Rising to darkness

by Lucia Guglielminetti

  ’Sir, he's going to kill us all. We have to leave him here and burn everything down,’ my second-in-command said with immense apprehension. He knew about my debt that bound me to Atropos and wouldn't have suggested it if he didn't consider the situation really desperate.

  ’No way. We must help the werewolf. On the count of three, we all jump on top of him. We're in fifteen plus the wolf. He can't fend off all of us.’

  ’But, sir...’

  ’I have to at least try, Jacob.’

  ’All right, Sir. Soldiers, drop your weapons and prepare to knock him down. All together and watch out for the fangs.’

  We succeeded. I don't know how, but we succeeded. The power of desperation animated me without a doubt. Leaving him there to burn was inconceivable to me. Somehow, we pinned him to the ground while one of us dragged into the room the metal coffin they had used to transport him. We also found some chains and used them to restrain his hands behind his back and his legs, just for the time needed to lift him and place him inside the coffin, belly down, and then closed the lid, locking it. During this operation, he never had less than twelve men on him to hold him down, twelve sturdy men accustomed to fight and struggle.

  One of them summarized the thought that, I am sure, was going through the minds of all: ’Never again, Colonel, not in this lifetime. If I didn’t see it with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed it.’

  ’Me neither, Isaac. Me neither.’

  The rest, well, is recent history.

  One of my agents agreed to enter the room in which he's still locked up to open the coffin and took the chains off his wrists and ankles, and then bolted out of the room as soon as he sprung out like a Jack-in-the-box, infuriated as hell. Since then, he's remained huddled in a corner and, every time we try to turn on the lights and enter to administer the necessary care, he becomes threatening or he whines, as if we were tearing off his nails. We have sedated him only once, at the insistence of the doctors to allow them to examine him; but, he has never lost consciousness and has accepted everything as a form of torture, so we decided to leave him alone, hoping that he will eventually recover on his own. If he'd only agreed to talk to us in some way... We can't even figure out if there is something wrong with him, if he realizes that the nightmare's over and that we're not the enemy.

  The only person he doesn't attack is Mr. Greylord.

  Since we've been here, he has already entered twice, taking him some food and staying with him to talk.

  He doesn't get much, only a few nods, but, at least, he doesn't try to kill him as he does with the others.

  It's... it's scary, Shibeen, I really don't know which way to turn. None of us does.” ’

  That's how the recording ended.

  At that point, I was even more determined to go to the place where they were keeping you locked up, against the advice of Adam and all the people present. I wasn't afraid of you, not until then. After this, I had enough for the next one hundred years. Taking advantage of the fact that you had just been feed two goats, I thought it might have been the right time to make an attempt: a sated vampire is much less aggressive than a hungry one.

  ’Please, Shibeen, don't go in there. You haven't seen him in action, on the day that we found them… He looks harmless cowered in his corner but he's not, believe me, he's not! He's an animal in human form. You saw the way he treated those poor goats...’

  Indeed, the fate of the two animals should have made me think over your current condition: you didn't just drain them, you tore them to pieces and purposely threw their shredded carcasses around, looking at us beyond the glass with a defiant expression, smeared with blood from head to toe with a daunting grin. But, you know, I'm an old Irish lady, stubborn and proud, accustomed to being obeyed, even by you. Adam opened the door and followed me inside, armed with a gun loaded with sedative darts. He was cursing in a low voice. Upon entering, the first thing that struck me was the horrible stench hanging in the room. The Colonel brought a hand to his nose as well, looking paler and paler. You were lying in the corner farthest from the entrance with your legs stretched and your eyes closed, but you opened them when you heard the sound of the bolt being unlocked and stared at us with a blank expression. I could see you well despite the dimness, but the Colonel was in trouble. I could hear him breathing in hoarse and quickened pants, as if he was going to hyperventilate. ’Tell me what he is doing, I can't see shit!’ he hissed at me, grabbing my arm.

