Absentee Wolf

  Kent rushed past Betty at the desk and out the door. Standing at the entryway he looked around for his mate, but he was gone.

  He left me. Again.

  Kent stumbled a few feet to a bench near the entrance. Kent felt his world shattering. He knew Toby wouldn’t stick around, but Kent hadn’t expected it to be so soon. He thought maybe he could have a few weeks with his mate before he grew bored.

  This time it wasn’t Toby leaving because he thought that he was doing what was best for Kent. Toby left because Kent made him. Kent had wanted Toby to forget that he was his mate. This time Kent caused his own broken heart.

  A gust of wind blew across his body. The crinkling sounds of paper pulled him from his wallowing. He had to do his work. Toby was gone, but the preserve still needed him. Yeah, he could work and just not think about Toby at all. He looked down at his watch. Only twenty minutes had passed. Hopefully no one noticed he was missing.

  Kent stood and walked back toward his office. His head turned down to watch the ground as he walked. He didn’t want to speak to others around the preserve. He wanted to stay in his world. Turning down the hall toward his office, he caught the lingering scent of his mate, and his stomach clenched with pain. Eventually the scent would fade, but until then it would torment him with the knowledge of what might have been.

  Coming from the other end of the hall, Toby advanced on Kent like he was charging into battle. His hand was extended in midgesture. He started speaking before they were within fifteen feet of each other. Each step was placed with determined purpose.

  “Now, Kent, I need you…”

  Kent dropped the papers and ran toward Toby.

  “Toby! I thought you left me again! Where’d you go? Why would you leave me and in the middle of us talking?”

  The words tumbled out of Kent’s mouth as he raced forward. He stopped himself at the last moment before falling into Toby’s arms, suddenly unsure of his reaction to seeing his wayward mate. Toby rubbed his hands up and down Kent’s arm as if trying to warm him. Toby’s smile was genuine, even if it was only slight and closemouthed.

  “I didn’t leave.”

  “Yes you did! We were still talking when you walked away! How could you do that and after what I’d said? I even followed you, and you were gone.” Kent tried to keep from sounding whiney but feared he was failing.

  “Stop saying I was gone. I wasn’t gone. I only went to Ben for a minute to calm down. You couldn’t find me by scent?”

  “I tried, but the scent led me outside. When I left the building there was no one outside, and your scent was gone.”

  “I was pacing before I came to see you earlier, so my scent was probably all over. Add in all the people coming and going, don’t beat yourself up over it.

  Toby stepped around Kent and walked toward the mess in the hall. He bent and began picking up the abandoned papers from the ground. Kent joined him and grabbed a couple pieces than placed his hand on Toby’s bare forearm and squeezed. Toby trembled under his touch. He turned his head to look at Kent. “Why did you leave while we were talking?”

  “I needed to think and clear my head. I wanted to ask Ben his opinion.”

  “Why involve him in our mating? This is between you and me, not Ben.”

  “Calm down. I needed someone to talk to that was unbiased. Since we’re his pack members, it does concern him to an extent. Besides, Ben is really knowledgeable and has lots of experience that neither of us does.”

  “I still don’t appreciate it.” Kent felt lingering resentment toward Ben as he knew that Toby was his mate and didn’t tell him. Mating was sacred. Kent felt Ben interfered where he shouldn’t have.

  With the papers collected, Toby stood and extended his hand toward the still kneeling Kent. Against his better judgment, Kent took Toby’s hand and allowed Toby to pull him up. As he was expecting, Toby pulled Kent into his arms. Toby placed a kiss on Kent’s forehead. Kent sighed into the gesture and his arms dropped as the stress of the thought of Toby leaving him once again fled his body. Without thinking, Kent placed his head on Toby’s shoulder and wrapped his arms around his waist.

  “What did Ben have to say anyway?”

  Toby pulled his head back, so Kent looked up. Toby’s face twisted with some unspoken emotion. Immediately, Kent went on the defensive. He pulled his arms into his body, crossing them over his chest.

