Saxon's Soul (Haven, Texas Book 5)

by Laylah Roberts

  A present for your first day. Good luck. Tell me if you need anything.

  Joel.

  The stroller looked brand new. And expensive. She couldn’t accept it, even if it would make her life so much easier.

  “Hello!”

  She glanced up in surprise as an older woman approached. She was dressed in brown slacks and a floral top, her gray hair set in tight curls. She had a warm smile, putting Aspen instantly at ease.

  “Hi,” she called back.

  “Good, I see you found the stroller. Joel asked me to choose one out for you, I hope I got a good one.”

  “It-it’s wonderful. Um . . .”

  “Oh goodness.” The woman laughed. “I’m Gwen, Thomas’s wife. I help Thomas keep the house and club in order. I’m just so excited to meet you. When Joel told me you were moving in with two little boys, I nearly jumped for joy. I don’t have any grandchildren, you see.”

  This lovely woman was married to stiff, austere Thomas?

  “I was hoping I could come along with you today. Help you with the boys and get to know them a bit better?”

  “Oh, I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

  “You’re not asking, dear, I want to.”

  Something eased inside her and she realized she’d been stressing about how she’d take care of the boys while learning everything she had to on the first day.

  “Thank you, I’d like that.”

  She wondered if she would see Saxon today then told herself off for that thought. Distance. She needed distance between them.

  She’d just returned back to the guest house when there was a knock on the door. She left the boys in the stroller as she went to open it. Her first day had been full on and she just wanted to get the boys fed and to bed so she could sleep.

  Working with Renard was going to be a huge test of her patience. But she wasn’t going to let him get the best of her. She desperately needed this job so no matter what he threw at her, she would just have to handle it. At least the boys seemed to like Gwen. That was a huge relief.

  She opened the door. Saxon stood on the other side. He held a bottle of wine in one hand and a white, plastic bag in the other.

  “Thought I’d come over and see how your first day went. I’ve brought dinner and wine.”

  She should probably give him some excuse. Tell him that she needed to get the boys to bed. But the truth was, she was starving and she wouldn’t mind some company.

  “I was just going to feed the boys and get them to bed.”

  “I’ll help.” He stepped inside and moved to the kitchen, putting the food and wine down on the counter. “We can heat dinner up when we’re done.”

  He swooped in and picked up Caleb. “Now tell me, did mommy behave herself on her first day?”

  Caleb just giggled. Saxon looked over at her and winked.

  She shook her head but didn’t argue as he took over watching the boys while she quickly fixed their bottles. He gave Caleb his bottle. Damn, he looked far too good with a baby in his arms.

  The boys went off to sleep easily. Thank God. But as soon as they were down, she realized she no longer had a buffer between her and Saxon.

  She walked into the small kitchen area and pulled out some cardboard containers. She looked inside. Fried chicken. Her stomach growled.

  “Thank you for bringing dinner, it looks delicious.”

  He grabbed some plates and cutlery while she heated up the food. “Did you eat lunch?”

  She shook her head. “I was too busy.”

  “That’s not good enough. You need to eat to keep up your strength. Don’t let it happen again.”

  She saluted him behind his back.

  He turned and gave her a stern look. She smiled brightly.

  “Aspen, I want you to tell me if Renard is being too much of an asshole. I mean, I know it’s his personality . . .”

  She laughed. “That it is.”

  “Want some wine?”

  “Oh no, I’m a lightweight. I’m happy with water.”

  “Is the stroller all right?” he asked as they sat at the counter to eat.

  “All right? It’s amazing. But you really shouldn’t have.”

  “It’s a gift. And don’t you even dare tell me that you’ll pay me back.”

  She heard the warning note in his voice and nodded. “Thank you. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”

  He stood to take his empty plate into the kitchen and stopped to brush his hand down her back. “You’re welcome, sprite. Remember, I want you to come to me if you need anything. With Renard or the boys. All right?”

