The Energies of Love
Page 45
35 Kuriansky, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Tantric Sex, 23.
36 Ibid., 24.
37 Ibid., xxi.
38 Marianne Brandon, Monogamy: The Untold Story (Santa Barbara, CA: Praeger, 2010), 131.
39 The role of the radiant circuits in immune function is discussed in chapter 8 of Donna’s Energy Medicine, rev. ed. (New York: Tarcher/Penguin, 2008), and exercises for strengthening the radiant circuits are presented in chapter 7 of David Feinstein, Donna Eden, and Gary Craig, The Promise of Energy Psychology: Revolutionary Tools for Dramatic Personal Change (New York: Tarcher/Penguin, 2005).
40 Armstrong, “The Secret to Great Sex.”
41 Mary Jo Rapini, “5 Ways to Keep the Sparks Flying in Your Marriage,” 2013, http://www.yourtango.com/experts/mary-jo-rapini/married-sex-nothing-boring-or-snoring-about-it/page/3.
42 John Gray, Mars and Venus in the Bedroom: A Guide to Lasting Romance and Passion (New York: HarperTorch, 2001), 245.
43 Eatough, “Four Keys to Sexual Ecstasy.”
44 Esther Perel, “The Secret to Desire in a Long-Term Relationship,” TED Talk, February 14, 2013, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sa0RUmGTCYY&noredirect=1.
45 Esther Perel, Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence (New York: HarperPerennial, 2007), 212.
46 Eatough, “Four Keys to Sexual Ecstasy.”
47 Ibid.
48 Ibid.
49 Daedone, Slow Sex, 47.
50 Donna Eden, Energy Medicine for Women: Aligning Your Body’s Energies to Boost Your Health and Vitality (New York: Tarcher/Penguin, 2008), chap. 5.
51 Alan Batchelder was the therapist.
52 Williamson, Enchanted Love, 243.
53 Based on data for 2011 comparing the marriage rate with the rate of divorces and annulments, U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nvss/marriage_divorce_tables.htm.
54 Paul R. Amato and Denise Previti, “People’s Reasons for Divorcing: Gender, Social Class, the Life Course, and Adjustment,” Journal of Family Issues 24, no. 5 (2003): 602–626.
55 “Infidelity Statistics,” 2012, http://www.statisticbrain.com/infidelity-statistics.
56 Eric Anderson, The Monogamy Gap: Men, Love, and the Reality of Cheating (New York: Oxford University Press, 2012), 4.
57 Ibid.
58 Louann Brizendine, The Male Brain (New York: Random House, 2010), 5.
59 John Lloyd, John Mitchinson, James Harkin, 1,227 Quite Interesting Facts to Blow Your Socks Off (New York: Norton, 2013), 255.
60 Brizendine, The Male Brain, 4.
61 Ibid.
62 Ibid., chap. 3.
63 Ibid., 57.
64 Jan Havlicek, S. Craig Roberts, and Jaroslav Flegr, “Women’s Preference for Dominant Male Odour: Effects of Menstrual Cycle and Relationship Status,” Biological Letters 1, no. 3 (2005): 256–259.
65 Ibid.
66 Brizendine, The Male Brain, 59.
67 David Barash and Judith Eve Lipton, The Myth of Monogamy: Fidelity and Infidelity in Animals and People (New York: Holt, 2001), 57.
68 Ibid., 58.
69 Ibid., 1.
70 Stefan Beyst, The Ecstasies of Eros (1990–1992, translated 2007), http://d-sites.net/english/eros00.htm#boven2.
71 Barash and Lipton, The Myth of Monogamy, 134.
72 Laura Betzig, “Sex, Succession, and Stratification in the First Six Civilizations: How Powerful Men Reproduced, Passed Power on to Their Sons, and Used Power to Defend Their Wealth, Women and Children,” in Lee Ellis, ed., Social Stratification and Socioeconomic Inequality, vol. 1 (New York: Praeger, 1993), 37–74.
73 Christopher Opie, Quentin D. Atkinson, Robin I. M. Dunbar, and Susanne Shultz, “Male Infanticide Leads to Social Monogamy in Primates,” Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences 110, no. 33 (2013): 13328–13332.
