A Darker Kind of Love

by Angela Peach

  But as long as I could feel Sophie, I knew we had a chance.

  CHAPTER 22

  SOPHIE'S STORY

  Walking away from Hanna felt like I was literally walking away from happiness and warmth and joy, and it took everything I had to keep going. Even Danny seemed to feel it today and our walk around the park was sad and subdued. I wondered if Hanna realised just how incredibly grateful I was for the little grey staff, who provided me with comfort and safety and endless amounts of unconditional love.

  I paused as I approached the flats, taking a moment to look them over, and although I was sure it was just my imagination, the building looked dark and bleak. Having just come from Ju's warm modern block, this old structure just was not in the slightest bit inviting.

  “Have they always looked like this and I just haven't noticed? What do you think?” I asked Danny, feeling silly for conversing with a dog, but feeling the need to psyche myself up before going in. I took out my phone, playing with it in my hand as I debated calling Hanna and...and what? What exactly did I plan doing? Asking if I could stay at her friend's house? No, Julianne had already been kind enough to invite me over for Christmas – I didn't want to take the piss just because I had the heebie-jeebies. But as I went to put my phone away it rang, and I knew it was Hanna before I even looked at the name. I always did.

  “Hey, I was just about to call you!” I gushed, closing my eyes so I could hear her better.

  “Really, why? Is everything alright?”

  I smiled. Even the sound of her voice was enough to make me feel safe and warm.

  “Yeah, I just...ah fuck, I know it's gonna sound stupid...I um, I'm almost home and I just looked up at the building and...” I shook my head, wondering if I sounded as stupid as I felt now.

  “What?”

  I laughed nervously. Even after everything Hanna and I had shared, I didn't want her thinking I was a massive wuss that felt intimidated by a bloody building. I perched on the edge of a wall and looked back up at it again.

  “It's stupid. It just...it doesn't feel like home anymore.”

  “It's not stupid, sweetie. Home is where the heart is, right?”

  I wanted to say something then. And maybe if we'd been seeing each other longer than a few weeks, I would have. But I didn't.

  “Yeah. Yeah it is.” Hanna, please come back and hold me, tell me everything's going to be okay, because right now I feel like I'm never going to see you again. Of course I couldn't say that. “So, what were you calling me for?”

  “I don't know. I think I just wanted to hear your voice one last time.”

  I had to get off the phone before I actually said something ridiculously stupid, like beg her to come and stay with me because I needed her.

  “Aw, well I'm glad you did. Anyway, I'd better go now. I'll see you tomorrow. Have a good night with Julianne.”

  “Okay. Give Danny lots of cuddles.” There was a short pause from the other end, then, “See you tomorrow, sweet dreams.”

  “You too. Bye.”

  I stared at the phone for a long minute after hanging up, wondering why I was feeling like this? Why the sudden need to be near her constantly? Surely it wasn't just because we'd had sex? (Although, it had been AMAZING sex. Well, okay, probably the best sex I'd ever had.)

  I returned my attention to the building that I'd lived in for nearly five months, but which had never really felt like home. In lots of windows were the twinkling lights of Christmas trees, usually a comforting and homely sight, but not to me. Especially not now. I sighed. The sooner I got out of there the better.

  “Come on buddy, let's go and see if there's anything worth watching on the tele shall we?” I said, standing up determinedly. “And let's hope they've fixed the bloody heating.”

  I always used the stairs, not only because I felt safer on them than in the lift, but because if the lift was anywhere higher than the fourth floor, it was usually quicker to just go up the four flights by foot. Tonight, both Danny and I dragged ourselves up the first couple of flights dejectedly before bumping into a young couple from the floor below me.

  “Fucking disgusting, aint it?” the lad said, looking really pissed off.

  “Oh, don't tell me the heating's still not working,” I groaned, wondering if this night was out to get me.

  “Heating, lift, electric, fucking all of it mate.”

  “But there are lights on...”

