Cowboy State of Mind (Tarnation, Texas Book 4)

by Rhonda Lee Carver

  “That ship has long sailed. I’ll always care for him, wish him well, but it’ll take a woman far better than me to keep him at home.” Unfortunately, she doubted he’d ever be faithful to any woman. It just wasn’t in his DNA. “Honey, you are the far better woman because once you realized what a pecker he is you left him in your dust. Anyway,” she waved a hand as if to erase Rob from existence, “I have to say you have good taste. Adam Colt is heavenly, but are you sure this is what you want? What if getting pregnant makes you sicker?”

  “I’ve already talked to the doctor and he said there are many women in stage two chronic kidney disease that get pregnant and have uneventful, healthy pregnancies. My labs look good, my serum creatine numbers are slightly lower, but I feel good.”

  “I know they caught the disease early and with lifestyle changes, vitamins, and medicine you’ve been successful in helping slow the progress of CKD, but what if…well, what if—”

  “Spit it out. What if what?”

  “Adam says yes, you marry him, and you start to have feelings for him?”

  CC laughed so hard she snorted. “Feelings? For Adam Colt? Never.” She picked up her phone and pretended interest in scrolling through her emails, but the nagging tingling in her spine couldn’t be dismissed or ignored. Outside of Adam’s good looks and warrior-like toughness, he had something about him that she connected with. A kinship in the love of helping animals. A wry sense of humor that not everyone would get. But there was still more. So much more, yet that didn’t mean she’d fall for him.

  “Hmm. Let’s see. He’s tall, gorgeous, and looks really good in a Stetson and a pair of Wranglers. I’d say those reasons are good enough.” Stella played with her hoop earring.

  “Yes, and don’t forget leaving in two months. That’s not very attractive. Don’t worry, I have my head on straight and I know what I want. A man isn’t one of them.” She stood, took her cup into the adjoining kitchen, and poured the remains of tea into the sink.

  “How about I play devil’s advocate for just a second here.” Stella came and sat down at the kitchen table. “Okay, let’s say that you don’t fall, but what if he does? What if he would deny you a divorce? Things could get messy.”

  Taking down a tin container of lemon cookies from Bluebonnet Bakery, she opened the lid and inhaled the lemony, heavenly scent. “Abriella made these special for me. Only half the sugar and made with almond flour. Want one?”

  “Are you trying to muddle me with sweets?” She took a cookie and bit into it.

  “Maybe. Is it working?”

  “Nope. I still have questions.”

  Taking a bite of cookie, she savored the flavor. “Adam isn’t any more interested in me than I am him. However, this is probably all a useless conversation. I don’t think he’s going to say yes.” CC attempted to keep her disappointment hidden. She knew it had been a long shot from the very beginning, but a woman who knew what she wanted never let obstacles get into her way. Her dream to have a family wouldn’t be forgotten.

  “Honey, after what you told me about the stipulations Buzz has placed on his sons, Adam would be a real fool to say no. Did your decision to ask him to father your child have anything to do with the fact that you think he’s a little like Buzz and will leave his child without a second thought?”

  Her initial response was to deny, deny, deny…but what if on some subliminal level she’d made her decision based on Buzz’s behavior? She’d never been one to judge a book by its cover or believe that someone was an exact product of their parents. “I don’t think so. I thought this over carefully, you know that. I wouldn’t jump into something, anything, like this without going over every detail at least ten times. I can’t even buy a couch without pondering over the idea for a month. I’m only saying this wasn’t a rash decision.”

  Stella reached over and patted CC’s hand. “Honey, no one would blame you for making a rash decision if you did. I’ve always admired how you get your mind set on something and you don’t stop until you reach your goal. I guess my concern is that you’re selling yourself short. You deserve love and a family, but sometimes things need a healthy dose of patience. No one knows what’s around the corner. You’re still young and since you say your numbers still look good—”

  CC stopped her. “The older I get, the likelier the disease will progress, and when that happens, the riskier it is for me to get pregnant and carry a child without complications. I’m thirty-four. I’ve been lucky, if you can call it luck, up until now. But when does my fortune run out? If I look toward the future, I don’t think I’ll ever be heartbroken that I never found Mr. Right, but I would be devastated to never have experienced loving a child.”

