A Darker Kind of Love

by Angela Peach

  My fingers closed around her keyring and I tugged them out, running across to her door and trying to calm my shaking down enough to get the correct key in the hole. Her door felt cool even on this side. When it swung open I ran straight to the bathroom, already knowing that was where I was going to find her. I wasn't however, mentally prepared for the scene before me.

  “Sophie! Oh god, oh honey,”

  She was immersed fully clothed in the water, her blonde hair fanning around her beautiful pale face as blood lazily escaped a wound on her left wrist into the pink water. Mel had done a good job recreating the scene. In fact, I knew the only reason she wasn't stopping me was because she was enjoying this, she was amused at my pain. She'd gone to a lot of effort to do this and she wanted it appreciated. I could feel her watching me.

  I practically threw myself in the freezing water to pull my girlfriend out, and allowed myself a glimmer of hope as I lay her gently on the floor - I'd got here in time and she was still alive, although she didn't have long.

  “Oh for god's sake, just let her die in peace. It's not that bad.”

  I shut my eyes at the venomous voice behind me. Now that I was here, she wanted me to see Sophie die. She'd obviously planned for me to find my new girlfriend as I had found her last year, because she was cruel and twisted and fed from my pain. But my getting here now was just an added bonus and calling for help would be out of the question – she'd destroy my phone before I could dial anything.

  “Why, Mel? Why are you doing this?” I whispered, my voice breaking as tears rolled down my cheeks. I held Sophie's left arm up in the air to slow the bleeding down but she'd already lost a lot in the bath.

  “Because she deserves it, that's why. Why should she get to live? Why should she have everything I want? Why is she so fucking special?” Mel spat angrily. I stared at her, astounded at her irrational reasoning for rationalising murdering an innocent girl.

  “Is this really about her, or is it about me. You just can't stand the fact that I've found someone else and that for the first time in years, I'm actually really happy. This is about you being crazy and...”

  “I'M NOT CRAZY!” she shouted, slapping Sophie's arm out of my hands. “YOU'RE MINE, NOT HERS.”

  I went to retaliate, but it was as if a lightbulb had clicked on in my head. It was a cunning plan forming at the speed of light, and I wasn't sure if Mel was stupid enough to fall for it, but it was worth a try. Fuck it, anything was worth a try at this point.

  “Okay then Mel, you say you want me? How much do you want me?” I asked, brushing strands of Sophie's blonde hair from her face.

  “What? What do you mean?”

  “I mean, I'll do an exchange. My life for hers, and then you can have me for the rest of your life. Or death, or whatever. But only on one condition.”

  “I'm listening.”

  “She lives. You let me call her an ambulance now and if they save her life, I'll kill myself. If they don't, if she dies, the deal's off.”

  Back in the early days we'd had many discussions regarding why Mel was seemingly stuck in the flat and unable to move on. The only thing that really stood out was that she'd taken her own life and had wanted to stay with me. I was taking a risk now in assuming this was indeed true and that she hadn't lied about stuff like that, because if she knew that killing me would keep my spirit here with her, she wouldn't hesitate to finish me off. It was a big, big gamble. Did she want me enough to let Sophie go, and did she trust me to go through with it. (Of course, I had absolutely no intention of killing myself, but I hadn't yet figured out much of a plan beyond saving Sophie's life.)

  “Okay. Fine. Do it.”

  I hesitated for a millisecond out of pure shock, then my phone was out and I was dialling the Emergency services. When they asked what had happened, I simply told them there'd been an accident and hoped that they wouldn't deem Sophie as an actual suicide attempt. For one thing, and Mel couldn't have possibly known this, Sophie was left handed so she wouldn't have used the razor blade in her non-dominant hand. Also, there was no suicide note, she was in the bath fully clothed, Danny had been attacked in the hallway...all of these little things pointed to an attempt on her life rather than taking her own.

  However, I realised how it looked, so my describing it as an ‘accident’ would hopefully be a red flag.

