She was so far gone. She was his, heart and soul, and even though she knew she should, she couldn’t deny him something he clearly needed. “I really don’t think staying is the smartest move for you, but I won’t go anywhere. Not yet. I promise.”
Eyes narrowing, he stared at her for a moment. “Don’t think I didn’t catch the not yet in that sentence. But I won’t press you on it now. Just understand that if you leave in the future for any reason that has anything to do with Drako, I will hunt you down and bring you home where you belong. The only acceptable reason for leaving is because you really don’t want to be with me. That’s it.”
“Okay,” she whispered, her eyes dropping to his lips. She began leaning in but stopped as his hands came up between them. As she straightened back up, her eyes shot to his, feeling a small bit of hurt and a truckload of confusion.
His eyes roamed over her face, reading her expression, and he shook his head. “Believe me, Jess, I want to kiss you. But based on the way my mouth feels right now, you might regret that. How long was I out, anyway?”
She blinked a few times, a smile curving her lips when she realized what he meant. “A little over twenty-four hours. It felt like forever to me, but Noah assured me it was normal.”
Reaching out, he grabbed her hand, squeezing tightly. “Hey, don’t cry, okay? I’m fine. And we’ll figure this out soon, no matter what we have to do.”
She hadn’t even realized she’d been tearing up until he pointed it out. She’d been on an emotional rollercoaster for so long that she was beginning to not notice when it hit her. She didn’t think that was a good thing. Or maybe it was. Maybe feeling everything really hard would damage her permanently, and this was her brain’s way of sparing her. Who knew? It was probably more likely that it was just another way her newfound crazy showing through.
“I know. I just hope we figure it out before someone gets hurt. Or killed.”
“We will. Now, I think I want to brush my teeth, so I can kiss you, because I really want to. And then maybe get a shower.”
Looking at him dubiously, she stood up so he had room. “Are you sure you can even get up?”
“Of course I can,” he scoffed. He maneuvered his body around, taking a lot of time to do so, until his legs were dangling off the bed. Then he just sat there for a moment before looking up at her ruefully. “Okay, maybe I can’t. My strength is coming back, but maybe not quite enough yet.”
Suppressing a smile, she turned for his bathroom. “I’ll go get your toothbrush and toothpaste. And then maybe you can eat something. That should help with your strength.”
Quickly gathering his stuff and a paper cup, she brought it back to him. Once he was settled and brushing his teeth, she glanced around, spying her bag on the floor. Maybe she should pack her things up and go back to her room. He was conscious now, so there wasn’t a need to stay and watch over him.
That didn’t mean she didn’t want to, though. She never wanted to leave.
Karis had been right about Kian’s room. It was still large, but it was much different than the living room of his suite. The floors were hardwood, a rich, warm brown, with less expensive throw rugs scattered about. There were a few decorations, a few paintings, but they were all pretty and less formal than the ones in the other room. The bathroom had been similarly decorated.
All in all, they were rooms that made her feel relaxed and welcome. The living room still had the power to make her skin crawl, but she could stay in his bedroom forever.
Dangerous thinking, that.
“Is that your bag?”
Jessica turned toward him at his words, seeing that he’d followed her gaze to her bag. “Yeah. I didn’t want to leave you while you were unconscious. I hope you don’t mind that I’ve been staying in here. I just couldn’t be away from you. I’ll go back to my room now that you’re awake.”
“No, don’t.”
She stared at him for a moment, mind blanking out. “Excuse me?”
Holding out a hand, he beckoned her over. Once she was there, he tugged her down to the bed and pressed his lips to hers. Her skin instantly felt like a livewire, like it did any time he touched her. But she resisted the urge to push him down and jump his bones. If he couldn’t find the strength to stand up, he wouldn’t have the strength for that.
But she wanted to. Oh, how she wanted to.
He nipped her bottom lip as he eased away, both of them panting just from the relatively short kiss they shared. “Don’t go back to your room. Stay.”
Lips parting, she tried desperately to make her brain work again. Had it short circuited while they kissed? Was he really asking her to move into his room? “Do you mean stay permanently?”
“I don’t see a reason why you shouldn’t. We’re mates, after all. But if you’re not quite ready for that on a permanent basis, that’s okay, too. I think you should stay in here until we end the Drako threat, though. There’s more security in this wing, and it would be easier to keep both of us protected.”
Pursing her lips, she considered what he said. She wasn’t sure she was ready to move into his bedroom permanently, but he was right about it probably being best in this situation. Besides, she didn’t want to go back to her lonely existence in her bedroom, and something good should come out of the whole Drako situation.
“Okay, I’ll stay in here with you. But just until we get this figured out. I’m not sure I’m ready to do it permanently yet.”
He smiled, his warm brown eyes crinkling at the corners. “That’s fine. I’ll just work toward making you want to by the time this is over.”
Rolling her eyes, she shook her head as she pulled out her phone. “I’ll call down to the kitchen and get you something to eat.”
“Wait. How have you known the food you’re eating isn’t poisoned? Is there a taster, or something?”
She looked at him, sure the horror she felt was reflected in her eyes. “And put someone else at risk? No!”
