Rising to darkness

by Lucia Guglielminetti

  Sophie... what about my little mystified human? She asked me for some time to reflect and I granted it to her. This whole ordeal was just too much for her to bear, but my blood now runs in her veins and its lure is quite strong. Occasionally, she calls me, she says she misses the chats with Shibeen and, from her tone, I'd say it's not the only thing she's missing. Maybe, eventually, she will forgive me for my sexual forays, even though I can't promise her that there won't be others. Our life is too long to swing always on the same swing, don’t you agree?

  What she interpreted as betrayal, I saw as pure amusement. You betray with your mind, not with your body, and my mind is with all the people I love, including her. Next month, I plan on going to Paris; I think we'll meet and see how it goes. I can handle more than one relationship at the same time, provided that I don't have to lie or hide. I'm too old for these deceptive games middle-aged humans play.

  I'm sure you're wondering why I got annoyed with Colonel Sharinsky when I found out about his foray in my Shibeen's bed. I can almost hear your taunting: "practice what you preach!"

  What if I told you that it wasn't so, would you believe me?

  Well then, I'll reveal to you what I whispered in his ear that made him so upset: I asked him if he were interested in a lovely ménage-a-trois. If this isn't open-minded, then I don't know what is. Seriously, I have to admit that, at first, I wasn’t very happy knowing about their sexual exploits: I was living a nightmare while they were having a good time? Did a simple human dare stake his claim on the companion of my very existence? Knowing Shibeen, I knew that it was she who was staking her claim on the human. Just like me, she has no problems with regard to the source of her pleasure, in this case, consolation. That's why we've gotten along so well for three hundred years. Our bond will always remain beyond time and space. We can even fall in love with other people, but nothing will ever question it. And, that’s how it should be.

  Speaking of humans, I must tell you about the Andrews. On my return, I found an amusing e-mail from Alice that read something like this:

  To: RVH1705@hotmail.eng

  Object: We're four!

  Dear Raistan,

  You asked me to notify you when the baby was born and that's what I'm doing.

  On August 28, a bit premature, little Robert came into this world: seven pounds, eleven ounces of a screaming baby with an amazing tuft of untamable red hair. He already demonstrates the very distinct character of a stubborn temper, just like his mother someone would say. Ellie seems happy even though she can’t take her eyes off her mouse even for a moment, perhaps fearing to see it vanish and materialize inside her brother's crib. Jim and I are fine, even if the homecoming has been quite chaotic, as indeed one would expect. Since you never sleep at night, we could really use you as a babysitter. If you are unemployed, you should really think about this serious job proposition. We haven't heard anything from you since the Paris mess, but I hope everything's ok and you can come and visit us as soon as possible. Ellie asks about you all the time and is looking forward to hugging you again. Me, too, but not for the reasons that you and Jim fear. We went through a period of crisis after your last visit but I think I succeeded in making him understand that my love for him has never been called into question.

  You are my fantasy, something that even overweight, thirty-five year old nurses need.

  Come and visit us whenever you want. I promise not to jump on you as I did the last time. Jim, for his part, has put the baseball bat back into the wardrobe.

  I’ve attached a picture of our little one. I know, apart from the tuft, that you can't see much. You'll have to make do with it for now. Meanwhile, I send you our very best wishes.

  PS: The initial of Robert's middle name is an R. Can you guess what it stands for?

  Kisses, Alice A.

  Yesterday, after a frightening visit to a big toy store in the town center where only the assistance of a kind shop associate prevented me from running away in tears, I went to see my favorite family. Beside Barbie's kitchen, I had also managed to find another plush mouse like that of Ellie’s, but smaller, in order to maintain the established hierarchy. For the poor girl, it must have been the most entertaining part of her day, leading a six-foot, seven-inch guy, in an advance state of panic, around among the countless aisles, looking for something that suited him. Do kids really need all those things to have fun? There were some horrible monsters with unpronounceable names which scared even me to death. Ok, I might be talking like an old fossil but, in the end, that's what I am, right?!

  As usual, the Andrews' welcome was very warm.

