Teagan's Story: Her Battle With Epilepsy

by Talia Jager

  Something smelled funny. “Do you smell that?” I asked her.

  “Smell what?”

  I shrugged. “Something.”

  “No.”

  As we walked towards the table, I noticed it looked like it was further away. I tried to focus, but couldn’t. I knew then. It was inevitable. I wouldn’t make it to the table.

  * * *

  A sterile smell tickled my nose. I felt cold. My head pounded. Slowly, I opened my eyes. The bright light was blinding to my sensitive eyes. I quickly shut them again. My head pounded harder. I whimpered. What happened? Where was I?

  I brought my hands up to my head. I felt bandages. What was going on? I forced my eyes open. Immediately, I could tell I was in a hospital. As my eyes began to focus, I realized that Connor was sleeping in the corner. I swallowed and licked my lips. “Connor?” I whispered. My throat was dry. “Connor?”

  He stirred and opened his eyes. He saw me and smiled. “Well, hi there.” He stood up and walked over to the bed. His hair was a mess and he looked horrible. “How do you feel?”

  “My head hurts.”

  He smiled. “I bet.”

  “Why am I here?” I asked.

  He sat down on the bed. “You had a seizure in school yesterday, hit your head on a table on the way down.”

  “Yesterday?”

  “Yeah, you’ve been out for about twenty hours.”

  “That would explain the bandages.” I sighed.

  “Your head hit hard. Cut it open. They stitched it up real good though,” he explained. “Your friend, Maddie, she got help right away.”

  “It’s been a long time since I’ve hurt myself during a seizure.”

  “I know. It’ll be okay, Teagan.”

  A nurse walked in the room. “Hi, I’m April. Did you just wake up?” she asked.

  “Yeah, a few minutes ago.”

  “How are you feeling?” she asked tossing her long, black hair behind her shoulder.

  “My head is pounding,” I said.

  “I will get you something for that. Everything else okay?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay, I’ll be right back.” She smiled at Connor.

  “She likes you,” I teased him.

  “How can you tell?”

  “I just can. When a girl smiles like that, another girl can tell.”

  “Whatever.” He laughed rolling his eyes.

  “Where’s Kate?”

  “She went home to take a nap. She was here all night.”

  “She is so good, Connor. You married one of the good ones.”

  “I know.” He blushed.

  April walked back in and gave me the pain medication. “Thank you.” I smiled. “Do I get to go home now?”

  “No, the doctor wants to keep you here tonight. If everything is good, you can go home tomorrow.”

  “Seriously?” She nodded. Stuck here another night. I hated being in the hospital.

  “I’ll stay with you.”

  “No, it’s okay,” I told him. “I’ll be fine. You should go home and get some sleep. Go take a break. It’s not like you get them often.”

  Connor reluctantly agreed, but refused to leave before I ate my dinner. He promised he would go then and have a night with his wife. The medication helped somewhat. Not as much as usual. I guessed that was the result of hitting my head as I went down.

  “If anything happens, they will call you.” I pointed to the nurses. “Go home.” I smiled trying to make him feel better about leaving.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. I love you for wanting to stay. It’s okay, go.”

  He nodded and kissed my forehead. “You call me if you need anything.”

  “I will,” I promised. He nodded and hesitated before finally walking out the door.

  * * *

  Shortly after Connor left, someone knocked on the door. “Come on in,” I called.

  The door opened. Maddie and Mandi walked in. “Hey, how are you?”

  I smiled, blood rushing to my face again. “Hi guys. I’m okay.”

  “Really?”

  “Really. I bumped my head, but it’ll go away,” I said.

  Maddie scoffed. “Bumped? More like smashed your head. One second you’re talking about a smell and the next BAM! On the floor.” She shook her head.

  “Well, it does hurt a whole lot.”

  “I bet.” She laughed.

  Mandi sat down. “The teachers gave me your homework for the week. It’ll give you something fun to do.”

  “Yeah, that’s it,” I said sarcastically.

  “When will you be getting out of here?” Mandi asked.