  “The lift stopped working this morning, and the lights in our flat all blew about half an hour ago. When we put new bulbs in, they blew as well and knocked out the power to the kitchen. We've only got electric in the bedroom now, and that aint good enough is it? What the fuck do we pay our rent for if we're gonna get shafted, eh?” The girl, usually drunk whenever I saw her (and now being no exception) was just about ready to vent it all out on me, as if I was at the root of all this.

  “Have you spoken to the caretaker?”

  “That's where we're going now! To demand he sorts it out. It's fucking Christmas Eve tomorrow!” she shouted, possibly thinking I might not have been aware, then they both continued past me down the stairs as if needing to see him while pumped and suitably angry.

  “Wait! Is this normal? Does this sort of thing happen here a lot?” I called out to them, and the lad shouted back,

  “There's always something going wrong in this fucking building. Instead of paying out to fix something properly, they get fucking cowboys in.”

  Vaguely satisfied, I went up the final flight to my floor but as I pushed the door open I realised Danny had started growling. He dug his paws in and crouched low, as if readying for attack. My mouth dried up instantly as I debated my options, trying to ascertain whether this was Mel or some other danger. I found myself actually hoping that a good old fashioned mugger would appear, because I would choose being mugged at knifepoint over meeting Hanna's ex any day. I still had the door open and was about to back out of it and run down the way I'd just come when Danny's growl got louder and he suddenly strained at the lead barking crazily at the empty space in front of us.

  Except it's not empty, Sophie, is it?

  I'd never been paralysed with fear before. I mean, there'd been moments in my life when I'd been scared, but not to this extent because even though I knew I should be running back down the stairs, my legs were literally frozen to the spot. Literally – I felt like I'd walked into a freezer. For a long few seconds it was just Danny barking at thin air while I stood stupidly doing nothing, then everything kicked into action.

  I managed to get a hand to my phone at the same time my legs remembered how to work, and I spun round to go back down the stairs, but then Danny was flying past me as I was pulled back by some strange kind of force. He hit the wall of the stairwell at an awkward angle and fell silent to the floor, but that was the last I saw of him because the door slammed shut. I still had the phone in my hand but before I could even unlock the screen, it was tugged out of my hand, flying through the air and smashing against the wall near my front door.

  I wanted to scream but all that escaped my mouth was a quiet pitiful whimper, and I watched in terror as the door to my flat opened of its own accord.

  “Hanna...” I whispered, just before I was caught in a strong, windless vacuum that sucked me through the air, trailing my toes along the floor. I was pulled into my flat and just before I hit the fast approaching wall, I heard the door slam shut behind me.

  Then everything went dark.

  I tried to move but my body refused to obey any of my commands. In fact, now I was coming round a bit more I realised just how little of my body I could feel, and the shock of this forced me to snap my eyes open.

  Cold. That's why I felt so numb, because it was so damn bitter cold in here, my body temperature had dropped dramatically. But instead of feeling relieved, I felt a powerful mixture of panic and fear slam through me, knowing exactly what this meant. I didn't move just yet though, scanning my eyes around the room as I tried to work out a way to escape.
/>   Ah, who am I kidding? There's no way out and I'm fucked.

  I told my inner voice to shut the hell up - if it couldn't say anything helpful then to say nothing at all. It went quiet.

  I was in my lounge but it seemed different somehow. Aside from being almost painfully cold, there was a darkness permeating everything like a layer of dust. I was instantly alert, fear fuelled by my adrenaline as my eyes searched for Mel in the shadows. Remembering what Hanna had taught me about defocusing my vision, I desperately tried to look for any dark energy that caught my attention, but it was hard to do with tears and they wouldn't blink away. My breathing was coming in short sharp bursts, barely feeding my burning lungs as my heart threatened to seize from pumping so fast and furious. I got the impression she knew I was conscious but was enjoying watching me, feeding from my fear.

  A sudden flashback of Danny hitting the wall made me squeeze my eyes shut in deep sorrow. I'd failed him. I'd failed Hanna.

