Never Have I Ever

by Remy Marie

  “Todd!” Stacy snapped.

  “What?”

  “A simple no would have sufficed.”

  Todd turned his attention to me and realized the damage was done. “Oh sorry.”

  “No, it’s fine,” I began to walk away towards the old house.

  “Damnit Todd!”

  “What?” He said defensively.

  “Christina wait up!” Stacy called out as she followed me into the house.

  I walked in the old home, and it still showed remnants of last night. The fireplace still had its charred wood, the trash can was still filled with empty beer bottles, and the blanket was still neatly folded in the corner. I slumped towards the blanket. On my knees, I picked up the spread. Hints of fresh cut wood tickled my nose as I clutched it to my chest.

  Damn, it still smells like him.

  I shut my eyes hard as memories of our night replayed. The laughter, the smiles, the kisses, the way he felt inside me. The little things he did to make my night perfect was the best. My eyes grew moist as tears fell down my cheeks. I was stupid.

  I felt a hand on my shoulder, looking up I saw Stacy with a slim smile on her face.

  “Hey, let’s go back home. We will figure out a way to find him.”

  I nodded and then was helped off the floor by Stacy.

  “We can start with the county clerk’s office of Eastcliff. I’m sure he has to have permits on his name to build the house.” Stacy rubbed my shoulders and smiled.

  I nodded with hope I could figure out his identity.

  Going to the county clerk’s office was a waste of time. After standing in line for over an hour, all I was given was his full name and the address of his business which, with my luck, was the house he was remodeling. The phone number on the application was his stepfather’s corporate line. After being stonewalled by a bitchy receptionist, I found myself back at square one.

  During the next two weeks, I had other ideas. Todd gave me the names of the fraternities that were at the party. After two no’s, one horny fraternity brother’s failed attempt to hit on me, and one stoned out frat brother not knowing if he was on planet Earth or not, I was fresh out of options to find Carlos. This lead me to go full-stalker status by hiding out at his remodel house. Every day after class and on weekends, I would bring my laptop to the house and wait.

  While I waited, the house showed little change, proving the fact that my attempts to reach him via sitting on my ass were futile. I left him a note, but either the wind blew it away or he threw it in the trash. I figured the snail mail route was closed as well. It didn’t matter, anyhow, I had to speak to him face to face. This message was better in person. It was a powerful message. I had to tell him I was wrong and that I’m in love.

  Over time, my imagination began to run wild. Thoughts of me drinking too much at the party and having a drunken dream that I met this perfect guy started to sound more believable by the day. However, the tall tale was debunked by the stolen blanket in my room and my memories of the emotional sex that we shared. No made up character in my mind could ever perform an act like that.

  Today, however, was different than any of the times, I’ve waited. When I walked in the home, there was significant work done on the house, as the drywall was placed in the living room and the wooden floor was swept and cleaned. Walking through the house my smile grew off my face.

  “He’s back,” I said touching the completed wall. I decided to stay twice my normal time waiting for him to arrive.

  This had to be fate right? I could see our meet up now. He walks in with his flannel shirt rolled to his elbows, a loose tool belt hung at his waist. He smiles when he sees me waiting. I run into his arms and he swirls me around. I confess my love for him and then we live happy ever after. Right? That’s how this stuff usually works, right? Shit I don’t know.

  As I clicked away at my laptop, my heartbeat matched the speed that I typed. Beside the house, I could hear music and assumed Gamma Alpha was hosting a party. Another hour passed and I began to hear footsteps.

  This was it.

  I closed my laptop and wrapped our wool blanket around me tighter. I wore a smile around my face and I knew this was the time. As the footsteps came closer, I heard an unexpected noise. The noise was a female giggle. A frown wiped away my gleeful demeanor as I stood in the living room.

  Did he move on? Was I the cause of my own future heartache?

  For a month, I’ve been waiting only to confirm what I’ve feared the most. He’s moved on.

  The couple walked into the home and stopped the moment they saw me.

  “Hey, I didn’t think anyone would be here.”

  “I was thinking the same thing,” I stated with a smile.

  I’m not sure why I was smiling. I’m sure I looked like a crazed hobo wrapped in a blanket. However, little did they know that my true cause of glee was the fact that I didn’t recognize them. Carlos didn’t move on. I still had a chance to make things right.

  After the couple left, I decided I’ve spent enough time as a squatter and left to go back to my apartment. When I arrived, Stacy was curled next to Todd watching some reality show. When I entered, Stacy looked towards me and smiled.

  “Any luck?” she asked.

  “No, he didn’t show up. However, a few drunk coeds did. They thought I was a squatter.” Stacy and Todd both laughed at my admission.

  “Well you fit the part,” Todd admitted.

  I flicked him off, placing my laptop bag on a nearby chair, and went into the kitchen.

  “Did you see anything on your end?” I asked Todd.

  “One of my brothers saw a construction van parked out in the early morning, but he was gone before I had a chance to say anything to the crew.”

  Damn, another strike.

  After fixing my dinner and grabbing a water, I said goodbye to my friends and went back into my room. I powered up my laptop while I ate my reheated Chinese food. After strolling through my emails, I groaned when I saw that I had a message from Falloutboy182 attached with a word document. I really didn’t feel like reading his work today.

