Screwed Up

by Amy Sparks

  "You okay? Oh shit, did I go to fast? I'm so sorry if I did I--" I shut him off before he says something that he might regret, or that I might regret hearing.

  "No, it's just that.. who was that girl I saw you walking with in the morning?" Matthew's eyes are filled with confusion, and as I wait, I see he finally understands what I'm actually talking about. He get's off and lays beside me and that's when I can finally breathe.

  "Were you staring at me in the morning Ms. Swan?" He says, and I slap his chest and laugh. I love it when he makes me laugh.

  "Why would I do that? You just caught my eye as I was in my car and I saw you walking with this girl. She's pretty you know..." I say and Matthew looks at me. Yeah, I must sound like some jealous chick right now, but that's the only emotion I feel right now so...

  "Yeah. She is. But she's not you." I'm about to say something but he cuts me off with a kiss. He grabs me and throws me on top of him and I laugh. My parents would die if they saw what I was actually doing instead of resting. I look down at his face and I'm now confused. Why did I hate this guy?

  "So, who was she though?" I say and he laughs right away. It's super funny how my stupid jealous emotion is taking over this, and I wanna burn it and never be jealous ever again. We both know it'll never happen though.

  "Genesis, calm down. She's actually my cousin who goes to our school now. My mom wanted me to show her around, and so I drove her to school in the morning instead of her coming by herself to a school she doesn't know anything about. That's all. Don't worry. I like you. It's been that way since grade six." I keep on nodding until I stop and hear those words. Did he like me since grade six? Ugh, but that was such a long time ago! I was such a tiny kid, and no one knew what "love" was even like in grade six! How did he know? and how did I not know???

  "Wait... you liked me since grade six?" I say and he nods right away. "Why?..." I say in a whisper and he laughs right away.

  "Because you were smart and courageous in everything. You still are. You don't give a damn about what anyone says and the only person that you ever listen to is you." I think about how I actually never listen to anybody and how the only person I actually listen to is me! I lean down and kiss Matthew for about a second and then I pull away. I know for sure he wants to kiss more, but I know that any second those doors will open and my parents will come and see what I'm really doing. I stand up and walk over to the door.

  "I don't want you to get in trouble, so you should leave. Like now? Pretty please with sugar on top?" I say and he laughs. I give him the cute puppy look and he stands up and walks to where I'm standing. He grabs my hands and holds them. He pulls me close and I hug him. Damn, he is muscular.

  "Fine, I'll leave. But I'm not leaving until you leave okay? I don't care what you say or what you'll do to me okay? I'm not leaving until you leave. We're in this together okay?" He says, and I nod while those words sink into my mind. "We're in this together." If he's thinking that we're in this together by how depressed I am and shit, it's not gonna work. No one can fix me. I'm "screwed up" as some people call me. Oh, who am I kidding? Everyone calls me that. I'm about to tell him that we're not in this together but I shut my mouth. I rather not ruin this cute moment like I do all the time so I just hug him tighter. Yeah, that's better.

  "Fine. Now can you please get out of here?" I say and he lets go of me and walks to the door and opens it. He gives me one of his "Matthew smiles" and I roll my eyes.

  "If you think I'm one of your stupid "idols", I'm not," I say while crossing my arms. He shrugs and gives me a wink instead.

  "Eh, at least I tried." He laughs and then waves me a goodbye and closes the door. I wave back, even though he's already closed the door and he can't really see my wave. I take a deep breath and let it out.

  "Phew!" I say and I walk to the bed and I flop right down. As soon as I flop down my parents come right in. What a coincidence...

  "Are you okay darling? I saw Matthew walking down the hall and he looked extremely happy. I get you guys had a good time talking?" My mother says, and I laugh and I think about our time "talking." I nod and reply with an answer I never thought I would hear ever.

  "Yeah. He's something alright." My words make both of my parents laugh and guess what? It somehow makes me laugh too.