  “Sure,” she agreed, even knowing she wouldn’t.

  7

  Exhaustion pulled at her.

  She tried to calm herself as she walked up and down the small living room in the guest house. Caleb was held against her chest as she bounced him up and down slightly, attempting to soothe him.

  “Poor baby,” she said to him in a low croon as he snuggled in against her with a pained cry. “If I could take away the pain, I would.”

  It was all she could do not to cry herself. Her head was throbbing. It was after midnight. She hadn’t been sleeping well and now she had one very grumpy little boy to look after. Teething was the pits. Poor little guy.

  She’d given him some acetaminophen and a cool teething ring she kept in the freezer, but he didn’t want anything but her. A wave of dizziness rushed over her. She needed some sleep but she didn’t see how that would be happening tonight. Moving tiredly to the recliner, she sat. Immediately, Caleb started crying.

  “Sh, sh, sh,” she told him desperately as she rocked back and forth in the chair. “It’s okay. Mama’s here.”

  At least they were far enough from the main house that his cries wouldn’t disturb Saxon. But she didn’t want him to wake Jamie either.

  “Caleb, baby, Mama just has to sit for a moment.” She could feel herself falling apart.

  Another cry reached her from the bedroom, and she dropped her head back against the chair. Shit. Jamie was awake. She took a deep breath then let it out slowly. God, how many hours did she have until she had to be up again? She thought about leaving Renard a message that she wouldn’t be in tomorrow. It was so tempting, but she couldn’t let him or, more importantly, Saxon down. She’d been doing her best to get along with Renard this last week. The last thing she wanted was for him to complain to Saxon about her.

  She needed this job and she didn’t want Saxon to think he’d made a mistake hiring her. She pulled herself up out of the chair and walked into the boys’ bedroom.

  She moved to Jamie’s crib, placing Caleb down on his back in his own. He immediately started screaming. She closed her eyes for a moment. It would be damn nice to have some help, someone to lean on that wouldn’t let her down.

  She opened her eyes with a sigh then picked Jamie up. Feeling his diaper, she realized he needed changing. “Sh, Caleb, Mama’s coming back. I just have to change your brother.” His cries reached a high pitch, and she winced, distress filling her. Even though she knew he wasn’t in any danger, she still felt like shit for having to leave him there on his own while she tended to his brother.

  She got Jamie changed then laid him back in his bed, where he started to kick his feet and scream.

  Oh, God. Oh, God.

  She picked Jamie up again, moving to the other crib to grab Caleb.

  A knock startled her. She frowned. What the hell? It was nearly one in the morning, who the hell would be at the door?

  “Aspen? Aspen, where are you?” the deep voice demanded.

  Well, she should have guessed who it was. She let out a breath. “Shit.”

  She walked out of the bedroom, towards the living room. Saxon stood there dressed in a pair of sweat pants and a T-shirt. Her eyebrows rose. This was the most relaxed she’d ever seen him dress. No tailored slacks or pressed shirts that set off the color in his eyes. Somehow, she liked him even more like this.

  “I’m sorry, we
didn’t wake you, did we?”

  He frowned as he looked her over then turned to study both of the boys. “What’s going on? I could hear the boys crying from outside.”

  She winced. “Sorry, I didn’t think the noise would carry to the main house.”

  “It’s a still night and I couldn’t sleep so I opened a window. What is going on? Are they ill? Caleb looks flushed.”

  “You can tell them apart?”

  “Of course.”

  There was no “of course” about it. No one could tell them apart except her. Even her mother had problems unless she used the small birth mark on Jamie’s back.

  They’d only lived here for a week. How could he possibly know?

  “I’ll call the doctor.”

  “No, wait, Caleb’s not sick. He’s just teething. That’s why he’s drooling and has flushed cheeks. I’ve given him some acetaminophen and I think it’s kicking in.”

  “And Jamie?”

  “Caleb’s cries woke him. When he’s teething, he likes to be walked up and down and rocked. I just needed to sit for a moment, and he didn’t like that.”

