The Self-Driven Child
Page 38
Kimball, Kristin, 319
Krueger, Alan, 130
laissez-faire parenting, 42
language, power of, 235
larks, 168
Larson, Reed, 113–14
learning
control at school and (See also school, control at)
sleep deprivation and, 156–59
working memory and, 178–79
learning disabilities and other special needs children, 243–48
ADHD, children with (See ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder))
autism (See autism spectrum disorder (ASD))
autonomy and, 241–43
help, offering but not forcing, 247–48
parental stress and focus on being nonanxious presence, 261–62
parental to do list, 262–64
self-understanding, encouraging, 246–47
statistics on incidence of, 243
stressor factors for, 244–45
structure and organizational support for, 241
unnecessary homework, fighting, 246
Levine, Madeline, 8, 35
Levitin, Daniel J., 138
Lewin, Danny, 168, 170
Life, Animated (Suskind), 260
limit setting, 56–57
Lion Fighter (stress response system), 16–18
low-tech movement, 219
Lupien, Sonia, 9, 268
Lynne, Gillian, 123
Lythcott-Haims, Julie, 129
McEwen, Bruce, 154
McGonigal, Jane, 198, 199
mantra, 144
Marsh, Herbert, 131
meaning seeker category of students, and benefits of taking gap year, 300
meditation, 141–50
mindfulness, 142–44, 149–50, 254
Transcendental Meditation (TM), 144–48, 149–50, 191, 253–54, 257–58
melatonin, 167–68
memory, and sleep, 157
mental contrasting, 224–25
methylation, 85
Microsofties, 219
middle schoolers
amount of sleep needed, 160
decision making by, parental support and guidance for, 69–70
Mindful Monkey, Happy Panda (Alderfer), 151
mindfulness, 142–44, 149–50
ADHD and, 254
defined, 142
forms of, 142–43
mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) program, 142
research on impact on children, 143
school programs for, 142–43, 192
Transcendental Meditation versus, 149–50
mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) program, 142
Mindful Schools, 143
mindset, and motivation, 108–9
MindUP, 143
Mind Yeti app, 151
mirror neurons, 85–86
misbehavior, discipline for, 74
Mismeasure of Man, The (Gould), 266
Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children (film), 101
mood disorders, and sleep deprivation, 156
motivation, 2, 106–34
autonomy and, 109–110
common problems in, approaches to, 118–33
competence and, 110
differences in motivators for different children, 117–18
dopamine and, 19, 111–13, 116–17, 249–50
Eeyore problem, approaches to, 126–29
enthusiast problem, approaches to, 122–26
flow and, 113–15
gender differences in, 115–17
Hermione Granger problem, approaches to, 129–33
integrated regulation and, 111
mindset and, 108–9
parental to do list, 133–34
relatedness and, 111
rewards and, 107–9
saboteur problem, approaches to, 119–22
science of, 108–15
sculpting a motivated brain, 113–15
self-determination and, 109–11
motivational system, 18–19
multitasking, 197–98, 217
music training, 42–44
National Scientific Council on the Developing Child, 13–14
natural talents, nurturing, 307–8
nature, getting back to, 209–10
negativity, and sleep deprivation, 155–56
negotiating with children, 79
neurogenesis, 238
neurotransmitters
dopamine (See dopamine)
flow and, 18–19, 113
norepinephrine (See norepinephrine)
night owls, 167–68
nonanxious presence, 81–105
ACT (Accept, Choose, Take Action) and, 101–2
calmness and, 91–95
enjoying kids as top priority, 95–97
fear of children getting stuck, facing, 99
fear of the future, overcoming, 97–98
how to become, 95–103
letting guard down, fear of, 100–101
nonjudgmental acceptance, adopting attitude of, 101–103
parental to do list, 103–5
risk taking and management, letting children learn, 101
safe base, making home as, 94
standards, insisting on, 99–100
stress management, committing to, 98
trickle-down anxiety, mechanism and effects of, 83–91
worst fears, making peace with, 99–101
nonjudgmental acceptance, adopting attitude of, 101–103
non-REM sleep, 157
norepinephrine
physical exercise and, 237
stress, effects of, 16, 22
novelty, 9, 269–71
Nowhere to Hide (Schultz), 244–45
Nowicki, Steven, 27
N.U.T.S., 9, 75–76
novelty, 9, 269–71
sense of control, 9, 278–81
standardized tests, applicability to, 268–81
threat to ego, 9, 273–78
