by Talia Jager
“Those feelings are very normal, Teagan. I have a feeling your friends are going to stay your friends for the rest of your life, no matter how many seizures you have. They were very concerned last night. They were very loving and caring. Just like you were with Lainey.”
I nodded. “I hope you’re right. Did you call my brother?”
“Yes, I let him know last night that you had a seizure, but that you were fine and you were sleeping.”
“He didn’t freak out?”
“No. He asked if he should come get you and I told him no, this happens here and that you were fine.”
“Yeah, that’s Connor. He’s very protective.”
“Well, here we are. Ready?”
I took a deep breath and nodded.
She opened the door and we walked in. Everyone was busy talking and eating. Pam went over to our table and spoke to Meg. Meg waved me over. Slowly, I walked over to her and she hugged me. “Nice to have you back.”
I smiled. “Thanks.”
I sat down next to Lainey at the table. She wrapped her arms around me. “Hi.”
“Hi.” I closed my eyes and thanked God for giving me a friend like her.
“You okay?” she asked.
“I am now.” I smiled. “Thanks for being there.”
“Do you remember it?”
“Not really. I remember seeing you at some point and the nurse told me you were there.”
She smiled. “Someone else was very concerned.” She looked over at Zander who was staring at me.
I smiled at him and he returned the smile. What I really wanted to do was run up to him and give him a hug. “Was he okay with it?”
“Can anyone be?” she asked.
“Well, you know what I mean. Was he freaked out?”
“No, just upset that it had to happen to you.”
“What about you? Did I freak you out?”
“I’ve gotta say, it was almost neat to watch. I’ve never seen one before. But, then it’s upsetting too because it’s your best friend laying there while their brain seizes.”
I laughed. “Well, that’s one way to put it.”
Rylee and Peyton both welcomed me back. Meg and Gabby sat back down at the table. “Well, now that we’re all together again, let’s talk about the day we have planned.”
* * *
The next few days were filled with fun, laughter, and friendship. Neither Lainey nor I had more tonic-clonic seizures, so we were able to fully enjoy the camp experience. We swam, did horseback riding, played games, sang songs, did more arts and crafts, learned more about epilepsy and finished our training to be counselors.
On Sunday, we were called to the main cabin. “Teagan, come on over,” one of the staff members waved. “How are you doing?”
“Good,” I answered.
“Did you still want to stay?” he asked.
“Yes, I would love to.”
“Do you think you’re ready to be a counselor?”
“Well, I’ve never been one, so I’m not sure. But, I went to all the trainings; I know what to do, so I think I’m ready.”
“Okay. We are going to have you be an extra counselor. So, you won’t have an assignment at a specific cabin, but you will help out all over. Is that okay?”
“That would be great! Thank you so much.”
I went back to the cabin to get my stuff. I hugged Rylee and Peyton goodbye and we all exchanged addresses. Meg put her arm around me. “So, you’re going to stay with us as a counselor?”
“Yeah, hopefully I do well.”
“You will. I’ll see you around.”
“Bye.”
Lainey and I walked up to the main cabin. She got the same assignment I did, to help out in all areas. I asked to call Connor and they said sure. After two rings, he picked up. “Hello?”
“Hi big brother.”
“Hey you. How are you?”
“I’m good. This place is great.”
“The nurse called the other day, she said you had a seizure.”
“Yeah, just one big one. It was okay,” I told him.
“You sure?”
“Well, I guess having a seizure is never okay, but it’s the norm here. I’m accepted here. That really helps.”
“I miss you,” he said.
“I miss you too. I really am okay though. I’m going to be a counselor for the next two weeks. Just an extra, not too much responsibility. And I’m making lots of friends.”
“That’s wonderful, Teagan. I’m glad.”
“I just wanted to call and say hi. I love you.”
“I love you, too,” he said and we hung up.
We helped clean up the cabins and halls for the next group that was arriving. Once everything was done, we were shown our new cabin. We didn’t have to sleep with the kids, so they put four of us in a cabin near the nurse’s office.
Lainey and I met Leah and Raven. Leah didn’t have epilepsy. She told us her cousin had tonic-clonic seizures. That was the reason she wanted to work at this camp. Raven had absence seizures. We talked for a couple hours until we were told to go up to the field. Lainey and I were sent to just watch the kids. We stood in the back and made sure nobody wandered away or had a seizure.
It wasn’t until after the campfire that I got to see Zander. He pulled me aside. “Think you can sneak away?”
I laughed. “I don’t know.”
“You have more freedom now. Nobody’s watching you.”
“I can try.”
“Meet me in back of the mess hall in an hour, bring Lainey,” he said and hurried away.
“What was that about?” Lainey asked.
“He wants us to meet him in a little bit.”
“Did he say why?”
“Nope.”
“Well, let’s have a little fun,” she laughed.
An hour later, the two of us excused ourselves to go to the bathhouse. Quietly, we walked to the mess hall instead. Zander and Owen were waiting. “You made it!” Zander smiled.
“This feels so funny.”
“This is what normal teenagers do.”
I laughed. “Yeah, if only we were all normal.”
