When We Were Us

by Elena Aitken

  And what if she did?

  Christy forced herself to take a deep breath.

  “Are you okay?” Evan asked her as they approached the grocery store. “Do you need a minute?” They’d driven the short distance to the store from the office, which was nice because Evan’s police car felt like a safe respite—no matter how false—from the craziness that was swirling around them. For a Monday, it had definitely been a doozy.

  “I’m fine.” She nodded and smiled. “It’s just a lot, you know?”

  “It is a lot.” Evan smiled. “And it would be good if Mark were here. If you want to—”

  “No,” she interrupted him. “I can do this. No. I need to do this. And Mark needs to be with Eric and Drew.” She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. “God, I hope everything is okay there.”

  Evan put his hand on hers and squeezed. “We can’t think of that right now, okay? I texted Cam and gave her a heads-up in case Drew needs support. But right now, it’s you and me and we’re going to go and talk to Becky. Okay?”

  Christy nodded. “I’m ready.”

  The second they walked into the store, Christy identified Becky Olsen. She was petite, with brown hair pulled back into a ponytail that revealed very sad and tired eyes. She looked as if she hadn’t slept in weeks—maybe she hadn’t—she almost slouched over the till and looked as if at any minute she might break down in tears.

  Christy’s heart instantly went out to her. She’d always wanted a baby of her own, but that was always as a married woman with a husband and family to support her. She’d never once imagined what it would be like to be young and broke with no one to help her with late-night feedings, diaper changes, or just to help rock a cranky baby to sleep. Never mind to pay for the formula, the never-ending supply of diapers, the clothes, and everything else that went along with having a baby. The poor girl. No wonder she looked like she was about to break.

  The manager of the store met them as soon as they walked in the door, and she and Evan exchanged a few words before she left to talk to Becky. Christy watched as the manager said something to the girl. Instantly, Becky’s head shot up and she looked much more awake. Her eyes were wide and full of fear as she looked at the police officer and strange woman, staring at them. Her boss put her hand on Becky’s shoulder and led her over where Christy and Evan were waiting. “You can use the staff room if you like, Officer?”

  “Thank you.” Evan looked to the girl. “Or would you rather get some fresh air? You’re not in trouble, Becky. We just want to talk to you for a few minutes, okay?”

  Becky nodded numbly. “Okay.”

  Evan took that to mean that they should go outside. He kept a hand on her shoulder as he guided them out to the parking lot and to a picnic table on a grassy area next to the store. As soon as they were seated, Evan started the conversation. “My name is Officer Anderson, Becky. And this is Christy. Doctor Thomas’s wife.”

  Becky’s eyes got wider, if that was possible, and she stared at Christy.

  “It’s okay, Becky.” Christy did her best to smile despite the fact that she was no doubt as equally scared and unsure of what was going to happen.

  “We need to ask you a few questions.”

  She nodded.

  “Do you have a daughter named Mya, who is approximately two weeks old?”

  As a tear slipped down the girl’s cheek, Christy’s heart broke a little.

  “Yes.” Her voice shook with the first word she’d actually spoken since they’d arrived. “She’s seventeen days old.”

  Christy did the quick calculation. Mya was born the day before Mark arrived in Crescent City. That’s why he was so tired. She offered Becky a small smile.

  “And did you see Doctor Thomas at his office today?”

  “Yes,” Becky said. “He came into the store last night and told me to come in for an appointment this morning before office hours started. He was trying to be nice because I had to work later and I didn’t have much…” She trailed off, no doubt realizing how much she was rambling. “I took her in for a check-up. She’s been spitting up a lot and…I wanted to make sure she was okay. Is she okay?” She addressed the question to Christy.

  “She’s fine. Spat up a little for me, too, after I fed her.” Christy kept the smile on her face, even when fresh tears spilled from Becky’s eyes.

  Evan made some notes in his book before he continued. “And did you then drop your child off at Doctor Thomas’s office later this afternoon? Approximately two hours ago?”

  Her hands came up to her face and she crumpled over her knees as sobs racked her body.

  Evan looked over to Christy.

  “Hey.” Christy stood and went to the girl. She rubbed Becky’s back slowly. “It’s okay.” She let Becky cry for a minute before she asked the question that Evan was no doubt leading up to. He probably had some sort of protocol to follow, but at that moment they were talking about the welfare of not only a newborn but a young girl who was clearly distraught, and Christy needed to step in. “Becky.” She said the girl’s name softly. “Did you leave your baby for Mark and me to adopt?”

  Becky didn’t look up from her hands, but she nodded and Christy’s breath hitched in her throat.

  “And is that really what you want to do?” She held her breath as she asked the question because all of a sudden, it seemed that the whole world rested on her answer. “It’s okay if you changed your mind.”

  It seemed like an eternity, but Becky nodded again and looked up into Christy’s eyes. “Yes,” she said.

  Christy’s heart leapt and in a second, she had her answer about what decision she’d make when it came down to making the decision of adopting baby Mya or not. But there was still a big if in the equation. She couldn’t get her hopes up. She couldn’t afford to be disappointed again.