74 Phil Gasper, “Is Biology Destiny?” International Socialist Review 38 (2004), online edition, http://isreview.org/issues/38/genes.shtml.
75 Williamson, Enchanted Love, 230–231.
76 Sue Johnson, Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships (New York: Little, Brown, 2013), 21.
77 Laura Berman, The Passion Prescription: Ten Weeks to Your Best Sex—Ever! (New York: Hyperion, 2005).
78 Mary Jo Rapini, “5 Ways to Keep the Sparks Flying in Your Marriage,” 2013, http://www.yourtango.com/experts/mary-jo-rapini/married-sex-nothing-boring-or-snoring-about-it.
79 “Paul Newman,” Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Newman.
80 Sophia, Sacred Sexual Union, 81–82.
Chapter 9
1 Marianne Williamson, Enchanted Love: The Mystical Power of Intimate Relationships (New York: Simon and Schuster, 2001), 28.
2 Bruce H. Lipton, The Honeymoon Effect: The Science of Creating Heaven on Earth (Carlsbad, CA: Hay House, 2013).
3 Ibid., 74–75.
4 Jett Psaris and Marlena S. Lyons, Undefended Love (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, 2000), 9–10.
5 Ibid., 98.
6 Ronald D. Siegel, “West Meets East: Creating a New Wisdom Tradition,” Psychotherapy Networker 35, no. 5 (2011): 20–27.
7 Ibid., 24.
8 Ibid., 24.
9 Ibid., 25.
10 Ronald D. Siegel, The Mindfulness Solution: Everyday Practices for Everyday Problems (New York: Guilford Press, 2010), 38.
11 Jeffrey M. Schwartz and Sharon Begley, The Mind and the Brain: Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force (New York: HarperCollins, 2002).
12 Perla Kaliman et al., “Rapid Changes in Histone Deacetylases and Inflammatory Gene Expression in Expert Meditators,” Psychoneuroendocrinology, 40 (2014): 96–107.
13 Christopher K. Germer and Ronald D. Siegel, Mindfulness and Psychotherapy, 2nd ed. (New York: Guilford Press, 2013).
14 Siegel, “West Meets East,” 25.
15 Siegel, The Mindfulness Solution, vii.
16 We suggest you begin with the basic “Breath Awareness Meditation” and then experiment with others. “Stepping into Fear” will teach you how to meet your anxieties directly rather than to turn away from them. A powerful mediation (and perhaps scary in the amount of intimacy it can induce) for couples uses the simple title “Breathing Together.”
17 David Feinstein, “The Psychological and Spiritual Challenges Inherent in Dying Well,” in I. A. Serlin, Whole Person Healthcare, vol. 2: Psychology, Spirituality, Health (Westport, CN: Praeger, 2007), 235–262.
18 Gay Hendricks and Kathlyn Hendricks, Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment (New York: Bantam, 1990), 111–118.
19 Ibid., 112.
20 Ibid., 112.
21 Ibid., 115.
22 Ibid., 118.
23 Mary Jo Rapini, “Guys, Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid,” Expert’s Blog, http://www.yourtango.com.
24 Tricia J. Burke et al., “‘You’re Going to Eat That?’: Relationship Processes and Conflict among Mixed-Weight Couples,” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 29, no. 8 (2012): 1109–1130.
25 Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet (Boston: Oneworld, 2008), 23.
26 Esther Perel, “The Secret to Desire in a Long-Term Relationship,” TED Talk, February 14, 2013, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sa0RUmGTCYY&noredirect=1.
27 David Schnarch, Intimacy and Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship (New York: Beaufort, 2009), 47.
Chapter 10
1 J. Denosky, Mystical and Visionary Out of Body Experience: Travel in the Spiritual Worlds, 2012, http://www.spiritualtravel.org/.
2 Ibid.
3 Anthony Dardis, Mental Causation: The Mind-Body Problem (New York: Columbia University Press, 2008).
4 David J. Chalmers, The Character of Consciousness (New York: Oxford University Press, 2010).
5 Thomas M
oore, Soul Mates: Honoring the Mysteries of Love and Relationship (New York: HarperPerennial, 1994).
