The Third Best Thing

by Hughes, Maya

I recoiled at the dig.

  She dropped her hand onto my arm. “Because you’re working here and helping make all this amazing stuff.” With a small squeeze, she let go.

  Grabbing a couple plates, I kept peeking over at her, trying to figure out why she was here. Why today? Her hair was up in a simple ponytail, but it didn’t look like it had been shellacked to within an inch of its life. She wasn’t even wearing heels with her jeans.

  “Here’s a blueberry cake donut and pumpkin spice sugar cookie.”

  “Thanks.” She slid one of the plates closer to her.

  We sat together in silence, her crunching bites of the pumpkin-shaped sugar cookie the only sound at our table. The rest of the place was empty. Even the cashier had left, probably trying to escape our awkwardness.

  “The wedding is on Saturday.”

  “I know. I’ll be there.” For a second, there was a claw of fear down my back that Mom had sent her here to disinvite me. It was like a reflex, but sitting across from her, I wished she would. My guilt would be absolved and I wouldn’t have to sit through a ceremony and reception with people faker than the bags sold on South Street.

  “Of course you will be. What do you think Dad would think?” She peered up from her plate with the corner of her mouth quirked up.

  “He’d probably freak out at the price tag. And hate the fact you’re not having it at Kelland.”

  “What do you think he’d think of Chet?” Her head ducked again and she picked at the bright crystalized sugar on her cookie.

  “If you’re happy, I’m sure he’d be happy.”

  “And if I’m not?” Her gaze locked with mine.

  “He’d probably tell you not to do it.” I covered her hand with mine. “You don’t have to marry Chet if you don’t want to.”

  She snatched her hand back. “You’re jealous. Of course you’d say that.” Her face was the perfect reflection of Mom’s dismissal.

  My chair screeched across the floor as I shot back like she’d smacked me.

  Jumping up from her seat, she grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight, switching chairs to the one beside me. “I’m so sorry, Jules. I didn’t mean that. It was a knee-jerk reaction.” She petted my hand, keeping her vise grip on me, so I couldn’t get away. “In reality, I’ve always been jealous of you.”

  Well, now I was glad she was holding onto me because I’d have fallen out of my chair if she weren’t holding on.

  “You were jealous of me? Since when?”

  Laura barely stopped her eye roll. “Since you got to go to Kelland most weekends with Dad, and Mom had me playing pretty, pretty princess. He never cared about you getting dirty or staying up late and eating ice cream. It was like they were divorced while they were still married, and I got the short end of the parenting stick.”

  “Mom’s still here.” I squeezed her hands in mine.

  Peering over at me out of the corner of her eye, her lip trembled. “Do you ever wonder what things would have been like if it were reversed? If we’d lost her instead of him?” She pinched her lips together and blinked, quickly, dropping her gaze.

  “Sometimes, but I can’t power up my time machine, so I try not to dwell on it too much and remember the fun we did have. And I look for that in my life now, trying to find people who make me that happy.”

  “I don’t think I’ve ever had a happier day than when Mom was sick and I got to go with you two to that carnival.”

  “You puked, like, three times.” I laughed, grabbing onto that happy memory and wanting to keep it close to my head.

  “The funnel cake, caramel apples, and popcorn were so worth it.” She wiped at the corners of her eyes. “You let me ride with him as much as I wanted that day.” Her lips twisted and she took a shuddering breath.

  “You didn’t have a chance to hang out with us often. I figured you deserved to.”

  “You’re a great sister.” Her voice cracked. “If I’ve never told you that before.”

  Fanning her face, she checked the time on my phone. “And I’ve got to go. Time to be fake happy for fake people I fake like.” She slung her bag onto her shoulder and pushed back from her chair. With a real hug that made my ribs ache, she turned to the door.

  “If you’re looking for permission to not go through with it?”

  She stopped, but didn’t turn around.