  “Becky?” Christy took a deep breath and asked another question. “If there were some resources we could help set you up with, maybe an agency who could help you figure things out…would you still want Doctor Thomas and me to adopt your baby?”

  Christy had to force herself to breathe while she waited for Becky’s answer.

  In.

  Out.

  If Becky said no, she’d do whatever she could to help the girl make a good life for her and her baby. But if she said yes…

  It felt like minutes passed and still Becky hadn’t answered.

  Finally, Evan spoke. “Becky, I’m sure you know that you can’t just leave a child in a doctor’s office, right?”

  She nodded in answer.

  “If you really are prepared to surrender your child, there are proper steps to take. We will have to contact social services, who will counsel you regarding your choices, and depending on what kind of adoption you—”

  “No.” Becky sat up straight. “I know what I want. I made my decision and I don’t need to be counseled. I want Doctor Thomas and his wife to adopt my baby.”

  Christy didn’t even realize that she’d gasped until Becky looked at her.

  “If you want her, of course.”

  “I do!” Christy clapped a hand over her mouth. “I mean…we need to follow…”

  “There’s a lot to discuss still.” Evan took over the talking, a fact Christy was thankful for considering she couldn’t trust herself to speak. “But you’re sure of your decision?”

  Becky’s bottom lip quivered but she looked Christy directly in the eye when she said, “Yes. I love her so much.” Her voice shook, but she swallowed hard and continued. “But...I’m too young to give her the life she deserves. I have no money. I’m working all the time and I have no one to take care of her while I’m at work. And…she needs a father.” Tears spilled down her face. “She needs so much more than I can give and I’m just a kid. My dad was right. She’ll have the life she deserves, with the parents she deserves if Doctor Thomas and…” She looked to Christy. “And his wife would be willing to take her.”

  “But you don’t even know me.”

  “I kno
w you’ll love her. I know you’re a good person.” She tried and failed for a little smile. “Doctor Thomas has been so kind to me. He cares. He really cares and that’s more than I can say for her father.” She looked at her feet. “Or her grandfather, or really anyone in her life.”

  Christy put her hand on Becky’s arm and squeezed. “Except for you. You care.”

  “But I’m not enough,” Becky said. “I know that now. She deserves more.” She looked to Evan. “Officer Anderson, I want the Thomases to adopt my baby. If they’ll have her,” she added quickly.

  Christy nodded. Although she still hadn’t had a chance to talk it over with Mark, she was confident that this baby was meant to be theirs. Her entire attitude had done a complete turnaround in the last twenty-four hours but that was before. And just as she’d said to Cam earlier, everything happened for a reason. She believed it.

  “What do I need to do to make sure the Thomases can adopt her?” Becky asked Evan, with more self-assurance than she’d expressed since they’d gotten there. “If I can’t be the mother she needs to be, I want her to be raised by Doctor Thomas and Christy.”

  “I’ll make a few calls. I’m sure we can get Judge Stewart to rule the Thomases as temporary guardians until we sort it all out legally. Okay?”

  Becky nodded and when Evan excused himself to start making the necessary arrangements, the girl crumpled with a mixture of exhaustion and possibly relief.

  Because she didn’t know what else to do, Christy slid over on the picnic table bench and wrapped her arm around the girl. Almost at once, Becky spun into her embrace and rested her head against Christy’s shoulder, where she cried until there weren’t any tears left to cry.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  In his career, Mark had lost patients before. It was part of his profession. Doctors healed, but there were times when, despite their best efforts, there was no more healing to be had. When he walked out of Eric’s room for the last time, he knew it was one of those times. There was no longer anything he could do.

  “I’m sorry, Drew.” Mark fought tears as he spoke to his friend. “He doesn’t have long.”

  Drew nodded and swallowed hard. “I know,” she said. “Is there anything…”

  “The pain seems to have subsided now,” Mark finished her thought. Often when terminal patients neared the end, the pain they’d lived with for so long inexplicably vanished. “Just go be with him. I’ll stay in case there’s anything else you need.”

  “Thank you.”

  Mark watched as Drew made a few quick phone calls before she took little Austin down the hall to say good-bye to his father. Numb and feeling helpless, he rummaged around the kitchen. He found a box of cookies that he put on a plate, made a pot of strong coffee, and washed a bowl of grapes that he set out on the counter as the front door opened.

  He knew Eric’s parents and Ben would be coming by to say their good-byes, and it was his job to stay as unobtrusive as possible. When they arrived, he handed out coffee, snacks, and tissue and did his best not to think about the man he’d grown up with and called a friend in the other room who was prepared to die and leave his young family behind.

  He’d spoken to Christy only briefly to hear that they’d met with Becky, and Evan was looking into the legalities of what came next. They had a lot to discuss before they made any decision final, but they’d agreed to wait until he came home and his place right then was with Eric and Drew.

  It would be almost impossible to put it out of his mind, but when Drew emerged from the back bedroom, her eyes red rimmed and crying, he knew that was exactly what he had to do.

  “Is he…is everything...”

  “He’s in with his family. I wanted to give them some space.”

  Mark led Drew to the table and put a cup of coffee in front of her without asking.

  “And Austin?”