  Chapter Seven

  The doctor is giving me this huge speech about how I need to take my meds so I won't have another panic attack, and that I can't smoke. Yadda yadda yadda... I'm nodding even though I'm not even listening nor paying attention to what he's even saying. The only thing that I'm paying attention to is Matthew. Yes, Matthew is somehow in the same room as I am because my mother wanted him to come in and help me walk to my car. Somehow I can't walk anymore, according to her. Matthew is standing where the door is and he's giving me those "Matthew smiles." He's pretending that he's listening to the doctor, but I know for sure he's not. I'm dressed in my normal clothes and the jeans that I'm wearing right now are killing my belly. They are so incredibly tight, that when I come home I'm gonna change into some tights and finally breath well. I'm wearing my big black hoodie though, so I'm fine. My mother puts her hand on my shoulder and that's when I know for sure that I can leave this hell of a place. If I'm gonna die, it better not be here. I get up and the doctor comes up to me and puts his hand on my shoulder.

  "Take it easy okay Genesis?" He says and I nod as I'm practically lying to my own doctor. Like I would ever take it easy... Funny.

  "Uh yeah sure. Thanks, Doc" I say, and I laugh right away as I think of Bugs Bunny saying that same phrase to that guy who hunts rabbits at rabbit season and ducks at duck season. I hear Matthew laughing too and that's when I get all warm on the inside. Damn, I got it bad for this guy. My parents grab the bags and they walk out first. I'm left alone in the room with Matthew and it's not like it's the first time we've done this. I walk to him with a limp and it's honestly making me triggered. How in the hell am I gonna walk during school now?! Ugh!!! I suddenly get an idea and I know for sure that Matthew might love this as I do. Or he might not and just say no to all of this.

  "Now don't get any ideas, but I am limping here. so to make it easy for only me, can you carry me? Please???" I say and I get down on my knees and beg for him to carry me. I'm incredibly lazy to walk all the way to the car, and I'm limping. Ugh, how do people do this??? Matthew grabs my hands and brings me up.

  "Okay, okay. I'm only doing this so you can maybe come over to my house later?" He says, and I bit my lip. Hmmm, coming over to Matthew's house and staying there for a couple of hours without my parents bothering me to take my meds? Hell yeah!

  "Yeah. Sure. Just let me go home first so I can change into some comfortable tights and we can go to your house." I say, and he instantly picks me up and I yell. He laughs and carries me out of the room and walks down the hall like he's carrying a feather. I scoff at me and put my head on his chest.

  "Now what?" He says and I laugh.

  "Well, you make it seem so easy carrying a teenaged girl down the hall in a hospital. You seem to make everything easy you know." I say and he laughs. We're almost out the door and I wish he would walk slower. I kind of like the moment we're having here.

  "Yeah well, you're not that heavy you know. And also, I don't make everything seem easy." I suddenly lift my head from his chest and roll my eyes.

  "Noooo. You're good at everything! It's so weird and idiotic and ugh! Like dude, isn't there anything you're not good at?" Matthew has a thinking look and I wanna push him.

  "Well, there is one thing I'm not good at." He says and I instantly get a happy look on my face. We're out of the hospital and it's F(ing) cold out here. I shiver and he holds me tighter.

  "Well, what is it?" I say and he walks down the steps and we're suddenly there in front of my dad's car. I sigh because I don't want this moment to end. Matthew lets me down easily and I pull up my jeans and fix my hair. I open the door and my mom mouths something with me. It takes me a couple of tries until I finally figure out what she's
actually saying. "Go with Matthew." Those words scroll through my brain and I nod back to my mother and close the door. Matthew has this confused look on his face and I pull out my hand in front of him.

  "Keys please," I say and he doesn't give them to me. I repeat those words again and he just sighs and gives me his keys. I jump up and down and then remember that my legs hurt like hell. I stop and whisper an "ow" and turn around to the parking lot. I press the button and a black Mercedes goes beeping in the entire parking lot. I turn back and roll my eyes at him as I throw him the keys.