He looked relieved as he blew out a breath, his shoulders relaxing. “Good. I don’t want that, either. But it was something my father used to do, and I wouldn’t put it past some of the warriors to insist on it.”
“Your father was a monster. I wouldn’t have allowed that had it been suggested, but I think you’ll be happy to know no one did. You’ve worked miracles on this tribe in a short period of time, whether you realize it or not.”
“I’m very happy to hear that. So how are y’all making sure no more poison is making its way into your food?”
“Pari was questioned thoroughly about any involvement with Drako, or whether she’d ever been contacted by him before. All her answers were completely truthful, so Zane and Karis are trusting her. She’s the only one allowed to make our food, and it goes from her to Zane, Karis, or Jameson, who bring it directly to me. The process might be different if you want to eat at the dining table and not in here, but that’s how they’ve been doing it.”
He nodded thoughtfully. “It sounds like a good plan. Are Zane, Karis, and Jameson are always here, though? They must be at meal times at least.”
She hesitated for a moment. “Wellll… they kind of all moved in. Temporarily, of course.”
Surprise crossed his features. “They did?”
“They felt like the attacks have been stepped up. They’re coming more frequently, and this last one could have easily gone the other way. They want to make sure everyone’s protected.”
“Yeah, that makes sense. Have you eaten yet?”
Nodding, she started dialing the number for the kitchen. “I have. I wanted to get a shower, though, so I figured I’d do that while you ate.”
She placed the order and then walked back to the bed when Kian beckoned her over. He pulled her down to him and gave her a quick kiss. Well, she thought he intended it to be quick. But it turned into more, and they were both breathing heavily when she finally broke the kiss.
He gave her a wink and she flushed, still in a daze as she walked into the bathroom. L
ord, what that man did to her. It was almost unreal, and she couldn’t get enough.
If only the Drako threat wasn’t hanging over their heads. And if only she wasn’t going crazy. Life would be just about perfect then.
Kian finished his meal and then put the tray on the bedside table. He could feel his strength coming back more and more with every passing moment, and his tiger felt almost back to normal inside him. The food had helped even more, but he was still weaker than he wanted to be. Hopefully, by morning he’d be back to one hundred percent.
He took a drink of water, listening to the shower shut off. The whole time it’d been on, he was so preoccupied with imagining Jessica standing under the spray, her skin wet and glistening, that he kept forgetting to eat. He’d wanted to join her more than anything, but he wasn’t sure his strength was up to that yet.
Because he knew if he got in the shower with her, there’d be very little actual bathing going on. And as much as he wanted to try shower sex with her, he knew it wasn’t a good idea right then.
Someday, though. Someday soon, they were going to try it. He’d make sure of it.
Karis had brought in his food, catching him up on what they’d just learned. Vynn had come back about a half an hour earlier, tired and dirty, saying he’d tracked Isla down. But someone else had gotten to her first, and she’d been lying in a ditch with her neck snapped.
He’d carried her home for a burial, because although she’d been a traitor, Isla had still been a War Cat, and she deserved more than being left for the animals to pick apart.
And they all knew who’d gotten to her first. Drako. That son of a bitch seemed to be everywhere. Kian thought that meant he was close, possibly even outside their gates, with eyes on everything. How else could he find Isla so quickly after she fled?
And how the fuck was he getting to so many of the tribe members? Isla made the third person Drako recruited to his cause, and Kian couldn’t figure it out. What was his leverage? What was he offering to get them to turn traitor and try to kill him and kidnap Jessica?
It was somehow more about offering them something, though. Ben, Vihaan, Isla… they’d all come across completely devoted, zealous in their belief that Drako was superior. From the way they’d spoken, he held almost god-like status to them. It made no sense, since they were all born and bred War Cats, and whoever this Drako was, he wasn’t one of them.
From the beginning, Kian felt like he was an outsider, but he’d considered the possibility that he was a War Cat. They all had. But his instinct was confirmed when Jessica recovered that memory. Her parents brought her to Durga to hide her from Drako, so he couldn’t possibly be one of them.
Kian had never been a vengeful person. He was laidback, didn’t let a whole lot get to him. But there were so many reasons why Drako needed to pay. Trying to kill him. Somehow getting to his tribe members and brainwashing them, leading them to their deaths. And, the most important reason—trying to take Jessica.
Drako would die slowly, with a lot of pain, for that offense.
Jessica cleared her throat from the bathroom door, pulling him from his thoughts, and he glanced over, his breath catching. Her hair was hanging in long, damp curls, falling to her waist, and he realized he’d never seen her with her hair down. Even when they made love, it’d been pulled back in a braid. It was sexy as fuck, and he decided then that every time they were in the privacy of their room, he’d take it down.
Their room. Shit, that sounded so perfect, so right. He was going to do everything he could to make sure she never moved back out once the threat was gone.
She shifted a bit and his eyes dropped to her feet, lingering on her light pink painted toenails, before trailing up her bare legs. Shifting uncomfortably on the bed as desire rushed through his veins, he caught a glimpse of the hem of a pair of black satiny shorts. The rest was covered by a towel, and he continued his perusal, pausing on her cleavage, barely hidden, and her bare shoulders before his gaze landed on her face.
