people could become good friends too.

  The sabbatical from the harassment didn’t last long though. When third period ended and she had to make her way to the lunchroom, it was like hell descended upon her. As soon as she was spotted the harassment started. The shoving, pinching, tripping resumed full force and she felt like a ping-pong ball. Thankful she brought her lunch and didn’t have to make it through the foray with a tray of food. She eventually wound her way to Jody.

  Sadly, this behavior wasn’t anything new for her as she had endured similar in past schools. The only difference was that there seemed to be more of them and the spirit was a tad meaner. Crowd mentality seemed to intensify. Because of her past experience with bullies, she didn’t really react, which she hoped disappointed them. She didn’t run off crying or begging them to stop. She just blanked out and soon they got tired, wandered off unsatisfied.

  When she found Jody, Kim was sitting next to her. She set her lunch bag down noting that Jody looked petrified and Kim seemed angry. She sat down where she laid her bag and began fishing out her sandwich, pretending none of what just transpired mattered. Kim and Jody stared at her loose jawed.

  “I’d be crying by now,” Jody comment, propping her head up with her elbow on the table.

  “I wouldn’t come back to school,” Kim added.

  Cloe really didn’t have a clue what they were talking about so she shrugged and took another bite of her sandwich. Before she could finish swallowing she noticed Jody’s eyes get round and Kim jump up with clinched fists next to her. That was when she felt ice-cold liquid pour down her head, dripping on the table.

  “Oh my God, did I do that?” Cloe didn’t have to turn around to know it was Britney. Who wouldn’t recognize the shrilly tone that girl employed.

  “Oh yes, Erkel you did,” Kim said and took her glass of juice and threw it at Britney. Britney then launched after Kim and a brawl commenced.

  Cloe pulled Kim off of Britney when a teacher grabbed them and hauled them to the Vice Principal’s office.

  In all her illustrious years of high school she had never been sent to the office. Typically teachers would rather forget about her and since she was a master at disappearing, that was easy for them to do.

  They both were covered in dripping food when they entered the official office. The Vice Principal gestured for them to take the seats located in front of their desk.

  “Hello Kim, nice to see you again.”

  Shocked, Cloe whispered to Kim, “But it’s only the second day of school.” Kim winked at her.

  When the Vice Principal slammed his hand down on the desk Cloe flinched so hard that she fell from her chair. She was shaking when Kim lifted her up and whispered, “Are you okay?”

  But Cloe couldn’t answer, she was suddenly very afraid.

  The Vice Principal looked at her queerly and had the good grace to look a little ashamed. It didn’t stop her shaking uncontrollably.

  “What were you two fighting about?” The bald haired short man barked. Cloe and Kim exchanged confused looks.

  It was Kim who explained, “We weren’t fighting each other.”

  “Oh I see, you guys were merely discussing the weather covered in food,” He sneered.

  Cloe looked disbelieving at him and tried to clarify, “Sir, I think you have it all wrong, we weren’t fighting EACH OTHER.” She talked slowly so he could understand it but it only pissed him off worse.

  “I don’t have time for this, I’m calling your parents to pick you up.” He pushed a button on his phone.

  “Good luck with that,” she and K
im said simultaneously. They looked at each other with amused expressions.

  “What did you say?!” the Vice Principle yelled.

  I scooted further down in her chair. This guy reminded her too much of her father.

  “I said good luck getting in touch with my parents,” Kim said defiantly.

  More confident, Cloe added, “I don’t even know where mine are. You’ll have to call my aunt.”

  Kim added, “Ditto that, except you‘ll have to call my brother but he is at work and won’t be able to get off.”

  Cloe spared a sad glance at Kim then turned to the Vice Principal, “My aunt probably could take us both home as we live near each other.” At least she assumed Kim lived nearby since she worked in her community and rode the same bus. The man nodded his shiny head just as the frontdesk administrative assistant walked in to escort them out of the office and into the main hallway into chairs as if they were on display. Cloe imagined it was a mid-evil tactic to shame them for their poor behavior but all it did was piss her off more.

  After a few moments the administrative assistant came out to explain Cloe’s aunt would be arriving within thirty-minutes. Kim was right, her brother couldn’t get off and her mother couldn’t be found.

  They waited the thirty minutes in the hallway leaving a puddle of juice and food underneath them. The only thing she felt was guilt. The guilt of inconveniencing her aunt on a workday was making her stomach hurt. She hated being any kind of imposition to anyone, especially over a misunderstanding, but she especially hated being an imposition to her aunt who has done nothing but be supportive and loving.

  When she saw her aunt, she bolted up and practically ran into her arms but they both stopped at arms length, her aunt looking at her disbelievingly.

  “Oh my dear, tell me what happened?!” Her aunt said while flicking a piece of jello of Cloe’s shoulder with her manicured index finger.

  Cloe quickly divested the burdensome tale to her aunt who shook her head and muttered “typical.” Without another word, she stomped off to speak with the Vice Principal.

  Cloe and Kim exchanged looks and resumed their seat of shame. After what felt like forever but was probably more like ten minutes, the Vice Principal came out of his office looking like he had been to hell followed by her aunt who was crisp and triumphant, carrying a smug expression.