  “Well then, since you have your heart set on this, I think it’s only fitting that we consider the benefits.” She wagged her groomed brows.

  “Benefits?”

  “Sex, my dear. Hot, sexy, sweaty sex with a Colt. Abriella certainly has turned all glowy and happy since she met and married Baxter. My niece isn’t complaining and why would she? He treats her like a princess.”

  “I haven’t thought about it.” CC busied herself scrubbing the already clean marbled granite.

  “I’m your best friend. Lying to me is a crime.”

  “Okay, I’ve had to think about the D-date considering I don’t plan to use a turkey baster to get pregnant, but it’s all in the name of reproduction.”

  Stella’s laugh reeked of accusation. “Lordy, girl. If I had a chance with one of them cowboys—”

  “No, you wouldn’t cheat. Speaking of a natural glow. Roe Robins ring a bell?” CC tilted a hip and looked at her friend in teasing allegation. “Now what did you say about lying to a friend being a crime?”

  Looking like she swallowed a cotton ball, Stella shrugged. “It’s not a lie. I just didn’t tell you. Big difference.”

  “So, it’s true, huh?” CC relaxed her elbows on the counter.

  “I know Roe is a little uptight, but wow…” She fanned her face. Her cheeks flushed three shades of red and she was no longer blaming it on menopause. “He’s a marathon runner, if you know what I mean. He’s even brought me flowers every day this week. Last week chocolate. I’m spoiled and I never knew I could love it so much.”

  “I just want you to be happy.”

  “I think, for the first time in a long time, I am. I only want the same for you. I can’t think of anyone more deserving to have someone who appreciates her. You’ve always helped everyone and been there for your friends.”

  “I’ve been thinking of something.” CC picked a crumb off the counter. “Do you remember when I visited Bali with a group of vets? We helped spay and neuter feral cats.” With her friend’s nod, CC continued. “Then you should also remember why I volunteered on all those international trips. It wasn’t to get away from Tarnation, but I felt like my life was missing something. I’d hit a rut and was stuck. I had lost my spark. Motivation. My initiative. I felt alive when I came back, at least for a while. Then almost a year ago, I started to feel that sense of loneliness again while losing the hunger that had nothing to do with food. I’m lacking something that I’m supposed to have, that I need.”

  “Honey, what you’re experiencing is what most thirty somethings feel. They wake up one morning feeling like they’ve failed and the realization is too much, so they decide they need drastic change. Let’s face it, your sex life is boring and you just need a good f—”

  “Stella! I don’t need a good anything. I need to reinvent myself.”

  “If Adam agrees to marry you, you’ll reinvent yourself alright and become one of seven out of a thousand Americans.”

  “What?”

  “That’s the number of couples who divorce.”

  “I don’t know what shocks me more. That the divorce rates aren’t higher or that you know that statistic.”

  “Question is, are you willing to go through divorce just to have a child?”

  “I’m willing to walk across a dessert to become
a parent.”

  Chapter 3

  “WE NEED TO get her out of the water before she drowns.” Adam felt his boots sink deeper into the mud at the bottom of the murky pond. He’d been standing in the gunk for a good hour holding the cow’s head up in the three feet of water, hoping someone would come along.

  “What the hell happened? Why’s she like this?” CC asked from the edge of the pond.

  “I found her like this. I’ve been holding her head up since. The girl’s getting tired and her breathing’s labored.”

  “Thank heavens I just happened along and saw your horse. How long has she been stuck?”

  “I don’t have a damn clue. I was checking the fence and saw a break. She’s in a bit of duress and I’ve been doing my best to keep her quiet.” He shifted slightly to ease the tension in his aching shoulders. “It’s okay, Sally girl. We’ll get you out of here.” He’d been keeping the three-year old pregnant cow as calm as he could, but the longer she remained in the water the more stress put on her and the unborn calf.