  "A Mercedes. Really?" Matthew shrugs and puts his arm around my shoulders and we walk to his car. A Mercedes. Is this guy for real right now? We make it to his car and he unlocks the doors. He opens the door for me and I curtsy like I'm a five-year-old. He laughs and I get in his car. Damnnnnn. This dude must be filled with money. I look at his car and his back seats and it's all cleaned and cozy and all for rich people. Like my car is fine, but his car is amazing! I lean into the seat and close my eyes. Yeah, I could get used to this. I open my eyes right away as I hear his door open. I turn and watch him get in the car and into his seat. He shuts the door and puts his key in the ignition and starts driving. He even looks hot driving which is totally not fair. My stupid mouth somehow opens and more stupid words come out.

  "So, have you had any girls in this car before?" Matthew starts laughing and then stops as he sees how serious I am.

  "Really Genesis?" I nod and wait for his response. He sighs and I wait for the answer.

  "I don't let any girl come in my car. Either then family, you're the only girl I've let in this car." His response hits me hard and my thoughts are filled with confusion.

  "But you're Matthew Brown! Every girl wants you and every guy wants to be you!" Everything I'm saying is true because I've seen him at school. I've seen how his act has been the same since middle school. Everyone loves him!

  "Yes, but, I never really liked a girl as must I liked you so..." He's words warm my insides and I move and kiss his cheek. Yeah, I'm totally gone. I don't even act myself anymore, and I kind of like it. It's not like he changed me in a bad way, but somehow he changed me in a good way. He smiles and I lean back into my seat and look out the window. It's funny, life keeps on moving, and for the first time ever, so am I.

  Chapter Eight

  I open my eyes as the car stops and Matthew whispers my name.

  "Yup! I'm up." I say and I stretch so I can feel more wide awake. I look out the window and I'm frozen with words. Holy shit. That's his house??? I turn back to him and I'm looking for him to say at least something about why he has such a big ass mansion. He just shrugs and opens the car door. I decide to just act normal and I open the car door and I take in the house. Wow. Just wow. I push the door so it closes and I stare at Matthew.

  "Seriously?" Yeah, I had to say something.

  "Hey, not my fault my parents are rich. I never liked it either." He says and then grabs my arm. I walk beside with him and I hold my breath. If I come in this house, will I be like one of those girls? Nah... I shake my head so the thoughts can leave my brain and as soon as I do that, Matthew unlocks his door and opens it. OMG. I walk in and everything is super white, number one. Like is this heaven or what? There is a chandelier on the top and a staircase that goes around and around and around until to the very top. Like my house is fine, but this is perfect!

  "Welcome to my house. Mi casa es tu casa." I roll my eyes and begin to look around. My eyes wander around every room of his house and I desperately wanna look inside.

  "So, can I see your room or what?" Matthew's face turns red and I begin to laugh.

  "Yeah, of course." He takes my hand and leads me upstairs which fills my head with so many questions. The only question I do wanna ask him though is why can't his parents leave him alone anymore? Now that is a good question. We're at the top and honestly, the hallway is wide and long for just a hallway. It's like a nice hotel, except he lives here. He turns right and he opens a room that I know for sure will be as big as my own living room. He opens it and of course, I was right. Duh! His room is bigger than my own living room and it's frightening to watch. His bed is also big too, and I have no idea why that came to my mind first. I walk in and I take it all in. I jump as I hear the door close and I'm kind of scared. Honestly, I'm never scared, but somehow I have a hint of it throughout my body. I bit my lip and walk around his room to get a more look at it. It's honestly amazing. I could live here all the time if I wanted. I turn around and I see him leaning on the door. Ha, he looks nervous too.

  "Nice room." Really? The only thing I say is "nice room?" I slap my face and he laughs.