A blush was covering her cheeks and she was biting on her plump bottom lip, her eyes darting around the room before she took a deep breath and looked at him. “Sorry. I forgot that all I had in the bathroom was my pajama shorts. I don’t have a clean shirt to put on.”
Clearing his throat, he prayed his voice would work. When he spoke, it came out deep and husky, but at least it was there. “You can borrow one of mine. I’ll get it.”
Standing up, and relieved he’d gotten enough strength back to be able to, he walked to his dresser and pulled out a shirt. He turned around and walked to her, pausing when he caught sight of her lotion bottle on the bathroom counter.
“Do you want me to rub some lotion on the tat before I put this on?”
She hesitated, and he had the oddest sense that she was assessing something internally before she agreed. He didn’t understand what, but the feeling inside him was strong.
“Yeah, I’d appreciate that. Thanks. Go sit on the bed while I get the lotion. I don’t want you to overdo.”
His eyes narrowed, but she’d turned to get the lotion before he could protest. Like he couldn’t walk to the bathroom and back.
When you woke up an hour and a half ago, you needed help just sitting up. Of course she’d think that, his tiger said with derision.
Like you were any better, he replied sourly, making his way back to the bed and sinking down onto it.
Jessica walked back, handing him the bottle with a soft smile. Returning it, he uncapped the bottle, pouring lotion onto his palm to warm it as she sat down. She pulled her hair to the side and he studied her tat again as he rubbed his palms together, the sense that it had something to do with the mess with Drako becoming stronger.
He had to admit that the way it shimmered, almost like it was moving, was pretty cool, though. Touching his fingers softly to her skin, he gently rubbed the lotion over the tat. Her breath caught, a slight shiver racking her body, and he knew it had nothing to do with the lotion and everything to do with his touch.
Mates always affected each other strongly, he knew that. But knowing he did that to her just amped up the desire burning through his veins. He felt it, too. The way touching her skin made lightning zing along his nerve endings.
Blowing out a breath, he tried to get control of his body and his thoughts, but he didn’t have enough left over to control his tiger, who let out a soft growl of approval.
But it was what happened next that had him thinking maybe he was still sluggish, that his brain hadn’t recovered yet.
Because when his tiger growled, the tail of her tat looked like it flicked down. That was impossible, though. Tattoos were stationary. They weren’t real, they couldn’t move. They were ink embedded in the skin, that was all.
Except he felt Jessica stiffen underneath his hand, like she felt it too. Eyes narrowing, he stared hard at it, intentionally growling again, and watching with a sense of disbelief as the tail flicked down again, almost angrily.
“Jessica?” he asked softly, trying to keep his voice controlled. “What the hell is going on with the tat?”
Silence echoed through the room as she sat frozen, looking like she was barely breathing. “I don’t know what you mean.”
Her voice dripped with untruths and he tsked underneath his breath. “Come on. You know better than to pretend like you don’t know. You obviously do, so talk to me.”
She shot up from the bed, and when she turned to look at him, her expression was defiant. But he could see the fear lurking in her chocolate brown eyes, and it made his heart clench hard as he stood with her.
“I know what you meant. Of course I do. But I don’t know what it means, and I thought maybe I was imagining it. That it was just another aspect of me losing my mind. There, now you know. I should have told you yesterday, but I just couldn’t. At least we haven’t claimed each other and locked me to you. You have an out. And you don’t even need to explain why. I get it. Who wants to be with someone who’s crazy?”
Chapter E
leven
Jessica clamped her mouth shut, trying to stop the rambling flow of words erupting from her mouth. The conflicting emotions were bombarding her again and she struggled under the weight of them.
Her heart was breaking to pieces, because she knew letting Kian in on her secret was a death sentence to their mating. But really, it wasn’t something she should have tried to hide to begin with. She should have come straight out with it yesterday when she was listing the reasons they couldn’t be together.
Was that just yesterday? So much had happened since they had that talk, it felt like a million lifetimes ago.
The submissive tiger inside her was cowering, waiting for the rejection, the explosion. Whispering to her that she should just turn around and leave before he could say anything that would make her hurt worse. Because surely, he was going to kick her out of Durga, anyway. Might as well lessen the pain. Not that she thought it would make a difference.
Regardless of how intensely he reacted, leaving him was going to hurt like a motherfucker anyway. And she didn’t even flinch when she thought the curse word. There had never been a situation in her life that deserved that word more than that one.
And then there was that weird part of her, deep inside her, that was defiant. That was pissed off at him because she was hurting, even though this was in no way his fault. That wanted to rail at him and tell him he was weak as hell if he couldn’t handle her quirks.
The word made her want to laugh hysterically. Quirks? Since when was being certifiable just a quirk? But that part of her didn’t care. That part of her insisted she wasn’t crazy. And the more that part got worked up, the worse her tat burned and the more the tail flicked.
You’re not crazy. You think you are, but you’re not.
Jessica jumped as the voice boomed inside her. It was the same one that insisted she let it out when Vihaan was charging her. The same voice that was decidedly not her tiger’s.
Kian (War Cats Book 5) Page 14