  ’Nothing. He's doing nothing. He's motionless and watching us,’ I told him, then I went down to my knees at some distance from you and spoke to you for the first time, barely choking back my tears.

  ’Raistan, it's me, Shibeen... don't you recognize me, dear? You're safe now. This man, Colonel Sharinsky, saved you. Do you remember him?’

  No reply, not that I'd expected any. You continued to scrutinize me and that was it. I tried to create a connection with your mind but I was unsuccessful and that frightened me even more. What did it mean? Were there no longer any thoughts with which we can connect? You were emitting only a sort of dark current with peaks of threat and fear I could hardly bear.

  ’Shibeen, you have to allow me to turn on the light, I can't see anything and won’t be able to help you if needed.’

  ’I don't think it's a good idea, Adam... Wait...’

  ’The hell with it. Turn on the night light!’

  It was not a great idea. If the moment before you were sitting, quite relaxed, the next you were crouched in an equivocal position of attack, stretched forward, fangs bared and a snarl that rose from the depths of your throat.

  ’Easy, Raistan! Nobody wants to hurt you! Please, talk to me.’

  Too late. You rushed towards us and, if I didn’t come between you and Adam, now we'd have a dead Mossad Colonel and many other concerns.

  ’Get out of here; I'll take care of it!’ I shouted at him, barely managing to grab you and keep your fangs away from my neck and his. I never have thought of being compelled to fight with you in that way. Never could I have imagine reading such hatred in your eyes, nor of fleeing from you as a prey when I eventually realized that there were nothing I could say to overcome the wall that has been built in your mind, preventing you from distinguishing friends from foe.

  After, the most incredible thing of the day happened: the moment when I rushed out of your padded room with a bite on my arm, I found myself in front of Greylord who asked to enter in my place.

  ’Are you crazy? Did you see what he just tried to do to me? You're not in any physical condition to fight with him!’

  ’There won't be any need for it, he will listen to me, he already has. What do you want me to say?’

  It wasn't easy to concentrate, with you slamming yourself against the glass and trying to shatter it with your shoulders. The Colonel, for his part, seemed to have needed something strong to drink as soon as possible.

  ’Tell him...make him understand that he's no longer in danger and that he must allow us to take care of him.’

  Even Skinner, Greylord's second-in-command, tried to restrain him, but he ignored him and opened the door of the room where you were flying into a rage and began talking to you in a sweet and low tone, as you would with a frightened child. The transformation in your attitude was incredible. You calmed down and approached him while he sat on the floor, like a big dog that has just recognized his master. You crouched beside him and I'll be damned if you didn't let him caress your head just like a puppy. From Greylord, your archenemy! You nearly severed my arm off and you purred with him!

  ’Good vampire, good... Raistan, you have to listen to me. Can you understand what I'm saying?’

  There was a nod from you. I stared mesmerized by his big hand going back and forth on your head and back.

  ’Will you talk to me, man?’

  You shook your head, a negative sign.

  You moved even closer to him and were looking at him as if he was God.

  ’Why not? Don't you want to?’


  Another no.

  ’Ok, that's fine, it doesn't matter. The woman who came in before... don’t you remember her anymore?’

  Another no.

  ’What about the man with her? Not him either?’

  Still no. From bad to worse.

  ’Are you afraid of them?’

  A nod. You leaned your head against his shoulder and closed your eyes.

  ’You must not be! They're here to help you. You mustn’t attack them anymore, do you understand?’

  Another nod, followed by a diabolic smile.

  ’So, you mean that you will do it? Will you behave yourself?’

  You gave a negative gesture with a sneer that widened dramatically. You son of a bitch!

  ’If you don't behave yourself, I'll never be able to come to see you again. They'll take you to a place far away and we won't see each other anymore. Do you want it to end like this?’

  The amused expression faded from your face, replaced by a look so lost and vulnerable that I had to turn my head away so as not to burst into tears.

  You shook your head once again for another no.

  ’Greylord, ask him if he wants his heart back.’