  After snapping her gloves into place and grabbing a few items out of her black bag, CC entered the water, splashing it up as she high-stepped it to Adam and the heavy-breathing cow. He watched her listen to Sally’s heart and then the frown that monopolized CC’s features. “We need to get her out of here as fast as possible. I think the weight of the baby has put pressure on her spine and caused temporary paralysis.” She did a quick exam of the cow’s stomach and her backside then laid her stethoscope around her neck. “Your arms getting tired yet, Cowboy?”

  “I can hold her all day if it meant she wouldn’t drown.”

  “Although I love your fortitude, I’ll find a log to hold her head up because I’m going to need your hands. Have you radioed for help?”

  “I didn’t have time. I jumped right in to save her when I saw her struggling. My radio is on my belt. Probably soaked like the rest of me.” He saw several expressions flicker over her face. “You can grab it if you’d like.”

  “Sure.” Dipping her hand into the water, he felt her fingers glide over his crotch, and she jerked, not any quicker than his body had. “Oops, sorry. I can’t see anything in this muddy water.” She brought the radio above the water and her mouth twisted as she shook the device. “I’d say this is a goner. I’ll call Arc and Baxter from my truck and let them know we might need the excavator for assistance. In the meantime, let me find a log and see what we can do.”

  She splashed up water onto her shirt as she hurried for land. From his spot, he could see her searching the edge of the woods. “Why does she disturb me so much, Sally?” As if the cow knew what Adam had asked, she mooed pathetically. “I know I should be focused on getting you out of this, but there’s just something about her. It’ll be okay though. Just relax for a little longer. You have the best dang vet this side of Texas on the scene. You got to stay strong for your youngin’.”

  Finally, after what seemed like hours but was only minutes, CC came back “I called Baxter and Arc but neither answered. I left them a message. This should be big enough,” she referred to the log in her hands. “Let’s try. You hold her head up and slowly lower it when I say.”

  With the log now in place and Adam free, he looked at CC, who had creased lines around her eyes. “What do you have in mind, doc?”

  “Hopefully the fellows will be here soon, but we can’t wait for them or that excavator. I’ve seen this once or twice in cattle, and it can go downhill pretty fast. If we can move her, relieve some of the pressure off her spine, the feeling should come back to her legs and she’ll be able to walk herself out of here.”

  Unfortunately, Adam had been in the same circumstance before too where an old cow got stuck in the mud of a pond and couldn’t walk herself back out. Within an hour she’d drowned. He swore he’d never let that happen again, not on his watch.

  “We’re going to dig. I have rope and a shovel in my truck. I’ll grab them.” When she came back she handed him the shovel. “I need you to start digging while I secure the rope around her neck and to the hitch of the truck. We need to take this nice and slow.”

  He immediately begun to dig the mud around Sally until it loosened. CC had finished with the rope. “Think this will work?”

  “I think it’s our only choice,” she said.

  The sound of a truck speeding up the dirt road made them both look into the distance. Adam saw that it was Arc’s Dodge. The truck slid to a stop, kicking up dust, and he slid out. “What the hell?” He tossed his hat onto the hood and marched up to the scene with a disapproving scowl.

  “Glad you got my message. We need to move her, get some blood flow back into her limbs,” CC told him confidently.

  Adam admired how she took charge. Most people would have allowed Arc to take over because he was intimidating, but she never backed down. She knew her stuff and the Colt brothers didn’t argue.

  Arc jumped into the water next to Adam. “Baxter is caught up in a helluva mess up at the farmhouse. How long has she been here?”

  “We don’t know,” Adam said.

  The cow mooed weakly.