  I needed to do something. I didn't want to give Mel the satisfaction of thinking she could just take me without a fight, so I pushed myself to my knees and went to stand. This was halted by what could only be described as a virtual sledgehammer hitting me square in the stomach, knocking me up and back down to the floor. Another hit me in the ribs, as if I needed more hindrance to my wheezy attempts to breathe. I instinctively curled up into a ball, knowing it was a hopeless defence even as I did, but before I was given any chance to recover I felt her grab a handful of my hair and start to drag me. It was slow but steady and I had no way of stopping her as my hands clutched at nothing but thin, icy air around my hair.

  “Mel, please? You don't have to do this...” I rasped, remembering Hanna's stories about how irrational and crazy Mel was, and not holding out any hopes whatsoever that she was suddenly going to come to her senses and realise that what she was doing was wrong. But hey, miracles happened, right? “Hurting me won't help. Hanna's gone, she's not coming back...for either of us,” I lied. For a second I thought my plan had worked because she released the handful of hair and my head fell with a thud to the ground. But then I realised why. I couldn't breathe at all now, and it was the strangest sensation because there was nothing actually blocking my mouth. Panic rose in me as I clawed at my face, rolling on the floor uncontrollably. The darkness threatened to envelop me again and I was aware of my body convulsing a couple of times. Was this it? Was I going to actually die? Just on the verge of passing out, precious air rushed into my lungs. I gulped it in, crying out at the pain from my sore ribs but not caring as it was clearly the lesser of two evils. Air had never tasted nor felt so good! I drank it in with big quick gulps, blinking away the fresh tears in my eyes and seeing that I was at the end of the hall leading to the bathroom.

  My hair was reclaimed by invisible hands and the journey continued. The journey to my bathroom. I didn't want to think about what Mel had planned, but my mind went through all possible scenarios for me anyway.

  I had no doubts – she wanted to kill me. That was for sure.

  Fo' damn sho'.

  But the question was, how was she going to execute her plan to execute me. Did she intend making it look like an accident? Perhaps she was going to make it look like a robbery that went wrong? Or...?

  Perhaps she intended to recreate her own death? It would be the perfect last 'Fuck You' to Hanna.

  All of the options sounded very unappealing. That was of course putting it mildly, and as another burst of adrenaline kicked in at my impending doom, I reached out to try and halt, or at least postpone, the inevitable. It was a futile effort and in what seemed like sheer seconds, she was pulling me around and into the bathroom. My head filled with images. Images of my parents being informed of my death on Christmas Eve, images of Hanna turning up tomorrow to pick me and Danny up, only to be told we were both dead...

  Great sobs choked out of me now. Not for myself, but for those I was leaving behind, for poor Danny who had trusted me to protect him but given his life protecting me, for Hanna and the life we’d almost had between us. For all my friends and family who had no idea of the real reasons behind whatever was about to happen.

  I was pulled upright and forced to scramble to my feet as all the strands of hair threatened to tear out from the very roots. I noticed the bath was filled, but there was no steam indicating that the water would be freezing cold, and also that one of my razors had been broken. The removed blade was currently sitting on the sink, ready and waiting for me.

  “Nononono, please don't do this, please don't do this?” I begged, feeling no shame in doing so, but my hand was dragged toward the shiny blade and I cried out in terror. “NO! I don't want to die, please, I'm not ready!”

  I tried to stop my moving hand from picking up the razor with my other one, but a bizarre sensation that felt like my heart was being squeezed from the inside made me gasp and clutch at my chest. I went light-headed as she squeezed harder, gasping as I felt my life slipping away from me. My arm was thrown away from my chest and the other hand took advantage of the shock at my heart being released, to jerkily slash a deep rivet across my wrist. For a second I could only stare, stunned as the wound gaped open, then there was blood. Lots and lots of blood.

  I was prevented from watching my own death as a powerful punch to the side of my head knocked me into the bath. I floated on my back in the icy water before losing consciousness.

  CHAPTER 23

  Of all the days. Of all the fucking days?

