The Energies of Love

by Donna Eden

  Memorizing the SUD

  Next, share with your partner, write down, or fix in your mind the precise scene you went to and the zero-to-ten SUD rating you gave to it. For some people, children in particular, a more concrete way of rating may be preferred, such as indicating the amount of distress by extending both hands with palms facing to indicate “this much.” You will be using the rating as a gauge of your progress as you go through the various procedures.

  Center Yourself

  Tapping on acupoints is effective for a wide range of situations, but it will tend to be more powerful if you can remove the “static” from your energy system. A way of quickly accomplishing this is to use one or more of the centering techniques here. While this step is not always necessary, it will always bring some benefits, and it can make a great deal of difference if your energies were already scrambled before beginning the energy psychology protocol.

  Select a Reminder Phrase

  Memories, thoughts, or circumstances that elicit negative emotions cause disruptions not only in the brain but also in the body’s energy system. To address a problem by stimulating acupoints, the energy disruption must be mentally activated. For instance, if the memory is of your mother crying because of her disappointment in you, the emotional weight you carry from the incident is not activated or available for healing while you are thinking about what to have for dinner. Tapping the points shown in Figure 6-3, while thinking about the problem, will not only balance the energy system in the moment; it will also retrain your body to be able to hold the memory (or to be able to be in a similar circumstance) without the energy disturbance, and therefore, without the unwanted emotional response.

  You may, however, find it a bit difficult to consciously think about the problem while you are doing the tapping. By continually repeating a Reminder Phrase as you tap, you are able to keep yourself psychologically attuned to the situation that has been triggering the disruption in your energy system. The Reminder Phrase is a word or short phrase describing the problem or memory—for instance, “the time my pants ripped during the high school play.” A statement like this can activate the problem enough to create a reaction in both your energy system and your brain. Abbreviated versions of the statement, such as “humiliation from the play,” or simply “ripped pants,” will also suffice as long as their full meaning is clear to you.

  You will use your Reminder Phrase in both the Acceptance Statement and the Tapping Sequence. Choose your Reminder Phrase now, a few words that bring the memory to mind, and write it on a piece of paper, in a journal, or electronically.

  The Acceptance Statement

  The Acceptance Statement is a way of establishing a psychological and energetic receptiveness for changing an emotional response or behavioral pattern. It is simple, mechanical, and effective. It is structured around your Reminder Phrase and uses the following format:

  “Even though [Reminder Phrase or slight variation], I deeply love and accept myself.”

  While many people are accustomed to stating affirmations only in the positive, in this method you describe the difficult memory or undesired response exactly as you experience it. So if your Reminder Phrase is “the time my pants ripped during the high school play,” the Acceptance Statement might be:

  “Even though I still carry humiliation about my pants having ripped during the play, I deeply love and accept myself.”

  or shortened, as in:

  “Even though I was humiliated during the play, I deeply love and accept myself.”

  The affirmation is best stated out loud, with feeling and emphasis. Other examples:

  Even though I still feel terrorized about the robbery, I deeply love and accept myself.

  Even though my heart rips in two when I think of Mary rejecting me, I deeply love and accept myself.

  Even though I feel overwhelming guilt about the awful thing I did to Bobby, I deeply love and accept myself.

  Even though I resent the hell out of my mother, I deeply love and accept myself.

  Even though I tend to get headaches at work, I deeply love and accept myself.

  Even though I feel resentment about not getting the promotion, I deeply love and accept myself.

  Even though I am obsessed about my son’s grades, I deeply love and accept myself.

  Even though I can’t stop smoking, I deeply love and accept myself.

  Various alternative wordings could serve the same purpose, which is to accept the problem while at the same time affirming your worthiness despite the existence of the problem. Other wordings are discussed later in the chapter, but the format shown in these examples is easy to memorize and has been used widely with good success. So, in the same place you recorded your Reminder Phrase, write your Acceptance Statement in the form of “Even though I [your emotional reaction about the memory], I deeply love and accept myself.” This wording is usually effective for energetically preparing yourself for the next steps, whether or not you fully believe the words!

  The Acceptance Statement is different from any other affirmation format you have likely ever before encountered. It begins by summarizing the problem. Most affirmations don’t state a negative. In fact, some people who have been trained in the use of hypnosis or self-suggestion are puzzled that a phrase that activates the unwanted feeling or response is used in energy psychology. The Acceptance Statement, however, is worded to acknowledge and accept the condition you want to change, such as resolving the lingering embarrassment that traces back to the high school play. It then pairs the statement of what you want to change with a positive affirmation such as “I deeply love and accept myself.” If the problematic situation comes into your mind at a later point, you will have already begun to accept the problem and associate it with the positive affirmation.