  ’What?’ he shouted.

  ’Just ask him!’

  ’Did you hear the lady? Do you want your heart back?’

  You curled up, hugging your knees, and started to sway back and forth, lowering your gaze which was lost amid your dirty hair that covered your forehead.

  ’Look at me, vampire!’ Greylord commanded and his tone attested the authority of the most feared chief lycan of all time. You stiffened but didn't look at him. Not yet. ’Answer! Do you want your heart back?’

  I saw a lonely tear run down your cheek and your head lowered in a slight nod. The Colonel was tearing to shreds my sleeve, his eyes wide. I understood what he wanted to say, but I forced him to wait in order not to break the spell of that moment.

  ’You'll have it, vampire. The lady out there will bring it back to you and this nightmare will end, all right? You will go back home and buy that present for that little girl. You'll start again with your lovely job and screw half the world as you did before, you’ll see. But, you don’t have to go crazy and you have to let those people out there help you. Will you do it?’

  A quick, little nod, it was better than nothing.

  ’Good, that's good. Do you remember what we said that day? What will we do when we get back home?’

  You thought about it for a little while but, in the end, your face lit up with a smile that made you look like the old Raistan. You nodded again with greater conviction.

  ’It’s a done deal, then. Now, I better go back to bed, I'm still very tired. Why don't you come with me out there so I can keep you company?’

  This time darkness passed through your eyes and you looked like a hunted animal once again.

  ’No...’

  Your voice sounded as it came from some kind of abyss, but at least we heard it. I had to stop myself from jumping with joy.

  ’Are you fine? Is there something else that you would like apart from your heart?’

  ’Darkness.’

  ’This can be done.’

  We turned off the faint light that was turned on until then and you withdrew to your corner, lying yourself down and falling asleep shortly after. Outside of your room, on the other hand, all hell broke loose. The Colonel was beside himself and Greylord asked me, without beating around the bush, if I was crazy. Skinner shook his head sadly and the two doctors listed an infinite number of reasons why replacing a dead heart in the chest of the dead would have no outcome. I dragged them into the next room because I didn't want you to hear the discussion.

  ’Where will we find his heart, Shibeen? The lab was destroyed, don't you remember? Destroyed, burnt, and demolished in tiny, little pieces!’ the Colonel shouted.

  ’There's no evidence that show your theory will work,’ proclaimed the doctors.

  ’Something completely irrational, we're in the world of fairy tales...’ someone else uttered.

  ’Enough!’ I shouted and when I shout, it’s rare that people don't listen to me. I can be very persuasive.

  ’I know it's crazy, irrational, stupid and ridiculous, but if he has convinced himself to be…to be incomplete without that part of him, and I will not stand here and remind you of the symbolic significance of the heart in any culture, I think we should at least make an attempt, right.’

  ’Shibeen, you must prepare yourself to the possibility that we will never find it. And, he should do the same. He has demonstrated that he understands what we are saying, someone should explain that probability to him.’

  ’What if we replaced him with another heart, from someone random? It’s not that his name is written on it...,’ tossed in one of the doctors, earning looks of outrage and disgust from us supernaturals.

  ’He would never fall for it, don't say bullshit. A heart of a vampire can't be substituted with that of a human!’

  ’Why not? I'm sorry, but I don't understand. Before being a vampire, he was an ordinary man, wasn’t he? From the reports of the lab where they were held captive, there were no fundamental differences in anatomy, so...’

  ’He would notice it. Just as I, Greylord, and all other immortal beings would. I don't know why, but that's how it is. So, let’s stop wasting our time and go find his heart. Come on! Now!’

  ’That's a total waste of time! We've burned everything to the ground, there's nothing left!’ the Colonel shouted, exasperated, then he left the room in a fury, slamming the door behind him with violence. The others followed him and I was left alone. It doesn't matter. I'll make Adam tell me where the lab is and go there myself to look for your heart, even if it means having to analyze every single fragment. And, I'll bring it to you. See you tomorrow, dear. I hope you keep your promise and let me get closer to you. I'm looking forward to be able to touch you again.