  “He said that I need to leave you alone. That this needs to be in your time and that I should back off before we do more damage, and it’s irreparable.”

  “I thought you were going to hunt me. Now you’re not. Exactly how does backing off help my fear of you abandoning me again?” Kent raised one brow and waited for Toby’s response. He knew Toby couldn’t be trusted to stick around.

  “Ben thinks that my pursuing you will only anger you, and I think he may be right. It pissed you off in the hall before when I was really only trying to be helpful.”

  Kent’s heart was racing. This was not how his mating was supposed to go. Everything was messed up from before he even knew he was mated. “Figures.”

  “You can’t push me away then be mad that I did want you wanted. I messed up, there’s no changing that, but you picking a fight over it all the time isn’t helping us.” Toby sighed. “I’m going to keep this professional until you’re ready for that to change.”

  “And what if I’m never ready?” Kent really didn’t know if he could get over the constant feeling of loss and rejection that he had for years and didn’t know the cause of until recently. Eight years of misplaced anger and frustration couldn’t be dismissed overnight. Toby took his time in answering Kent. He peered into Kent’s eyes for so long, Kent began to worry that Toby hadn’t heard the question or thought it rhetorical. Toby answered as Kent was prepared to ask him a second time.

  “Then I fucked up the rest of my life.”

  Without so much as a kiss or wave, Toby left Kent in the hallway.

  Chapter 6

  Toby walked away from Kent. Every cell in his body wanted to turn around and run back to his mate and pour out his apologies and words of commitment, but Ben was right. Toby had been trying that, and all it did was further anger Kent. He sure hoped that Ben knew what he was saying now since Toby’s entire life was standing in the hallway.

  The irony of the statement wasn’t lost on Toby. In order to avoid him becoming Kent’s entire life, he had inadvertently made Kent the center of his universe. He had left his family, job, friends, house, everything and ran for the hills. Now he was walking away in the hopes of saving his relationship. Toby pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. God, he hoped this worked.

  The vibrations of his phone in his pocket startled him, and he jumped. Fumbling, he pulled the phone out then placed it to his ear after accepting the call.

  “This is Tobias.”

  “Hey, Toby, it’s Tay. What’cha doing?”

  “Just walking toward my makeshift office. Did you need something?”

  Tay’s voice calmed him but just as quickly reminded him of his issues with Tay’s son. Normally Toby would spill his heart to Tay, but this particular problem was one that he felt awkward talking with his best friend about. He didn’t want to play father against son or vice versa. If their relationship ever got straightened out, that would be one line they always had to walk carefully.

  And as if on cue, Tay asked, “Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah, just stressed is all. There’s a lot that needs to be done.”

  “You’re the best, so if anyone can do it, you can. But don’t stress. Delegate what you can.”

  Toby ignored the fact that his stress had little to do with work and just grunted an acknowledgment into the receiver.

  “This should make you happy. Gina wants you to come over for dinner tonight. Think you can swing that?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I already know what you’re going to say, and Kent can get the fuck over it. You were my best friend years before you were h
is mate. I want to hang out with my friend, and if he doesn’t like it, he can sit in his room or he can wait in his car for all I care.”

  Toby chuckled halfheartedly. “You don’t mean that.”

  “The hell I do! I just got my best friend back, and I’m not going to let you two and your issues interfere with my friendship. So come over.” Toby listened to some rustling then muted yelling as Tay told Gina, “Toby said he’d come over after work.”

  Tay got back on the line. “Gina said shower first, and she’ll see you tonight.”

  “Okay, buddy. See you then.”

  Toby stashed his phone back in his pocket and pushed open the door to his small office. It was sparse with only a desk, two chairs, and an empty shelving unit. Taking a step toward the desk, Toby thought twice and reached behind him to slam the door shut. If it were open, he knew he would look up each time someone passed in the hopes that it was Kent.