unpredictability, 9, 271–73
Obama, Malia, 299
Oettingen, Gabriele, 224
OnGuardOnline, 221
orchid children, 83–84
Owens, Judith, 160
parental anxiety, 81–91. See also trickle-down anxiety
Parent Child Journey: An Individualized Approach to Raising Your Challenging Child (Shapiro), 256
Pascual-Leone, Alvaro, 224
pencil grip, 186
perceived control, 11–12
permissive parenting, 35
personal best goals, 225–26
personal reflection, 137–38
perspective, 18
phase-delay sleep syndrome, 161
physical exercise, 237–39
physical implications of sleep deprivation, 156
Pilot (executive control system), 16
pituitary gland, 17
Plan B thinking, 230–33, 272–73
play, 239
Pletter, Adam, 195, 220
pocket watches, 200–201
point of view, choosing most helpful, 235–36
pornography, 207
positive stress, 13
pragmatist category of students, and benefits of taking gap year, 300
Prairie Home Companion (radio show), 305
predator mode, 276–77
prefrontal cortex, 59
cognitive functions of, maturation of, 23, 37, 97
executive control system, role in, 16
exercise and, 238
Plan B thinking and, 231
second hand stress and, 85
, 87
sleep and, 159
sleep deprivation and, 156
stress, effect of, 22, 23, 178
walking in nature and, 209–10
preschoolers
amount of sleep needed, 160
decision making by, parental support and guidance for, 67
Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 203
process versus outcome, focus on, 269–70, 279
Profoundly Disconnected, 317–18
Proust and the Squid (Wolf), 199
PTSD, 18
pushing children assumption, 3
Quiet Time school program, 146, 149–50, 191
radical downtime, 135–171
daydreaming, 136–41
importance of, 135–36
meditation, 141–50
parental questions regarding, 148–50
parental to do list, 150–51
sleep, 152–71
Raichle, Marcus, 136–37
Rapid Relief from Emotional Distress (Emery and Campbell), 101–2
Ratey, John, 238
readiness of child to learn, 184–88
Reclaiming Conversation (Turkle), 206
reframing problems, 234–37
catastrophizing and, 237
choosing point of view that is most helpful, 235–36
language, power of, 235
subjective perception, impact on brain of, 234–35
thoughts, viewing and actively redirecting, 236
relatedness, 111
relaxed alertness, 145, 178, 238
religious values and faith, modeling, 76
REM sleep, 159
resilience, 12
rest activity pattern, 135
restful alertness, 144–45
resting state, 19–20
rewards, 107–9
Ritalin, 249, 252
Robinson, Ken, 123, 319
Roediger, Henry, 189
Roksa, Josipa, 290–91
Rosen, Larry, 199, 202
Rosin, Hana, 100
Rotter, J. B., 27
Rotter Scale, 27
Rovelli, Carlo, 139
Rowe, Mike, 317–18
ruminating, 138, 139
Ryan, Richard, 109–10, 174
saboteurs, motivation of, 119–22
circuit training and, 121–22
connecting dots for, 119
diet and, 121
exercise and, 121
goals, writing down, 120
incentives and, 122
social support and, 121
stimulation and, 121
visualization and, 120
safe base, home as
calmness and, 94
consultant model of parenting and, 39–40
Sahlberg, Pasi, 183, 189
Salamone, John, 249–50
Sales, Nancy Jo, 207
Sapolsky, Robert, 19, 87, 192
Sarouhan, Jason, 299
SAT, 266, 267–68, 274. See also testing/standardized testing
scarcity assumption, 3
schizophrenia, 139
school, control at, 172–93
academic stress and pressure, reducing, 176–81
autonomy in classroom, 174
autonomy outside school, allowing, 174
college, readiness for, 285–302
countering effects of too-early learning, 187–88
engagement in learning, facilitating, 174–76
homework and, 181–84
inspiring children to learn outside classroom, 182–83
math trick exemplifying effects of stress, 179–80
mindfulness programs and, 142–43, 192
parental to do list, 193
perspective, helping child maintain, 180
poor teachers, dealing with, 175–76
problems associated with rushed academic training, 186–87
programs promoting reduced-stress environment, 142–43, 146, 149–50, 191–93
Quiet Time school program and, 146, 149–50, 191
readiness of child to learn and, 184–88
recent trends in education and, 172–74
teacher-student relationship and, 175–76
teaching child when they are ready to learn, 184–88
testing and, 189–91
Transcendental Meditation (TM) programs and, 146, 149–50, 191
working memory and, 178–79
Yerkes-Dodson Law and, 177–78
Zones of Regulation and, 192
schooling importance assumption, 3