  “Okay, fellows,” CC looked from Adam to Arc. “If we don’t get her out of here soon she’s going to have a heart attack. Her heart is beating three times the normal rate. The rope is hooked up to my truck and we’re going to ease her out very slowly. I’ll need you both on each side of her, helping her. Make sure that rope stays secure around her shoulders, nice and tight. We don’t know how she’ll act once she starts moving. Let’s hope once we get her shifted she’ll be able to stand.”

  She jerked off her hat and tossed it onto dry land. Her long hair floated around her shoulders and when she sidled up next to Adam, tendrils of the silken, dark mass brushed his face. He didn’t think anyone heard his breath hiss out of his lungs until he looked across Sally to see Arc smiling.

  Adam reminded himself to be careful.

  Two days had passed since she’d asked him to marry her, and he’d deliberately kept his distance from her out on the land. He knew he was an idiot if he didn’t jump at this opportunity and secure the possibility of Buzz’s stipulations being met. So then why didn’t he go for it? She was gorgeous, sexy and every time she looked his way it triggered parts of his body into submission. Not to mention she was an amazing mixture of feminine and strong.

  He’d only been in a few relationships in his adult life while his brothers had seemed to chase every skirt that sashayed near. They’d had plenty of opportunity with buckle bunnies back in their hometown. Church had been interesting when they had sweet girls who liked to become naughty behind closed doors. Adam had never been as “fast”. Lord knew it wasn’t that he didn’t crave the opposite sex. There was nothing better in life than holding the sweet curves of a beautiful woman and inhaling her scent as she reached—

  “Adam?” You okay?” Arc’s question poured cold water on Adam’s thoughts.

  “Yeah, just ready to get this over with,” he groaned.

  CC was busy checking the stability of the rope.

  A couple of years ago, he’d started feeling the so-called thirty-year itch, the one that reminded him that his internal clock was ticking and only getting louder. He didn’t realize men worried about things like age, but Adam did. Not every day, but on occasion. Marriage had never been on his priority list, but he’d sort of appreciated the idea of eventually down the road he’d find a woman he could settle down with and not be sentenced to come home every night to a cold, barren bed. Yet, getting hitched to a stranger—a near stranger—wasn’t what he’d considered would happen in his future.

  As he watched CC make her way back to her truck, hell bent on saving Sally, he felt a new sense of gratitude and veneration for the woman who barely reached his shoulders and probably didn’t weigh much more than two bales of hay. Size didn’t matter. She had spunk and a heart as big as Texas when it came to animals. Damn, he could easily see her being someone he could spend the rest of his life with, but that was the prob
lem. He wasn’t looking for forever, at least not with a woman who had deep roots in Tarnation. This was her home and his was miles away. If he had to marry someone to please his dead father, then he wanted it to be with a woman that…well, he didn’t feel a connection with. As odd as that was, that’s how he felt.

  “Hey, you okay?” Arc elbowed him.

  “Are you going to keep asking me that?” Adam slammed his brows together.

  “Well I don’t know. Are you going to stop acting like a zombie?”

  “I’m not acing like anything. I’m just worried about Sally here.”

  “So you named her?”

  “There ain’t much else to do when you’re holding a girl’s head out of the water.”

  Arc laughed and patted Adam on the shoulder. “Now, how about getting your own head out of your ass and staying focused?”

  With CC behind the wheel of the truck, that finally began moving at a crawl, and the rope getting tauter on the cow, Adam and Arc clenched Sally as she fought against the grip of the water, struggling to get her standing in the mud. Adam’s boots sloshed in the sludge, feeling it seep through his jeans and shirt. He could hear Arc grunting as he sunk deeper too. Sally mooed and finally stood, her legs shaking. Minutes ticked by and at last they made it to dry ground.

  Sally was wobbly but up on all fours. The men removed the rope from her shoulders and CC was by their side again, examining the cow now that she’d made it out of the water.

  “Her heart has slowed some. Let’s let her rest here for a bit. Arc, would you go get the trailer so we can transport her safely back to the barn?”

  “Sure thing.” He dipped his hat and was gone.

  “You were amazing, Adam,” CC gave him a shaky smile then turned her complete attention back on Sally.