“There is something I’ve wanted to do for weeks,” he smiled.
“Yeah? What’s that?”
He put out his hand and I took it. Slowly, he pulled me to him and held me in his arms. He smelled earthy and masculine, but a tad sweet too. Our eyes locked and he leaned in. His lips lingered near mine for a few seconds. My heart started beating harder and my breathing sped up. He gently pressed his lips against mine. I melted inside. It was so perfect, so right, and so wonderful. The kiss that had started off slow and gentle was replaced with an increasing passion. He broke the kiss and stepped back a little. “That. I’ve wanted to do that.”
I smiled. “I liked that.”
“You kiss pretty good for never kissing before.”
I blushed and stole a peek at Lainey who was kissing Owen. “Looks like things are going well with them.”
“Owen lives about an hour from you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. He told me that he is moving into an apartment near the college when he gets back home.”
“That’s good for him.”
Zander smiled. “He also said it has two bedrooms. He… ah… offered me the other bedroom if I wanted it. I could apply to the college and see what happens. It’s not real close, but it’s close enough for me to see you at least on the weekends.”
“Wow… I knew you wanted to move, but I can’t believe you actually would do it. What about your parents?”
“They’ll be okay. I’ll just switch to a doctor there. What do you think?” he asked.
I smiled, hardly being able to contain my excitement. “I think it would be wonderful to see you all the time.”
We talked about it for a few more minutes and then Lainey and I went back to our cabin.
* * *
Being a counselor was fun, but no
t quite as much as being a camper. I hung around in the lake. A couple kids had seizures that I got to help with. At first I wasn’t sure what to do, but it was just basics. Make sure they can’t hurt themselves. Find a nurse or stay with the camper while someone else goes. I’d watch kids who just stopped and stared into space. I would go near them in case they needed anything. Most of the time, the kid never noticed that anything happened. It was amazing to watch other people going through what I had gone through my entire life. I wished Mom had let me come to camp. It would have been so helpful.
If Lainey was with me when I had a seizure, she would just hold my hand until it was done. “How do you know?” I asked her out of the blue.
“How do I know what?”
“When I’m having a seizure. Heck, I don’t even know.”
“Well, I don’t always notice. But, when I do, it’s usually your eyes that give you away. It’s just like you’re not there anymore. And sometimes your hands will drop to your sides. Things you’re holding will fall. When you’re with someone so much, you can tell. Of course, if I’m not looking at you, I wouldn’t know,” she explained.
Chapter Seventeen
One night, I was sitting at the campfire long after the campers had gone to bed. A lot of the counselors would stay and talk. Zander, Owen, and Lainey were all there along with Raven, Leah, and about four other counselors that I didn’t know as well.
Zander kept looking over at me. He had the perfect smile. I wondered if I’d spend my life with him. Was that possible? To love someone you just met? To love the guy who kissed you first? Could he handle me? Did he want to settle down with one person? What about kids? I never thought having them would be good… but with him, I could see a child. He would make such a great father. But, with the two of us having epilepsy, there was a real good chance the baby would too.
I laughed to myself. Here I am thinking about marriage and babies with a guy I hardly know. But, I did know him I reminded myself. I’ve known him for years and now I’ve completely fallen in love with him. I sighed.
“You okay?” Lainey asked.
“Yeah, just thinking,” I answered. “It’s nice being out here at night. Look at all those stars.” I sat up a little bit and turned to her. “You like Owen?”
She nodded. “Yeah I do. I don’t want to go home, Teagan. These past weeks have been like a dream. It has been wonderful being here with you, Zander and Owen. I want to stay with you guys forever.”
“Lainey, we don’t live close by.”
“I know… but why can’t it stay like this?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it can, just not now.”
“What do you mean?”
“You and I are still in high school. We can’t just up and quit and move out. We need to finish that. But, then… maybe.”
“But, why just maybe?” she asked.
“Uh… well, I’ve never been anywhere alone. I have too many seizures for that.”
“Yeah, but we’d be there.”
“All the time?” I asked. “Do you remember what my rules are at home?”
She nodded. “No oven, no shower, no driving.”
“Yeah and there’s so much more. You’d be taking care of me. Do you want that responsibility?”
“I don’t mind.”
“What happens when you want to go out? Or if everyone has a class at the same time? Or work?”
“So, if this can never happen, why do you say maybe there’s a chance?”
I glanced up at the stars. “Surgery.”
“I thought you were against that.”
“My parents were. I think Connor is. But, it might be the only way I can live without constant supervision.”
“But, your seizures are generalized. They can’t do much with that.”
“There’s a possibility that they might be able to find where it starts and take that out. I’d still have some seizures, but not so many,” I told her.
“So, you’re going to do it?”
“I don’t know. I certainly am not going to do it now. I will wait until next summer. I want to graduate high school. The surgery… you know the risks. If I end up… worse… then at least I will have accomplished something.” I looked back down.
“Teagan…” She stopped and just hugged me. “Somehow, we’re going to get through this together.”
That was the last thing I remembered. Once again, my world went black. When I opened my eyes again, I saw blurry faces. My head pounded so bad that it brought tears to my eyes. Zander wiped them away. “Owen went to get the nurse,” he told me. Then he kissed me. “I’m here.”