  And when the paramedics came rushing in, I watched with a racing heart as they checked her vital signs and tried to stem the bleeding. Yes, she was still alive, yes they could possibly save her, but as to whether or not she'd suffer any kind of brain damage from the blood loss was another question.

  “Are you a friend?”

  I glanced at the Paramedic that had spoken, an oldish guy in his late fifties. Because I'd wanted to make Sophie more comfortable, I'd moved her into the lounge and raised her legs as instructed by the operator on the 999 call. He'd just returned from a quick check of the bathroom to find the 'weapon' she'd used.

  “I'm her girlfriend.”

  “Were you here when it happened?”

  I shook my head, not taking my eyes from Sophie for a second, willing her to live.

  “I knew something was wrong so I came over to check on her. Our dog was injured on the stairs and her bag was by the lift...I think she was attacked.”

  “Hey, what are you doing? Don't tell them that, I want everyone to think she did this to herself,” Mel hissed angrily, thrusting her hand into Sophie's chest. The other paramedic, a woman with a sharp face but soft eyes suddenly frowned as she took her pulse

  “Whoa, got a drop in BP...” she said to her partner.

  “Okay, okay, stop, please?” I said, addressing Mel. She withdrew her hand while I received strange looks from the paramedics at my random outburst.

  “Ah, it's stabilising again now. Hanna, do you know if Sophie has had anything alcoholic to drink tonight? Any medication or drugs that she may have taken?”

  “No. To all of them.”

  “Did she have any arguments today? Any disagreements with anyone that you’re aware of?”

  I swallowed as they inserted the iv line into Sophie's arm, feeling slightly faint.

  “No! We had a really good day.”

  “Did she give you any indications she was going to do this?”

  “No, she didn't...she wasn't...look, she didn't do this...” I stuttered, stopping when Mel floated in front of my face.

  “Careful what you say Hanna. I agreed to letting you save her, but the rest is on my terms. I want you to say that yes, she was depressed and you were scared this might happen.”

  I exhaled hard. I had to let Mel think she was in control here, and saving my girlfriend's life was my number one priority so I was forced to follow her orders for now.

  “I, er, I didn't think she would do this. My ex...she killed herself last year in this same way. Sophie...she'd been depressed and...and wasn't working...but I didn't expect this.”

  The paramedics passed a very brief, but extremely loaded, look between each other before returning to working on Sophie.

  Now when I was tired, my empathic abilities were less pronounced, and right now I was pretty goddam exhausted so I had to really focus to get a feel from the situation, but there was a very subtle change in the air.

  They knew I was lying and thought I might have had more to do with this than I was letting on.

  “Okay, Hanna, we're going to get Sophie down into the ambulance now. Unfortunately there won't be enough room for you to travel with us but you can get a bag of her things like toothbrush, nighty, slippers, and meet us at the hospital,” the female paramedic said, her tone friendly enough but I detected the veiled excuse. They didn't want me to travel with them, just in case I was somehow responsible for this situation.

  In a way, I was relieved. I wasn't sure how I could have explained not accompanying my girlfriend in the ambulance without looking cold and heartless.

  “Sure. That's fine, I'll call a friend to come and get me,” I said, starting to
feel anxious. They already had Sophie on the special chair they'd brought in and were preparing to carry her out and down the stairs. “Can I...can I say goodbye to her?”

  “Sure, but make it quick.”

  I stroked Sophie's face tenderly. In the background I could hear Mel saying something to me, but I blocked it out, blocked out the paramedics, blocked out everything. There was a plastic airway in her mouth so I kissed her forehead instead of her lips.

  “Love you,” I whispered. “Wake up soon so I can tell you properly baby.”

  “Okay, let's go.”

  They carried her out, and some of her neighbours opened their doors to gawk. Mel's icy hand gripping my arm prevented me from going anywhere, holding me in the doorway to the lounge.