  “You don’t need it from me. You don’t need it from anyone. You can make that choice. You’ve got to decide what kind of life you want to live and not let anyone else’s expectations kill that dream of a happy life. We only have one.”

  With a glance over her shoulder and a tight-lipped smile, she pushed out the door and left me in the empty bakery.

  Still breathing.

  41

  Berk

  My palms were sweating and I’d already been through a hundred conversations with myself on the way over before I knocked on the door and took a step back.

  It swung open and her eyes widened.

  “Berk, what are you doing here?” Alexis hung on to the door like it was the only thing holding her up.

  “We need to talk.”

  She nodded and let me in.

  The awkwardness in the room was like sitting in a doctor’s office waiting for a terminal prognosis.

  Alexis’s sweater sleeves were tugged down, almost covering her hands that were sandwiched between her legs, which bounced up and down, her heels tapping against the ground with each fall.

  “Is this where you make it official?” She brushed her hair back behind her ear, keeping her gaze trained on her knees.

  “Make what official?”

  “Where you tell me you’re done with me? That after all you’ve done for me, you’re finally over it?” She crossed her arms over her chest and ducked her head.

  “Alexis, you’re my sister. I’m not going anywhere. No matter how many times I say it and show it, it hurts that you don’t believe me.”

  “I want to.” She wiped her eyes. “But it’s hard.”

  “And no one can blame you for that, but what you did was wrong. Fucking wrong.” My throat tightened. “Why would you do that to me? Hell, forget me, to Jules? And I don’t even want to think of who else you’ve done something like this to in the past. This jealousy or whatever it is, it can’t keep going on.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You can’t spend the rest of your life waiting for it to all come crashing down or trying to bring it on by doing crazy things. Stop trying to make people prove they love you. You have a chance. A chance a lot of kids who grew up like us don’t get. I love you and I’ll always love you, but I can’t keep letting you sabotage yourself, and I won’t let you stop me from having the future I’ve worked for and deserve.”

  Her micro-nods were followed by watery eyes that she wiped at so hard, there was a red band across her face. “You’ve always been good to me, and I’m sorry. Mom and Dad have been trying to get me to see a therapist for a long time, and I finally took them up on that offer. I want to do better. I need to do better.”

  I dropped my hand onto her knee. “That’s a great start. Don’t keep pushing away the people who care about you.”

  “I’ll try.” Her pinched smile would’ve been enough to get me to believe before, but not now. I’d wait for her to follow through, but let her know I’d be cheering her on from the sidelines. “And I’m going to tell Mom and Dad about the drugs.”

  I shook my head before she finished the sentence. “Don’t. It’s in the past. You don’t have to throw away what you have with them for something I’m never going to get.”

  “They need to know. They should know the truth about you—and me.” Her sadness was so palpable I could taste its acrid sting in the air.

  “You’re their daughter. That’s all they need to know. I don’t need you to do that to prove anything to me.” I scrubbed my hands down my face. “It’s been a long day. I’m heading home.” Getting up from the couch, a small piece of broken fragments of my life slippe
d back into place. Slowly, I’d rebuild this.

  “Thank you for coming, and tell Jules I said thanks, too.”

  “I’m here because you’re my family. Jules doesn’t know I’m here. We’re still broken up. I haven’t seen her since the party.”

  She rushed forward. “What? Why? You know I lied.” Her voice was so sharp it made me recoil. “Why didn’t you go to her?”

  “I screwed up big time with her, and maybe it’s better that I don’t bring even more chaos into her life.”

  “But—”

  “Drop it. Focus on you and don’t worry about this.”

  I opened the door and a new plan formulated in my head. Outside, I tugged my zipper up against the cold rushing through the city streets. Taking out my phone, I scrolled through my contacts searching for a name I’d never thought I’d message.

  Hey, it’s Berk. Jules’ Berk. I could use your help.

