Soulless

by T. M. Frazier

  watch as kids.

  “So, the prodigal daughter returns,” Buck said in his slowest and thickest southern drawl. He hung his sunglasses from the collar of his shirt and assumed a very wide “I’m a police officer” stance, tucking his thumbs into his gun belt. “You know, last time you left I thought I’d never see you again, especially after your boyfriend decided to try and kill me,” he said the word boyfriend like he was waiting for me to correct him, and although I didn’t think that word was accurate enough to describe what we were, I didn’t have time to go over the specifics of our relationship.

  “In all fairness Buck, you were being an ass by locking me in that cell, but never mind. There isn’t time for that. I need your help. That’s why I’m here.”

  “Oh, now you need my help? We used to be friends, but six months ago I get a call that your parents are dead and that you’re on the run, but I didn’t hear it from you. I had to hear it from the sheriff himself. Then I find out that the guy you ran off with last time is now in jail for murder and you still never came to me. So tell me, Thia, why I should help you now, when my oldest friend couldn’t be bothered to come to me in the first place?” This time he didn’t seem pissed. The sarcasm that he put up when I first banged on the roof had faded away. His shoulders fell. The front he tried so hard to put in place was shattering.

  Buck wasn’t angry.

  He was hurt.

  Suddenly, I felt bad, although what he was saying wasn’t entirely true. “We’d grown apart, Buck. It wasn’t like you were the best of friend to me either. Once my family started falling apart and the entire town started calling me Crazy Thia Andrews, it was like I didn’t exist to you anymore.”

  “I might be the law, but you could have come to me.” Buck dropped the official stance, mirroring me and leaning up against the cruiser. “You have to have known you could have come to me, Thia.” Buck and I used to share everything, and me not going to him when my parents died was because of one very simple reason. I never thought to. I thought of Bear, getting to him, and nothing else.

  “I’m here now,” I said. “And I promise, I’ll tell you everything you want to know.”

  “Might be too late for that now,” Buck said, scratching his head and looking down at his feet.

  “Just listen, and if you don’t want anything to do with me ever again, I’ll disappear and you won’t ever see me again.” I put my hand on his shoulder, a gesture I hoped would be reassuring. He looked up at me, his dark brown eyes searched mine. “I’ll disappear for good this time.”

  “Get in,” Buck said, opening the driver’s side door. I rounded the cruiser, barely able to contain my excitement. I got into the passenger seat while he took off his hat and settled into the driver’s seat. I opened my mouth to start to tell him the truth, in hopes that he’d return the favor, when he held up his hand to stop me. “Something we got to get out of the way first,” he said with a straight face. My stomach sank. Every second that ticked by was another second too many.

  “What?” I asked with as much calmness as I could muster.

  “First, you have to pinkie swear,” Buck said, holding out his pinkie. I took it in my own and we both kissed the backs of our hands, like we had a thousand times before.

  “I promise I will tell you the truth if you promise to keep an open mind,” I said.

  “Deal,” Buck agreed, a small smile creeping onto his face. We dropped pinkies and I began to tell him everything, from my parents’ death—the real story—to Bear, to the club. The entire time, I clutched the ring I no longer hid under my shirt for support. I had to force the words from my mouth, but I kept my part of the deal while Buck kept his, listening to every word. After a few minutes it got less difficult and the words flowed smoother. The air around us grew lighter, reminding me of the once easy going friendship we used to have.

  When I was done talking and the truth was out there, I sat back against the seat and waited for Buck to say something. “Do you love him?” he asked, surprising me. Of all the questions he could have asked about what I’d just said, that’s the first one that sprang to his mind?

  “Yeah, I do,” I admitted. “Very much.”

  Buck sighed and scratched the stubble on his chin. “Then where do we go from here?” he asked, meeting my gaze for the first time since I’d arrived.

  “You’ll help me?” I asked, trying to combat the hope that was threatening to explode inside of me.

  “I pinkie swore, didn’t I?” Buck asked, wagging his pinkie in the air.

  “Thank you!” I squealed, launching myself at him and hugging him close.

  “You’re strangling me,” Buck choked out. I released him from my sumo hold.

  “Sorry,” I said, settling back into the seat.

  “That’s okay,” Buck said, looking rather amused. “Now, I know you wouldn’t come here without some sort of plan. So spill it. What do you have going on in that pretty pink head of yours?” He had the same mischievous look on his face that he’d had when we were kids, right before we did something that resulted in neither of us being allowed to see one another again until whatever grounding period that had been bestowed upon us was over.

  “Well,” I started, not knowing what his reaction would be to what I was about to suggest. “Are you still friends with Dr. Hurley?”

  “Dr. Hurley…the coroner?” Buck asked, scrunching his face. I nodded. “Sure, I still play poker with him every Tuesday, but…where exactly are you going with this, Thia?”