6 Carmen Harra, “The 10 Elements of a Soulmate,” Huffington Post, July 17, 2013, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-carmen-harra/elements-of-a-soulmate_b_3595992.html.
7 For a scientifically balanced explanation of the relationships among planetary alignments, the human psyche, and world events, see Richard Tarnas, Cosmos and Psyche: Intimations of a New World View (New York: Viking, 2006).
8 Generally attributed to the great Jesuit mystic Pierre Teilhard de Chardin.
9 Moore, Soul Mates, 45.
10 Ibid., 46.
11 Ibid., viii.
12 Ibid., xi.
13 Ibid., 3.
14 Thomas Moore, The Re-Enchantment of Everyday Life (New York: HarperPerennial, 1996), ix.
15 Ibid., 11.
16 Ibid., x.
17 Ibid.
18 Ibid.
19 Cited in Moore, The Re-Enchantment of Everyday Life, xviii.
20 Virginia A. Larson, “An Exploration of Psychotherapeutic Resonance,” Psychotherapy 24 (1987): 321–324.
21 Molly Merrill Sterling and James F. T. Bugental, “The Meld Experience in Psychotherapy Supervision,” Journal of Humanistic Psychology 33, no. 2 (1993): 38–48.
22 John O’Donohue, To Bless the Space between Us (New York: Doubleday, 2008), 32.
23 Marianne Williamson, Illuminata: A Return to Prayer (New York: Riverhead, 1994), 65–70.
24 A beautiful book that gives instruction for this is Gregg Braden’s Secrets of the Lost Mode of Prayer (Carlsbad, CA: Hay House, 2006).
25 Jon Kabat-Zinn, Wherever You Go, There You Are (New York: Hyperion, 1994), 265–266.
26 Ronald Siegel, “West Meets East: Creating a New Wisdom Tradition,” Psychotherapy Networker 35, no. 5 (2011): 20–27.
27 Carl G. Jung, “The Practice of Psychotherapy,” in R. F. C. Hull, trans., The Collected Works of Carl G. Jung, Volume 16, 2nd ed. (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 1996), 42.
28 Robert Hoss and Lynn Hoss, Dream To Freedom: A Handbook for Integrating Dreamwork and Energy Psychology (Santa Rosa, CA: Energy Psychology Press, 2013).
29 Abraham Joshua Heschel, The Sabbath (New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1951), 8.
30 Ibid.
31 Ibid., 14.
32 Ibid., 15–16.
33 Wayne Muller, Sabbath: Restoring the Sacred Rhythm of Rest (New York: Bantam, 1999), 1.
34 Heschel, The Sabbath, 18.
35 Ibid., 21.
36 Ibid., 23.
37 Ibid., 3.
38 Ibid., 15.
39 Ibid., 14.
40 Ibid., 17.
Index
The page numbers in this index refer to the printed version of this book. The link provided will take you to the beginning of that print page. You may need to scroll forward from that location to find the corresponding reference on your e-reader.
Page numbers in italics refer to illustrations.
