Teagan's Story: Her Battle With Epilepsy

by Talia Jager

  “I hope you’re right.”

  Colder temperatures gave way to warmer ones. The grass turned green again, the trees started to come alive. Bright colored Tulips popped up in the gardens. Birds chirped. I was in better spirits. Spring was always a good time - a time when the world wakes up. Everyone seemed happier in the spring.

  I read my emails after school every day. Lainey was getting more and more impatient at home. Zander was still hoping to come after he graduated. I hadn’t brought that up with Connor and Kate yet. What would I say? This guy from the Internet was going to come and meet me. That wouldn’t fly. I’d just have to wait and see what happens. Maybe he can stay in a motel and I can introduce him some other way. I knew there would be no way Connor would let him take me out. But, maybe he’d let him come over and visit.

  * * *

  Dr. Logan kept me on the anti-depressant medication. He said there was an improvement in the number of seizures in the last few months. According to my log and his notes, the number of seizures I had been having was cut in half. Knowing this, I felt better about myself.

  Having the online resources I did helped a great deal. I loved being a helper on the teen epilepsy message boards. I loved having the friends I did on there. I enjoyed talking to other people like me. I was reading through posts people had made and Zander messaged me.

  Hey there. He typed.

  Hi.

  I told my parents I was going to leave when I graduated.

  Really?

  They didn’t freak out real bad. They just asked a lot of questions.

  That’s good.

  I can’t wait. I want to meet you so bad.

  I smiled. Me too.

  We talked about school and music for a while. I got tired and went to bed by eleven.

  After a depressing email I got from Lainey, I decided I had to call her. “Hello?”

  “Lainey, it’s Teagan.”

  “Oh hi, Teagan! It’s so nice to hear from you!” She sounded a little happier.

  “I got your email. You seemed really depressed. I wanted to see how you were,” I said. “Everything okay.”

  “No, but I’m dealing with it,” she answered. “My dad is moving out. My mom is a mess. The stress doesn’t help, ya know?”

  “Yeah, I know. You doing okay?”

  “I had a seizure yesterday, sucked. At least my parents stopped fighting for ten minutes. Teagan… have you ever thought of maybe going off the meds? I mean… maybe if I keep having seizures, they’ll stay together.”

  I felt bad for her. She was really going through a lot. “No, Lainey, you can’t do that. You could go into status epilepticus. That would be really bad. Your parents are going to split even if you do that. Don’t risk your health.” I tried to talk her out of that idea. “My parents would have died no matter what. Not taking my meds wouldn’t change that.”

  “That’s different.”

  “Maybe. But, please don’t do that.”

  “Do you ever think about just stopping?”

  “Sure. I’d love to throw all those pills down the drain. But, then what? I’d have so many seizures that I’d probably be brain dead.”

  “Yeah. I hate it here,” she said sadly.

  “I can’t imagine what it must be like to be in the middle of all that fighting. I’m sorry you have to go through that. Is there someplace you can go to get away from it?”

  “Not really. My parents are real strict about it.”

  “How about your bedroom? Play some music. Read a book. Type an email.” I tried to give her some suggestions.

  “Yeah, I try to do that. I just wish the seizures would go away so that I could be independent.”

  “I know what you mean. Maybe we can text more often.”

  “Sure, that would be cool.”

  We talked for a while longer and then said our goodbyes. I felt bad for her. She was alone in a house where all they did was fight. I wished I could help her somehow. I wished I could pick her up and go out to a movie. But, that would never happen.

  * * *

  I went almost a month without a tonic-clonic seizure. It was a record for me. Never had I gone that long without having one. But, they caught up with me hard. It was like my brain was saying “gave you a break, now it’s time to pay up”. I was in English class when it happened. I could feel it coming on, but I couldn’t stop it. I tried to alert Mandi, but I couldn’t talk. I tried to grab at her hand before everything went black.

  “Beep… beep… beep…”

  Even with my eyes closed, the lights bothered me. My head was pounding again. I put my hand over my eyes to make it darker.

