Fight for Me

by Corinne Michaels

  “Maybe, but I remember feeling this nervousness with you back then too.”

  That night, I knew I would give myself to him. It was all planned, and we both tried to make it through the night without making a scene. I loved him with my entire heart, and I wanted him to have my body too.

  We made love, which was exactly what it was for us—love.

  “I remember wanting to throw you over my shoulder and take you to the barn. I had that hay bed made and was desperate for you.”

  “Well, maybe it’s nothing like prom,” I say, trying to joke.

  “No, I think it’s exactly like prom. Only now I know what it feels like to love you, to kiss you, and to hold you in my arms, knowing that nothing else will ever come close to what we share.”

  I look away, not wanting to hear this.

  “Declan ...”

  “I know,” he says quickly. “I know all of it. I know I hurt you. I know I don’t deserve to touch you or breathe the same air as you, but tonight, Sydney, I can’t stop it. You’re so beautiful. All I could do all day was watch you, wish I were a better man and that I was marrying you tonight.” I close my eyes, holding back tears. “You have no idea ...”

  “No idea?” I ask with a laugh. “Do you think I wasn’t picturing the same thing? Do you know how badly my heart is breaking as I look at you and know that if you’d just trusted me, we could’ve figured out a way—together.”

  “You don’t—”

  “No. You don’t, Declan. You don’t understand how my soul is calling out for you. I want you. I want you more than anything, and I can never have you.”

  He shakes his head, still holding me close. “You are the only person who has ever had me.”

  “Had. I don’t want past tense. I want you—all of you. I want the broken parts and the loving parts, the ones that are afraid of me and the ones that will fight for me.”

  “Those parts that you want?” He breathes heavily, eyes filled with heartbreak. “They’re not worthy.”

  “Okay then,” I say, unwilling to keep doing this.

  “Okay?”

  “Yes.”

  Declan’s arms tighten just a bit. “What are you saying?”

  My heart is beating so fast, my stomach doing flips and I let the fight go. “I’m not going to keep pushing you anymore. I can’t do it. I can’t make you try or see sense. We’re both standing here, right now, wanting and needing each other.”

  “Sydney, it’s …”

  “No, it’s the truth.” There is resignation and sadness in each word. He might be battling, but I’ve already tried. I’ve failed. I’m waving the white banner and accepting defeat. “I needed you to fight, Declan. I wanted and begged you to fight for me. For us. For the love we share and the life that we could have, but you won’t, and I can’t make you. I love you, but it’s time for me to accept that we won’t be.” I move my hands to his face. His beautiful face that I can see when I close my eyes. I brush my thumb against his cheek. “I have a lot that I need to say, but not here and not now. Today is for your brother.”

  “What are you saying?”

  My throat is tight as I stare at him. “You don’t have to fight anymore, Declan. I see it all now and I’m so sorry that I’ve pushed you these last few months. I’m sorry I didn’t hear you. I thought that if I could make you fight …”

  Declan releases me, retreating a few paces, his chest rising and falling. There’s anger, hurt, and frustration in his eyes. “I am fighting for you!” He roars before stepping forward and cupping my face between his gentle palms. “I’m fighting with everything I am because I love you.” His voice has dropped to almost a whisper. “I would rather cut my own heart out than ever hurt you again. Don’t you see that? Do you understand that my not falling to my knees and begging you to just fucking love all the pieces you say you want is to save you? It’s not that I don’t want you, Sydney. I don’t fucking deserve you! I need you more than anything in this world!”

  That’s where he’s wrong. I grab his wrists and push forward. His hands hold my face as he pulls me so we’re a breath apart and then he slams our lips together. He kisses me with everything in him, and then, I kiss Declan back. Two planets colliding couldn’t hold a candle to the way we connect.

  Gone is sanity and reason, all that exists is us.

  I hold on to him, afraid he’ll let me go, but he doesn’t.

  Declan pulls me tighter against him, his hands moving down to my neck and then around to my back.