  “COME ON!” I screamed, gripping the wheel of my stupid car that had started pretty much first time every single day this month, but now? Now that I really needed it? Ju was sat next to me looking apprehensive – it was a weird déjà vu moment from just over a year ago, except this time I faced losing someone I was desperately in love with.

  “Get out. We'll have to bump it,” I said, opening my door and hopping out. “You push from the back. We should just about manage it before the junction.”

  “Okay,” she called out. “I'm ready when you are.”

  I made sure the ignition was on then released the handbrake. Pushing with all our strength we got the car rolling, slowly but surely. It gradually picked up momentum just as quickly as I was running out of energy and I gave it one last burst before throwing myself back in, dipping the clutch and slamming it into second gear. As I released the clutch, the car juddered a few times, trying to catch...and then it just died, jerking to a halt a few feet before the junction.

  “NO-O! You fucking piece of shit,” I jumped out and slammed the door, opening it again just so I could slam it harder. If I'd seen a sledgehammer nearby, I probably would have smashed all the windows, however time was slipping away. A quick glance at my watch told me it had been seven minutes since my 'vision' of Mel throwing Danny against the wall before turning her attention to Sophie. I took out my phone and tried to call her again, but it just went straight to answer machine, again.

  A taxi was going to take too long to get here, especially the night before Christmas Eve, so what options did I have? I turned around, looking for Ju and saw her talking with a small group of lads. Before I could get angry at her abandoning me, they all came jogging up towards me.

  “Your mate says you need a hand bumping your car?” the first one said.

  “Yes! Oh god, it's a real emergency, like actual life or death,” I said, almost crying in relief.

  “Don't worry love, we'll get you going. You know how to...”

  “Yes, second gear, yes...JU! Get in!”

  My body was shaking, and not from physical exertion. I was more scared than I'd ever been before in my life.

  The three lads pushed the car out of the junction, one of them stopping traffic while we crossed lanes, and then they got the car up to fifteen miles an hour. I released the clutch and after a few splutters the engine caught. I laughed in relief and beeped my horn a couple of times to say thanks, then put the pedal to the metal.

  We flew through the near empty streets, managing the journey in
just over five minutes rather than the ten it normally took (Ju didn't say a word when I went through a couple of red lights or drove down a one way street the wrong way, knowing it would shave a couple of minutes off the time.)

  “Do you want me to come in with you?” she asked as we approached the tower block, imposing and ominously dark for this time of night. I opened my mouth, ready to tell her to wait in the car, but hesitated.

  “Yes. I want you to get Danny and take him to the vet. I've got insurance, but I'll probably have to phone up the company – Mel destroyed all my documents.”

  “What about you?”

  “I'm not leaving without Sophie,” I said simply, before skidding to a halt right outside the front door and jumping out, leaving the engine running.

  Ju followed me as I ran inside, heading straight for the stairway. I found a new lease of energy, taking the stairs in record time and thanking god Sophie lived on the fourth floor, not the eleventh.

  Danny. His little furry grey body. He looked like he was sleeping, except for the trickle of blood coming out of his muzzle and the awkward angle of his front leg. I ran to him and fell to my knees, tentatively ruffling his fur. He was still soft and warm and I swore I could detect movement, as if he was breathing shallow. Swallowing down my emotions, and knowing Sophie's time was running thin, I delicately scooped him up in my arms. Poor little Danny! I buried my face in his fur for a second, then passed him carefully to Ju who'd just caught me up.

  “Take him to the vet and call me as soon as you know his condition. It's the one on Frank Street.”

  “I haven't got my licence Hanna. And I've had half a glass of wine!”

  “You've been having lessons for three years, and this is an emergency. You're not over the limit. Please?”

  She nodded, her eyes wide and scared.

  “Be careful Hanna-banana.”

  I nodded, then turned and went through the door to Sophie's floor. Her bag was on the floor a few feet in but she was nowhere to be seen. Knowing she'd never just abandon her bag and also that every flat had the same locking system, I bent down and rummaged quickly through the outer pockets. I'd seen her putting her keys in one of these a couple of times and hoped to god she hadn't had them in her hands when...