  MountaineerGal1993,

  Please see my corrections to my manuscript. I’ve added the roadblocks like you mentioned before.

  As the word document downloaded, my usual song of one and fifty dollars began to play in my head. One hundred and fifty dollars, one hundred and fifty dollars. The word document populated, and I could already see a vast difference in his prior manuscript to this one. The font was different and looked more professional than the hot slob of pig shit he let me read from earlier. As I scrolled down, I noticed he added a dedication page to the book.

  To the one who got away. You were my inspiration for this book. While I may not always have a chance to hold you in my arms, know till the end of time, you will always hold a piece of my heart.

  “Aww, that’s sweet, Falloutboy182,” I said, continuing to stroll through the pages. “If your story has as much emotion as your dedication, then I think we are in business. I placed my finished bowl of lo mien on my desk and crossed my legs, covering them with the wool blanket. After getting settled, I stared reading the first chapter.

  I was impressed with the amount of work that went into the manuscript. It’s was beautifully written and completely different from what he wrote before. It was real. His writing was poetic, and each line of dialogue was filled with raw emotion and passion like I’ve never read before. The drama between Joel and Evelyn felt real. I found myself hinged on every word typed.

  My concentration broke when I heard a heavy knock on the door. “Christina!” Stacy yelled. “We’re going out, hehe, Todd stop it.”

  Todd must have done something that Stacy didn’t like because I all could hear was Todd laughing and then suddenly stop. She must have given him the pissed off “Stacy stare.” My door opened and Stacy appeared, wearing a mini dress with a smile on her face.

  “Sorry about that. Todd and I are going downtown. We wanted to see if you wanted to
tag along. Perhaps you can see if Carlos would be at one of the clubs?”

  “No, I’m fine,” I answered, not taking my eyes off my screen.

  “Hey, I know how much Carlos means to you, but since then, you haven’t been your normal self. You’ve either been consumed with school work, your book editing services or searching for him. Don’t forget that you have other people who love you too.”

  I nodded “I know. I’m sorry. If today’s been any reminder, it’s that my search for Carlos has reached a peak. I mean, I was about to beat up some coed because I thought she was screwing Carlos.”

  “Not to mention, you were called a hobo. I know you’re not taking everyone’s advice as much these days, but friend to a friend, you need to consider wearing jeans once in a while. You do look like a hobo. Especially with that blanket. Have you washed it?”

  I shook my head.

  “Ewww!” She exclaimed.

  “It still smells like him!”

  “Girl, it’s been a month! Damn. You’re way past the peak and going over the hill. I think you need to call off the search.”

  “But…”

  “You got another week, then call it sister. This is unhealthy. You can keep the blanket though.”

  I grinned at her.

  “But after you wash it.”

  I laughed and flicked her off.

  She returned the rude gesture, kissed the top of my head and then gave me a big hug. “I love you, girl. That’s all that matters. We will get through this, trust me.”

  “Thanks,” I said holding her hand.

  With one last squeeze, she left with Todd to go downtown. Once the apartment was empty, I went back to reading the novel. As my eyes scanned through the novel, there was one passage that caught my attention. I read it once, then again, and again. I couldn’t read past it because it sounded so familiar to me.

  “Where have I heard it?” I questioned.

  Did he plagiarize this passage? Please don’t tell me he copied this from someone, his story was beautifully written.

  I highlighted the passage and placed it in a Google search hoping that nothing would show up. I took a sigh of relief when nothing came back.

  If it’s not copied, then where have I heard it from?

  I refocused on the passage and read it out loud once more.

  “Joel and Evelyn walked down the New York City street hand and hand. Joel wore his formal green and tan army uniform as Evelyn followed in a sky-blue pinup dress and fur coat. Her blonde golden hair was twisted in a beautiful French braid. As they left the theater, they were engrossed with each other’s company. The busy night life of the city buzzed around them but did not interrupt the magic they shared. The cool night air felt different as they strolled through Times Square. Their smiles were both brighter than the Four Roses advertisement behind them.

  “Oh, Joel that show was wonderful. I’ve always wanted to see Oklahoma! And to seeing it with you was a joy.”

  “I’m overjoyed to be here too,” Joel replied.

  “Are you sure? You look sick. We can always catch the train back to Brooklyn and call it an early night?”

  “No, I’m fine,” Joel replied as he played with the engagement band in his pocket.

  In truth, Joel was a nervous wreak. He had never been more nervous as he looked at the woman he’s loved since high school. He’s parachuted behind enemy lines in Normandy and survived the Battle of the Bulge, but this next part made him more nervous than anything. He would rather face a dozen Nazis alone than handle this next part. His heart was nearly jumping out of his chest as he stopped where he stood and turned in front of Evelyn.

  “Are you sure your okay? You look as if you caught a fever,” Evelyn claimed as she removed her gloves and placed her bare palm on his head and tested his temperature. Her warm skin made him melt like butter. His legs felt like gelatin as he fought from collapsing from her touch. “You are warm. We should be going to get you out of this cold. Let me fetch a taxi.” Evelyn turned and attempted to signal a driver.

