by Talia Jager
I nodded. “It’s fine.” I remembered bringing the whole summer situation up with them on the last day of school. They must have concocted the idea of staying with me after that.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” I smiled. I wasn’t really crazy about the idea, but I knew Connor didn’t have much of a choice. “So, did you guys relax while I was away?”
Kate smiled. “We missed you, but we did relax and spent a lot of time together. As nice as it was, we’re glad you’re home.”
Kate stayed home on Monday. She wanted to spend the day with me. We talked a little about camp, watched some TV, and went to the grocery store.
That night I got emails from Zander and Lainey. Zander wrote: “Teagan, I miss you so much. It was so good to hold you. My arms ache to do it again. I’m making plans to leave here. I’ve applied to the colleges near you. Keep your fingers crossed. Love, Zander.”
Lainey wrote: “Teagan, I miss you! My Dad went to a hotel while I was gone. He’s applying for new jobs around the country. Guess he doesn’t want to be here anymore. This year is going to be long and hard, but now I see light at the end of the tunnel. I can’t wait to see you again. Hugs, Lainey.”
I wrote back to both of them filling them in on what the rest of my summer looked like, telling them how much I enjoyed our time together and how much I missed them. I attached one of the pictures of the four of us from camp.
The next day, both Maddie and Mandi showed up. We hugged and they started bombarding me with questions about camp. I answered them without telling them everything. “You met a boy?” Maddie asked.
“Yup,” I answered. “He’s the best.”
“Wow! That’s great! Did you guys… you know?”
“Did we what? Kiss? Yes. Anything more? No.”
“Sounds like you had a good time,” Mandi said.
“I did. It was nice being with people who are like me.”
“Well, we may not be like you, but we sure do care about you.”
I smiled. “I know, thanks. I’m so lucky to you have you both.”
* * *
As the days wore on, one friend or the other would show up. Sometimes they would both show up. They would sit with me all day. We’d watch TV, have snacks, and just talk. It wasn’t bad; it just wasn’t all that good either. Not as an everyday thing.
I found myself comparing these friends to the friends from camp. It was interesting to see the differences. Although, Maddie and Mandi said they didn’t care about the epilepsy, I’d find them staring at me occasionally. I realized it was usually after I had an episode. It didn’t make me mad, they were just curious.
However, Lainey never stared at me, she just took my hand and went back to whatever it was she was doing. It was normal for her. Even though she didn’t have the same kind of seizures, she didn’t wonder as much.
Connor stayed home with me the next Monday. He was more like Lainey when it came to reacting to seizures, but he still would ask me if I was okay. He would watch over me and not relax. Lainey would be with me instead of watching and waiting for any hint of a seizure to strike. But, Connor didn’t stare. Kate was mostly like that too. Connor and Kate, they’ve been around epilepsy for so long, it was normal to them. But, unlike Lainey, they didn’t have epilepsy. That was the big difference.
* * *
The next Tuesday, I was walking from the kitchen to the living room with some popcorn so we could munch on it while watching a move. Both Maddie and Mandi had come to hang out that day. They were lying on the floor watching the TV. With no warning, everything went black.
“Teagan? It’s Mandi. Can you hear me?”
I struggled to open my eyes. My head pounded as usual. “You okay?” Maddie asked. My eyes began to focus a little. “Mandi, get a pillow for her head.” I felt them put the pillow under my head. “Teagan, we called Connor, he’s on his way. He should be here in a few minutes. Is there anything we can do for you until then?” I tried to speak, but I couldn’t. “Think she’s okay?” Maddie looked up at Mandi.
“Yeah. Just let her rest.”
“We’ll be right here with you.”
I closed my eyes again and let the darkness in. I opened my eyes again when I felt Connor pick me up. “Hey there. I’m going to go get your meds and a washcloth.” He put me on my bed. “I’ll be right back.”
When I woke up again, I had the washcloth over my eyes. My head felt better. I took off the washcloth and looked over at the clock. It was three in the afternoon. Carefully, I stood up. My foot hurt when I stepped on it and my shoulder ached. I made my way out to the living room. Connor was watching TV. He looked up and smiled. “Hi. How are you doing?”
I nodded, “Okay.” I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I had a bruise on my shoulder. I went back to the living room and sat down. “My foot hurts,” I told Connor.
He sat up and took my sock off. “Oooh… looks swollen. I’m sorry. I should have noticed.”
“It’s not your fault,” I said. “Do you think it’s broken?”
He touched it. “Wiggle your toes.” I did. “Does it hurt?”
“A little.”
“I think maybe you just fell on it wrong, sprained it maybe? I’ll get you some ice and then we can wrap it up.”
I stayed on the couch the rest of the afternoon. Kate got home and made dinner. I hobbled over to the table to eat.
I had to be careful not to walk hard on my foot for the next few days. It really hurt to put a lot of pressure on it. But, by the end of the week it was feeling better.
* * *
Zander called me. “Hey you.”
“Hi.” I smiled at the sound of his voice.
“I got my acceptance letter in the mail today. I can start at the community college up there.”