  42

  Jules

  I stood in the doorway to the church, sneaking in a call to Elle to take the edge off the wonderful day’s festivities. I especially liked the highlights so far. My mom ‘forgetting’ to book me in for the hair appointment and failing to give me the correct times for the ‘getting ready’ photography session.

  It was only a matter of time before she requested I be sent off for another errand when the pictures were taken after the ceremony.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you were going alone? I’d have come with you.” Elle chastised me on our call.

  “I needed to do this myself. Plus, I didn’t need you threatening to disembowel Chet again.”

  “The look on his face, though. Think of the wedding pictures.”

  “Oh I know.” I ran my hands down over the sheer lilac layers of the dress. “Make it through the day, that’s my mantra.”

  “This is a terrible time, but do you want to talk about him?”

  The ‘him’ needed no naming and I’d made Elle promise not to tell Nix. That was the last thing I wanted to happen. To create a rift between him and Berk. He needed people in his life who cared about him and weren’t doing everything in their power to hold him back.

  I ended my call with Elle. The long sleeves helped with the frigid nip in the air that was way too cold for an October afternoon, and they almost made me feel comfortable. But that didn’t mean I was prepared for who I saw sitting on the stone bench near the stairs to the church.

  The gray skies mirrored my mood. My heels clicked on the stone steps and crunched on the gravel.

  “What are you doing here?” Just when I’d thought my day couldn’t get any worse.

  Alexis stubbed out her cigarette on the stone and stood as I approached.

  “Hey, Jules.” She had bags under her eyes and looked wrung out.

  I crossed my arms over my chest, the beading and sequins scratching my skin. “What are you doing here?”

  “This looked like as nice a place for a stroll.” Her half-hearted chuckle was met with my dead-eyed stare.

  I squeezed my own arms, hugging them tighter to my chest.

  “I came to apologize.” Her lips tightened and she dropped her gaze. “I was a possessive, psycho bitch and I used my history and relationship with Berk to undermine your relationship and try to turn him against you.”

  My eyes widened, and I dropped my arms to my sides. Did I need to jam my finger in my ear to make sure I’d heard that correctly? My lips parted, but words failed me. I’d figured she was a pro at gaslighting and that would be her tactic, but brutal honesty? Color me freaking surprised.

  “Whenever he’s had a girlfriend in the past, or anyone even approaching that level, they’ve always hated me. They’ve always said I wasn’t his real sister and he needed to just walk away.”

  I tilted my head.

  “Okay. Okay.” She waved her hands in front of her. “Maybe I was part of the problem in some of those situations?”

  “Maybe?”

  “Fine, I was a huge bitch. Some of them were honestly awful. Princesses in front of him and vipers behind his back, gloating about the things they’d buy once he was drafted and how he’d forget about me, but others…” Her shoulders dropped. “I caused trouble and did everything I could so Berk would come to my rescue. But—” The words stalled in her throat. “Have you ever known someone who cared about you and you couldn’t figure out why? Like it didn’t make any sense and you never knew when they’d just stop.” She stared past me.

  “Yeah, your brother—at first.”

  Her gaze cut to mine. “I guess we’re more alike than I thought. I’ve known Berk since I was seven.” She ran her fingers through her hair, her scarlet strands catching in the almost-winter wind.

  “Maybe I put myself into shitty situations hoping he’d swoop in to save me. He’s my brother, even when I’ve denied it.” Her gaze darted to mine. “It would only be a matter of time before he’d stop thinking of me as his little sister, realize what a fuck-up I was, and kick me to the curb.”

  “You know Berk would do anything for you. He doesn’t need you throwing yourself into insane situations just to see him.” My throat tightened and I clenched my hands at my sides, not wanting to ask the question, but needing to know the answer. I relaxed my fingers and ran them along the tulle of my dress. “Do you love him? Like, love him, love him?”

  Her head shot up. She stared at me wide-eyed, already shaking her head. Her mouth opened.

