Faking Reality

by Sara Fujimura

  “I know I’m not going to be able to hit the high note like Rayne Lee, but I hope you’ll all join me in wishing Dakota a happy sixteenth birthday,” Dad says.

  As the room echoes with voices singing “Happy Birthday to You,” my eyes fill with tears. Phil beams. I’m not breaking down because my friends—and two hundred other acquaintances and strangers—are celebrating me. I’m breaking down because I would happily trade all of this for one matcha ice cream mochi with a tiny, used birthday candle, and Leo’s tenor voice adding vocal embellishments to the song to make me laugh on a random Tuesday.

  “Thank you,” I say at the end, with sudden clarity about several things in my life. I look around the pin-quiet room. “Thank you for all of your support over the years. Thank you for your support tonight.” I look directly into the camera. “Though you didn’t get to see much of Leo in the twenty years If These Walls Could Talk has been on the air, he’s been the one constant in my life since our moms put us in Toddler Time together fourteen years ago. Family lore says that our friendship got off to a rocky start when I clocked Leo upside the head with a backhoe because he interrupted my build in the sandbox. What can I say? I’ve always been a diva.”

  As the room chuckles, I look at Mom. She gives me a nod. “Anyway, Leo’s grandfather collapsed today at the Phoenix Phoodie Phestival and is in rough shape. The Matsudas are private people, so that’s all I’m going to say. I hope you will understand why I have to leave.”

  I’m pretty sure all of America heard Phil’s “WHAT?!?!”

  “Don’t worry. I’m leaving you in good hands.” I walk over to a slack-jawed Nevaeh. “My friend, the incomparable Nevaeh Cooper. Nevaeh, if you could do the prize drawings for me, I would owe you for forever.”

  Nevaeh snaps their mouth closed and gulps. They adjust their tasteful pink tiara and take the mic from me. “Oh, I got you, Koty. You take care of our Cinnamon Roll Prince, and I will take care of the party. As I do.”

  I hug them. “As you do.”

  Mom takes the microphone from Dad. “Don’t go away. After the next commercial break, we have a special event for our viewers at home. In fifteen minutes, Doug and I go live to answer all your burning questions.”

  “We will?” Dad says, and Mom elbows him hard. “Yes, we will. Can’t … wait.”

  “Be sure to use #GrowingUpWithKoty so we can see all of your questions.”

  Dad looks at Mom with slight horror and a lot of confusion in his eyes. When I’m off camera, I dig the mic out of my bodice and slap it on top of Phil’s clipboard. He doesn’t try to stop me. I swish out the door to find Stephanie already there, my purse in one hand and her car keys in the other.

  “I can’t stay at the hospital,” Stephanie says as we rush toward the parking lot. “But I’m happy to drive you there.”

  “What about Phil? Maybe you should call me an Uber or something instead,” I say when we get to Stephanie’s car. “I don’t want to mess up future jobs for you because I’m ‘being a diva.’”

  “You need to stop saying that. Being a diva is asking for exactly forty-three blue roses and a bathtub filled with freshly expressed goat milk. Insisting that people honor your boundaries and priorities is called being an empowered woman. Don’t worry. Nevaeh and your parents have this. Okay, Tamlyn has it. Doug needs a few minutes to switch gears, but he’s always authentic and fun. That’s why he’s ‘America’s Dad.’ You focus on Leo and his family.”

  I slide into Stephanie’s car and tuck my skirts around me. A warmth expands in my chest because this feels, if not exactly good, then at least right. “Thanks, Stephanie. For everything.”

  “You’re welcome.” Stephanie fires up her car. “Also, Phil can say I’m ‘difficult to work with’ or whatever he wants. My work speaks for itself. Plus, I know your mom will give me a glowing review.”

  “We don’t deserve you.”

  “Sometimes, I have to agree with you. Like, pick a pair of shoes already.” Stephanie gives me a wink. “But tonight is not one of those times.”

  Chapter

  32

  When we pull up to the hospital fifteen minutes later, I can see Leo and his Dad coming out the front door of the ER. Leo, with a black bag over his shoulder, follows his dad around the corner toward their minivan. At least now I know why Leo hasn’t answered any of my last few texts. I slide my phone back into my purse next to Rayne’s CD.

  “Give Grandpa Matsuda my best. And call me if you need anything.” Stephanie’s phone rings.

