When We Were Us

by Elena Aitken

  Yesterday she’d been ready to wait when it came to motherhood, and now…nothing felt so right.

  Her feelings bubbled over and her fingers itched to hold a pen and record them. Finally, reluctantly, she put Mya down in the bassinet they’d brought out of the nursery and she settled into the chair next to her with her journal as she began writing.

  “Good morning.”

  Christy looked up and smiled at her husband. “Morning.”

  “How is she?” Mark kissed Christy on the cheek before peeking in at the sleeping infant. “Did you get any sleep after that last feeding?”

  “A little.” She shrugged. There’d be time for sleep later.

  “Are you writing?”

  “I am! I have so many feelings, so many thoughts and…I just needed to get them down. I think it’ll be a beautiful song.”

  Mark smiled. “I have no doubt. I’ll go put some coffee on. Let me know if she wakes up and I’ll watch her this morning so you can get some writing done.”

  She didn’t think she could love him any more than she did. “Mark?” She caught him before he disappeared into the kitchen. “I love you.” She smiled. “We’re going to do this.”

  “We absolutely are.” He blew her a kiss. “As soon as I get the coffee on, I’ll call the lawyer’s office and see what our next steps are, okay?”

  She nodded. “I’m going to go see Drew this morning, too. She’s going to need a hug and some support. I need to be there.”

  “Of course you do. Did you want me to take the morning off? I can watch Mya while you—”

  “No,” she stopped him. “I’ll take her. You have enough to worry about this morning. And really…this is our life now. We just didn’t have as much time to adjust to the idea as others do.”

  “Or any time at all.”

  She laughed, but when she looked down at the sleeping baby again, the laughter died and was replaced by emotion so thick she could barely swallow. Time or not, she didn’t care. Everything about Mya was perfect.

  It didn’t feel right that it should be a warm, sunny day with the birds chirping outside of Drew’s kitchen windows. Cam had slept on the couch the night before, not because she thought she’d be needed during the night, but more because she knew Drew would appreciate her presence and if her friend did feel like talking or crying or…sitting and staring into space with a friend by her side, that’s what she’d be there for.

  The night before, Drew hadn’t wanted to talk at all. Instead, she’d gone to bed, choosing to cuddle in with Austin instead of her own bed across the hall from the room where Eric had passed away. Not that Cam could blame her. There would have to be a lot of adjustments in the coming days and months.

  But first, breakfast. She felt so helpless, but there was one thing Cam could do and that was cook breakfast for Drew and her son so that even though they were waking up to a world where everything was different, at least they’d have pancakes. It seemed silly, but when Drew finally made her appearance in the kitchen, she took one look at what Cam was doing—the bacon in the skillet, the pancakes on the griddle, and the coffee in the cup that was handed to her—and smiled.

  “Thank you,” she said. “Austin will be thrilled. He’s been begging me for pancakes and bacon for days.”

  “It’s not much,” Cam said. “But maybe it will…”

  “It is a lot.” Drew’s smile faded into sadness. “Especially for a little boy who doesn’t really understand. It means a lot, Cam. Really.”

  Cam made herself a tea and they sat together at the table for a few minutes. “What now?” she asked after Drew had a chance to have a few sips. “I mean, what’s going to happen? What do you need me to do? Anything at all, you know that, right?”

  “I do.” She nodded. “Thank you. But it’s all taken care of. I’ll make some calls to the funeral home and we’ll pick a date. Probably not for a few weeks, just so we can make sure family has a chance to come in.”

  “Makes sense.”

  “But other than that, it’s all taken care of. Eric made all the arrangements. He didn’t want me to have to worry about anything.” A tear slipped down her cheek. “Anything except learning to live without him, I guess.” Drew dropped her head as sobs racked her body. “I’m sorry,” she managed. “It’s just finally real, you know.”

  Cam nodded, although she certainly didn’t know.