  “Where I’m going is anywhere and everywhere that can lead to Bear getting out of that jail cell as soon as possible. Stealing evidence. Botching the coroner’s reports. Maybe we can get Dr. Hurley to say that even though Bear confessed that there is no possible way he could have done it. I don’t know. I hadn’t thought through the specifics, but I just need to do something. ANYTHING.” I twisted my hands in my lap. “Before it’s too late.”

  Buck looked at me with an eyebrow raised and his jaw resting thoughtfully on his hand. “I get it. I do. But…” He paused and looked out the front windshield as if there was something out there to see besides the dumpster and the back wall of the diner. “Why him? Why you think that this guy is your hero or something? I hate to say it Thia, but in a way, don’t you feel like you’re betraying your parents by being with this guy? Like maybe you’re only with him because you’re pissed that they’re dead and this is your way to get back at them.”

  “Buck,” I started, as calmly as I possibly could, trying to ignore what he’d just said about Bear being some sort of post mortem rebellion. “You can ask me all this and I can answer you, but can we do that while we drive to Dr. Hurley’s office? Please. I’m begging you.”

  “I told you I’d help you and I will but answer me first,” Buck demanded. “Don’t you think if your parents could see you now that they’d be pissed at what you’re doing…with him?” He scrunched his nose and said him as if he’d gotten a whiff of skunk spray.

  Any control over my calmness I had snapped.

  “What do you want me to say, Bucky?” I asked, throwing my hands in the air. “Do you want me to tell you that I wish I’d just died with my parents? Because I won’t. My father used to be a great man, but for the last few years he’d been everything but great. He fell apart because my mom fell apart. He was weak because she was weak. And when they faded away and I was working three jobs to try and hold it all together, I had NOBODY. Tell me Buck, where were you then? Because I don’t remember you coming to my rescue.” Buck opened his mouth but I wasn’t done. “I’m not like them. I won’t crumble. I won’t make excuses. I refuse to wish away my life because they didn’t know how to live theirs, without yielding under the weight of their own bullshit. And I’ll tell you something else, I lived through the most horrible night of my life, because I was strong and I’ll survive this now because I’m strong.”

  “Thia—” Bucky started, regret written all over his face.

  “You’re wrong about one othe
r thing too,” I said, reaching for the door handle. “I don’t think Bear is my hero. I don’t need him to be my hero. Love isn’t about wanting a hero, it’s about wanting to be one for the other person.”

  I made a move to get out of the car but Buck reached over and held onto my arm. “I want to be yours,” he said, taking me by complete surprise. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

  “What?”

  “Ever since we were kids I thought it would be me and you in the end. Then suddenly it was like you got that ring”—more skunk smell—“and at first, I thought it was a silly kid thing like when you had that weird crush on Al Pacino and wall papered your room with posters from Scarface and The Godfather. But then he showed up here, and I knew it was him right away. That’s when I knew I’d lost you.”

  “Bucky,” I said, sympathetically placing my hand over his which was still on my arm. “We can start over. Be friends again,” I offered, hoping it would be enough.

  Buck shook his head, and although I took my hand off of his, he didn’t release my arm. “Thia, that’s not what I’m talking about and you know it.”

  I sighed. “That’s why you stopped coming around,” I said, realizing the reason for the gradual rift in our friendship wasn’t because he couldn’t handle my family’s drama or hardship but because he wanted to be more than just my friend. Which only managed to piss me off. “Wait, let me get this straight. You wanted to be more than my friend and you knew that wasn’t what I wanted, so you decided that our friendship wasn’t worth it?”

  Buck nodded. “Yeah, and I’m sorry, it was stupid of me, but I couldn’t handle it. I didn’t know what to do.”

  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “Oh, you knew what to do all right. You abandoned me during the hardest time in my life because you had a crush. How noble of you.” I rolled my eyes and made another move to get out, but Buck’s hand tightened around my arm. “If you’re not going to help me get him out then I’ll just do it myself. He’s in trouble Buck, I have to go so stop—”

  “Thia,” Bucky interrupted, putting his hand up.

  “What?” I asked, blowing out a frustrated breath at his interruption.

  He quirked an eyebrow at me and searched my face. “You really don’t know, do you?” Buck asked.

  “Know what?”

  “This whole time I thought you were lying to me. Trying to get me to do something for you but I couldn’t figure out what. I didn’t think you didn’t know though.”

  “Know what, Buck?” I repeated.

  “Bear, or whatever you call him. He’s not in jail. He’s out. He’s been out.”

  “What?” A weight started to lift off my shoulders…until it crashed back down on me with more force than ever. “No, that can’t be true. He would of…”

  “It’s true. And he didn’t,” Buck quipped, cutting me off. He leaned back, the leather seat creaking underneath him.

  I wanted nothing more than to punch the smug look off his face.

  “How long?” I asked, my disappointment quickly turning to anger. I tightened my grip on the door handle once more. Any harder and I’d be snapping it off.

  Buck shrugged. “Just about two weeks or so. Case was dismissed. The DA botched the paperwork. The signed confession went missing along with pretty much all of the evidence collected at the scene. Finger prints, even the two guns. Something tells me that lawyer lady had something to do with it. I did some research on her. This wasn’t the first case she was involved in where evidence magically disappeared and it’s not like…”

  Buck’s voice faded off into the distance. The only words I registered were playing over and over again in my head. An echo of TWO WEEKS. I was going to be sick.