  I called Freddie and gave her instructions to go to the hospital and call me with regular updates on Sophie's condition. When she asked what had happened, Mel took the phone from my hand and hung up. She shut the front door, and we were alone.

  “I don't know what you saw in her, anyway,” she said, drifting over to peer at Sophie's collection of DVD's and looking unimpressed at the selection. “She seemed like a bit of a wet blanket.”

  “Oh, just shut up. Don't even talk to me,” I mumbled, throwing myself wearily down onto the sofa. I wanted some peace and quiet to process things and to devise my own way out, which hopefully involved exorcising my ex so she couldn't follow me. In the films, the heroes and heroines always managed to come up with something at the last minute, no matter how hopeless things seemed. I was hopeful.

  “No, seriously, what did you see in her? I mean, you've just sacrificed your life for someone you've only known for a few weeks. Are you actually crazy?”

  She sounded genuinely surprised and I rubbed my face before answering.

  “Oh Mel, you wouldn't understand even if I explained it to you.”

  “Try me. I mean, it's not like you've got anything to gain from this deal, so why?”

  I sighed, suddenly overcome with extreme lethargy as my adrenaline eased out of my system. On the table in front of me my phone remained silent with no news from Ju yet. I thought over Mel's question carefully.

  “Why. Because I'm not doing this for myself. I'm doing this for Sophie because she didn't deserve any of this.” I laughed. “Oh wow, the irony of this. I'm killing myself to save her, because I love her. You killed yourself to hurt me because I didn't love you anymore.”

  “You don't love her,” she sneered, but sounding uncertain.

  “Ah, Mel, you don't understand what love is. Fuck, I didn't even understand what love was until I met her.”

  I sat forward, trying to rub the image of Sophie floating in the bloody bath out of my eyes. Or was I just trying to hide my tears from Mel? I wasn't sure. Maybe a bit of both.

  “How did you know?” she suddenly asked, as if striking up a completely normal conversation.

  “Know? What, know that I loved her?” I frowned, confused at how blasé she was with me so soon after trying to kill my dog and girlfriend.

  “No! How did you know what had happened tonight. I know she didn't have a chance to call you, but you came flying over like a knight in shining fucking armour and ran straight into the bathroom, like you knew she was in there.”

  I clenched my jaw.

  “Because I did know she was in there. I heard her calling out to me then I had this weird vision of you throwing Danny against the wall.”

  “You heard her...oh please! You never heard me 'calling' out to you when I was dying.”

  “Mel, you killed yourself! And what Sophie and I had was powerful and intense. We connected on way more levels than...” I was interrupted by Mel making fake vom noises and actions. Staring at her in disgust, I found it hard to believe I'd ever thought I was in love with such a vile human being and I had to look away before I genuinely vommed.

  Plan. I needed a fucking plan.

  The tv came on about twenty minutes later, flicking randomly through the channels. This had always annoyed me when she'd been alive, which she was fully aware of, so I knew she was doing it now to purposefully aggravate me.

  “Turn it off.”

  “I'm bored.”

  “Then leave it on one bloody channel for Pete’s sake,” I growled, losing patience fast.

  “I don't know what I want to watch yet.”

  I picked up my phone from the table and stood, walking to the window just to get away from her. I had half a battery and good reception, but still no missed calls or texts.

  “How are you going to do it?”

  “What?”

  “How are you going to kill yourself?”

  I shrugged.

  “Haven't thought about it yet. And before you say it, no, I am not doing it the same way you did.”

  “Well, your options are pretty limited you know. She doesn't have any tablets you can take...”

  My attention drifted away from what she was saying as I looked out of the window and tried to work out my escape plan. Since I already knew she could move around the building, getting downstairs and outside to safety was never going to happen. Mel also wasn't the sort of person who demonstrated sudden bouts of compassion, so expecting her to just let me walk away was a fantasy. Killing myself was definitely, never going to happen, so what other options did I have?

  The phone ringing in my hand snapped me back to attention and I nearly dropped it in my surprise until I saw Ju's name on the screen.