  “Here, Teagan,” I heard Kate. She moved my hand and put something cool over my eyes.

  “What happened?” I asked.

  “You had a double seizure at school,” she answered.

  “Double?”

  “Yeah. The school called 911.”

  “Hospital?”

  “Yeah. You were still seizing when the ambulance got there. They gave you medicine to stop and the hospital is keeping you overnight.”

  “Again?” I grumbled

  “Yeah, just to be safe. You haven’t had a seizure like this in years. And you’ve been out for quite a while.”

  I sighed. “Okay.”

  I felt her touch my hand. “I’ll be here if you want to go back to sleep.”

  “Where’s Connor?” I asked.

  “He went to get some dinner.”

  “Good.” I mumbled and drifted off to sleep.

  When I woke up again, the sun was shining through the window. I was able to focus and I pushed the button on my bed to raise myself up. My head wasn’t pounding anymore. I tried to remember what happened, but no memory of it came back. I did remember Kate telling me something about a double seizure. Figures. I was doing so well. I couldn’t remember the last time I went so long without a seizure and I couldn’t remember the last time I had a double seizure.

  “Hello Miss Teagan.” Dr. Logan walked in the room.

  “Hi Dr. Logan.”

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Better.”

  “Good. So, you went ahead and had a double, huh?”

  I nodded. “Yeah. I figured I’d try something different.”

  He laughed. “Glad to see you still have your sense of humor.” He listened to my heart and lungs. He checked my vitals and sat down. “There doesn’t seem to be any brain damage or head injury. I think you can go home now. Keep taking the medicine.”

  “Do you think this was just a one time thing?”

  “Yeah. In your case, I think it is. Did you think about surgery?”

  “Yes. I’m still not sure. I was thinking about going ahead with the brain mapping part to see if it’s even an option.”

  “The surgery has come a long way in the last few years. In 2004, we couldn’t help a lot of people with your kind of seizures. In the past year though, we’ve been able to. It doesn’t usually cure it. To be honest, with your seizures, I could see you having to stay on your meds. Maybe with the combination of meds and the surgery, you would have very few seizures, if any,” he said. “I don’t think we’ll be able to fix you completely.”

  “I understand. Can we do the mapping now?”

  “You said you wanted to wait for after graduation?”

  “Yes. For the surgery.”

  “Then I’d wait. We like to do it at the same time. Do the mapping first and see what it says and if we think we can operate, go ahead and do it then.”

  “Oh. I see.” I was a little disappointed. I wanted to know now if I was even a candidate for the surgery.

  “If you really want to wait for graduation, we’ll do it all then. If you want the surgery now, we could do that too.”

  “What?” Connor and Kate walked in. “What’s going on?”

  “I was just asking about the surgery,” I said.

  “Teagan… I don’t know about that. Mom and Dad were always aga
inst it.”

  “It’s my life, Connor.” I raised my voice.

  “Yes it is. But, you’re still a minor, Teagan.”

  “Oh, that’s how you’re going to play it,” I said sarcastically.

  “Yes. You need my permission for that surgery and it’s not going to happen right now,” he stated sternly.

  The doctor stood up. “Connor, we were just talking about options, that’s all. She can go home now. Make sure she rests up today and stays on the same dosages. She can go back to school in a day or two.” He waved and walked out of the room.

  “You didn’t have to make a scene.”

  “I don’t like the idea of you having brain surgery,” he said.

  “It might be my only option,” I responded.

  “Maybe. But, I think it’s something we should talk about and decide before setting it up.”

  “I wasn’t setting it up. I thought maybe they could do the tests to find out if I can even have the surgery. But, he said they do the mapping right before the scheduled surgery. I guess they cancel it if they can’t do anything.”

  “It’s brain surgery, Teagan!”

  “To give me a better life.”

  “You don’t like your life?”