  Jim gave me the usual pat on the back while Alice, whose eyes were sparkling, despite her promise, didn't run to hug me only because she was holding Super Robert in her arms. She came to me with a proud smile and introduced me to her new creature, a little bundle, red-faced and hairy, really... funny. It wasn't his appearance that hit me, but the heavenly scent that he emanated, the purest aroma I've ever perceived. I admit that I felt truly ill-at-ease, especially when Alice placed him in my arms, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, a normal friend visiting the happy family. They both saw me wince and close my eyes; I brought the baby closer to my nose and quenched some of my thirst with the wonderful scent of his brand new blood.

  "Oh, God, it's remarkable..." I mumbled. When I opened my eyes, I saw the Andrews’ with identical nervous smiles frozen on their faces, motionless as I was, their hands outstretched as if ready to take back their baby again, but without daring to ask for fear of offending me.

  The only one peaceful and calm was him: he was staring at me with a little pout, perhaps his attempt to let me know that my chances as a baby sitter had just vanished. I cleared my throat, handed the baby back to his father and we all gave a long sigh, though for contrasting reasons.

  "Thank you. I don’t think many people would have trusted their newborn baby in the hands of someone like me..."

  "I wonder why...,” said Jim in a taut voice.

  "Well, now you know that with me you will never have to worry about anything."

  "From your hungry expression I wouldn't have known it!" hissed Jim, irritated.

  "Will you stop it, the two of you? Jim, you're not being kind to our guest at all. I think you should apologize."

  "Ok, right... Sorry, Raistan, I know that you're all right."

  If he had seen me only a few weeks ago, he would have seriously considered the idea of moving elsewhere, perhaps to Australia. My little friend came to save us from the embarrassment, she was half-asleep as usual and was rubbing her eyes at the top of the staircase. When she saw me, her sleepiness faded instantly. She opened her little arms with a huge smile and waited for me to reach her, which I did in a flash.

  "Mr. White, you're back! You're really back! Did you bring my present?"

  I hit my forehead with the palm of my hand and pretended to be embarrassed.

  "Damn, I'm afraid I’ve forgotten it..."

  Her face took on such a saddened expression that I didn’t have the courage to go on with the joke: it's obvious that five year olds don’t have a great sense of humor, especially when it comes to presents. I took her, taking in another wave of amazing perfume, put her under my arm, and flew downstairs. My presents, wrapped in a red paper decorated with many rabbits, were waiting for her on the couch.

  "The big one is for you; I hope it is what you wanted. You know that I'm not very practical in buying gifts. The smaller one is for your little brother."

  "Can I open his gift, too? He's not yet capable of doing so."

  "I don’t think that he will object..."

  While the child was busy unwrapping the presents, Alice came up to me and whispered, "Did you really go into a toy store? I wish I could have been there to see you..."

  “Don’t rub it in..." I muttered, thinking back with horror the experience I had just undergone. Nevertheless, Ellie's happiness was worth every effort. She, then, jumped on my lap and declared that it was just
what she had wanted.

  "See, mom, Robert has his own little mouse! So, he won’t steal mine! Thank you, Mr. White, they're great presents!"

  "You're welcome Ellie, I'm very happy that you like them. Will we go to bed now? Your mom and dad won't let me come over anymore if you always lose sleep because of me."

  "But I wanted to play with my new kitchen..."

  "Tomorrow, little miss, now it's late. Raistan is looking forward to singing you another song, isn't it so?" Alice said with a grin.

  That day was definitely a continuous series of extreme trials. Somehow, I managed to get through it. Since she fell back asleep in just a second, I thought I could leave my career as an assassin and start making records with lullabies for children: "The Vampire Lullabies." How does that sound?

  "I'll get you for this..." I mumbled to her when I came down into the living room. Just then, the little devil started screaming at the top of his lungs, red as a lobster, so nobody paid any attention to me. Jim was lying on the sofa, completely worn out, while Alice was pacing back and forth, lulling him with an expression that was half maternal, half homicidal. I stared at them speechless for a few moments, missing the silence of my trunk. That wailing would have put to flight more than a supernatural creature.