  “Thanks, Steph,” I mouth at her as she answers her phone. She raises a fist of solidarity.

  I walk across the parking lot toward where the Matsudas are parked. Mr. Matsuda isn’t normally a yeller, but you can tell by his body language that he is so done with Leo.

  “It’s like I don’t even know you anymore,” Mr. Matsuda says, along with something in Japanese I don’t understand.

  “I’m tired of being Favorite Matsuda Child,” Leo says, and now I know he’s flustered.

  Speaking in Japanese isn’t a challenge for Leo, but it’s not his first language. And like how Ojiichan reverts back to Japanese when he’s angry, excited, or surprised, Leo reverts back to English, especially when his feelings are raw or when he’s in trouble.

  “You’re not the favorite. I love all my children equally.”

  “You don’t treat us equally. That’s why Sasha left. And Aurora can’t wait to leave.”

  “And you too? So, now you’re planning to run off to Japan for the summer with your girlfriend?”

  “It’s a three-week class trip, Dad, with my teacher, classmates, and Dakota. Lindsay isn’t even going.”

  I stop behind the Matsudas’ van. The official conclusion of the experiment breaks my heart, especially because I thought it was going to go a different way.

  “We can’t afford to hire another server while you’re gone, Leo. Even at minimum wage, it will sink us. And that’s presuming that Ojiichan is going to be able to cook again.”

  Leo slumps down on the curb next to the van and drops the black bag between his feet. “I know, okay?”

  “I’m sorry. Being Number One Son is hard. I get it.” Mr. Matsuda runs a hand through his hair like Leo does. “I want to give you more freedom, but can you stick it out a little bit longer? For the family? For Ojiichan?”

  Leo lets out a defeated sigh. “Yes.”

  “And stop sneaking around. No more skipping seventh period. Just wait. Those days are coming, but not yet. We need to have part two of The Talk first, but I’m not doing that tonight in the middle of a parking lot while my father fights for his life. I don’t have the bandwidth right now, or a cucumber.”

  “Fine. It’s not an issue anymore anyway.” Leo holds his head in his hands like he’s trying not to explode.

  “Okay then.” Mr. Matsuda puts a hand on Leo’s back. “Let’s put the family first.”

  Instead of comforting Leo, it ignites him. “We always put the family first, that’s the problem. Why can’t we be a normal family? Why can’t I have one night off to be normal?”

  “How is any of this—” Mr. Matsuda gestures at Leo, who is still in his tux—“normal? We’re not the McDonalds. We don’t live in a world of smoke and mirrors and sound bites. The McDonalds’ fantasy is about to come to an end, and then what? Meanwhile, the Matsudas’ feet have always been firmly on the ground. We know how to work hard.”

  Leo jumps to his feet. “And how’s that working out for us, Dad? Oh right, Ojiichan is in the hospital. The walk-in refrigerator is nearly dead, and we don’t have the money to buy a new one. Sasha and Aurora are willing to drown in school loans to escape this life. My girlfriend dumped me because my life is ‘too complicated.’ I broke my promise to my best friend and ditched her tonight on live television. And now I’m going to have to bail on going to Japan, the one thing I wanted. So, excuse me if I want to escape into the McDonalds’ Alternate Universe for a little while. At least life there doesn’t suck twenty-four-se
ven like it does out here in the real world!”

  “Hey.” I decide to out myself before I hear anything else about my family I don’t want to know.

  “Kuso!” Mr. Matsuda flinches. “I’m going to go back inside now. I’m sorry, Dakota, only family members are allowed back in the ICU. Thank you for coming. I’ll let my father know you were here. Go back to your party. You know what? Take Leo with you.”

  Mr. Matsuda adds some kind of directive or lecture or something in Japanese aimed at Leo, who thumps the black bag and answers tersely, “Got it.”

  I sit down next to Leo, a frothy sea of pink and rose gold flaring out around me. My fantasy world of smoke and mirrors colliding with Leo’s harsh black-and-white reality.

  “You okay, Leo?”

  “Fan-freakin’-tastic.” Hurt flares behind Leo’s eyes. “How much of that conversation did you hear?”

  “Weeeeelllll.” I cringe.

  Leo hangs his head. “Somebody kill me now.”