  “Tomorrow.” I turned towards Maddie. “Was there a lot of blood? Connor said I needed stitches.”

  “Some, not a lot,” she answered.

  “Everyone talking?” I asked, worried about going back to school.

  “I guess. Lots of people saw this one so they’ll talk for a while, it’s not a big deal,” Mandi answered.

  We all talked for a little while longer. April stuck her head in at eight o’clock. “Visiting hours are over.”

  Maddie and Mandi said goodbye and then they left. I turned out the light and went to sleep.

  * * *

  In the morning, Dr. Logan came to see me. “Good morning, Teagan.”

  “Good morning.”

  “Starting off the new year with a trip to the hospital,” he joked.

  “I gave it a few weeks,” I joked back.

  “Are you feeling okay?” he asked.

  “My head hurts, but other than that, I feel fine.”

  “You hit it pretty good. I hear you slept for almost a whole day.”

  I nodded. “That’s what Connor said.”

  “Have you gotten up yet?”

  “Yes, I’ve been to the bathroom a few times.”

  “Any dizziness?”

  “No.”

  “Well, I don’t see any reason to keep you here. So, I’m going to discharge you today. Have you thought any more about the surgery?” he asked.

  “Yes. I have. But, I don’t know what to do. Isn’t it for people who have a different kind of seizure?”

  “It depends on where the seizure starts. We would have to do the brain mapping and find out where yours start. If it is in one area and then spreads, it’s possible that surgery could help you. If your entire brain seizes at once, the surgery wouldn’t help. I can’t know that unless we do the mapping.”

  “If we did that and it was in one spot and I had the surgery, what are the success rates?” I asked.

  “Well, about 60% of people are then seizure free, another 30% have a great reduction in seizures and the last 10% have no changes.”

  “And there’s a risk of dying or being in a coma.”

  “It’s rare, but the risk is there.”

  “I’ll think more about it. But, I’m not sure I’d do it before I graduated high school.”

  “Fair enough. Think about it real good though. It might be your best chance at a normal life.”

  It was on my mind when Connor picked me up. I didn’t bring it up though, I didn’t want to upset him. I knew he wasn’t too sure about the surgery and if I wanted it, I would have to convince him. “Did you have a good night?” I asked on the car ride home.

  “Yes, it was very nice. Thanks for banging your head and making that possible,” he teased me.

  “Anytime…”

  “No,” he interrupted. “No more bumping heads.”

  “Okay,” I said. My head still really hurt. I lay down on the couch when we got home and vegged out for the rest of the day.

  * * *

  The next day I found enough energy to get up and get online to check my email. Zander had written many times. He was online when I signed on. He messaged me right away. Teagan, talk to me.

  I put my fingers on the keys. I’m here. I wrote.

  How are you?

  Okay.

  I�
�ve missed you.

  I felt bad. Sorry. I’ve been blah lately. I’ve missed you too.

  Is everything okay? he asked.

  Yeah. I had to spend a night at the hospital.

  Why?

  I had a seizure in school. Bumped my head.

  That sucks.

  Sure does.

  We talked for a couple hours. He filled me in on his life, told me a little about how Lainey was doing. I still want to come see you.

  I’d love that, but how?

  I’m not sure. I’m thinking about it. He wrote. I just really want to meet you.

  Why? I’m nothing special.

  But, you are. You are the bravest girl I’ve ever met. You are loving, caring, honest, what else could a guy want?

  You’re young. You’ll find someone better.

  There isn’t anyone better than you.

  I laughed out loud. Maybe someone who doesn’t have epilepsy? I typed.

  Who would want that?

  I didn’t respond right away. You really want to meet me?

  Yes.

  I want to meet you, too.

  Lainey joined in. Hey there.

  Hi. I wrote back to her.

  What’s up? she asked.

  Messaging with Zander.

  Oh, I can go.

  No, I like talking to you too.

  Sure? she asked.

  Yes, I answered.

  Zander said, We’ll figure something out. But, I’ve gotta go right now.