  "Well, now I should..."

  "Don't even think about it!" Alice hissed, freezing me in my place. "Here, you try it... We don't know which way to turn anymore. It must be his middle name..."

  In less than a second, I found myself with the little monster screaming in my arms. Alice flopped down on the sofa beside her husband and closed her eyes, completely wiped out.

  I admit it. I cheated.

  Not knowing what else to do, I bent over the child and looked at him with my proverbial intensity, whispering sweet nothings in his ear. I bewitched him, okay, but just a little. Within a few hours, he would return to wake up the whole neighborhood without any consequences and I would have made a great impression. As soon as the shrieking was replaced by a quiet purr, Jim and Alice opened their eyes and stared at us, stunned. I was having fun, strolling back and forth the hall cradling the baby belly down on my forearm, as if I haven't done anything else in my whole life but that.

  "But... how..."

  "I'll be damned..."

  "I don’t know… maybe he likes the coolness of my arm through the fabric..."

  If they knew that I had basically hypnotized him, they would have killed me... or maybe not? I wasn't eager to find it out which, though. Alice was gesturing me over to his crib and I put him down with regret. His scent lingered on me for hours, something that even Shibeen noticed and moved her beyond words. But then after, we went out to hunt as usual.

  "Would you like something to drink?" Alice asked me, taking me by surprise.

  "Well, thank you, but I don't think that..." I replied.

  I couldn't imagine the kind of drink she would have brought me. She came back with a glass filled with a liquid that was unmistakably colored and even warmed in the microwave. She and Jim opened a beer and touched my glass with their bottles, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. He laughed and his drink nearly went down the wrong pipe.

  "You should see your face... I bet you didn't expect this..." I had told you that I love humans for their ability to amaze me and, once again, I had compelling evidence.

  "I didn't know that it was sold at the supermarket..." I stuttered, making them laugh again.

  I felt like being in a "True Blood" episode.

  "Ummmm... I stole it from the hospital. I regret not having anything to offer you when you come to see us, so... It's an AB group, quite rare, I hope you like it."

  At that point, I, myself, burst into laughter and it took a while before we could all stop. The absurdity of the situation was quite evident to us all. However, Alice was right: the group AB blood is very good. While I was sipping it, stretched out on the couch like I was at home, with a strange feeling of peace and... belonging, I noticed their eyes had rested on me, thoughtful but calm.

  "What?" I asked.

  "Nothing," he said, smiling and shaking his head "One year ago, if someone had told me that one day I'd have offered blood to a vampire, sprawled in my living room watching TV, I would have had him locked up in a mental hospital. Life's strange..."

  "You can say that again," I said. I raised my glass and took another long sip. "I like being here. You make me feel... accepted. You have always done so."

  "Thank you. I think I can speak on Jim's behalf, too... you make us feel special, as if we were members of a very exclusive club."

  "Oh, you are. You are among those few mortals who I don't consider as food."

  "Well then, that's a real blessing! Listen, tomorrow I have to wake up early. I'm dead tired and the little one will soon be waking up the whole neighborhood. I’m going to bed. Don't do anything I wouldn’t do. The baseball bat is always on hand in the wardrobe. I read Alice's mail as well, the one she sent to you. Goodnight, Raistan. Goodnight to you, too, my love. Will you take Rob upstairs?"

  "I will."

  I got up from the sofa and, this time, it was I who reached out to him. Customs could go to hell for once.

  "Thanks... for this." With a gesture, I wanted to include everything: hospitality, friendship, trust, and all things of inestimable value, especially for a member of a race used to be feared, banished, and avoided like the plague, even being reduced to a legend so as not to acknowledge its true existence. He smiled and shook my hand, without renouncing his usual pat on my back.

  "Hey, do you like rugby?"

  I'm not crazy about it, but Shibeen's brothers force me to watch the Six Nations Tournament and cheer for Ireland to avert unbearable retribution. And yet, knowing where Jim was heading, I nodded solemnly.