  “Why? It’s no secret that I live in an alternate universe. My birthday cake tonight probably cost more than Sasha’s car. I get it. We’re ridiculous and extra and out of touch with reality.”

  “I’m sorry you had to hear it, though.”

  “Not gonna lie, it hurt my feelings. And it’s going to make things weird when you guys come over, because now I know what your dad really thinks of us.”

  “Yeah, and now it’s going to be weird for me too, because you know that I know that you know.”

  We sigh in tandem and slump lower on the curb.

  “You want to know what else I really didn’t need to know? The real reason you and Lindsay both skipped seventh period the other day.” I pretend to dry heave. “And thanks to your dad, I will never be able to look at a cucumber the same way again.”

  “Kill me now.” Leo cups his hands over his face. “But while we are keeping it real. Nothing happened, okay? Lindsay’s mom came home early.”

  I put my hands up. “Please stop talking. I know we don’t lie to each other, but we also don’t need to share every bit of truth with each other either.”

  “Agreed.” Leo flips the key ring in his hand. “C’mon, I’ll take you back to the party, but I can’t stay. I have to take a load of stuff and the cashbox back to the restaurant first for my dad. Again, Favorite Matsuda Child. No, that’s not true. I volunteered because all those tubes and wires coming out of Ojiichan were freaking me out. Ahhh. I need to man up.”

  I put my hand on Leo’s knee. “Hey, you’re allowed to be scared. I am too.”

  “What if—” Leo’s voice breaks.

  “No. Don’t go there. Everything is going to be okay.”

  When Leo looks at me, his eyes are wide and watery. “But what if it isn’t?”

  Leo’s breath hitches, and my eyes start to fill with tears. I can’t imagine a world without Ojiichan in it. Would there even be a restaurant without Ojiichan in the kitchen? Would Mr. Matsuda go back to being a chemical engineer? Would Mrs. Matsuda take a job as a translator somewhere else? Would they move away? Would Leo finally have the freedom from the family machine that he and his sisters have wanted so badly? And what about me? Would I know how to go on in a place without both my best friend and first love? But this isn’t about me.

  “Then I will hold your hand.” I wipe underneath Leo’s eyes with my thumbs. “Or wipe your tears. Or do something dorky to make you laugh. Or bring you a root beer. Or watch Kitsune Mask with you for hours on end to take your mind off things. Or do whatever it takes to bring you a moment of peace until things eventually become okay again.”

  Leo takes a deep breath. “Thank you, Koty. For everything.”

  “That’s what best friends do. That is what I will always do.”

  Leo stands up. He offers me his hand and pulls me to a stand too.

  “It’s only nine, not midnight, but I guess the magic is over.” Leo slides off his tuxedo jacket. “Back to my sucktastic reality. At least I have my wingwoman with me.”

  Leo chucks his jacket at me. Except I don’t have Leo’s cat-like reflexes. The jacket collides with my chest and hits the ground. Leo scoops it off the ground and wraps it over my shoulders instead. A second later, he stuffs the cummerbund and bow tie into the black bag.

  I tip my head to the side as Leo untucks and unbuttons a few buttons on his tuxedo shirt. “I kinda like the Cinnamon Roll Prince look better anyway.”

  “Good. Because now that all the smoke and mirrors are gone, I need a miracle.”

  “Working on it.” I slide into the passenger side of the van.

  Chapter

  33

  I’ve got nothing. Nothing.

  Leo flips on the lights at Matsuda and locks the door behind us. I follow him into the kitchen.

  “My brain desperately needs some glucose to work with,” I say when Leo comes back from putting the cash in the safe. “I haven’t had anything to eat since the smoothie at the nail salon this afternoon.”

  Leo unbuttons and rolls up his sleeves. “What do you want?”

  “You don’t have to cook for me. Just some rice crackers and ocha are fine. Besides, I’m supposed to be the one taking care of you.”

  “You are. You’re here.” Leo washes his hands in the sink. “Besides, I like living in the McDonalds’ Alternate Universe. It’s peaceful there. Well, not when Alex is there, but the rest of the time.”

  “You’re jealous?”

  Leo scoffs. “No.”

  “Are you sure?”

  Leo slides on Ojiichan’s full, black apron and ties it around his narrow waist. “Okay, yes. And you? Are you … were you jealous of Lindsay?”