  “I feel like I’ve had forever to prepare for this, but it wasn’t long enough. Forever could never be long enough.”

  “No,” she agreed. “Forever would never be long enough. But I know you’ll be okay. You and Austin, you’ll both be okay. I know it.”

  Drew nodded. “We will. Eric made me promise not to stop living just because he did, and I won’t. That’s not fair to Austin. Life goes on, I guess.”

  Cam shrugged, once again amazed at the strength of her friend. She knew Drew would need her, need all of them, in the coming months, but she’d meant it when she said that she knew Drew would be okay. She would.

  “You know we’re here for you. No matter what you need.” She’d said it before, but she’d keep saying it. “Christy’s on her way over,” Cam said. “She wanted to be here earlier, but…well I’m going to let her tell you.”

  Drew gave her a look. “Is everything okay?”

  “Everything’s fine.” Cam smiled. “More than fine. She was a little unsure if she should come by today, but…”

  Drew looked confused, but too tired to ask any more questions, which was fine because a moment later there was a soft knock on the door, followed by Christy walking into the kitchen.

  “Drew?”

  The other woman stood and Christy immediately pulled her into a fierce hug. They held each other for a few moments before Cam got up and joined them. Together, Christy and Cam surrounded their friend in love. They would be the strength to hold her up.

  “Thank you for coming,” Drew said when the girls finally released her. “Cam said you had something—”

  They were interrupted by the sound of a shrill baby cry and Drew’s mouth fell open. Christy, who looked just as tired as the rest of them, smiled and held up her finger. “I’ll be right back.”

  She was gone a moment to the front foyer, returning with a baby carrier in her hand.

  “What the hell is that?”

  Christy laughed. “A baby.”

  “Okay.” Drew watched intently as Christy unbuckled the infant and expertly cradled her, soothing the baby’s cries at once. “Better question,” she continued. “Whose baby is it?”

  Christy’s eyes filled with tears. “She’s mine and Mark’s. We’re going to adopt her.”

  Cam already knew the story from Evan, who’d filled her in when he stopped by the house the night before but hearing it from Christy’s mouth gave her chills. This baby was meant to be theirs and her heart swelled with happiness for one friend at the same time that it ached for her other friend.

  “I know the timing isn’t great,” Christy apologized. “And I know you’re going through…well, I can’t imagine what you’re going through, Drew. But I needed to see you and…”

  “Don’t apologize for anything.” Drew smiled through her tears. “A baby? It’s so great, Christy. I know how badly you’ve wanted this and don’t give the timing another thought. Everything happens the way it should, don’t you think?”

  They all nodded.

  “I believe that,” Drew said. “I have to, otherwise I—”

  There was a movement in the kitchen doorway that drew the women’s attention. Austin stood in his pajamas, a ratty stuffed frog hanging from one hand, the other rubbing his eye, still full of sleep. “Mama?”

  Drew’s hand flew to her mouth at the sight of her son and the realization of what she’d have to tell him.

  “I agree.” Cam stood, breaking the silence of the moment. She moved to the stove to finish off the breakfast she’d put on hold. “And right now, I think it’s time for some breakfast. How do you feel about bacon and
pancakes, Austin?”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Eric’s memorial service had been a beautiful celebration of life. And that’s exactly what it was. A celebration. He’d requested everyone to wear bright colors, and ordered no tears, although that wasn’t an order Christy could follow. She’d cried throughout the speeches and recounted memories and then it was over and everyone spilled out of the banquet room at the Creekside Inn that was the only place big enough to host the celebration, and into the warm September day.

  It was hard to believe it had been two weeks already since Eric passed away and Mya came into their lives. So much had happened in such a short time, that it hardly seemed real.

  Christy looked at her husband, who held their baby girl in his arms, and smiled. Her heart was completely full. After the chaos of the first day, Mark had contacted a lawyer and together with social services, they’d put together an adoption agreement, which Becky had signed. They’d decided on an open adoption that allowed Becky to continue to be part of their lives, and despite being completely sleep-deprived and exhausted, Christy had never been happier.