  "Matches are in the afternoons, but I could record them so we can watch them together in the evenings. What about it? We can have a beer, some plasma... something simple...between friends."

  That awful lump in my throat was there again. It happens too often to me in this house. Alice was looking at us with her eyes shining more than ever.

  "I root for Ireland," I croaked.

  "Fuck! I knew there was something wrong with you!"

  We parted between laughs with an appointment to meet again next week. As soon as Shibeen's brothers find out, they'll want to join us; but, six boisterous vampires in a home of a human with children would be too much, even for the Andrews. Then again... it's my special time, mine, all mine. The only condition that I had imposed, though, was that I would be the one to provide the drinks. I wouldn’t want Alice to be fired for procuring blood for me. For the first time in three hundred years, I will go to a supermarket and buy beer for a friend.

  What about the rest... let me see... Whom did I forget?

  Oh yes, dear Vincent.

  He certainly hasn’t forgiven me. The cross is always there waiting for me, but I’ll make sure that it will wait much longer.

  You now, for us vampires, "crucifixion" doesn't necessarily mean a death sentence. It depends on several different factors which only the authority inflicting the punishment can decide. I know of vampires who were left hanging for months before receiving pardon and of others who were left to desiccate in slow agony. Again, there were those who were also exposed to sunlight and died. Depending on the ruthlessness of Vincent arising from his resentment for the uproar that I raised with my exploits in the Alma Tunnel and my disrespectful phone call from Shibeen's house, I fear that the punishment, in my case, could be quite severe. Though it weren’t the case, I am definitely, at this moment, not able to endure something so damaging, both physically and psychologically, even for a day.

  I still have my problems, you know. There are days when I feel like I'm sinking back into the abyss from which I rose. There are days in which the nightmares wake me up with a start, shivering, and that, only thanks to the presence of Shibeen, I am able to endure them. Those are also the days when I think I see the shadows that em
erge from dark corners, crawling towards me, compelling me to take refuge somewhere. I feel like I'm freezing inside and keep my eyes shut tightly, hoping that they would be gone and allow me to breathe again when I reopen them. It's like a living nightmare and, every time, I find myself moaning like a lost child in a dark forest, praying for someone to find me before the shadows could take me away.

  I found myself crying in Shibeen's arms, clutching her tightly as if somebody or something was really trying to drag me away as freezing sweat poured out of my skin and my hands trembled. If she asks for explanations, and she always does, I withdraw in a stubborn silence, unable to talk about it and wait with her, huddled in some corner of the room for the darkness to fade, praying that it would not be the same for me. For all these reasons, Vincent will have to wait or come and get me himself.

  Greylord called me about ten days ago.

  When I picked up the phone, an unmistakable hoarse and low voice reminded me of the commitment made when our days were an endless succession of horrors.

  "Hey, vampire, we had a deal."

  "I’ll be there. Tell me where and when."

  "Hyde Park, near the Serpentine, tonight at one. Alone."

  "I wouldn't miss it for the world.

  "It would be better for you, Odie, much, much better for you."

  In regard to Odie, one of the first things I did on my return home was to buy a collection of the Garfield comic. Leafing through the pages on the adventures of the most treacherous cat in the world, I found the strip that the lycan had told me about. I laughed until I cried and cut and framed a copy for me and one for Greylord. On his, I wrote a dedication saying: "To my old enemy who has been able to show me how, at times, help comes from where you least expect. RVH."

  I used the initials that I’ve utilized for centuries to mark those lycans who had fallen under my blows, and not by chance.

  That night, when I showed up for our appointment, I was afraid of having committed a major error in judgment. In the vacant lot surrounded by trees and illuminated by the full moon which appeared and disappeared in the branches of the trees stirred by a breeze, if a lycan as huge and strong as Greylord had decided to go back to his old habits and attack me, I'd have had serious difficulties in defending myself. As I began to think that I did not have the greatest of ideas, with anxiety that ran around me like a poisonous spider, two huge red eyes appeared through the trees, over eight feet in height and accompanied by a deep and threatening growl.