  “Don’t lie.” I shot her a glare. “You owe me the truth at the very least.”

  She clamped her lips shut and rubbed her arm. “Maybe for a while I thought I did. A way to keep him closer. Or make sure he’d never—”

  “You should know better than anyone that sleeping with a guy doesn’t mean he won’t leave.”

  She snorted. “True. But no, I don’t. Sometimes I think it would’ve been easier if I did and he did and then it would run its course and I wouldn’t have to live with the fear of him walking out of my life forever. He’d already be gone.”

  She sliced her hands through the air in front of her. “Not that it would ever have happened. He’s always had one hundred percent clarity when it came to our relationship, which is why you were so damn scary, Jules.”

  “Me?”

  “Of course, you. He’s so in love with you.” Tears glittered in her eyes.

  I opened my mouth to stop her.

  “No, I’ve known him longer, remember?” She smiled at me with a wry look. “He’s head-over-heels for you. I’ve never seen him like this with anyone else, except for The Letter Girl, but she wasn’t a threat because she was only pen and paper. Except she was you. And you’re real. You’re the real thing, and sometimes it feels like he’s the only person I can count on, and I went a little crazy because I felt threatened. If you two were together, he’d eventually stop needing me to need him, because he’d have you.

  “And that’s why after you wrote the letter to me, I went up to Berk’s room and found one of your old letters and saw it was the same handwriting.” She dropped her head. “It was me. I’m the one who put all that out there connecting the two of you. I hoped if he saw you weren’t perfect—that you’d lied to him—that maybe he’d break up with you.”

  A confirmation of a tiny whisper that had been at the back of my mind. “Does Berk know it was you?”

  She nodded. “Now he does. I don’t think I’m coming back from this. When he found out what I did and how much it hurt you—” The word caught in her throat. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am.” She lifted her gaze and there was a heart-squeezing sadness in her eyes. “There’s nothing I can do to make up for it. Those were private notes between you and him, and I exposed that. He… I… What I deserve is for neither one of you to talk to me again. I deserve him not wanting to be my brother anymore.”

  “He’d never do that, Alexis.”

  Her humorless laugh escaped in puffs of breath. “I know that—now. But just because someone’s your family, that doesn’t mean you can keep hurting them
over and over again and get away with it. He has every right to cut me out of his life. It’s what I deserve.”

  I wanted there to be anger. I wanted to rage at her and take all that anger and sadness I’d felt once those letters came out and blast her with it. But another part of me wanted to thank her for that trial by fire where I’d come out the other side more sure of myself and less afraid of what the world thought about me. “I would never tell him not to be your brother, Alexis. And he’s never going to stop loving you and being your big brother.”

  “Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to trust that?” She squeezed her eyes shut. That ache in my chest got a bit deeper, not just for those two scared kids who’d clung to each other when their worlds were being torn apart, but for the adults they’d become, trying to navigate the scariness of the world and the uncertainty that never really left.

  She sniffled. “Do you know how hard it is for me to trust anything or anyone?”

  “But using that against Berk to try to keep him small when he’s made for much bigger things isn’t okay.”

  She sucked in a shaky breath. “I know. That’s why I’m here. I want to win you back for him—because you’re both good for each other and deserve real love.”

  “I’ll admit I don’t know much about being a good sibling, but he’s not going to walk out of your life. He’s not going to leave you behind, even when you think he should. All his talk about walking away from toxic people…”

  Alexis winced.

  “But you’re his sister. Be the kind of sister he deserves.”

  “Julia, could you please get in here?” My mother’s hiss split the freezing air and added a whole new level of frost. “In the natural light, I can see how that dress is fitting you. Would it have killed you to switch to salads only after the fitting? We’ll have to change to all-indoor photography now.”

  My mom stormed back into the church.

  “That’s your mom?”

  We both stared after her disappearing form, trailing a just-off-white-enough train through the open church doors.