Screwed Up

by Amy Sparks

  "Now look, I got an idea. I'm not trying to be some "slut" or something, but I just wanted to ask you something. Ok... uh, now look. I'm gonna die someday and I know for sure it's gonna be soon. And I know for sure I don't wanna die a virgin because that would just be horrible. Somehow... but I was wondering if you would be my first? Not now! Just... someday?" Honestly... I think I scared him.

  "You want me... to be your first?" I nod quickly and he puts his fingers through his hair and tugs on the ends. Haha... I'm crazy. I'm about to say something but he shuts me off.

  "Um well. I honestly don't know what to say because no girl has ever told me that before... but you are "Genesis" and I see how easy it is for you to just tell me this." I keep on nodding and thinking about how honest I am when it comes to everything. Like everything!

  "Not now. Just, someday." He nods and he then takes a big breath and smiles at me. I don't know if I'm in the clear or not. It looks like I am?

  "I'd want you to be my first too you know." My whole body flutters with happiness and I really wanna shout out the words "yes! I'm not gonna die a loser after all!" Ok, that was a bit too much. I mean "I'm not gonna die a virgin after all!" Yeah, that sounds way better. I walk to him and put my hands on his shoulders.

  "Not now though. Someday. Before I die." I wink at him when I say "die" and he rolls his eyes.

  "Fine. Not now. Someday. Before you "die." He does the bunny ears around "die" and I scoff at him. He laughs and that's when he kisses me. Funny, when someone you love or like kisses you, it feels like you're somehow. Already. Dead.

  Chapter Nine

  I awake right away as I don't feel the sunlight hitting my face anymore. It's dark. Oh shit. I'm on Matthew's bed with the covers on me and with him right beside me. His hand is around me and I so wanna melt at this moment right now, but I'm too worried for my own life right now. I know for sure my parents must think I'm lost or dead in a ditch somewhere and that frightens me. Not the dead in the ditch part, but the part of getting grounded by my parents. I stand up and I can hear Matthew whispering in his sleep. Aw, cute. Nope, don't have time to watch him and think about how cute he is sleeping. No time. Well... Nope! No time! I can't somehow get off the bed without grabbing Matthew's arm and getting it off me, or just pushing him off the bed. Well, the second one would be funny... Ugh no! Instead, I just whisper his name and shake his shoulder. He moans and then I shake harder and that's when he get's up right away.

  "What! what happened???" He says and I really wanna laugh, but right now is no laughing matter.

  "Matthew. It's dark. My parents are gonna kill me!" I tell him and he instantly gets off the bed and checks his phone.

  "Oh shit. It's almost nine. Damn the time went by so fast." I reply him with a "yeah" and quickly get off the bed and grab my phone from his dresser. I check if there are any texts messages from my parents and my mind calms down. No text messages. Not even a call. I do though call my mom right away so she'll know I'm fine and not dead somewhere. Matthew is prancing around his room and I think it's quite cute and hilarious.

  "Come on mom... pick up!" As soon as I say that my mother picks up and my body is filled with relief.

  "Mom I'm so sorry I--" I'm cut off with my mother not yelling at me through the phone.

  "Oh sweetie it's okay. We knew you were at Matthew's house sleeping because his mother called us and told us what you guys were doing. She just said you were sleeping and Matthew was sleeping beside you too. Don't worry. You were tired and you just came out of the hospital, no harm done." My whole body is filled with relief and embarrassment that Matthew's mom told my mother that we were sleeping. In his bed. Together. Ugh!

  "Ok. Thanks, mom. Yeah, see you later. Bye." I close the phone and Matthew open the lights and rushes to my side.

  "Is she gonna kill you? Are you grounded? Oh crap, it's all my fault, I--" I cut him off because it's honestly none of our faults.

  "Matthew, don't worry, I'm not grounded," I tell him the whole story and he understands every little thing of it.

  "Wait... My mom came in my room? Ugh seriously? Gross." I start laughing and he still has that disgusted face on him.

  "Yeah well, it's okay." I really wanna go back to his bed and sleep with him because I love it. I don't miss my bed. I don't miss sleeping alone with no one to hold. I text my mom for a second and I ask her if I can sleep at Matthew's house. I told her I'm tired and I can barely walk, yadda yadda. I wait for my reply and it takes about a second for my mom to reply. I make a silent victory as she just agreed for me to stay at Matthew's house. Score!

