When We Were Us

by Elena Aitken

  “Wow,” she said when he was done talking. “I was right. You have a lot going on. Based on what you just told me, and the way I just saw you run, I can probably guess that you haven’t spoken to her since she left.”

  Mark shook his head.

  “Why not?”

  It was a good question. He’d been dying to hear her voice and to hear about how the shows were going and well…just anything. But he hadn’t so much as texted her. That wasn’t entirely true. He’d texted her dozens of times, only he’d deleted all the messages before he could actually send any of them.

  He shrugged. “I guess I thought she just wanted her space to do her own thing.”

  “Why would you think that?”

  Why did he think that?

  “Did she tell you to leave her alone while she was away?”

  Mark shook his head. “No, but I—”

  “I’m just going to stop you right there.” Alicia grabbed his arm and he spun around. “I don’t really know you that well, so I hope you don’t take it the wrong way when I tell you that you’re being an idiot.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You heard me.”

  Mark jerked his arm away and started walking again. “I’m not being an idiot.”

  “A stubborn asshole then?” She caught up to him and kept walking. “It’s one of the two. Because I don’t understand how you are here and she is there.”

  He spun on her. “Because we’re on a break.”

  “This isn’t a nineties sitcom, Mark. This is your life. And you’re obviously not okay with the way things are going.”

  “No,” he agreed. “I’m not. Not at all. But I don’t know what else to do.”

  Alicia took his arm again and gestured to a park bench. Mark nodded and she led him over to sit under a tree in the shade. “I think you do know what to do,” she said when they were seated. “Don’t you?”

  Did he? He wasn’t sure. Part of him wanted to track her down, pull her into his arms and tell her in no uncertain terms that no matter what had happened between them, he never wanted to be apart from her again. He wanted to kiss her until she was breathless and felt his love for her deep in her bones so there was no mistaking how he felt for her.

  But. That wasn’t him. He didn’t do things like that. He didn’t go all alpha male. Ever.

  It was more his style to sit back and let Christy decide what she wanted and what would make her happy. She knew he loved her. Didn’t she? She had to. How could she not? He’d spent almost his whole life loving her.

  “What’s going on in there?” Alicia asked. “You look like you’re having some sort of inner battle.”

  “I think I am.” He dropped his head in his hands.

  “Well, as far as I’m concerned, there’s nothing to battle about.” He looked up to see his new friend leaning back with her arms crossed over her chest, staring at him pointedly. “If you love her and want her, you show her. Period. You do whatever it takes because you know that if you don’t, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life and you’ll always wonder what if.”

  Mark watched as Alicia’s eyes changed while she spoke. There was something more behind what she was saying, maybe a story of her own. Maybe he’d ask her about it one day, but for now, he needed to focus on the woman he loved.

  “You’re right.” He stood. A renewed energy filled him. But this time, it wasn’t the energy to run until he was breathless and his muscles ached. It was the energy to run to his wife and do exactly what he needed to do. What he should have done months ago.

  Chapter Fifteen

  It had been two days since the band had made the decision to play some of their original pieces and Christy had barely slept. As soon as she picked up a pen and started writing, the words poured out of her. Josh rose to the challenge and picked out melodies for her lyrics and then with the rest of the guys, they polished the tunes until they weren’t only happy with them, they were all equally as excited as Christy.

  They’d had a break between shows, and the band spent an entire day practicing the new pieces and rehearsing them until they were all convinced that two of the songs were ready to be performed at their next show.

  It was the biggest show they’d play on their tour, as well as the last one. It would be the perfect timing to debut their new songs.

  And their new band name.

  “Are you nervous?” Jamie took a seat next to her at the table in the back of the pub, where she’d been quietly sipping at a glass of ice water.

  She shook her head. “Not really.”

  He examined her for a minute. “You don’t seem to have your usual excitement,” he observed with a chuckle. “Normally you’re bouncing off the walls before a show.”

  It was true. Over the course of the week, the guys had started to tease her for how excited she got before she performed. And then again after a show. Christy didn’t mind—it was all in fun, and besides that, it was completely true. She’d always had a bubbly personality, but performing brought out a completely different side in her.

  But even the high of performing couldn’t compare to what she felt when she was writing a song. It was hard to believe that she’d only been doing it for a few days, and even harder to believe that she hadn’t discovered this outlet before.

  “I think I’m even more excited,” she said to Jamie and laughed. “If that’s possible. I mean, we’re going to play our songs tonight, Jamie. That’s huge.” She shook her head. “Bigger than huge.”

  “It really is. And that’s the problem, isn’t it?”

  Her head shot up and she stared, open-mouthed, at the man. They hadn’t known each other very long and in that short time, their relationship had undergone a lot of changes, although Christy was pretty sure it would settle into a deep friendship. “Why would you say that?”

  Jamie smiled and reached for her hand. He stilled the pen she’d been bouncing against the table top and looked into her eyes. “That’s why you’re not your normal excited self,” he said. “It’s a huge deal what you’re about to do and I have a feeling that there’s someone you’d rather be sharing the moment with besides us guys.”