  Our tongues move in unison and I drink in all that is him. His power, his strength, and I give him back all of mine.

  We are stronger together.

  His hands move down, cupping my ass, and I moan into his mouth. I need him more than anything. Once again, he makes me crazy, only this time, it isn’t with the need to say goodbye. It’s with the hope for something more that is driving the madness.

  Yes, I’m moving.

  Yes, he’s leaving.

  But, God, what if ... we can be more?

  What if he can see that we could be a family?

  We can figure this out and I won’t give up or run away.

  That’s what we’re both doing, and I’m too tired to take another step. So, it has to be up to him to stop with me.

  “I need you, Declan. I need you, so please don’t push me away,” I beg and then kiss him again. If his lips are to mine, he can’t refuse me.

  For a split second, he breaks away, and I want to scream, but then he leans down and scoops me into his arms.

  My hand rests against his neck, and he stares down at me. “It’s me who needs you.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Declan

  This is everything I’ve been fighting against, but holding her, kissing her, and seeing her smile has fucked me up in the head.

  Sydney was supposed to be my forever. As Connor spoke his vows, it was like a part of me broke away. I saw her eyes, the way the tears hovered just on the edge, and it was me who fell.

  I could see it all, and then, watched it leave when she walked back down the aisle.

  Now, Syd is here, asking for my all, and I’m unable to refuse.

  In my arms, I hold all that matters. Looking away from here isn’t possible because this could all be a mirage. As soon as I let go, she might disappear, but Sydney is real. She stares right back at me as we enter the small living space.

  “This isn’t what I pictured?” Her voice is the sweetest sound.

  “No?” I ask as I flick the switch to turn the fireplace on and then approach.

  My arms wrap around her, holding the only thing in the world that matters. When she said all that, gave in, it was like I snapped. Everything I had feared disappeared because no matter what I’ve tried to convince myself of, losing her again would be the end.

  “Don’t let me go,” Sydney begs.

  I walk back to the bed and put her down. I look at the woman I love, wanting to say all the things I’m feeling. Give her the truth that I’m the buyer of the house, the night I left, and all the fucked-up dreams I have about the future.

  For some reason, she believes in me.

  She sees the man I can be instead of the man I am. To her, I’m not broken, a failure, or unworthy.

  I would give anything for that to be true. “You have no idea how beautiful you are. How much I want you.”

  She leans up, pressing her hand to my lips. “When we talk, we say things we can’t take back.”

  I rub my thumb against her cheek. “Then let me show you all I want to say.”

  I vow, right here, to love her with everything I am so that tomorrow maybe she’ll hate me a little less. Maybe she’ll feel all that I wish we could be.

  “Declan, I should—”

  It’s my turn to stop her from speaking, pressing my lips to hers. Once I feel the fight drain from her, I murmur against her lips. “No talking, Sydney. Just let me love you.”

  A soft, sweet cry escapes her lips, and she nods. Her fin
gers trace lines down my cheeks, and I kiss her more reverently this time. It isn’t to silence her. It’s because I’ve gone so long without this, and I want to drown in her touch, rejoice in her love, and stay here where I don’t belong.

  Her head falls back, and I trail wet kisses down the column of her neck. The last time we were together, it was frantic and hurried. I was out of my mind with desire, and we were like teenagers.

  Tonight, I want to brand her into my soul.

  Nothing about this time will be hurried.

  I slowly pull the thin straps of her dress off her shoulders, moving my lips in the direction they fall.

  “Declan.” She sighs my name and tangles her fingers in my hair. “I need you.”

  “You have me,” I tell her and mean it. I’m hers. I won’t pull away, not until the sun comes back up and we no longer have the dark to conceal all that’s wrong and hopefully we can find a way back to the light.

  I unzip the back of her dress and pull it down. She undoes each button on my shirt, watching me with her bottom lip between her teeth. Syd pushes the dress shirt away, a coy smile now playing on her lips.