Lainey held my hand. “Me too.”
When the nurse arrived, Zander picked me up and he and Owen carried me to the nurse’s office. She gave me my meds and a washcloth. I smiled not able to form any words of gratitude. Then I fell asleep.
I woke in the morning. Pam was already up and working at her desk. “Good morning, Teagan. How are you feeling?”
“Better, thank you.” I sat up. I noticed some bandages on my arms. “What are these for?” I asked.
“During your seizure last night, you scraped yourself on something. It was bleeding a bit, but nothing too bad. I put some medicine on them and bandaged them up. You can take them off later,” she explained. “I called your brother and let him know what happened. Other than asking if he needed to come get you, he was fine. And your friends have already popped in this morning to check on you, but you were still fast asleep. I’m sure they will want to see you right away.”
I nodded. “Thank you.”
“Let’s get you back to your cabin,” she said. Her aide was in and she asked her to escort me to my cabin, make sure I got changed and to wherever I needed to be. I washed up real quick, changed my clothes and glanced at the schedule. I was supposed to be in the field helping with the sports.
Lainey came running when she saw me and gave me a huge hug. “Hi.”
Owen and Zander came over too and they both hugged me. Zander held me for an extra few seconds. I could feel his love. “You okay?” he asked.
“Other than a few scrapes, I’m fine,” I told him. “Thanks guys for helping me get through this.”
* * *
The weekend neared. Connor and Kate would be here Sunday to pick me up. Part of me couldn’t wait to get home and sleep in my nice comfortable bed. The other part of me never wanted to go home.
On Saturday, I got to witness one of Zander’s seizures. His arm started to twitch a little bit and then it got more intense. He looked at it and just waited. After a minute it stopped. He rubbed his arm for a few seconds and then saw that I was watching. “So, that’s what I do,” he said.
I teased, “Very cool.”
He laughed. “Well, it’s not quite as awesome as yours are.”
I giggled. “I’m glad I got to see one. Did you know it was going to happen?”
“Yeah, I got this déjà vu feeling and there was a ringing in my ears,” he explained.
“Must be weird watching it happen. I don’t know if I could watch myself have seizures all the time.”
“But, I only have a couple a year. It’s not that big of a deal. The meds work great for me.”
“Yeah, I wish they worked for me.” I sighed.
“We’ll find something that works,” he said. “I know we will.”
* * *
Sunday arrived and the campers were all picked up. Our families were told to come a few hours later because we helped clean up. When we were all done, we sat around waiting. Lainey couldn’t stop crying. Owen was just pacing around in a circle.
“Come on guys,” I said. “Let’s be positive about this. We just spent one awesome month together. Something none of us dreamed of doing last year. So, if we can accomplish this, what can we accomplish for next year?”
“You won’t forget me?” Lainey asked.
“Not a chance,” Owen responded.
She looked over at me. “You either.”
Lainey turned to me and took my hand. “Teagan, when you have a seizure, feel my hand in yours guiding you back.”
I was crying now. “I will. Thank you.”
Owen hugged and kissed Lainey. They talked quietly for a few minutes. Zander pulled me close to him and kissed me. “I will never forget this past month. You have my heart,” he said. My eyes got all teary again. “We will make this work. We will all be together again.” He kissed me long and soft.
“Okay guys, the rest of the counselors are coming,” Owen said. We had a big group hug.
We said goodbye to the other people we had met and slowly one by one cars pulled up. Lainey, Owen and Zander’s parents showed up. They were all hugging. I saw Connor and Kate walking up. I ran to them and gave them a big hug. “You look so grown up,” Connor teased.
“You look good,” Kate said.
“Thanks.” I smiled. “I’d like you to meet some of my friends. I brought them over to them. “This in Lainey, Zander and Owen. Guys this is Connor and Kate.” They shook hands with them and with their parents.
A few minutes later, we all walked to our cars. I paused before getting in the car and waved at Lainey and Zander. Tears ran down my face. I could see that Lainey was crying too. I wiped them away and got in the car. “You okay?” Kate asked me.
I nodded. “Yeah. I had a really good time. Thanks for letting me come.”
Connor turned around. “Anything to make you happy, Teagan.” I had a feeling that someday I’d have to remind him he said that.
Chapter Eighteen
Three hours later, we were home. It felt good to be in a house. Kate cooked dinner while I unpacked. I took out my digital camera and uploaded all the pictures I took to my computer. I went through them. They made me laugh and cry. I’d have to email some to Lainey and Zander later on.
At the dinner table, I asked the big question. “So, what’s the plan for the rest of the summer?”
“Well,” Connor started. “Maddie and Mandi called. They offered to come here during the week. They said they could do two days each. So, Kate and I will alternate taking off the extra day.”
“My friends are going to babysit me?” I asked.
“No, they’re going to hang out with you. Teagan, they called wanting to help. They said they just wanted to be there for you. I offered them money and they wouldn’t take it. I’ll tell them no if you have a problem with it, but I thought maybe you’d enjoy spending time with them,” Connor said.