  "What's wrong?" He says and I bite my lips to hold down my smile that's about to escape any second now. I take one step closer to him and say the words.

  "Well, I just asked my mom if I can stay over at your house and she said it was fine. Are you fine with it?" I'm hoping it is because then I have no clue what to tell my mom when this boy who I thought liked me, doesn't even want to sleep with me anymore. He smiles and put his arm around my back and pulls me close to him.

  "Yeah, it's fine." He whispers and kisses me right on the lips. I end the kiss right away though because I just thought of something. I need pjs.

  "Uh, I kind of need pajamas to sleep. I don't think jeans would be comfortable for sleeping in..." I tell Matthew and him right away answers.

  "Oh! Don't worry, you can uh, borrow my shorts?" I nod and he makes way to his drawer and pulls out what seems like basketball shorts. Oh boy. I think about how these shorts will fit me, but I guess I'll just make it happen. He gives me the shorts and I struggle to find a way to how this is gonna fit me. Like dude... I'm a girl! I'm too skinny to fit into boy shorts! There just gonna fall right off and I'm gonna have to keep pulling them up. Ugh.

  "Uh, maybe I can just borrow a long shirt? I know for sure these shorts will fall right down and it's just gonna be super annoying." He laughs and grabs the shorts and makes way back to his dresser. He throws the shorts in the drawer and I roll my eyes. That dude doesn't even fold. Sheesh. He then opens another drawer and pulls out what seems to be a long shirt. Bingo! He closes it and walks back to me. I take it from him and see how long the shirt is. Okay, this can work.

  "Oh, you can change in the bathroom." He opens his bedroom door and he points right at the end of the hall which should be where the bathroom is. I nod and make way down the hall and open a door that should lead to the bathroom. Oh phew. I open it, and it is a bathroom. A gigantic bathroom that should be the size of my room. Wow. I go to the bathroom and lock the door. I look at myself in the mirror and my eyes are filled with confusion. What the hell does he even like me? I'm not ugly, but I'm not top dead gorgeous compared to some of the girls at my school. I shake my head so I can jiggle the thoughts out of my head and I take off my clothes and put on his shirt. I look down to make sure the shirt is long, and it kind of is. It's all the way to my thighs, not knees, but eh close. I decide to make my hair a bit messy for I have no clue why, but I look even hotter so that works. I don't want to get in his pants tonight, I just wanna sleep because I'm honestly too lazy and tired to do it. I laugh at how I just said I'm too lazy to get in his pants. I continue laughing until I noticed that I might be taking to long and he might be thinking I just killed myself in his bathroom. I don't know what thoughts go through his mind so that's the only thought I'm thinking of. I grab my clothes and unlock the bathroom door and make way to Matthew's room. Again. I open it and he's on his bed checking his phone. Ugh, boys. I close the door and it creates a sound. He looks my way and smiles until he looks down on how his shirt is hugged against my body and that's when his face freezes. I laugh and that breaks his face into a smile. I walk to his bed and put my clothes on his chair. I flop on his bed and I just wanna sleep right away honestly. Matthew puts away his phone and that's when I realized he's wearing pajamas too. I look more closely and see that he's wearing shorts and a white t-shirt. Some pajamas... I laugh and roll my eyes. He pulls me closer to him and I rest my head on his chest and I cl
ose my eyes.

  "We have school tomorrow you know," Matthew says as I still close my eyes.

  "Yeah, I know. " I say with a tired voice.

  "You better come with me to school since you are at my house. Don't like sneak out while I'm sleeping and just be at school without me." I laugh as I think of me just sneaking out of Matthew's house in the morning without him knowing. That won't be that hard, but there's no way in hell am I doing that.

  "Don't worry, and go to sleep. School tomorrow." I say and Matthew does what I say. Yay, good boy. His chest rises and it calms me as I fall asleep. It's funny how one single thing can make you really happy and thrilled about life again. It's somehow affecting me as I forget how sadness feels like again. How death feels like. It scares me how the thing I love is fading away, and now the thing I'm now loving is affecting it. Goodbye death, hello love.