  “I tucked him into bed.” She shook her head a little. “I don’t think he really understands, you know? He said good-bye, but it’s like he thinks he’ll see his dad in the morning. I don’t know how to tell him…” A sob escaped her. Mark hadn’t seen her cry much; she’d been so strong throughout everything, but everyone had their limit. “I don’t know how to tell him that his daddy will be gone in the morning.” She looked to Mark in question but there was no doubt for either of them that Eric wouldn’t make it through the night.

  “He’ll be okay,” Mark said. “He has you and his grandparents and Ben, and all of us.” He pushed the box of tissues across the table. “Whatever you need, Drew. You know we’re all here for you.”

  She nodded and attempted a smile. “I know. Thank you.”

  They sat in silence while Drew sipped at her coffee. Eric’s parents came out and then finally Ben. “He’s asking for you,” Ben said to Drew.

  She nodded and went to her husband.

  At some point, Cam arrived and started making sandwiches and plates full of food.

  It was just before eight when Drew emerged from the bedroom and went straight into Cam’s arms for a hug.

  Two hours later, Mark, after taking care of the arrangements, finally arrived home. He’d left Drew in the capable hands of Cam and Evan, who’d arrived after his shift. It wasn’t going to be easy, but she’d be okay.

  He was completely wrung out when he arrived home, but the moment he stepped in the front door, the new and unexpected energy hit him. The house felt different. There was a baby there.

  Mark moved straight to the bedroom across the hall from theirs and peeked in the door that was open a crack. Christy had spent so many hours picking out the furniture for that room over the years, insisting that it wasn’t bad luck to prepare it just in case. She’d spent hours folding little clothes and finding just the right prints for the walls. At some point during the last treatment, she’d stopped going into the nursery. It filled Mark’s heart with love to see her in there now, sitting in the rocking chair, the swaddled baby in her arms.

  “Knock knock,” he whispered.

  Christy turned and smiled.

  It was the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen, but he knew in his heart he had to manage his expectations. Mya wasn’t theirs. Not yet. She might never be. They had a lot to talk about.

  “Is she sleeping?” He mouthed the words, not wanting to wake the baby.

  “She is.” Christy stood, but made no move to put down the sleeping child. “But she’ll sleep through anything. Once she gets to sleep, that is. Do you want to hold her?”

  He did. More than anything. But first he needed to know what had happened.

  “How did it go?” he asked instead. “With Becky?”

  “It was hard,” Christy said. “She’s hurting and confused.”

  He thought back to the girl in the hospital, determined to raise her baby even without the father. And then to the girl he’d seen at the grocery store—tired, wrung out. And then finally his thoughts went to the Becky he’d seen in his office earlier that morning. Was it really only just that morning? That Becky had been overwhelmed, defeated and broken.

  “But?” he asked, sure there was a but.

  “But she’s sure about giving her up for adoption.”

  Hope leapt in his chest. “And…”

  “She wants us to adopt her.”

  “Really?” Still, Mark wouldn’t let himself get his hopes up. Even when Christy nodded in confirmation, he still had one more very important question. “And you, Christy? What do you want?”

  She didn’t answer right away, but Mark was sure he saw the answer on her face as he gazed at the sleeping child. Still, he needed to hear it.

  “Yes.” She sniffled when she looked up and even in the dim light, Mark saw the tears in her eyes. “Yes,” she said again. “If this is what Becky wants, I want us to be her parents, Mark. We can give her a good home, we can love her, we can…”

  “We can.” He nodded. “But you said it wasn’t the right time right now. Just yesterday you said you wanted to wait and focus on—”


  “Things change.” She grinned and he laughed.

  “Yes, they do.” He shook his head and took another step into the room. “Can I hold her now?”

  “Of course.” She handed him the baby and even though he’d held her before as a patient, this was different. So very different. The moment he felt her gentle weight in his arms, his heart swelled to the point where he thought it might burst.

  His body started to naturally sway and he stared down at her perfectly tiny face. “We can do this.” He spoke almost to himself, but Christy slid her arm around him and rested her head on his shoulder.

  “Yes, we can.”

  It had been a long night but instead of being exhausted, Christy was exhilarated. Mya needed to be fed every few hours, and then Christy and Mark would take turns rocking her back to sleep. Aware that the child had been through a lot in her short life, they spent extra time and care cuddling her and soothing her. They also spent that time talking. Mostly about Mya and Becky and what an adoption would look like and what their next steps should be, but also about Drew and Eric.

  She’d known it was coming, but when Mark told her that Eric had passed away, it hit her fresh. It had never felt fair that her friend should lose her husband and father of her child so young, but somehow it seemed extra cruel that Drew had experienced such an intense loss on the same day that Christy and Mark had gained so much.

  Christy was rocking Mya in the living room when the sun finally came up. She’d barely put her down all night, needing to hold her, smell her, and watch her every movement to actually believe that it was really happening. She was finally going to become a mother.

  It still felt so surreal that her entire life could change so dramatically in such a short span of time. If she hadn’t been so tired, she would have laughed at the irony of it all. She should know better than to think she could control her own fate when destiny had different plans.