  I hesitated, not sure how to word how I was feeling. “Not really. I love you and Kate. School is even okay. But, if I’m ever to be on my own, I will need this surgery.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t know… I just don’t know. Lets get out of here; we’ll talk about it some other time.”

  I nodded. Connor left to sign all the papers. Kate helped me up and helped me get dressed. “He’s just concerned.”

  “I know. I still don’t know what to do. I’m trying to have an open mind. This is killing me, Kate. I feel so weak after a seizure. I feel helpless and sad. I don’t want to be a burden. I want to be able to go out. There’s just so much to think about. So much going into the decision,” I said.

  I felt very dizzy. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah.” I sat back down on the bed. I took some deep breaths. “This sucks.”

  Kate took my hand. “It’ll be okay.” She was so beautiful, inside and out. I was genuinely happy for Connor.

  “Thanks, Kate.”

  “For what?”

  “Being a great sister.”

  She smiled. “I’d do anything for you, Teagan.”

  “I know,” I said. When Connor came back in, he brought a wheelchair. I nodded and sat down. “You always know what I need. This last seizure has made me feel so weak.” I sat down and let him push me to the car. Kate helped me in the car while Connor returned the wheelchair.

  The ride home was quiet. I sat in the back seat and watched the houses go by. All these people living normal lives - going to school or work, finding the love of their life, having children, living happily. Would I ever be happy? It didn’t seem fair.

  When we got home, they helped me inside. “I’m going to go lay down,” I told them.

  “Okay, do you need anything?” Connor asked.

  I shook my head. “No thanks.”

  I walked towards the room. “She seems really weak today,” Kate said to Connor.

  “Yeah,” he responded. “The doctor said she might be weaker than usual. He said to check on her often.”

  “Okay.”

  I closed my door a little and curled up in a ball on the bed. It was so much more comfortable then that hospital bed. I closed my eyes and drifted off easily.

  The phone rang. I opened my eyes and sat up. Glancing at the clock, I realized it was two hours later. I got up and walked out into the living room. “Oh, she’s awake, hold on.” Kate covered the mouthpiece of the phone. “It’s Mandi, are you up to talking to her?”

  I nodded. “Sure.” I took the phone. “Hey Mandi.” Kate went into her bedroom and closed the door.

  “Hi,” she said. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, just real tired,” I answered.

  “Oh. Will you be back to school tomorrow?”

  “Maybe. The doctor said it would be okay, but I just feel so blah, I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it through the whole day.”

  “Have you had many of those long seizures before?” she asked.

  “No, I think I only had one as a kid. This would be my second. I don’t remember a lot. Let me ask you… what was it like?”

  “What?”

  “The seizure? Was it just really long?”

  “Well… you grabbed my arm seconds before you fell off the chair. Then you just seized for the usual couple minutes. I thought it was done, but a few seconds later, you had another seizure and that one just kept going. I think it was about five minutes. I don’t know. It felt like five hours!” She explained. “Mrs. McGee called the nurse and she called 911 after the second seizure started.”

  “Thanks, it helps me to understand what I’m going back to. It’s always so hard to return to school after a seizure. I just never know how anyone is going to react.”

  “I think most people are getting used to it. Well, as much as anyone can be used to something like that.”

  “Yeah, I guess.” I thanked her for calling and hung up.

  I wandered into the kitchen and started looking through the cupboards. I was hungry. I decided on some cereal. I got out a bowl and spoons. Then I got the box of cereal. All of a sudden I realized the cereal was overflowing all over the table. “Darn,” I muttered. I tried to clean it up. Tears welled up in my eyes. I leaned against the counter and slid down to the floor. I hugged my knees and started sobbing.

  Connor and Kate came in. “Teagan?”

  “Teagan, what’s going on?” Kate sat down next to me.

  “I… I… I just wanted some cereal.”

  “Okay, I’ll get you some.”

  I shook my head. “I want to do it. For once… I want to do something for myself.” I sniffled. “But, I can’t. It’s not fair!” I closed my eyes. My body shook with the sobs.