  She looked around the grassy lawn that sloped gently down to the river and watched her friends. Despite the sadness of the day, everyone was trying to honor Eric’s wishes and not be too sad. An almost impossible task for almost everyone.

  Her eyes landed on Amber and Cam, and she went over to join them. Amber had arrived in town from San Francisco only a few days ago. She looked sleek and perfectly put together, the way she always did in her tailored suit, with her shiny dark hair hanging down her back. Christy had always thought Amber could have been a model with her striking good looks, but the only things she’d been interested in was school, getting good grades, and becoming a lawyer.

  A mission she’d accomplished with ease. It was remarkable to all the others how Amber could be so intensely focused at the expense of all distractions, including the men who constantly threw themselves at her. But if she ever noticed, she didn’t say so. In fact, to Christy’s knowledge, Amber had never even been in a serious relationship.

  “Hey, girls.” Christy wrapped her arm around each of them as she joined them next to the river. “It was a nice service, wasn’t it?”

  “We were just saying that,” Cam agreed. “I think Eric would have liked it.”

  Amber nodded. “How do you think Drew is doing?”

  Their eyes traveled across the lawn to where Drew was standing, her hand in Austin’s, chatting with a group of Eric’s relatives. Ben stood nearby, as if keeping watch on his widowed sister-in-law. He’d been a very steady presence in the weeks following Eric’s passing. Always close, but he kept his distance at the same time. It was good. Drew was going to need all the support she could get.

  “I think she’s doing as well as can be expected,” Christy said. “I bet she’s glad you’re here.”

  Amber nodded, but she didn’t smile. “I would have liked to been here earlier, but I just…” Her eyes drifted away and wouldn’t meet Christy’s. “I couldn’t get away.”

  “Big case?” Cam asked.

  “Not really.” Her eyes darkened.

  There was something going on with her and it wasn’t the first time Christy thought so. When she’d spoken with her on the phone earlier in the summer, she’d seemed off somehow. Even at the reunion in the spring, Amber had been distracted and not herself. And it was definitely not normal for her not to be there for her friends unless there was something very important keeping her away. Even when Amber was at her busiest, she always found time for her best friends. Always. Christy wasn’t even going to pretend that it wasn’t weird that Amber didn’t come right away when she heard that Eric had passed away.

  It was beyond weird.

  “Is everything okay with you, Amber?” She might as well ask her straight out. “You just seem a little…”

  “Not yourself,” Cam finished for her.

  Good, she wasn’t the only one who’d noticed Amber’s strange behavior.

  “In fact, you just don’t really seem—”

  “I’m fine.” Amber smiled broadly and stared at each of them in turn. She’d always been an impeccable liar and had a poker face like nobody else. It was definitely one of the traits that made her such a successful lawyer, but as her friend, it was annoying as hell when you were trying to get to the bottom of something. “And even if I wasn’t,” she added, “I don’t think this is the time or place to discuss it.”

  So there was something going on.

  “I agree,” Cam said. “I think we should go rescue Drew from making small talk with Eric’s extended family and get her out of here, don’t you think?”

  “Absolutely.” The girls agreed readily, and after making sure that Austin was well taken care of between both sets of grandparents, they whisked Drew away for a little much-needed girl time.

  They didn’t go far, just to the riverbank, far enough away for a little privacy but close enough for Mark to bring her the baby when it was time for him to go with the guys for a special tribute to Eric at the Log and Jam.

  “This is nice.” Drew lay back on the cool grass, letting her purple dress float around her bare legs. “I needed this,” she said to the girls, who’d joined her, lying down. “Thank you for being here.”

  “Of course.” Christy reached for her hand and squeezed.

  “I’m not even going to ask you how you’re doing,” Amber said.