Abuse
acupoint tapping on, 208
sexual, 286–88
Acceptance Statement
adjusting, 203
in Basic Recipe, 196–99, 210–12
Central Meridian stimulation, 198, 198
Choices Method, 212, 230–31
Heart Chakra activation during, 198, 198
for psychological reversals, 210–11
Active listening, 98
Acupoint tapping, 182–220. See also Acceptance Statement; Basic Recipe, acupoint tapping; Heart Chakra Triple Warmer Tap; Tap, in STAR Pact
addressing unresolved aspects of problem, 205–8
benefits of, 184
case histories, 221–55
catastrophe aftermath healing through, 218–20
cautions, 188
completing unfinished business with, 247–48
conscious partnership and, 316–17
defined, 182
for emotional self-management, 175
in extreme cases, 214–18
guidelines and responsibilities, 187–90
healing emotional wounds with, 236–47
memory in, 182, 191–95, 220
overcoming obstacles, 205
with partner, 202
physical aspects of problem addressed in, 206–7
points, 199
professional assistance for, 189
psychological aspects of problem addressed in, 207–8
psychological reversals in, 209–13, 253–54
reassessing step, 201–2
relationship context for, 184–86
for repairing ruptures, 177
reprogramming through, 221–55
results assessment, 201–2, 204–5
Sandwich, 199–201
scrambled energy issue and, 214
for self-soothing, 172–73
sexual wound healing with, 286–88
shifting response to partner’s behavioral triggers through, 228–35
tapping on reaction to, 216
on thought habits, 316–17
tracing repeating emotional challenges through, 235–41
for trauma, 190, 193, 207–8, 215
on travel plan itinerary issue, 227–35
Acupuncture points, 177, 183–84
Affirmations, 197
Agape, 3
Alchemy, 268, 325–26
Alex’s, 1
Amen, Daniel, 189
Ancestral programming
attraction forces and, 292–94
infidelity in light of, 288–92
overcoming, 295
Anger
emotion beneath, 75–76
Spinal Flush during, 96
Anxious attachment, 151–52, 154
in tonals, 158–59
Anxious/avoidant attachment, 153–54, 156
Appreciation
combining requests with, 129–30
gentle start-up using, 68
responding to empathic statement with, 99
volley, 70–72
weekly meeting for taking stock and, 105
Appreciation Sandwich, 72–73
Arguments. See also Conflict management; “Do you mean” technique; STAR Pact
Eden-Feinstein, 1–2, 5, 179–80
sensory styles during, 46
stopping, 74–76
Armstrong, Alice, 259, 260, 265, 280
Arousal
sexual, 275–76
stress, 312, 316
Arranged marriages, 114
Art and nature, sharing, 339
Assessment
acupoint tapping results, 201–2, 204–5
Energetic Stress Style, 26–29, 45
Astrologers, 334–35
Attaching by Detaching exercise, 161–62
Attachment styles
anxious, 151–52, 154, 158–59
anxious/avoidant, 153–54, 156
avoidant, 152–53
disorganized, 153
early, 149–51
Energetic Stress Style interaction with, 158
energies of, 147–78
pure types in, 153
relationship implications from, 159–60
secure, 152–54, 170–78
self-reliance and, 156–57
skill sets and case histories, 171–78
Triple Warmer and, 166–67
Attraction
ancestral programming and, 292–94
brain structures of, 122–23
energies of, 107–8
Attune, of STAR Pact
desired state after completing, 96
emotional attunement, 96–97
energetic attunement, 94
putting partner’s thoughts into words, 98
shifting focus, 97–98
Spinal Flush, 94–96
Attunement
attuned listening, 70
infant-parent, 160
lack of caregiver, 173–74
putting partner’s thoughts and feelings into words, 98
sexual, 283
Auditory style. See Tonal style
Auras, 110
in attachment styles, 152
Energetic Stress Style determined by, 21
of relationship states, 262
under stress, 37
of yin and yang, 131
Autonomy, 323–24
Avoidant attachment, 152–54, 156
in digitals, 157–58
kinesthetic style countering, 157
Avoidant couples, 41, 42, 43, 176
Back to Eden, 334, 335
Barash, David, 293, 294
Basic Recipe, acupoint tapping, 190. See also Acceptance Statement
Acceptance Statement, 196–99, 210–12
for additional aspects of problem, 206–8
additional rounds, 202–3
energy psychology protocol and, 191
Integration Sequence, 200–201, 230
memory selection, 192–93
Reminder Phrase, 191, 195, 196, 197, 199–200, 201, 203
results assessment, 204–5
Sandwich, 199, 199–201
success percentage, 205
SUD rating, 193–95, 201–2, 204–5, 206
summary, 213
Battle of the sexes, xiii–xiv
Behavioral systems, love governed by, 108–9
Behavioral triggers, 228–35
Believability rating, 244–45, 253
Bellah, Robert, 9
Belt Flow, 342–43
Bennett, Tony, 299
Be Set Free Fast (BSFF), 190
Best Psychology/Mental Health Book of the Year Award, 350
Big Bang, 3
Biochemistry, gender stereotypes and, 125
Biofield, 21. See also Auras
Birds, monogamy myth about, 293
Blame, 47, 75–76
Blow-out, 86, 86, 88
Body
full-body orgasm, 272, 274