  Understatement of the century.

  “Obviously, you needed to sit. You’re clearly exhausted.” He reached over and plucked Caleb from her arms before she could protest. She tensed, waiting for the little boy to throw a fit. When he was ill or in pain he only ever wanted her. But even though he tensed, his face scrunching up, he didn’t cry out. She let out the breath she’d been holding.

  “Take Jamie back to bed. I’ll walk with Caleb.”

  “Oh, but you need to go to bed. I know you must have to work tomorrow. I can take care of them both—”

  He looked at her from beneath lowered brows. The stern look sent shivers racing across her skin.

  “I’m not going to bed while you remain awake, taking care of them on your own. Stop arguing and do as you’re told. Take Jamie to bed. He needs his sleep.”

  She bit her lip, but turned to walk into the bedroom. Arguing didn’t seem to get her anywhere, and Saxon was right, Jamie should be asleep.

  She laid him in his crib, tucking him in tightly and then turned on the mobile attached to the frame. He fussed for a minute or so, but his eyes gradually closed and his breathing deepened. She smiled down at him, just watching for a few seconds and taking advantage of the quiet to collect herself.

  She forced herself to leave the bedroom and walk back to the living area. She came to a stop in the doorway, her heart nearly bursting at the sight of Saxon walking back and forth across the room with Caleb tucked into his chest, his thumb in his mouth, his eyes finally closed. Every so often the boy let out a happy little sigh. Not that she blamed him. She wouldn’t mind being tucked up against that chest.

  Finally, she roused herself even though she thought she could just stand and watch the two of them all night. “Here, let me take him from you,” she said quietly as she moved towards them, her arms outstretched.

  “You will not,” he said firmly, surprising her.

  She came to a stop, frowning. Okay, she got that he was used to being in charge. And he’d helped her out more than she could ever repay. But the boys were her responsibility.

  “Saxon, thank you for your help. But I’ll take it from here.”

  He narrowed his gaze. “You know, I thought your use of my last name was a habit that needed time to be broken. Now I think you use it to create distance between us. It’s an interesting tell. You don’t want my help with your children?”

  She breathed out a sigh. Tread carefully.

  “It’s not that.”

  “No? You don’t trust me to take care of them?”

  She bit her lip. No, that wasn’t it either.

  “They’re not your responsibility.”

  He stilled and Caleb let out a murmur of protest. She winced. Crap.

  “You are my responsibility. They belong to you; therefore, they are mine to take care of as well.”

  She shook her head. “I can’t let you do that.”

  “Why? Because of who I am? You think just because I’m a Dominant I can’t care for children? Do you believe my depraved ways will infect them?”

  Her eyes widened and she gasped. “What? No. Definitely not. You’re wonderful with them.”

  The tension in his body eased somewhat. Caleb rubbed his face against him as though to soothe him.

  “Joel, I didn’t mean anything like that.” She reached out and touched his sleeve. “You’ve been great with the boys. And with me.”

  “Then what is it?”

  “I find it hard to let people help me, I guess.”

  “Trust issues.”

  She shrugged. “I’ve learned to rely only on myself and I don’t want them to get hurt.”

  She stared up at him, willing him to understand. “I’m their mother. Their protector. I need to look out for them.”

  He reached out to cup her chin in his hand. “You’re a wonderful mother.”

  She blushed slightly. “I don’t know about that.”

  “I do. Because you put them first. Which is how it should be. But everyone needs help, Aspen. And you have a lot of people who would come to your aid if you would just reach out to them.”

  She did?

  “It takes a village, right?” He ran his thumb over her lips. “I get that you’ve been let down in the past. But I won’t ever lie to you. I care for these boys. It’s not something I’m putting on just to get into their mother’s pants.” He grinned. “Although I will be doing that too.”

  She shivered, and his smile widened. “Like that idea, don’t you, pet? Of me pushing those pants down, stripping you naked and cupping your pussy. Would I find it wet, hmm?”