  “Hey, everything okay? Is he okay?” I asked, closing my eyes.

  “He's gonna be fine. He's got a couple of broken ribs, a punctured lung and his front leg is fractured in three places so they're going to keep him in for a few days to keep an eye on him. Your insurance is gonna have a field day. What about Sophie? Is she alright?” Ju asked, sounding worried, and I realised she'd probably been waiting for me to contact her.

  “She's gone to the hospital. Freddie's going to call me when she knows more about her condition.”

  “What? Why's Freddie going to call you? Where are...oh no. Oh Hanna, you're still there aren't you? What's going on?”

  “I um, I had to make a deal to let Sophie live. Mel let me call the Paramedics if I agreed to...stay here with her.”

  There was a moment of static and I thought for a second that Mel had hung up on her, despite her being a few feet away from me.

  “And what the fuck does that mean? What deal did you make?”

  “I...”

  Mel watched me carefully as I stuttered over what to say to Ju. If I didn't make it convincing, Mel would know I had no intention of killing myself, but on the other hand I didn't want to scare my friend.

  “I made a deal to er, stay here. With Mel. Y'know, for a while. Like a long while.”

  “You'd better not be saying what I think you're saying.”

  I took a deep breath, hating myself for this, but hoping she'd be able to forgive me in the long run.

  “I'm saying goodbye mate. And that I love you. Look after Danny for me?”

  “Hanna-banana, don't you dare bloody kill yourself for that bitch! I'll never forgive you...in fact, I'll kill myself just so I can come over to the other side and kill you again for being such a twat!” she said, sounding completely outraged. I frowned - surely she didn't think I'd actually be capable of going through with something like that. She spoke again before I could reply. “Right, fuck it, fuck her and fuck you. I'm doing a Davina and I'm coming to get you.”

  The phone went dead and I stared at Mel incredulously.

  “She's on her way back.”

  Mel rolled her eyes.

  “Well, you'd better hope you hear from nob-with-a-nob soon so we can end all this without anyone else getting hurt,” she muttered, floating back to the sofa.

  Shit.

  “How did you know?” I asked, feeling curious myself now. Ju had just sent a message cursing my fucking car and was currently waiting for a taxi – she'd told me not to do anything stupid.

  “Kno
w what?”

  “About Sophie. Did Ju say something when she brought Danny back?”

  Mel rose, floating in front of me angrily.

  “Because I'm not fucking stupid, that's why. For a start your behaviour just changed overnight. You got stupidly protective over your phone, switching it off before you went to sleep, hiding it in your pocket all the time. And when a text or call came through, you got sketchy as hell about making sure I was nowhere near you before you checked it. But then I noticed that whenever I was waiting for you to come home, that blonde fucking bitch would walk in about five minutes before you, every single fucking time. It was just so fucking obvious, but I suppose I didn't want to believe you'd be lying and cheating around with her behind my back. Plus, it's not like she's even that attractive, so I guess I thought you wouldn't go for something like that. But you did, so who knew!”

  I glared at her, feeling my temper build at her hateful words, but also quietly stunned at her uncharacteristic perception. As I've said previously, I had a habit of underestimating her.

  “Mel, you're dead. I'm pretty sure it's not classed as cheating when I'm alive and you're a ghost. And anyway,” I spluttered indignantly, “I broke up with you before you died so technically we weren't a couple when you came back!”

  “Well, it's news to me. I thought we'd just been having a different kind of relationship. But if you thought we weren't together why did you hide her away? Why all the cloak and dagger shit? You must have known you were cheating or you would have said something.”

  “Hello? Says the girl who trashed my flat in a rage...then tried to kill my dog, then tried to murder my new girlfriend? And you wonder why I kept her hidden?” I threw my hands up in the air. “You've proved my point!”

  “Oh, don't exaggerate. I didn't try to kill him, I was just trying to shut him up. He's okay, isn't he?”