  Bear was out. Free.

  He was okay.

  I took a deep breath.

  He hadn’t come for me.

  My chest tightened.

  The realization I came to next was dizzying.

  Bear wasn’t coming for me.

  I was so lost in my thoughts, I barely registered Buck taking my hand in his or how close he’d shifted over to me, or even the arm he’d slung over my shoulder. I didn’t notice a damn thing while I tried to process how I was feeling when he lurched forward and pressed his cracked thin lips on mine. His cold tongue attempted to snake its way into my mouth.

  I froze. My eyes open, witnessing the horror that was Buck kissing me. It only took a few seconds for me to remember my limbs and what I could use them for. I pushed against his chest, but he didn’t move. I shouted against his mouth, but he still didn’t budge. I pulled my knees up between us and kicked on his chest. That seemed to do the trick because suddenly the door flew open and Buck was gone.

  I was strong, but there was no way I was that strong.

  I shifted over to the driver’s seat and spied a very frightened looking Buck on his butt in the dirt. A very large, very blue eyed, very shirtless, very muscular, very tattooed, and VERY angry man was attached to that gun.

  Bear.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Thia

  My heart leapt and sank all at the same time.

  My focus wasn’t on Bear’s nostrils as they flared out with his ragged breaths as if he were about to breathe fire. Or his knuckles which were white with tension, or his teeth which were bared like a wolf’s. It wasn’t even on the frightened deputy on the other end of his anger and his gun.

  It was on the freckles that lined the tanned skin below his beautiful eyes. It was on the way his chest rose and fell, reminding me that not only was he was alive and breathing, but he was right in front of me.

  He was free.

  And he was fucking pissed.

  Fully expect me to break his fucking wrists or end his fucking life. Bear had said to me the last time our paths had crossed with Buck.

  Shit.

  Buck’s life was on the line. Bear could put a bullet in his chest or head at any second, but instead of fearing for my old friend’s life, I couldn’t help but admire the straining muscles of Bear’s biceps, and again my attentions were on the way his chest rose and fell as he breathed through his anger. Maybe it was fucked up of me, maybe it was just because I hadn’t seen or spoken to him in over six months, but Bear being angry to the point of wanting to kill for me made my heart flutter and the place between my legs throb. And when a memory flashed though my mind of the last time we’d been alone together. Naked. I had to bite my bottom lip to keep myself from writhing on the seat.

  My Bear.

  My entire body recognized him, and from what I was feeling I knew it had missed him as much as the rest of me had.

  Bear squatted down, looking at Buck with pure hatred in his eyes. “I told you not to lay hands on my fucking girl again or I’d end you,” Bear seethed, fire dancing in his eyes. He cocked his gun and aimed it straight at Buck’s chest who was visibly trembling, his mouth wide open, scrambling backwards in the dirt road. A wet spot formed on the front of his pants.

  “I’m the la-la-law,” Buck stammered, reaching for his gun. Bear stood up, lifted his foot, and stomped his boot over Bucky’s holster.

  “I’m not,” Bear countered. If I didn’t do something, I knew Bear would be seconds away from making good on his threat.

  I slid out of the cruiser. “I came here for his help,” I said.

  “Looked like you were doing a real good job of convincing him to give it to you,” Bear spat. “That dress for him too?”

  “What?” I asked, the reunion I’d envisioned for us looking nothing like what was unfolding.

  “Get in the fucking truck,” Bear snapped, jerking his chin to King’s truck which was parked right behind the cruiser.

  “No,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. “And you know what? I don’t have to defend myself to you or anyone else. I didn’t do anything wrong. Only guilty people need to defend themselves, and I wasn’t guilty of anything but trying to help you.”

  I stomped over and shooed away Bear’s boot, which he reluctantl
y removed from Buck’s holster with a deep growl. I unsnapped the gun and handed it up to Bear. I held out my hand to help Buck up, but he waved me away.

  “I can’t believe I was actually going to help you,” Buck muttered, standing up and brushing the dirt from his pants and palms.

  Bear took a half step forward, making Buck jump back. “The only thing you shouldn’t be able to believe right now is that you’re still fucking breathing. I’m having a pretty hard time with that one myself. So GO before I change my fucking mind,” Bear said, his jaw clenching and unclenching. The chords in his neck straining as he tried to maintain control.

  Buck shuffled to the cruiser but I wasn’t done yet. “If the condition of you helping me was what you just tried to pull then you weren’t going to ever help me,” I pointed out, needing him to know that what he wanted wasn’t ever going to happen between us.

  “Get the fuck out of here, now!” Bear shouted. A warning I knew he wouldn’t be repeating again. He pointed with the barrel of his gun to the cruiser.

  Bucky wasted no time jumping in and turning the key. “You’re going to regret all of this, Thia,” Buck said, his voice shaky.