“No way!”
“My parents were pretty shocked that I was actually going to go through with it. But, I told them they couldn’t keep me here.”
“Wow! I can’t believe you’re going to go through with it!” I laughed.
“I want to be near you.”
“When are you going to move?” I asked.
“Next week. Owen has the apartment now, so everything’s set.”
“That soon?” I was surprised and elated.
“I don’t want to wait any longer,” he answered.
And the next week, he did move. He left his comfort zone for me. He left his family and his doctors and all that, to move closer to me. It made me feel special. It also made me scared. What if we didn’t stay madly in love? What if we broke up? He’d be stuck here for nothing.
* * *
My senior year of high school was starting in a week. I was scared and excited! I was ready to be done with school. And I’ve heard that senior years are the best. Would they be for me as well?
Now that Zander lived closer, he wanted to see me. But, that was going to be hard with school and my family life. I kept putting him off because I didn’t know what to do.
“Don’t you want to see me?” he asked on the phone one night.
“Yes, very much,” I responded.
“Then tell me why you keep saying no.”
I sighed. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I can’t see you at school because they won’t let you on campus and I get picked up by Connor or Kate everyday. I don’t have alone time. I don’t have a time where I can go to the mall and meet you. I have to figure something out.”
“Just be honest. Tell them that you met me at camp and I’d like to come see you.”
“I guess I could try.”
The next afternoon, I got up my nerve and I talked to Kate first. “I wanted to talk to you before Connor because I’m afraid he’ll be too overprotective.”
“Okay…” She raised her eyebrows.
“I met this guy at camp. We kind of hit it off. He doesn’t live too far. I’d like to see him,” I told her.
She looked relieved. “You like someone?”
“I don’t see why you can’t.”
“Do you think Connor will have issues with it?”
“He might. Let me talk to him tonight and then you can talk to him more tomorrow,” she suggested.
“Okay. Thank you.”
The next day, I approached Connor about it. “I was hoping we could talk?” I said.
“About the boy?” He shot me a curious, but stern look.
“Yes.”
He nodded. “I’m listening.”
“You met him, at camp. We’ve been talking a lot since. He doesn’t live far. I’d like to see him, get to know him.”
“I don’t know, Teagan.”
“I’ve always wondered if anyone out there could love me or would want to love me. I’ve wondered if anyone would ever look at me the way you look at Kate. I really want a chance to find out,” I begged.
He sighed. “How am I supposed to let you date?”
“Well, at first, maybe he could just come over. You could get to know him. Then maybe we could go somewhere on a date,” I said, trying to convince him.
“How do I know he’s a good man?”
“He is, Connor. I guess you’ll have to trust me until you can see for yourself.”
“Okay, he can come over for dinner Saturday night.”
I threw my arms around him. “Thank you!”
* * *
I was very excited and nervous about Saturday. I told Zander not to say anything about talking to me online before camp. He arrived right on time. I opened the door. Zander stood there with flowers and a big grin on his face. I smiled as he handed me the flowers. “Thank you.”
“You look beautiful,” he smiled.
I blushed. “I’m in jeans.”
“And you’re beautiful in them.”
“Come on in.” I moved out of the way and shut the door behind him. He wore a pair of nice jeans and a polo shirt. I led him into the living room where Connor and Kate were waiting. “You guys remember Zander?”
They nodded. Connor stood up and shook Zander’s hand. “Nice to meet you again. Welcome to our home.”
“Thank you for having me,” he said politely. I noticed he had tamed his hair for the night.
“Zander, please sit down,” Kate offered.
We sat on the couch. Everyone was quiet for a minute. I wasn’t sure what to say. Zander broke the ice. He started asking Connor about his job. I sat back and relaxed a little. Connor began asking Zander about college and what he planned on doing.
Dinner was ready about thirty minutes later. Kate and I got up and we set the table and served the food. It was delicious and Zander was very polite.
After dinner and cleaning up, we sat back in the living room. “I hate to pry into your personal life, Zander. But, I’m sure you can understand that I’m just worried about my sister.”
“Of course,” Zander answered. “Ask me anything.”
Connor nodded. “Tell me about your epilepsy.”
“I have simple partial seizures. Only one part of my brain is involved. The symptoms depend on what part of the brain the seizures occur in,” Zander began explaining his seizures to Connor and Kate. He told them what happened when he had one, what he felt, and what part of his body jerked around. “The biggest difference of all is that I’m fully conscious during them.”
That seemed to surprise Connor. I could tell from the look on his face that he didn’t realize some seizures were like that. “Really? You can see yourself seizing?”
“Yes and it is weird. I can’t stop it. But, I can stay away from dangerous predicaments.”
Connor sat back. “Do you take medication?”
“Yes, I do. It works pretty well. I only have a couple seizures every year.”
“Have you ever been injured as a result of one of your seizures?” Connor asked.
Zander nodded. “Before I was diagnosed, I had a babysitter who tried to hold my arm down to stop the seizure. My arm ended up fractured. They did tests at the hospital and that was when I was diagnosed. I have never had any other injuries related to the seizures.” Zander told the truth.