Schultz, Jerome, 244–45
screen time, 202–3
SDT (self-determination theory), 109–11
secondhand stress, 84–89
self-awareness, 126
self-determination, 109–11
self-determination theory (SDT), 109–11
self-motivation, and college readiness, 295–96
self-regulation, and college readiness, 294–95
self-talk, compassion in, 233–34
self-understanding of child
college readiness and, 294
learning disabilities and other special needs children, 246–47
sense of control, 9, 278–81
serendipity, 63
Serenity Prayer, 33
serotonin
physical exercise and, 237
stress, effects of, 22
Seven Brief Lessons (Rovelli), 139
sexual violence, 207
Shapiro, Dan, 256
shared delusion, 308–9
shinrin-yoku (forest bathing), 209–10
Shop Class as Soulcraft: An Inquiry into the Value of Work (Crawford), 319
Sibley, Margaret, 242, 251, 255
Sitting Still Like a Frog (Snel), 151
Siegel, Daniel, 223, 227
Singer, Jerome, 138
sleep, 152–71
amount of sleep needed, 160, 163–64
biomechanics of, 157, 159
caffeinated beverages, reliance on, 166–67
deprivation, 152–59
extracurriculars, participating in inordinate number of, 161–63
foundational nature of, 154
grades and, 157–58
healing nature of, 159
importance of, 153
learning and, 156–59
memory and, 157
night owl tendencies and, 167–68
non-REM, 157
parental questions regarding, 160–69
parental to do list, 169–71
physical conditions impacting, 161
REM, 159
sleep problems and disorders, 160–61
technology use and problems with, 205
“waste of time” argument, responding to, 164–66
weekend sleep-in and, 168–69
sleep apnea, 160
Sleep Better! A Guide to Improving Sleep for Kids with Special Needs (Durand), 264
sleep deprivation
anxiety and mood disorders triggered by, 156
bad habits exacerbated by, 153
in college, 286–88
emotional control, impairment of, 155
as form of chronic stress, 154–55
learning and, 156–59
negativity and, 155–56
physical implications of, 156
studies on, 152–53
sleep spindles, 157
slow-wave sleep, 157
slut pages, 207
smart phones, 152, 194, 201, 202, 216
Snel, Eline,
151
Snooze . . . or Lose! (Emsellem), 163–64, 171
social media use, 202, 203–4
solitude, learning to tolerate, 140–41
Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems (Ferber), 171
Spark (Ratey), 238
special needs children. See learning disabilities and other special needs children
sports activities of children
consulting model of parenting and, 44–45
decision making by child and, 76–77
standardized testing. See testing/standardized testing
STAND (Supporting Teens’ Autonomy Daily) program, 242, 255
Steinberg, Laurence, 35
stereotype threat, 274–75
Stickgold, Robert, 155–56, 157–58, 287
stimulant abuse, 289
strength, finding your, 307–8
stress, 2, 7–27
academic stress and pressure, reducing, 176–81
during adolescence, 23
age and sensitivity to, 22–23
agency and, 10–11
anxiety and, 8, 21–22, 23
children’s lack of control in everyday life and, 11
college life and, 286–90
control and, 2, 8–12, 25
depression and, 8, 22, 24–25
N.U.T.S. as source of (See N.U.T.S.)
parental to do list, 26–27
perceived control and, 11–12
positive stress, 13
secondhand stress, 84–89
sleep deprivation and, 154–55
technological breakthroughs and, 200–201
tolerable stress, 13–14
tolerance to, increasing child’s, 25
toxic stress, 14, 18, 19, 20, 21–23, 154–55
stress contagion, 84
stress management, 98
stress response system, 16–18
Strickland, Bonnie, 27
struggler category of students, and benefits of taking gap year, 300
subjective perception, impact on brain of, 234–35
suicide clusters, 21
Supporting Teens’ Autonomy Daily (STAND) program, 242, 255
Suskind, Owen, 260
Suskind, Ron, 260
task-negative (resting) brain system, 138
task-positive (looking out) brain system, 138
teachers
consultant model of parenting and, 45–47
loss of autonomy in teaching and, 172–73
technology use, 194–221
activities needed for healthy development, loss of time for, 204–6
addiction to, criteria for, 217–18
age at which to give child smartphone, 216
amount of screen time that is reasonable, 214–15
benefits of, 196–99
brain science and, 198–200
collaborating with child in finding solution to, 211–13
dangers of, 195–96, 200–207
dopamine and, 201, 218
empathy and, 206