  “Evelyn wait please.”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll pay for it. What matters is your health.”

  “Evelyn stop please. Just stop!”

  Her eyes grew wide as she turned look at her love. He enclosed her hands with his own and smiled.

  “This night has been one of the best nights of my life. If we leave, then the night would be over. I don’t want that. Instead I want to stay here close to you. I want to blanket you in my arms as I take in your warm aroma. I want this night to last an eternity. I want to curse the damn clock as it moves forward each second as I know that each second ticking till morning is another moment stolen away from me with you. This night has been a wonderful dream and leaving early would break its spell and wake me up. I don’t want that. I’m not ready to wake up. Not at least if you’re not waking up beside me.”

  Joel grabbed Evelyn’s left hand and took a knee. Evelyn cried with glee as she realized Joel’s actions.

  “Evelyn McClellan, would you make me the happiest man in the city tonight by being my wife?”

  “Yes! Oh Joel! It’s a lovely ring,” she cried as she looked at the jewel.

  “I love you Evelyn.”

  “I love you too.”

  Without another word, Joel grabbed her waist, cradled her back, bent her over his knee and kissed her with every emotion he’s ever felt for her.”

  I read the passage and could feel the tears fall down my cheeks when I realized where I’ve seen those words. I didn’t read it or hear it on tv. I am the only one who has ever heard those words spoken to me. Without thinking, I rushed to open my gmail account and typed to Falloutboy182.

  Falloutboy182,

  When you get this please send me a message via messenger right away.

  Minutes rolled by until I heard a soft ping from me messenger. My heart raced as I read the message.

  Falloutboy182: Good Morning/ Evening MountaineerGal1993.

  I narrowed my eyes. Good Morning? What time is it. I looked at my clock and cursed when the time read after 1 am. Shit.

  MountaineerGal1993: Sorry I didn’t realize how late it was. How are you doing?

  Falloutboy182: I’m doing well. How about yourself?

  MountaineerGal1993: That’s good. I’m hanging in there.

  …

  Falloutboy182: Surely you didn’t text just to see how I was doing at 1 am in the morning.

  Well at least he’s on the east coast, I thought. Alright Christina, it’s now or never. I took a deep breath and typed out the message I hoped would bring back the perfect man I’ve lost.

  MountaineerGal1993: I wanted to talk to you about a passage I read.

  I highlighted the section and added it to the text box and then continued to type.

  MountaineerGal1993: This dialogue. I have heard somebody I care about say the dialogue before. Right after he said those words to me, I fell for him and we shared a gift that I never want to return. I’ve never fallen for someone harder than I’ve fell for this person. I know I said in an earlier email that it’s impossible to fall for someone in one day, but I was wrong. I recently discovered it is possible and it’s the best feeling a person could ever feel. That person made me feel like I could do anything or be anyone. This person is handsome, kind, funny, and protective. He lifted me up like never before. However, at the time I was too stupid, naïve, and gullible, trying to act like someone who I’m not. I missed my chance of expressing these feeling, so I’m expressing them now. To you. I love you Carlos Mendez.

  I felt relieved when I pressed enter to send the message. However, my relief didn’t last long as the dots of the messenger moved. Each time the three dots jumped, I grew nervous with every second. I bit my lip as I began to think I emptied out my heart to the wrong person.

  Falloutboy182: Meet me by the fountain in ten minutes.

  I didn’t wait. I didn’t think. I didn’t question. I did. I grabbed my coat and sprinted out of the apartment. I ran until
my lungs burned and my legs were numb. When I saw him standing near the fountain, I stopped and smiled.

  Carlos turned and notice me as well. He ran towards me, as I continued to run to him. I leaped in his arms. He caught me and spun me around. When he placed me back on my feet, he pushed a stray hair back behind my ear and kissed me.

  His kiss was just as I remembered. A perfect mix of passion, lust, aggression, and love. When we broke, he held my head and we both stared into each other’s eyes. He then tilted his head forward and placed it on top of mine.

  “I’m so sorry,” I whispered as I broke down in his arms. He lifted my chin up and wiped away the tears.

  “You can break my heart and mend it together a thousand times over. It still won’t change my love for you. I love you Christina.” Hearing those words made me shutter.

  “I love you too, Carlos. Please say yes to this. I know we can’t redo our morning but give me a chance to make it right again. I don’t care if I have to do the whole breakfast in bed thing. Just stay with me.” I begged.

  “I wouldn’t miss it for the world. But first I need something from you.”

  “Anything…”

  “I need your phone number.” He grinned. I couldn’t help but to laugh. We stared at each other and laughed for minutes as we walked hand and hand back to my apartment.

  And oh yeah, and I gave him my number. Among other things too. ;)

  A Sneak Peek at The Alpha Nanny

  Chapter 1

  Deena

  “Ms. Zhang, can you describe yourself in three words?”

  I played with my mother’s jade necklace around my neck, thinking about the question.

  I wasn’t prepared for this. Damn. I was nailing this interview up until this question. How do I describe myself in three words? What words would attract me to the interviewer, whose posture looks stiffer than a board?