  Okay, talk to you later, I responded.

  Now, it was just Lainey and me. You okay? I asked her.

  Just bummed, she responded.

  Why?

  Had a seizure this morning. I just don’t feel like myself.

  Yeah, I know how that feels.

  I overheard my parents fighting again. I just can’t take this crap anymore. All they ever do is fight. She typed.

  I’m sorry.

  I can’t wait to get out of here.

  I don’t think I’ll ever get out of here, I wrote.

  Maybe we should all just runaway. Start our own epilepsy community.

  I laughed. LOL, that would be great.

  She typed a smiley face. How have you been?

  I ended up in the hospital. Had a TC seizure at school. Hit my head on the table on my way down.

  Oh that sucks.

  Yeah. They said I was out for twenty hours or so.

  Wow!

  Wasn’t fun.

  After talking to her for another hour, we said goodbye and I closed my laptop.

  * * *

  Going back to school was harder than what I thought it would be. It seemed like everyone was noticing me, remembering what happened in the cafeteria. It was hard to walk by the whispers. I felt like screaming at them. I don’t want this to happen! Do you think I like having a seizure in front of everybody?

  As I walked to homeroom, some kid yelled, “Freak!” I tried to ignore it, but it really hurt.

  I hid in the bathroom in between classes. I didn’t want to be to class early and I figured if I rushed, I wouldn’t be taking the time to listen to the whispers.

  On Thursday, I got a card from Zander. It was so sweet. In it he wrote: Sending lots of hugs until I can be there and give them to you myself. I smiled. I jumped online and sent him a thank you.

  “Hey, Teagan, are you coming to the dance tonight?” Maddie asked Friday at school.

  I shook my head. “Nah.”

  “Why not?”

  I looked over at her. “Are you serious? Why would I want to sit and watch everyone else have fun?”

  “You’d have fun.” She pushed her hair behind her ears.

  “Really? With who?”

  “Me.”

  “And who are you going with?”

  “Brad.”

  “Right. You need to be having fun with him. Not me. You certainly don’t need me to hang around and ruin your evening.”

  “We’ll find you a guy to bring.”

  I laughed. “That’s funny.”

  “Seriously.”

  “Oh, okay… who?”

  She looked around. Then she got up and went to a group of guys. I could tell she was talking to them and they were shaking their heads. She walked away and went to another table and started talking to them. They started shaking their heads. After about five minutes, she came back looking very upset. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “I’m not having any luck.” She sighed. “I don’t get it.”

  “You don’t?”

  “No.”

  “Okay, I’ll explain it to you. I have epilepsy. Nobody in their right mind wants to date a girl who has it,” I told her.

  “But that’s wrong.”

  “To you and me, maybe. But, to them… well, it freaks them out. You and I are friends, but remember the first time you saw me have one. You, yourself, said it was freaky. I know they’re freaky and I’ve never seen one. They just happen to me. To be honest, if I was normal, I don’t think I’d want to date someone who could drop and have a seizure at any minute,” I rambled.

  “But, you’re so pretty. You are such a good person. They shouldn’t say no just because you might have a seizure.”

  “I know. But, it happens.” I sighed. “Now, I need some chocolate.” I eyed her brownie.

  She laughed and handed me half. “There you go.”

  “Thank you,” I mumbled, stuffing my face with the rich, chocolaty brownie.

  I skipped the dance that night, but I thought about it a lot. My friends were there with their boyfriends. They were dancing, singing, laughing and having a good time. I was stuck home watching TV. It sucked.

  * * *

  Lainey sent me an email. “Upped my meds again last week. Haven’t had a seizure since. Maybe it’s working this time. I would be so happy to be free of them for a while. To think about not talking about it for a month even, that would be wonderful. I’m really going crazy here, Teagan. My parents just keep fighting. It’s awful. I wish I could just get up and leave. Why does this condition have to limit us so much? Talk to you later. Lainey.”