  She’s absolutely gorgeous. She’s wearing a lace bra that causes my throat to go dry.

  Then she reaches up, removes a few pins from her blonde hair, and lets it fall around her, framing her face, and I freeze. I don’t know that I can breathe. Everything about this moment is too much. I know I’ve said I would let her go, but I don’t think I can.

  Sydney is the answer to questions I seek and I’m not strong enough to ask anymore.

  I’m done with keeping my distance.

  I’ve fought against my better judgment, and yet, here we are again. My heart has always been hers, and if we can make it through tonight, after I tell her everything, then maybe I can stop fighting the wrong thing.

  “I don’t ...” I try to speak. To tell her how fucking magnificent she is and what I want, but the words don’t come.

  Sydney stares at me as a blush paints her cheeks.

  “What?” I ask, not sure I want to know the answer.

  “This is exactly like prom.”

  Maybe, but I don’t want it to be like that. I want to give her pleasure, show her how much I fucking love her. I want the memory of this night to hold onto forever. Ellie may have been the center of everyone else’s attention today, but all I saw was Sydney.

  I chuckle softly and run the pad of my finger down her chest. “But I’m not a boy now.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  “And I won’t fumble through what to do to you,” I assure her.

  “I don’t doubt that. But we’re on a farm, were dressed up, and about to repeat what we did that night.”

  Her body trembles slightly as I move my finger back up, this time grazing her nipple. I lean in, my tongue lavishing the scrap of silk, and her head falls back. “Did I do that on prom night?”

  “No,” she murmurs.

  I grab and pull until she falls back onto the bed with a soft laugh.

  Sydney’s gaze looks to the window that takes up the entire wall and the view around us is truly beautiful. I wake to sunlight and fall asleep to stars.

  “It’s like we’re outside,” Sydney muses.

  “No one can see in, though.” I made sure that the one-way glass is completely private. Last thing I wanted was Hadley strolling out to the tiny house and finding me ... in a compromising position.

  “So they can’t see us do this?” she asks as she slinks her hand into my pants, wrapping her fingers around my dick, pumping up and down a few times.

  “No, and thank god they can’t see us do this either.”

  We kiss for what feels like eternity. Her hands roam my back, arms, and chest, touching everywhere she can reach.

  My lips trail down the slope of her neck and then to her ear. “I’m going to do a lot more, Bean. I’m going to give you so much pleasure you won’t be able to think straight. I’m going to make love to you until we both collapse, and then, I’m going to do it again.”

  She pushes onto her elbows, eyes taunting as she tilts her head just slightly to the side. “That’s a lot of talk for a man who said he didn’t want to speak.”

  God, I love her.

  I move in, watching her breathing accelerate and her eyes fill with desire. There’s no rush, and I take my time, going inch by inch in agonizing slowness.

  When our lips are almost touching and the heat of her breath is on my mouth, I wait. Her panting fills the small space, and I revel in the fact that it’s me who’s making this woman desperate. “I can think of another way I’d like to use my mouth, can you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good.”

  And then I kiss her.

  Our tongues duel, both vying for control, but she won’t get me to relinquish it. Sydney has always wanted the upper hand, but not now. Not when I need her this much. I want to conquer her, own her in every way.

  We both lift up so I can remove her bra. “I love you in lace.”

  “I love you naked,” she replies.

  I smile, loving how the warmth of the fireplace illuminates her perfect skin.

  Instead of replying, I lean down and take her nipple into my mouth, sucking and then rolling my tongue over it. Sydney moans, and I cup them so I can suck, lick, and caress both at the same time.

  I pin her arms above her head. “Keep them there,” I command.

  Then I slide down her body, kissing my way down. She sucks in a breath when I get to her stomach, and I grin. She knows exactly where I’m going.

  I push down her lace panties, and then it’s my turn to catch my breath. Here she is, laid out like a fucking feast for me. The sight will be burned into my brain. I bring my lips down to her center and slide her legs over my shoulders.