  “Oh please don’t!” Drew beat her feet against the ground before laughing. “If one more person asks me how I’m doing, I’m going to scream.”

  “No doubt,” Cam agreed. “I mean, I get why people ask, but really, what kind of answer do they expect?”

  “Right?” Drew sat up and looked at each of them. “You know what’s going to be the hardest?”

  Christy shook her head although in her head, she could think of a laundry list of events and dates that were going to be challenging for her friend.

  “Just being alone.” Drew dropped her head and focused on picking blades of grass from the lawn. “I’ve never been alone. I’m not sure I know how.”

  “You don’t have to be.”

  Cam and Christy both sat up at the same time and stared at Amber, who’d spoken. She was always the one out of the four of them who had all the answers, but she couldn’t possibly have the answers to this particular problem.

  “I mean it,” Amber said, addressing their unasked questions. “You don’t have to be alone, Drew, because I’m not going to let you.”

  “Pardon?” Drew let the picked pieces of grass slip from her fingers. “What do you mean, you’re not going to let me be alone?”

  “I’m moving in,” Amber said with authority. She jumped up easily and dusted off her pencil skirt. “I’m moving back to Timber Creek,” she clarified. “And in with you.”

  The girls all looked at one another. Amber was known for her strong opinions and once she made her mind up about something, she followed through. But even for Amber, this was a bit much.

  “What do you mean?” It was Christy who finally asked. “You’re moving back to Timber Creek? What about San Francisco?”

  Something flashed across her face, but Amber still didn’t give anything away. She waved her hand, dismissing Christy’s question. “I’m done with San Francisco.”

  There was definitely something going on. Christy had always had a good sense for these things, and she knew something was up. She also knew it wasn’t the right time to push for answers because Drew was crying tears of happiness and had jumped up to hug Amber.

  “Really?” Drew asked. “You’re really going to move in with me?”

  Amber still hadn’t asked for permission, but she wouldn’t and Drew didn’t seem to mind.

  “Absolutely. I won’t even go back to pack. I’ll just have my things sent.” As Amber spoke, Cam looked just as confused as Christy felt, but obviously, Drew was too wrapped up in everything else to notice. “I told you that you wouldn’t have to be a
lone, Drew. And I meant it. I’ve got you.”

  There were so many questions swirling around Christy’s head, but they could wait. And at the end of the day, what did they really matter? Amber was moving back and they’d all be together again, just like when they were in high school. And there couldn’t be anything bad about that.

  “To my big brother.” Ben raised a pint of beer from the end of the table, and the other men joined them in the toast. “A loving son, an amazing father, and a fiercely loved husband,” Ben said. “I missed out on a lot with my brother.” He paused. “And I’ll regret that every day. But he was a good man and he will be terribly missed. He touched many lives, had many friends and…” He swallowed hard before looking up again and raising his glass higher. “To Eric.”

  “To Eric!” the group chorused and drank deeply.

  Mark put his glass down and looked around. Sitting around the table was a mixture of people, all of whom had been important to Eric in some way. Not for the first time, Mark was struck by the rippling impact death had on a community. No one was untouched.

  “I just want to say one more thing,” Ben said and Mark returned his attention to the head of the table. “My brother made a special request for today.”

  Mark thought of the envelope Eric had given to him to hold on to for Drew. He’d locked it into his safe at the office and that’s where it would stay until next summer when he was to give it to Drew.

  “Beyond asking you all to be here, he requested that after I toasted him, in whatever form that took,” Ben shook his head with a laugh, “that we stop mourning him and celebrate everyone else’s life.” A few of the men at the table muttered and looked around, confused, but Ben continued. “What Eric didn’t want was for everyone to sit around sad and dwelling on death when there was so much life to live. He made it very clear to me in his final days that life was for living and if I wasn’t living it to my fullest potential, then I was doing a disservice not only to myself, but to everyone I cared about.