  Chapter Ten

  I wake up without Matthew by my side and it frightens me. I know for sure it's not a dream because I'm in his damn house and in his damn room so of course, it's not a dream. I yawn and stretch as I get up from his bed. I make way to the door and open it and peer through the hallway. I hear some voices and I'm trying to listen but I can't hear it that well enough. I close the door and lock it so that no one can come in when I change. That would not be good. I change into my clothes and I fold Matthew's shirt and put it on his chair. Damn, even his shirt smells like him. I fix my hair and grab my phone on his dresser. I check the time and I'm relieved. It's only eight and we're fine. I jump as the door opens and I then calm down. It's only Matthew.

  "Damn, did I scare you?" I nod fast and he laughs. I try to catch my breathing and then I put my phone in my back pocket of my jeans.

  "Do you wanna leave now for school?" I say and Matthew just has a surprised look on his face.

  "Don't you want some breakfast?" I shake my head as I think about breakfast. I'm not that hungry and all I kind of want right now is some coffee. I also don't wanna see his parents because that would kind of be weird... I walk to him and I mess up his hair.

  "There, now you look even cooler." He laughs and I walk out of his room and downstairs. He follows me from behind and as I almost open his front door I hear my voice. Oh crap. I turn around and fake a smile as Matthew's mom is right behind me with her husband. Ughhhhh. I make a face at Matthew and he just shrugs.

  "Mom, you know Genesis. Genesis, this is my mother, Lisa Brown." I shake her hand and I try to be extremely nice since this is his mother.

  "Nice to meet you, Mrs. Brown," I say and I blow out an air of relief since those words sound even more nice as I say them out loud.

  "Please, call me Lisa." Haha... no. I just smile and turn to Matthew. He then turns to his mom and starts talking to her.

  "Hey mom, Genesis is not quite hungry and so we decided to just go to school early. You won't mind?" He says, and all his mother ever does is just smile her beautiful smile and just shakes her head.

  "Of course I don't mind. Have fun at school, you guys." Matthew grabs my hand and we walk away from her.

  "It was nice meeting you, Mrs. Brown!" I say as we walk out the door and to his car.

  "Well, that was fun," Matthew says and I laugh. Yeah, it kind of was. I open the door and get in his car as he does the same on the other side. He starts the car and drives out of the driveway and to the school. I look out the window and watch how the sky is extremely blue today and sunny too.

  "So, for science." He says and my eyes jerk to him. Oh yeah, the science project. We're partners.

  "Oh yeah. Well don't worry, I won't let you do all the work you know. Just some of it." He laughs and I laugh with him. It's not like I'm some bad guy that would let him do all the work by himself. Plus, I kind of like science so of course I wouldn't let him do all the work. I turn to look at Matthew and I think about how everyone is gonna see how we're together at school. Like what will they think of us? Think of me? Oh boy. The "screwed up" girl with the popular kid. Yeah, that's such a good ringtone if you think of it. I bit my thumb which makes Matthew notice that something wrong.

  "Are you okay? Something on your mind?" I think about how I'm gonna answer to him and if that answer is gonna sound good or not. Oh well, I'm already the "screwed up" girl for a reason. Why not make this worse? I turn to look at him and nod.

  "Uh well. What if people see at school that we're somewhat "together." I do the bunny ears on together and Matthew, of course, continues to drive but has a confusing look on his face. Oh crap.

  "What do you mean?" I groan and think of a better way to put this.

  "Ugh! are we together or not!?" Oh boy. I shout those words and as soon as I finish I slap both of my hands on my mouth and swear under my breath. Yeah, that was so smooth. Matthew then laughs and now I'm confused. Yeah, he might be high.

  "Genesis, calm down. Do you want us to be together?" I roll my eyes and lean into my seat. I wanna say no, but I want to say yes. Ugh, I'm so conflicted! I nod and whisper a "yes" under my breath which Matthew smiles.

  "Good, because I want to be with you too. Don't worry, no one is gonna bother you okay? I'm gonna kill them if they bother you. Just say the word and I'll hurt them. Deal?" I continue to roll my eyes and I sit up.