  He dropped into his chair and slung his head backward. Staring at the ceiling, he tried to think of anything work related and not Kent related but failed miserably. The whole pack was depending on him, and all he could do was moon over his mate. He really needed to focus on something other than Kent, but that was where his mind naturally wandered.

  How Toby had survived eight years across the country from his mate, he would never know. He couldn’t make it two minutes now without fighting the urge to go find him. Perhaps it was because Kent knew who Toby was to him and was refusing Toby. Rejection only made Toby fight harder through life. Anything worth having required hard work, and he was willing to work hard to make things right with Kent.

  Stretching slowly, Toby worked the kinks from his neck and shoulders. He brought his hands down on the desk and looked around the cramped space. Before he moved, his office on the preserve had been much larger and closer to Ben’s office. Ben had said his old office was no longer available, and Toby wondered if in some small way he was being punished now. Perhaps if he set up this area to be more like his old one or even his work space in Colorado, he’d be able to concentrate.

  He dug out his phone to call Ben. After a couple rings the alpha answered.

  “What do you need?” Ben sounded short-tempered. Toby knew that Ben was busy and rarely minced words, but not greeting a caller was unlike him.

  “Sorry, to bother you, Alpha. I was wondering if any of my old office stuff was still around. I’d like to move what I can into this room. Having my drafting table at least would help while I draw up plans for installation.”

  “Your old stuff?” Ben hmmed quietly to himself, and Toby waited while Ben was thinking. “It should be in one of the storage rooms. Ask Betty. She’d know since she took over responsibility for your job when you ran.”

  Toby grimaced but didn’t say anything aloud in reply. He didn’t think his alpha would make such nasty comments, but he supposed he had it coming. Ben remained quiet on the line, and Toby felt forced to answer. “All right, Alpha. I’ll check with Betty. Thank you.”

  Toby was about to hang up the phone when Ben replied. “Toby, I’m sorry.” Ben’s voice cracked as he spoke. “That was out of line. I don’t know what came over me. I—”

  “Ben, it’s okay. It hurt, but honestly, I probably deserved it. You’re under a lot of stress.”

  “Yeah, but I can’t take it out on you or anyone else. I just have so much to do.”

  “Listen, we were pretty close before I left. We worked together for a long time. Let me tell you like I would have eight years ago.”

  Toby waited until Ben grunted an acknowledgment.

  “Have someone take messages and go for a run. Take someone with you and just break out for a while. Clear your mind.”

  “I can’t just do that.”

  “Yes you can. The point of a trusted beta and inner circle is that they’re people to help run the pack. Let them help. Just run close to the edge if you’re that worried. The birds can get to you if there’s an emergency.”

  “Yeah, the birds. I forget about them sometimes. You’re right. Thanks, Toby. I’m glad you’re back. Get settled in.”

  Ben disconnected with Toby. Toby was hoping he could, little by little, resume his old relationships once more. His friendships with Tay and Ben were on the mend. He supposed he should try with the second in charge of security since he was back now and would restart full responsibility as head of security once more.

  Thinking on it now, he didn’t know how he had simply left. It was so stupid. He put the whole pack at risk. Betty should never have had to step up the way she did. That wasn’t in her responsibilities. Toby knew he should have been here. He needed to repair a lot of bridges. He called a local florist in town and asked for a bouquet to be delivered. Once he knew it was in Betty’s hands he would ask about his old office and not before. He wasn’t trying to buy her friendship or cooperation. He was truly sorry now that he looked back over his actions.

  But, as the saying goes, hindsight is twenty-twenty. Toby couldn’t dwell on his past mistakes. All he could do was move forward. Even if things didn’t work out with Kent, Toby needed to be here at the Strays Preserve Pack. He needed to move back into his house and take over security. Maybe if he had been here through all this he could have increased security a little over time and not have to overhaul the entire program at once.