  While the second part of the sentence, “I deeply love and accept myself,” may seem a simplistic and overly pat self-affirmation, it seems to somehow interact with the acknowledgment of the problem in a way that eliminates the energy disruption. Any deep suggestion that fosters self-acceptance, despite the unwanted pattern, made with focus and intent, also seems to help people address the problem without the interference of the energy disturbance. “I deeply love and accept myself” is usually effective. If you feel incongruent with this wording, most people can at least say, “I am learning to love and accept myself” or “Deep down I know I am a good and worthy human being.” Any positive, affirming statement—such as “I know I am doing my best” or “I know Mary loves me”—can have the needed effect. The association between the problem and the positive affirmation can be strengthened by using a pair of energy techniques—involving the Central Meridian and the Heart Chakra—while saying your Acceptance Statement. A caveat is that if any positive statement about yourself feels shameful or seems arrogant, you have entered territory where outside help is needed.

  Stimulating the Central Meridian

  This first technique optimizes the movement of energy in what is called the Central Meridian. The Central Meridian helps govern the energy flow in the central nervous system. For most people, certain points associated with the Central Meridian become sore simply as they go through a normal day. Energy becomes clogged there, particularly at the points on the side of the chest, where the arms attach to the body (see Figure 6-1).

  To boost the energy moving through the Central Meridian, press in deeply on your left arm attachment points with the thumb or fingers of your right hand. Simultaneously do the same on the right side with your left thumb or fingers. Breathe deeply as you proceed. Massage up and down the lines where your arms meet your body. You will probably find that some of these points are tender. This usually simply means that energy has become clogged there. Massaging it can free the clogged energy and give a boost to your central nervous system. You can press in deeply, but never so much as to cause more than a little discomfort. If painful, decrease the pressure. Also, if you
have had an injury in that area or if there is another medical reason not to massage these spots, or if you cannot find a spot that is sore, see if another spot in the general area of your chest is sore and use it. Massage these points as you say the first part of your Acceptance Statement: “Even though I still carry humiliation about my pants having ripped during the play . . .”

  FIGURE 6-1 Stimulating the Central Meridian

  Activating Your Heart Chakra

  Next place either hand on the center of your chest, your Heart Chakra, and your other hand over the first hand (see Figure 6-2). Hold this position as you say the second part of your Acceptance Statement, “I deeply love and accept myself.” Repeat the affirmation three times, alternating between massaging your Central Meridian points on the first phrase and holding your hands over your Heart Chakra on the second phrase.

  FIGURE 6-2 Activating Your Heart Chakra

  The Tapping Sequence: The First Part of the Sandwich

  The core of the Basic Recipe is called the Sandwich. It includes a tapping sequence, a set of simple physical procedures, and another, identical tapping sequence. Use the eight points or pairs of points shown in Figure 6-3. State the Reminder Phrase while tapping each point. Tapping can be done with either hand or both hands simultaneously. You can tap with the fingertips of your index finger and middle finger, or make a three-finger cluster by including your thumb. Tap each point as you say the Reminder Phrase. Tap solidly but never so hard as to hurt or risk bruising yourself. Most of the tapping points are matched on both sides of the body and can be tapped simultaneously. Take a tour now through the eight tapping points or pairs of points, tapping each as you state your Reminder Phrase. Tap about three beats per second for as long as it takes you to say the Reminder Phrase. Breathe freely as you tap.

  FIGURE 6-3 The Tapping Points. Note: You stimulate the “karate chop” points by hitting the edges of your hands against one another. Two additional optional points are (1) the “Tarzan point” at the center of your chest (tap them right after the K-27 points) and (2) the points on the outside of your legs, midway between your hips and knees (tap them right after the under arm points).

  The Integration Sequence

  Introduced as the Nine Gamut Procedure by psychologist Roger Callahan, the founder of Thought Field Therapy,16 the Integration Sequence stimulates specific areas of the brain to help it process emotional material more effectively. It is one of the more strange-looking procedures within energy psychology—or any form of psychology, for that matter—with tapping, eye movements, humming, and counting all designed to activate parts of the brain that are involved in processing information.

  The Integration Sequence does not use a Reminder Phrase and does not even focus on the memory or problem directly. The eye movements and sounds are done simultaneously with tapping. Use the four fingers of one hand to tap on the back of the other hand in the ridge beneath the V where your ring finger and little finger meet (see Figure 5-3). Tap firmly but not aggressively, again at about three taps per second as you carry out the nine simple steps. Alternate which hand is being tapped as often as you wish.

  • THE INTEGRATION SEQUENCE •

  While tapping on the back of your hand (see Figure 5-3), perform the following nine actions:

  Close your eyes.

  Open your eyes.

  Move your eyes down and to the right.

  Move your eyes down and to the left.

  Circle your eyes, rotating them 360 degrees in one direction.