  "You hurt them? Ha, can't wait to see that, but sure. Thanks." He laughs and I look out the window as we make way into the school parking lot. Okay, I can do this. I think to myself and how I'm gonna actually do this. Matthew parks close to the school and I get suddenly nervous. I don't really park that close to the school because I don't like people! Like, who likes people? Matthew takes his key out of the ignition and turns to look at me. I'm still looking out the window, trying to not look at him because I might just break down.

  "Genesis, it's fine. We'll go out together okay?" He whispers and I nod slowly. Yeah, I can do this. Genesis Swan can do anything in life, even if it has to be walking to the school with the Matthew Brown. Yeah, I'm fine... I unbuckle my seatbelt and I open the door. I can hear Matthew closing his door as I do the same. He locks it which creates a sound and I jump at it. Yeah, I can't do this. As I begin to turn around Matthew grabs my hand and I suddenly feel calm.

  "You can do this Genesis, don't worry." He whispers in my ear and I nod. I take a big deep breath and let it out. I turn around and I'm still holding Matthew's hand. We walk to the school and Matthew opens the door for me. As we both go to the school, hand in hand, everyone just stops what they're doing and looks at us. So much for not worrying. I don't somehow get nervous, yet I get triggered. Why the hell do they even care! They don't own him. I hear a laugh and my head jerks to see these groups of girls laughing with some guys around them. The guys look somewhat scared, but the girls still continue to laugh. Well haha, get ready for death you idiots. I let go of Matthew's hand and I can hear him calling my name but I'm not looking back. I walk to them and I cross my arms. I let them finish their laughing until they can finally look at me. I smile at them and at the guys too. The guys are looking straight down and I'm at least happy that the guys don't want to mess with me. There are about five girls that look like fake barbies. Ha, if only they knew what I did with my barbies, they'd be dead already.

  "So, I'm guessing Matthew likes you huh? He could be just using you know honey. Don't worry, no one really never liked you." I feel a temper rising up in me and I'm so glad that this chick won't get a punch in the face right now. I feel a hand on my shoulder and it's Matthew.

  "Genesis, it's fine." I roll my eyes and I mouth him a "no." No! It is not fine that they can just bully anyone around here like they own this school. I take a step closer to them and that's when the anger pours out of me.

  "You know what girls? Yeah, it is kind of funny how the most popular kid likes me but honestly, why would he like you? With all of that fakeness on you, I'm surprised you even think that people like you. I mean, look at me. I'm real, you're not. At least I have a butt, you just have a fake one on to surprise the boys." This girl has a mad look on her face and I'm happy. Ha, thi
s is gonna be so much fun.

  "Well what about you Genesis, aren't you depressed or something?" Depressed. The word that I hate the most bursts out of me and I suddenly jump on this girl and I attack her with all the power I have. Yeah, I'm that crazy. She's on the ground and I'm on top of her while I'm basically punching the life out of this girl. I'm not entirely hurting her, I'm just causing some bruises on her face and some scratches so she'll remember me. I can hear Matthew calling my name but I'm too mad to think of it. Depressed. Yeah, you little idiot, I'm not depressed. I'm just crazy for acting like a normal ass person. I keep screaming and she does too and I'm somewhat having fun with this. This chick slaps me across my face and I wince at the pain. Holy crap, she's strong. I mostly just broke all of her fake nails and her stupid face, but she slapped me. Hard. This means war. As I'm about to slap her Matthew grabs me off of her and pulls me from this chick and her dumb friends. Matthew turns me around so he can look at me and he winces. He touches my face and I wince at his touch.

  "Genesis." He says in a whisper but all I do is look back at this girl and flip her. She looks fine, just now ugly as hell. I must look beaten up for sure though. I can hear my name being called and I swear under my breath. Mr. Tompelson. Oh man! I turn around and he looks angry but then as he sees my face, he then looks sad and disappointed. He points at the girl and tells her to go to class and fix her damn hair and clothing. Yeah, she looks ugly as hell now. Haha, I'm awesome. I begin to laugh and Mr. Tompelson looks straight at me with his mad face.

  "Ms. Swan. To the office. Now." I nod and I walk behind Mr. Tompelson like some little kid. Matthew comes beside me and grabs my hand so he can hold it. Yeah, now I feel like a little kid. We walk all the way to Mr. Tompelson's office and we both walk in.