  “Yes. But I wanted you to be happy. To be able to take a step forward in your life. To finally get out of the suffocating bubble I live in. Of course, how thirsty you and Lindsay were was excessive.” I mime octopus arms, and Leo laughs.

  “So, you’re saying you forgive me for the pickled garlic incident then?”

  I punch Leo in the shoulder. “I knew you did that on purpose.”

  “Did it work?”

  “Nope. Not at all, thanks to Aurora’s gum.”

  “Kuso.”

  I follow Leo into the walk-in refrigerator where all the weekend’s food sits in haphazard piles. He squats down and rummages through a box. I hike up my skirt poofer and squat down next to him.

  “Whatcha want, Koty? Preferably something with a lot of vegetables in it, because we currently have about three hundred pounds of pre-cut vegetables going to waste in here.” Leo takes the lid off another box, and a sweet smell wafts out. “Unless you’d prefer dessert first. We also have a crap ton of manju at the moment.”

  “Yaaas. I’ve been wanting one of these all day.”

  “Me too.”

  Since his hands are clean, Leo picks out a manju rabbit. He feeds me a big bite before popping the other half into his mouth. The sugar hasn’t even hit my bloodstream yet, but I can feel the wheels in my brain creaking into motion.

  “You have a little…” Leo leans in to wipe the corner of my mouth. His warm fingers stay on my face and fan out until they caress my jaw. Leo leans toward me, his eyes closing.

  “Oh!” I jerk to a stand as an idea explodes in my brain. “Oh oh oh!”

  “You okay?” Leo raises a confused eyebrow at me. “Leg cramp?”

  “I’ve got an idea. A big idea. You make us some omelets while I start making phone calls.” I rub my palms together. “This is going to be the Dynamic Duo’s biggest plan yet.”

  “Wait.” Leo grabs my wrist to keep me in the refrigerator with him. “I need to tell you something.”

  I turn back around, but my brain is going in a hundred different directions. “Yeah, what’s that?”

  “I love you.”

  “I know.” I give Leo a sassy wink. “And you haven’t even heard my great idea yet.”

  “No, Han Solo, like, for real.” Leo puts the manju box back down and steps into me. “I know my timing is terrible,
but it’s the truth.”

  “Wait. Are you saying the kiss experiment from earlier tonight was a success? Because I would be happy to test that—”

  Leo leans in and interrupts me in the best way possible.

  “I love you too,” I say several minutes later. “Both Old Leo and New Leo.”

  Leo’s fingertips gently caress the side of my face like he’s looking at me in a completely different light.

  “I love Old Koty.” Leo kisses my right cheek. “But this girl right here … I don’t know who she is.” Leo kisses my left cheek. “I definitely want to get to know her better though.”

  “It’s about time.” I pull Leo closer to me until his spark warms me from the inside out.

  It only takes a few more stolen minutes inside the Matsudas’ walk-in refrigerator before my fantasy solidifies into reality. Leo and I share our truth one kiss at a time. We have always been better as a team. We will always be better as a team. We can do anything as a team.

  Chapter

  34

  “Gooooood morning, Phoenix!” I say when Nevaeh gives me the signal. “Thank you from the bottom of my heart, America, for your love and support last night. We’re not out of the woods yet, but there isn’t anything that Team McDonald can’t fix with the right tools, a little elbow grease, and a lot of heart.”

  Nevaeh follows me under the tent to Ojiichan’s griddle. Leo stands behind it with his happi coat on, his feet firmly planted, and his arms crossed. His sisters in matching outfits and stances flank him.

  “Okay, Team Matsuda, are you ready for day two of the Phoenix Phoodie Phestival?” I say, and the trio nods in unison. I step to the side. “Mom and Dad?”

  Mom and Dad have on Mr. and Mrs. Matsudas’ happi coats with the restaurant’s name written in white kanji characters down the black lapel part. Not going to lie. Santa looks a little goofy with the white fabric around his forehead. Undoubtedly, we—especially Dad—will get flamed for “cultural appropriation” later, but it’s not about us today. We, along with Nevaeh and Stephanie, are simply cogs in the Matsuda Machine. None of us have a food handler’s certificate, though, so the Matsuda siblings are in charge of the actual cooking. Sasha is the boss, Leo is head chef, and Aurora is just opinionated.