  “Saxon, Caleb is right here.”

  “Which is the reason why I haven’t done anything.” He removed his hand from her chin and rubbed it over Caleb’s back. “The other reason is that you’re exhausted. I’ll do my best never to hurt you or these two boys. Now, go climb into bed. You need sleep.”

  She sighed. “I can’t just go to sleep while you’re here.”

  “No. Do you need a little help?”

  Hmm, she wondered what sort of help he was offering. She shook her head. No, she wasn’t ready for that. Not yet. Oh, hell, what was she thinking?

  “I can tell you’re in pain. Headache?”

  She nodded, wincing.

  “Is that what you wear to bed?” he asked.

  She looked down at herself. “Um, yeah.” She guessed the over-sized, men’s T-shirt wasn’t the most attractive thing, but it wasn’t like she had money to spare for sexy lingerie.

  He frowned slightly and she could feel her confidence taking a hit. He was disappointed in her. “Did that belong to the boys’ father?”

  “What? No.” This was the first time he’d mentioned Aaron and it threw her slightly. “I bought this when it was on sale at Walmart. It’s an odd shape so it was only two dollars.”

  Yeah, that was a probably a bit of an overshare but his frown cleared. “All right then, you can keep it.”

  There’d been a possibility she wouldn’t be able to keep it?

  “Now, I want you to go get your painkillers and a glass of water.”

  She shook her head. “They make me dopey when I’m already tired.”

  “You’re not going to be able to sleep when you’re in pain.”

  She looked at Caleb. “I don’t think I’m getting much sleep tonight.”

  He cupped her face. “Aspen. Go get the painkillers. I’m here to help. And you’re going to let me. Caleb is under my care. Just as you are. I won’t let anything happen to any of you. Your only task right now is to do what I ask of you.”

  She didn’t really think he’d asked, but she found herself moving to the kitchen anyway. She took a couple of painkillers before moving back into the living room.

  “I’m going to try to put Caleb down. I want you go hop into bed and I’ll be there in a minute.”

  “I can do
it.”

  He lifted his chin, giving her a stern look.

  She gave him her best sorry face. “Yes, Sir.”

  He snorted at her completely remorseless response. “If only I could believe you truly felt repentant. Bed. Now. I’ll be there in a minute.”

  She hoped Caleb didn’t give him any trouble then shook her head at that thought. She was willing to bet there was very little Joel Saxon couldn’t cope with or manage. The man was as competent as he was arrogant.

  She used the small attached bathroom and climbed into bed. By now her head was really throbbing and she was grateful she’d taken the painkillers. Not that she’d tell him that. She left the bedside lamp on, but could feel her eyelids growing heavier as they pain began to dissipate.

  Suddenly, the side of the bed dipped and she gasped, opening her eyes.

  “Sh,” Saxon told her, looking down at her with a small smile. “Good girl for doing as you were told.”

  “Pretty sure I didn’t have a choice.”

  “You always have a choice. To obey or not. You just need to accept that there are going to be consequences should you choose not to obey me. How is the pain level?”

  “Getting better. Tired.” Her eyelids drifted shut once more.

  “I know. I’m just going to move you over then you can sleep.”

  Her eyes shot open. “Move me? Why?”

  “You’re on my side.”

  “Your side? What side?” He wasn’t thinking of sleeping with her? And how come he got to choose sides? Just because he was the Dom?

  “I need to be on the side closest to the door.”

  “Why? Is it a weird Feng choo-ee thing?”

  “I think you mean Feng Shui,” he answered with amusement as he pulled the covers back then slid his hands under her body and glided her across the mattress. She yelped at the sudden movement.

  “What are you doing?”

  “The couch is too short. This is the only other place to sleep.”

  “You have a bed.”

  “But moving the three of you to my house requires much more effort than moving you so I can sleep here. And before you argue that I don’t need to stay, you should save your breath. I’m staying.”