  Circle your eyes in the other direction.

  Hum the first few bars of a familiar tune (e.g., “Row, Row Your Boat,” “Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah,” “Mary Had a Little Lamb”).

  Count slowly and deliberately from 1 to 5.

  Hum again.

  Sometimes the Integration Sequence ends with an Eye Roll, which is believed to increase the potency of the entire tapping protocol. Begin the Eye Roll with your face straight ahead. Then bring your eyes down to the floor. Next, slowly and deliberately, move your eyes across the floor, up the wall, up to the ceiling, and across the ceiling back toward you. During the entire Eye Roll, forcefully and deliberately send energy out your eyes. Project the “old” energy out into the distance as your eyes move up the arc.

  Go ahead now and do the Integration Sequence. It can also be done on its own, independent of the other parts of the Basic Recipe. It is a good “brain balancer” in its own right.

  Completing the Sandwich

  Next is a second tapping sequence. Do another round of tapping exactly as you did it earlier. You can think of the three ingredients after the Acceptance Statement as making a sandwich:

  The Tapping Sequence (with the Reminder Phrase)

  The Integration Sequence

  The Tapping Sequence (with the Reminder Phrase)

  Reassessing

  When you have completed the second sequence of tapping, again assess the intensity of the memory. Close your eyes, bring the original memory to mind or play it as a movie, and give a zero-to-ten SUD rating on the moment of greatest distress. Again, you are giving the rating to the amount of distress you are feeling in your body and/or mind right now, not what you think it would be if you were again in the earlier situation.

  If you can get no trace whatsoever of your previous emotional intensity, a final step is to challenge the results (discussed shortly). If, on the other hand, you go down to, let’s say a 4, you would perform subsequent rounds until, ideally, zero is reached (see “Mission Accomplished?”). You may recognize that the event being recalled was still as bad as it ever was, but you are now able to bring it up without a physiological distress response being activated. This is a tremendous shift. It almost invariably means that the unprocessed emotion will no longer invade its way into current situations, as evidenced in the way that David stopped projecting feelings about being unfairly attacked onto Donna.

  Working with a Partner

  If you are learning these techniques at the same time as your partner or with a friend, review with one another your experiences to this point. Then proceed with “After the First Round of the Basic Recipe” (below), working together rather than independently. Your partner will be a witness as you go through the steps. Say what you are doing out loud as your partner listens. Your partner can also consult the book and coach you on the mechanics, at your request, but should in no way impose his or her agenda on your work. Once you have taken the process as far as you can with the issue you are focusing on, switch roles.

  After the First Round of the Basic Recipe

  Continue with additional rounds until you reach zero or until you have done three rounds with the rating no longer decreasing. Following each round, do a new zero-to-ten assessment of the distress you feel when you tune into the original memory or problem. While the instructions had you focusing on a memory the first time through, the same procedures are applied when focusing on a problem—usually an unwanted emotional response, core belief, or behavior pattern—so you can return to these instructions throughout the book, and beyond, for working not only with memories but also emotional triggers, outdated beliefs, or behavior patterns that don’t serve you.

  Sometimes a problem is resolved or a memory is fully processed after a single round of treatment. More often, only partial resolution is obtained and additional rounds are necessary. Two simple adjustments need to be made for these subsequent rounds:

  Adjusting the Acceptance Statement

  The Acceptance Statement is a self-suggestion targeted to the subconscious mind. The subconscious mind tends to be quite literal. After the subjective distress rating has gone down, the Acceptance Statement needs to change to reflect the internal shift. A slight adjustment—the addition of two or three words—accomplishes this. The adjusted format for the Acceptance Statement is:

  Even though I still have some of this __
________, I deeply love and accept myself.

  The words still and some or some of shift the emphasis of the affirmation toward a focus on the remainder of the problem. The adjustment is easy to make. The revised wording for the humiliation experience described earlier might be: Even though I still have some of my humiliation about the split-pants scene, I deeply love and accept myself.

  Adjusting the Reminder Phrase

  Simply place the word remaining in front of the original Reminder Phrase. For the humiliation example, the new Reminder Phrase would be:

  “remaining humiliation about the split-pants scene” (or simply “remaining humiliation”)

  Do another round now with your disturbing memory, repeating the Acceptance Statement while using the words still and some of as appropriate, and inserting the word remaining into your Reminder Phrase as appropriate (sometimes other wording needs to be slightly revised as well—this will be apparent when it is required). Again bring the memory to mind and rate it from zero to ten. If you are still able to activate disturbing feelings in relationship to the memory or problem, continue to repeat the Acceptance Statement and the Sandwich until you are unable to feel distress in relationship to the issue, or until you have been unable to lower the degree of distress after three rounds (see “Overcoming Obstacles to Resolving the Problem”).

  Mission Accomplished?