  There he went again, berating himself for things he couldn’t change. Toby gathered his few items and placed them in his messenger bag. He needed his car. Until instant transporters became reality, he was going to have to settle for calling a rental company and making arrangements for one to be delivered.

  Having settled his transportation issues, Toby thought about the other things he needed to do. Slinging his bag over his shoulder, he headed to his rented room. He had enough time to get his stuff packed up before the rental car was dropped off. Just a few miles from the preserve, Toby owned a house. When he moved to Colorado, he left the house and most of his furniture behind. After a few months, Toby had renters move in through a contracted rental company. At least if people were living in the house, it would be less likely to fall apart. They would complain about needed repairs and damaged items and then Toby could have them replaced.

  Renters came and went over the eight years. The company hadn’t been able to place tenants in the house in the last three months but was still actively looking. The company said that in the current economy people weren’t willing to pay the amount Toby was asking when they didn’t get new appliances and updated fixtures. At the time, Toby was too caught up with his life and missing his mate to care about the house having a renter or not. He had paid it off years back, so it wasn’t like he needed the money. Now, he was thankful. He hadn’t gone to his house right away, as everyone assumed he had sold it, and he didn’t know how much dust had collected throughout it. However, tonight he was wanting to clean.

  After the car was delivered, Toby swung by a general store and picked up the cleaning supplies, linens, bedding, and food he would need for the next few days. With his score in hand, he walked into his old house.

  The air in the house was stale when Toby entered. The light in the kitchen flickered to life and then buzzed quietly. He’d need to replace the ballast at least. Sheets were draped over the couches and chairs in the living room. He could see that from where he stood in the kitchen. Dragging his hand over the counter, he felt the dust collect on his fingers. He pulled open the refrigerator door and adjusted the temperature lower.

  At least the rental company he contracted through checked on the house even when no one was renting it. He placed his few food items on a shelf, never even taking them from the bags. Turning and looking through the window into the backyard, Toby scanned the overgrown lawn. He hoped the mower was still where he left it and working.

  Toby kicked off his shoes and left them in the hall as he turned the corner into the living room. He looked around the empty space and sighed. This wasn’t the home he wanted to share with his mate. This was sterile and musty. H
e wanted warm and loving. Toby headed upstairs to see if it had fared better.

  The house was rented fully furnished, but Toby knew that letting strangers use everything meant that it was worn down. Toby could have his furniture shipped from Colorado, but that would take some time. He wanted to set up his house now, in case Kent changed his mind.

  Toby reached into his pocket and pulled out his smartphone. He wanted to make a list of what he was going to need for his bedroom, but stopped. He wanted Kent to help him make this decision. This was supposed to be their bedroom. Toby would deal with the beaten-up furniture in this room for now, but he was going to buy a new mattress and have it delivered ASAP. And if the furniture was unusable, he’d sleep with the mattress on the floor until Kent and he worked things out. The more he thought about other people sleeping on his old mattress the more his skin crawled. Only two minutes passed before he was hauling it to the street then getting in his rented car to see if he could find a new mattress set out in town and remove the image of crawling bedbugs from his mind.

  “I wish Kent was with me.”

  Chapter 7

  The remainder of the day was long and boring. Kent kept an eye out for Toby but only saw him in passing. True to his word, Toby kept everything strictly business. Kent missed his inappropriate comments and stolen glances or touches. Kent tried to reason away his behavior. He was simply missing the attention. Who wouldn’t want to be found attractive to someone and be the center of attention?

  Kent walked up the stairs to Toby’s second-floor pack-provided apartment. He wasn’t sure what he was doing visiting Toby, but he wanted to talk to his mate. He felt out of place in the world and insecure. Everything was changing, and he was unsure of where he stood in the new arrangement. Kent couldn’t explain his sudden desire to speak to Toby. If he were honest with himself, he’d admit that he just wanted his mate. He didn’t know what Toby could provide him, but he knew it was something only his mate could give him.