  My tongue moves against her as she makes incoherent noises. I taste her, licking at her clit, as she grips the pillows, not moving her arms. I continue to drive her crazy as the heels of her feet dig into my back.

  “I’m close.” Her voice is breathless, and I increase the pressure of my tongue. I can feel the strain in her body as her legs clench around my head. I suck, flick harder, and then repeat it until a loud cry releases from her body.

  I keep going, drawing out every ounce of pleasure I can.

  The tightness in her body releases, and I make my way back up, pulling my pants down as I watch her lust-heavy eyelids flutter open.

  “That definitely didn’t happen on prom night.”

  “No, I wasn’t very sure how to do that. Not until at least the fourth time.” I laugh and lean down to kiss her. Sydney’s hands fall to my boxer-briefs, and she pushes them down over my hips.

  Then there is nothing between us, just like I want it to be.

  “I liked us when we were inexperienced.”

  “You did?”

  She nods and brushes the hair off my forehead. “We learned together. We grew as a couple, and it was beautiful.”

  “You’re still beautiful.”

  She shakes her head and moves her hand down my chest. “I don’t mean that way. Although, I’m glad you still think I’m pretty. I mean it in the way that we found each other.”

  “And is now that way?” I ask, hating the question the minute it leaves my lips.

  “Now, it’s ... different. We’re both different.”

  I wish it weren’t the truth, but it is. We’ve both been through things in the last eight years that we can’t pretend never happened. I can’t undo the past, but I can give her what we both want—a future.

  “Maybe we are, but I need you more than anything. You make me someone else—someone better.”

  Sydney lifts up so our lips touch. “Make love to me.”

  “Do we need ...” I look over for a condom, but Sydney pulls my face back to hers.

  “Not tonight.”

  “You’re sure?”

  Her eyes flash with something and then she nods. “It’s fine. I promise.”

  Goo
d because I don’t want anything between us. I feel the heat of her as I push inside, her body enveloping me, pulling me deep.

  I’ve never felt such pleasure before. Maybe it’s because of everything that happened today, but this time feels like heaven.

  Sydney’s eyes stay on mine as I bury myself to the hilt. My entire body feels as though it’s being turned inside out.

  I don’t move, needing to hold on to the sensation for as long as I can.

  She clenches around me, and I groan, unable to hold back any longer. I slide in and out, both of us panting with exertion. It’s so good. I can’t tell where I begin and she ends. It’s just us—two people who fit together perfectly.

  I love her. I need her more than I can ever explain.

  The idea of letting her go again is incomprehensible, and I’ll do anything to keep her.

  “Declan.” She moans my name as her fingers dig into my back. “I can’t hold on.”

  “Let go, Bean. Let go, I have you—always.”

  Her head falls back, neck arching and nails scraping down my arms. I slip my hand between our bodies and rub her clit. Sydney’s breathing grows faster.

  “Look at me, Syd.”

  When she does, there is so much love in her gaze that it has my lungs struggling to find air. She gives it freely, and I take it like the greedy bastard I am. Whenever I felt low, she filled me up, and I didn’t realize how much I needed it until now.

  Her eyes shut as another orgasm takes over her, and I follow right behind.

  Panting and sated, I roll over to the side, pulling her into my arms, not caring about anything else. I need to hold her, breathe in her lavender and vanilla scent that feels like home.

  As we both come down, her hand rests on my chest, and I press my lips to her forehead.

  When I look back at her, a tear falls down her cheek. Worry fills me. Fuck. I hurt her … or maybe she already regrets this. “Syd?”

  “I’m sorry,” she says quickly.

  “Why are you crying? Did I do something? Did I hurt you?”

  She sits up, pulling my dress shirt on. “No, no, it’s just that ... I’m sorry I didn’t say this before.”

  “Say what?”

  Another tear falls, and she wraps the shirt tighter. “I’m pregnant.”