  "Yeah, thanks. If you're planning on asking me if any girls have been in my room before, the answer is no. Not even my own mother comes in here so don't get any ideas." I make a disgusted face and he continues on laughing. I turn around and walk to his bed and point on it.

  "Can I?" He nods and I flop right down on it. His bed is like tiny clouds all wrapped up together to form a bed just fit for him. Like I could just fall asleep if I just close my eyes, but I'm not going to because that would just be rude and weird.

  "So you like?" He says and I wave for him to come over, so he can lie with me. It's his bed so... I move a bit over on the side and the bed goes down a bit as he gets on it and lies down. I turn around so I can face him and he puts his arm around me and brings me closer to him. I put my head on his chest and I can feel his chest rising up and down as he breathes. Now, this is where I could act totally slutty and be those girls who just wanna get in his pants, but I don't want to. Not yet.

  "Now this is where you tell me why your mother doesn't leave you alone anymore in your own house." He takes deep breaths and I wait for his answer. I can wait seconds, minutes, hours, maybe even weeks for just an answer, and when I have it, I will finally feel accomplished in life.

  "I once threw a party while my parents were away on a business trip, and it got a little too out of control. Some people got drunk, some broke a few valuable items in my house, and my neighbors might've called the police because we were too loud and they thought they smelled weed." I can hear the disappointment in his voice and I get it. He's disappointed in himself, and it's honestly the worst feeling in the world. But on the bright side, I was right! I knew it was one of those three things that I was thinking of. Huh, I'm amazing at guessing stuff. I turn around so I can look at him.

  "That's not that bad. I thought your parents saw you doing it with some girl in their room or something." His whole face looks disgusted and surprised that I just said that.

  "Yeah, that's gross. In my parent's bedroom? Ugh." I nod and think about how gross that would actually be. In their bed and in their sheets. Oh gross!

  "So, have you done the deed yet?" Matthew's eyes are filled with confusion and I wanna laugh. Damn, boys are clueless sometimes.

  "Huh?" I then start laughing so hard, my whole body hurts and I make myself stop laughing so I don't take it to far and maybe break a bone.

  "I'm sorry. I mean like. Did you lose your "V" yet?" I'm trying not to say the word because it's kind of weird to say it to a guy. And also to ask them if they've "done it" already. Matthew gets up and I wait for his response. This is gonna be awesome...

  "Ohhhh.... Don't laugh okay?" I nod like some stupid puppy who wants their toy back. I get good and comfy and wait for his response. Any second now...

  "No. I haven't done the "thing" yet." I keep on nodding until I stop. Did I hear this correctly?

  "Ohhhh, you're kidding," I say, and he just looks at me like I'm deaf.

  "No... Genesis, I'm a virgin." Virgin. Him. A virgin. Ok, I must be dead because this is so not true. I get up from the bed and walk around the room. Him. A virgin??? How is that possible. Like ok, he's still pretty young for a guy only seventeen years old, but girls love him! Even though he said he's never let any girl in his room before, he could've done it someplace else!

  "So wait... you're telling me that you're a
virgin?? and that what, you haven't kissed a girl or something?" I'm asking him stupid questions, but this is just making my mind go BOOM!!! Matthew gets up and walks toward me.

  "No, wait. Genesis, I have kissed a girl before. I'm not that inexperienced. It's just that, there was never the right girl I wanted to do it with." I walk toward him and nod. Ok, so he's a normal boy that somehow is extremely cool at school, but is still a virgin. Huh. Interesting... I'm about to say something but he beats me to it.

  "Wait. Are you still a...?" He says and it takes me a good minute to process whatever the hell he's saying. My brain finally goes "ding!" and I finally get it.

  "Ohhh. Oh. Of course, I am." I say with a disgusting tone and all he does is roll his eyes. He nods and now this has gotten a bit weird. Now, what do we do? I'm trying to come up with an idea, and the only idea I get is something I don't wanna think about. I do get another idea though which is smarter and something that both of us would like.