“You have feelings for my sister?” Connor asked.
I felt the blood rush to my face. “Connor!”
Zander put his hand on mine. “It’s okay. I don’t mind answering these questions. Yes, I have feelings for her.”
“Do you understand her type of epilepsy?” Kate piped in.
Zander nodded. “As well as I can. I don’t have the type of seizures she has, so I can’t fully understand what she goes through. And I didn’t grow up with someone who had them, so I can’t understand it as well as I’d like to. But, I do know what they are; I have read all I can about all the different types of epilepsy. Teagan and I have talked about her seizures. And at camp, I got to see her have them. I’m not an expert on them, but I’m learning. I can tell you that she’s had two absence seizures since I got here.”
I looked over at him. “I have?”
Kate nodded. “That’s right. You’re observant.” She shot Connor a look.
“Thank you Zander for being so open and honest with us. We really appreciate it,” Connor said. “I’m sure you can understand why I’m so protective of my sister. I’ve watched her grow up with this. And now, I’m her guardian. I’m responsible for her. I know she wants to date you. I want to let her. It’s hard for me to let her out of my sight knowing her seizures are not under control. What will you do when she has a seizure and you are alone with her?”
Zander sat back. “I’ve thought about that many times. Of course, I hope she never has another seizure. However, I believe I am prepared. I know what to do; I know what not to do. It will be hard if we are at the movies or a restaurant. I will need to find a place for her to lie down,” Zander explained what he would do.
Connor looked over at me and then back at Zander. “That brings me to your car. What happens if you have a seizure while you are driving?”
“It hasn’t happened yet. That doesn’t mean it won’t. I know that. However, every time I have had a seizure, I have had a warning. These last about twenty to thirty seconds. That would give me time to pull over. I can’t give you a guarantee that I won’t ever have one while I’m driving. But, I plan on protecting your sister, not hurting her. That’s what I can promise.”
“Well, I can say that you seem to be a gentleman with a good head on your shoulders. I know that you don’t plan on hurting Teagan. It seems that you would know what to do if she had a seizure. I’m sure you can understand that it is still hard for me. I love her. I don’t want to see her get hurt.” He smiled at me. “I would not be against you dating her. But, I want you to stay here for a while. Until I’m more comfortable. You can come for dinner or to watch movies and we’ll go from there. Does that seem okay to you?” he asked Zander’s opinion.
“Definitely. I think it’s a great idea.”
Connor stood up and pulled Kate up. “We are going to go into our room now and we’ll give you two some time to yourselves.”
I smiled up at Connor. “Thank you.”
He bent over and kissed my forehead. “I love you.”
“I know. I love you too.”
Once we were alone, Zander leaned over and kissed me. I closed my eyes and kissed him back. After, a few seconds, he broke the kiss and sat back, leaving me wanting more. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too.” I answered back. It felt good to have his arm around me. We cuddled for a little while and talked. He left a couple hours later. Back in my room, I wrote an email to Lainey telling her all about his visit. It seemed like I might get some happiness in my life after all.
Chapter Nineteen
School started on Wednesday, it was much easier starting this year. Maddie waited for me outside the school and we walked in together. “We’re seniors this year!” I giggled.
“We rule the school!” Maddie hollered.
<
br /> I had a couple classes with Maddie and a couple with Mandi. It was good to be together. I knew if anything happened, I’d be in good hands. This year, everyone was aware of my seizures. Kids didn’t seem to stare at me as much. I didn’t hear as much whispering behind my back. The freshman would probably be the problem this year. When a seizure hit at school, they would be the ones talking.
Zander continued to come over every weekend. He’d spend the evening with us. Sometimes he brought pizza or some other take out food for everyone and we’d watch movies.
Lainey and I talked more often, either on the phone or online. We had become even closer friends and it was good to be able to open up to her. She rambled on about Owen the same way that I did about Zander.
I was glad she had somebody to care for. She kept saying that she planned on moving here when she graduated in June. She had even told her parents that she had had enough and was going to college somewhere else. They of course didn’t like that idea, but Lainey wasn’t giving in.
I started looking at all the colleges around. I wanted to go. I needed to figure out what I wanted to do and what colleges would offer that. Mrs. Tavi was going to help me with that.
Zander had been seizure free since that one at camp and he was able to drive more freely now. He wanted to take me out to dinner and a movie for my eighteenth birthday. But, when I asked Connor, he said, “No.”
“Why not?”
“It’s not safe.”
“Yes it is,” I argued.
“I can’t let you get in a car with someone who has epilepsy.”
“He’s not like me,” I said. “His is controlled.”
“Nothing about this condition is predictable. We don’t know if he’ll have another seizure or not. And you will not be in the car when it happens.”
I sighed. I was not giving up. This was my birthday! “Okay,” I paused. “How about if you drive me there.”
Connor looked up. “What?”
“You drive me to the mall. We have dinner there and then go up to the theater,” I suggested. “When we’re done, I can call you and you can come get me.”
He didn’t respond right away. “What if you have a seizure there?”