  I sighed. She sounded like me. I guess after so many years of daily seizures, a person starts to get worn down. I replied to her email. “Lainey, I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I know how you feel. I’m glad that the meds seem to be working. I hope they continue to work forever. Can you ask your parents to stop fighting when you’re home? I have hope that they will someday find a cure for epilepsy. Hang in there. Teagan.”

  Chapter Twelve

  On Saturday, I was sitting in the living room watching TV. Kate was sitting in the recliner reading a book and Connor was typing on his laptop. I was watching some medical show on Discovery Health. I liked watching them. They helped to make me see that I’m not alone in this world. There are other people who have worse diseases or problems than I have.

  I felt very weird for a few seconds and then everything went black.

  I woke up to my all too familiar pounding head, the one that told me I had had a seizure. It wasn’t nice. Kate was in the room; I could hear her talking gently to me. I couldn’t quite make out the words yet. I licked my lips and tried to open my eyes. After blinking a few times, Kate came into focus. She smiled. “Hey there. Connor is getting your meds.”

  I closed my eyes and nodded. Kate put the washcloth on my forehead. Connor walked in. “She’s awake.”

  “Good. Here.” He put a pill in my mouth and gave me the water. I drank some.

  “Thanks,” I whispered.

  “Sleep now,” Kate said. “We’ll be here.” She squeezed my hand before letting go.

  I tried to smile and closed my eyes. Quickly, I drifted to sleep.

  Later on, I woke up and went to the bathroom. I went back to my room to write in my journal. Connor came in looking unsure. He stood there for a minute, his green eyes looking sad. He handed me a DVD. “This is what you wanted. I wasn’t going to do it, but I had the camera out.�
��

  I nodded knowing what it was. “Thank you.” He nodded, thrusting his hands into the pockets of his jeans, and slowly left the room. I put the DVD down on my desk. I couldn’t watch it just yet.

  Later that night, I stuck it the DVD into my laptop. I clicked on the play button and watched what Connor had captured on video. The first few scenes were of me staring off into space. One while watching TV, one while doing homework, and one eating dinner. It was weird. I just stopped whatever it was I was doing, stared off for a little bit and then picked right back up where I had left off like no time had passed.

  The next part was my last tonic-clonic seizure. I was on the floor near the couch. Connor placed the camera down on something so it could record what it needed to. First my body stiffened. My coloring changed. I looked a bit blue. Then all of a sudden, my arms and legs began jerking around. I could see Connor and Kate pushing away furniture and sitting near me. They didn’t touch me, didn’t try to stop it, they just waited for the seizure to stop. Finally, my body stopped moving and my head dropped to the side a little. The seizure was over.

  I could see tears running down Connor’s face. After I stopped seizing, he scooped me up in his arms and carried me away. A few minutes later he came back and turned the camera off.

  I wiped away my tears. It definitely was freaky to watch myself on video. But, now I could see what other people saw. I put the DVD away on my shelf. I wasn’t sure I’d ever watch it again, but I figured I’d keep it just in case.

  As Maddie and her boyfriend grew closer, he started sitting with us at lunch and was around in between classes. I didn’t mind it much and he seemed to get more relaxed around me. I only wished I had someone to be with.

  There was a guy in English class that was really cute. He didn’t have a girlfriend that I knew of. He said hi to me, but never anything else. To be with him… to be a normal girl out on a normal date, that would be wonderful. But, right now, I had to be satisfied with just dreaming about him. Dreaming about any guy. Most of the time, my dreams would have Zander in them.

  * * *

  “Teagan, you’ve been distracted about something lately. What is it?” Connor asked me.

  I just shrugged. “Nothing important.”

  “It’s something.”

  I sighed. “It’s just… I want to be normal. I want to be liked… by a boy.”

  He blushed a little. “Oh. You will.”

  “Now. My friends have boyfriends. I want one too.”

  “There is someone for you out there.”

  “I don’t need to find the perfect guy right now. Just going out on a few dates with different guys would be great. Some guy to show interest would be nice,” I ranted.

  “You are a beautiful girl, Teagan. It’ll happen.” He kept trying to reassure me.