  Yours, Shibeen.

  Tel Aviv, August 30

  I guess I really asked for it this time.

  What I regret the most is that, because of me, they have hurt you again and your trust in us is back to square one: below zero.

  I brought you some clean clothes, as if it mattered, and I insisted to go to your room and take care of you. I thought you might have liked to be touched gently, but I was actually the one who needed it.

  Greylord had informed you of what I was planning on doing and instructed you to sit and stay calm. Since you had obeyed and didn't even snarl when I came in, I mustered up some courage and advanced towards you with caution, taking with me a basin filled with warm water, some soap and a clean towel. Needless to say, Adam was not at all in agreement and claimed that I was exposing myself to danger in vain, but this same old Irish lady dismissed him with a snort.

  ’Hi, love, it's me. What if we take these horrible rags off and replace them with something clean? Do you agree?’

  I was kneeling in front of you: you were sitting in your usual corner and stared at me with an inscrutable air, but you didn't seem frightened. You had no reaction when I slid the filthy rags that was your t-shirt down your shoulders, or when I started to clean your face, neck, chest and back, taking away months of blood and dirt that only a good, hot shower could really remove. I never stopped talking to you the whole time, praising you for your calm. Everything seemed fine until I pulled your tattered pants off to devote myself to the lower part of your body. I immediately noticed a certain liveliness down there and even found it a bit amusing; a leopard cannot change its spots and so on, but I chose to ignore it and avoided touching you in its vicinity. I could feel your eyes on me and realized that you were panting. With a bit more apprehension, biting my lips, I hurried to finish my task and stood up to get your clean change of clothes. Your hand suddenly clasped my wrist, startling me.

  ’Come on, honey; let me go so we can get you dressed, what about it?’

  You didn’t respond. You only lead me to your private parts, which no longer had
any need of encouragement. Shit, I thought, what do I do now?

  ’Shibeen, are you all right? Is there any problem? Are you done?’

  It was the Colonel. I was shielding his view with my back and he couldn't figure out what was happening.

  ’Raist, we can't now. I'd really like to, but there's a lot of people out there watching us. When you come back home, we'll make up for lost time, ok? Now let me go, baby.’

  Nothing doing. Your grip tightened and you forced me to hold your penis, closing my fingers on it. Your breathing had become more labored and your eyes were fixed on mine. It was a look of urgency and completely animalistic. I realized then that I was in trouble. You placed your other hand on my breast and almost smiled at me, ignoring my attempts to break free.

  ’Shibeen, what the hell is going on? Should I come in?’

  ’Wait, Adam. Wait a moment.’

  It was then that you hurt me. You clawed at my breasts with such force that you elicited a shriek from me. The Colonel reacted in a predictable fashion: he rushed into the room and understood instantly what was happening.

  ’Shit! Let her go, Atropos!’

  He was pointing the gun loaded with sedative bullets at you, but you drew me closer you and began trying to tear my clothes off, so it was difficult for him to aim at you. I'm strong, you know, but I never felt as helpless as at that moment: my fingers still clenched on your penis, stuck to you, with your mouth just a few inches from my throat, knowing that you were out of control.

  ’I told you to let her go! Greylord, tell him something!’ Adam shouted from behind me.

  But your lycan friend was asleep. The glass muffled the sounds excessively and he wasn’t able to make any of his pleas be heard. I heard the sound of a cloth tearing, I remember that, and found myself naked from my waist down, pinned to the ground with you on top of me trying to make your way inside me, ignoring the Colonel's appeals. I heard a muffled bang, like the sound of a shot by a gun with a silencer, followed by a fierce scream from you, full of pain and indignation while all your weight caved in on me. Adam grabbed and picked you up by force, setting me free. As I crawled away, humiliated, frightened and dejected, I saw him kick you in your ribs, which I contested heavily.