  She dipped her head and battled against the tears that sprang out of nowhere. He’d nailed it. She’d done her best to try not to dwell on the way she’d left things with Mark before she’d left. She’d tried to focus on the band, her songs, and performing. After all, when she got home, that particular situation would still be there waiting for her.

  And wasn’t that the problem?

  It would still be at home. And Jamie was right: she wished more than anything that Mark was there to see her debut the original songs. Hell, she would have liked him to be there to watch her sing, period. She’d been so wrong not to tell him about her playing with the band.

  “Don’t cry.” Jamie squeezed her hand once before he let go and handed her a napkin. “I didn’t mean to make you sad, Christy. Really.”

  “I know.” She wiped at her tears and took a deep breath. “And you didn’t make me sad. That’s not your fault. There’s a lot of things…well, it’s fine. You don’t want to hear about it, I’m sure.” She looked away and straightened her shoulders.

  “Hey. We’re friends, remember?”

  Her lips twitched up in a smile as she remembered their poolside conversation. Things could have been much more awkward between them considering she hadn’t been very upfront about things. Thankfully, Jamie was a good guy and she was grateful for their friendship. And his honesty. If it hadn’t been for their frank conversation only a few nights ago, she wouldn’t have allowed herself to open up and write the lyrics she had and she would not be preparing at that moment to get up on stage and sing her very own song.

  “I remember.” She smiled broadly. “Thank you for that.”

  “Forget it.” He waved his hand away, brushing her off. “Now come on. What do you say we go introduce the world to Timber Heart?”

  Her smile only got bigger at the sound of their new
band name and she knew she was ready. “I think that sounds like the best idea I’ve heard all day.” Christy took his outstretched hand and let him lead her through the now crowded bar to the stage where the other guys were waiting to get started.

  After his conversation with Alicia and a subsequent chat with Aaron, who completely agreed with a woman he’d never met, Mark had quickly showered and thrown a few things in a bag. He was just about to hop in the car and make the long drive to Crescent City in Northern California, where a quick internet search had revealed the Lumber Kings would be playing, when his phone vibrated with a call from his emergency clinic after-hours number.

  His first reaction was to ignore it, but he knew he couldn’t do that. It was his duty to answer emergencies.

  “Doctor Thomas.” He threw the bag in the backseat of his car as he took the call.

  “I’m sorry to bother you, Doctor Thomas,” the woman from the answering service said. “But we just received a notice that your patient Becky Potter has gone into labor.”

  Dammit.

  “Is Doctor Young on call tonight?” He already knew the answer to the question, but more than that, he also knew that no matter what doctor was on call at the hospital, Becky Olsen was going to need him to deliver her baby. She was a very young, unmarried mother with no support system to speak of. She hadn’t had a very easy pregnancy with some high blood pressure issues and was extremely nervous about the birth of her first child. He’d promised her that he’d be there for her and he couldn’t in good conscience release her to a doctor who didn’t know her or her history. “Never mind,” he said before the woman could answer. “I’ll be right there.”

  Mark disconnected the call and took a deep breath before jumping in the driver’s seat. On his way to the hospital, he did the mental calculations on how far way Christy was and how long it would take him to get there. The only unknown was how long it would take for Becky’s new baby to make his or her appearance in the world.

  There was no help for it. Besides, he still had time to get to Christy’s show. He’d make it.

  He had to.

  Eleven hours later, Mark was exhausted but happy he’d made the decision not to send an on-call doctor to take care of his patient. Becky had been nervous and scared when he’d arrived at the hospital. Almost hysterical and with no one there to support her, she’d calmed down dramatically when he’d arrived. Although the labor did turn out to be difficult, he’d been able to avoid the caesarean section she so desperately didn’t want and deliver the child naturally without incident. It was the type of moment that had led him to become a doctor.

  After filling out his paperwork, and checking on the baby girl in the nursery, Mark returned to Becky’s room to make sure the girl was doing okay. She was only eighteen and the last time he’d asked, her father had kicked her out of the house and she was living with her boyfriend and his parents. The boyfriend was suspiciously absent from the birth, which didn’t surprise him too much considering he’d also missed all of her previous doctor appointments.

  Still, Mark’s heart ached for the young mother.

  “Knock knock.” He gently shook the privacy curtain that surrounded her bed.

  She looked up and gave him a weak smile when she saw it was him. “Doctor Thomas. Hi.”

  “Hi yourself.” He pulled up the empty chair and sat at her bedside. “How are you feeling?”

  “Tired. Wow.”

  “Wow indeed.” He smiled. “You did great. You worked hard for that little girl. Did you decide on a name yet?”

  “Mya.”

  “Mya,” Mark repeated. “That’s a beautiful name and she looks great, too. I just peeked in on her at the nursery.”

  “Yeah.” Becky’s smile faded. “I was just so tired. The nurses thought I should send her to the nursery for a bit so I could rest. Is that okay?”

  “That’s fine. You’re not going to get much rest once you get the little one home.”