  “No, it’s not fair. But, there isn’t anything we can do about it today,” Kate said, stressing the word today and glancing at Connor. “Let’s go wash your face and I’ll help you get something to eat. Okay?”

  Slowly, I nodded. “Okay.” She helped me up and we went to the bathroom. She got a warm washcloth and I washed my face.

  “Feel better?” she asked.

  “Yeah, thanks.” I dabbed my eyes. I waited a few minutes and then we went back to the kitchen.

  Connor had cleaned up the spilled cereal. Kate told me to sit down and she started making sandwiches. We all ate around the table and tried to be normal and happy. ‘Thank you,” I said, after lunch and walked back to my room.

  I sat on the bed for a while. I held my diary in my hands. I wanted to write in it, but I didn’t know what to say. I put it back down and walked over to the computer. I sat down and pulled up my email.

  I knew Lainey and Zander would be in school, but I sent them an email. “Hey guys. I’m home today. Had a double yesterday. I had the luxury of spending the night in the hospital after the school called 911. I started thinking some more about that surgery, but Connor seems against me getting it. I don’t know what to do. I probably won’t be on much today. This seizure wiped me out. I’ll talk to you both soon. Love, Teagan.”

  I was very weak the next couple days. Everyone decided I should stay home and go back to school after the weekend.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Over the weekend, I talked a lot to Lainey and Zander. We spent a lot of time in the chat room. We would just stay signed in and go back and forth throughout the day, just being there for each other as best we could. No explanations. Just there. Each of us going through something different. Each of us needing a friend. And none of us has anyone who really understands close by. These were friendships built to last.

  Later that weekend, I overheard a conversation between Connor and Kate. “What are we going to do about summer?” Kate asked.

  “I don’t know,”
Connor responded. “Any ideas?”

  “No. You?”

  “No, not really. I can’t think of what to do. Neither of us can take off two months.”

  “What about hiring somebody?” Kate suggested.

  “She’ll hate us,” Connor said.

  “What else can we do?”

  “Can we afford that?” he asked.

  “We might have to use some of your parents’ money.”

  “Who do we get?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Are there any camps she could go to?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I guess we have some thinking to do.”

  Neither of them asked me what I thought. Neither even told me what they were thinking about. I decided to do my own research – I found a couple camp options. Then I remembered that Zander had been to a camp before. He wasn’t online, so I texted him and asked about it. He immediately called me raving about the camp he had been to once as a camper and once as a counselor. “Why?” he asked.

  I told him I needed to find something to do this summer to help Connor and Kate out. “If I’m at camp, they can go to work.” His camp was one of the ones I had bookmarked, so I pulled it back up and did more research on it.

  The next weekend, I asked Connor and Kate to sit down with me. I handed them some printouts I had made. “I found these. I thought maybe I could go. It would help everybody out. If I could attend two sessions, you wouldn’t have to worry about a month of the summer. I know it’s not the answer to the whole summer, but it’s something.”

  Connor and Kate looked over the information. “Camp?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You’ve never been to camp before,” Connor said.

  “I know. Maybe it’s time.”

  “Would you be comfortable there?” Kate asked.

  “Probably not completely. But, at least I wouldn’t be the only one there with epilepsy. It’s a camp for kids with epilepsy and other seizure disorders. It’s the best idea I could come up with. They offer financial support and maybe if you tell them the situation, they’d allow me in for two sessions.”

  Connor smiled. “You’d really go?”

  I nodded. “Of course. I think it would be great for me to go and learn from these people and meet other kids with epilepsy. It would also be good for you guys to get some alone time.”

  Connor nodded. “I think it’s a good idea. I will call tomorrow and see what we have to do.”

  I emailed both Lainey and Zander. My idea was growing and I was hoping it would work. “I’m registering for camp this summer at the one that Zander has gone to. Lainey, I was thinking that maybe you could come too and Zander if you could be a counselor again, that would get us all together. It’s an idea. They even offer financial aid.” I gave them the website and crossed my fingers.