  Becky’s lower lip started to tremble and tears sprung into her eyes.

  “Hey,” Mark said quickly. “I wasn’t trying to make you cry.” He’d dealt with plenty of postpartum women, and he knew very well that their emotions often bounced wildly for the first little bit of motherhood. He also knew this was different. “Is everything okay, Becky? I couldn’t help but notice that your boyfriend wasn’t here today. Have you called him?”

  She nodded.

  “And is he coming?” Mark knew the answer before she shook her head. “Is anyone coming, Becky? Where are you staying right now?”

  The tears slipped down her cheek. “Troy broke up with me.” Her voice was soft. “He said he was too young to be a father.”

  “Well, he doesn’t have much of a choice in that now.”

  She shook her head. “But my dad said I could come home for a bit until I can figure things out. I can go back to work in a few weeks and I have a bit saved up for an apartment so…”

  “I’m going to have the nurses give you a list of organizations that can help you out, okay? The important thing is that both you and your little girl are healthy.”

  “I know.” She nodded and swiped at her face. “I just wish I didn’t…it doesn’t matter.”

  “Are you having second thoughts, Becky?” When Becky had first come to Mark’s office to confirm her pregnancy, they’d had a number of long conversations about her options. She’d said from the beginning that she wanted to keep her baby, so Mark hadn’t pushed the issue either way. It wasn’t his job. Becky was a good kid and not involved with drugs of any kind. Her baby wasn’t in danger. And beyond the fact that they both faced a struggle in the coming years, there was nothing Mark could do but support and respect his patient’s decision.

  Becky was silent for a few minutes but finally shook her head. “No. I love her. We’ll be okay.”

  He patted her hand and stood. “You’ll be great. And remember, if you need anything at all, if you have any questions or concerns, don’t be afraid to reach out, okay?”

  She finally smiled again. “Thank you, Doctor Thomas. For everything.”

  The sun was starting to come up when Mark finally left the hospital. He was exhausted but he couldn’t go home to shower and sleep the way he needed to before a day of seeing patients. He had something much more important to do. He called and left a message at the office for Sarah to clear his day and reschedule his patients. Never before had Mark cancelled an entire day of patients. Of course, never before had Mark been facing the biggest crisis of his personal life.

  He glanced at the time on his phone. He might be a little late, but he’d make it to Christy’s show.

  After making a quick stop at Daisy’s Diner, where Mark ordered four cups of strong, black coffee and with the tray of drinks on his passenger seat, he started the ten-hour drive to his wife.

  The first set went smoothly. From the moment Christy grabbed the microphone and introduced them as Timber Heart, the new and upgraded version of the Lumber Kings, the audience was with her. They played all their usual cover songs and then it was finally time to sing an original.

  “Hey,” Christy said into the microphone. “We have such an awesome crowd here tonight.” Cheers went up throughout the audience. “And because you’re all so awesome, I thought maybe we could try a little something new tonight.” There were a few hollers of encouragement. “The guys and I have been working on a few original songs, and you’re the lucky audience we’re going to debut them on.” She looked to Jamie, who smiled and played a riff on his guitar. “So,” she continued. “Without further build-up, here’s our very first original song, ‘Let’s Be Us.’ I hope you like it.”

  She took the microphone from its stand, looked at her feet and took a deep breath as the guys started to play behind her. When she looked up again, she stared out into the crowd and started singing.

  “Once upon a time, it was just you. It was just me.

  We had love and dreams and little more.

  Together we had everythi
ng.”

  * * *

  Christy let herself fall into the music and the lyrics she’d written to her husband. She knew he wasn’t out there, but if she closed her eyes, she could picture him standing next to the bar, leaning on the post, a beer in his hands, his eyes on hers, seeing right into her heart.

  “Days turn into years.

  Dreams die and love fades.

  But I don’t want it to ever be the end.”

  * * *

  She opened her eyes to sing the chorus and she blinked hard, almost missing her cue when her gaze landed on Mark. Her heart did a little flutter in her chest and she sang the words she’d written, directly to the man she’d written them for.

  * * *

  “Let’s be us. The way we were.

  The way our hearts know how.

  Close our eyes…Open our hearts.

  It’s time to be us again.”

  * * *

  When she finished the chorus, tears blurred her vision so she had to look away from Mark. Instead, she focused on a point through the crowd on the back of the wall and continued to sing. It wasn’t until the song was over that she looked back to where Mark stood. She couldn’t quite see his face from where she was, but it didn’t matter, because he was there. He was standing there, watching her perform and he’d heard her sing the song she written just for him.

  That’s all that mattered.

  “Wasn’t that amazing?” Jamie had taken the microphone and addressed the crowd, who cheered in response to his question. “Timber Heart’s first original song, ladies and gentlemen, written by our very own Christy Thomas. I hope you liked it because there’s plenty more where that came from.”

  Christy looked from Jamie, to the other guys, and back to Mark. She couldn’t take her eyes off him. She knew she was supposed to talk to the crowd and tell them they were going to take a quick break but would be back in ten minutes. But she couldn’t.