Murder, She Floats

by Rachael Stapleton

  “Good morning,” I rasped. My voice was not tip top first thing.

  “Mornin’ Pen,” Leif said and gestured to the hall behind him. “You know we got a guest room, right?”

  “Yeah, sorry.” I flashed a wide grin. “I didn’t want to wake you guys by moving around last night. Where you going?”

  He waved his tackle box at me.

  “Right. Good luck then.” I went back to sleep for an hour and then forced myself upright and felt only slightly better. I padded the short distance to the kitchen, the smell of brewing coffee scenting the air. I pulled a grey ceramic mug from the cabinet, yanked the pot from the warmer and filled the mug, silently thanking whoever had made it as I held the cup to my lips.

  I needed a shower, ibuprofen, and a talk with my Dad about the diary. Oh, the diary! I looked for my purse and noticed that the book was already on the floor beside the couch. It must have fallen out of my purse when I crashed.

  I scooped it up and carried it into the washroom with me. While I waited for the shower to heat up, I flipped to the date of the coin drop, thinking what a dope I was for not checking this out last night. Sure enough, it was half way through the book, the last page completed in the book and written in utter gibberish. Oh my god, it was obviously the location of the jewels. Why else would she hide it away? Either that or it’s the details of what happened. I would give it to Dad to see what he could unravel from it.

  While I was at the office, I also needed to check the archives to find out what the paper had to say about the 1913 Liberty Head nickel coin and Mrs. Langley, back when it had all happened. A second visit to Nana Vianu might be in order as well. The damage happening to her floorboards and the use of her hidden corridor might just interest her.

  After my shower I wrapped myself in a fluffy yellow towel and stepped gingerly out of the bathroom. Rebel was sitting on the couch in the living room.

  “Tell me you have drugs for this pounding headache?” I said. It took me a second to realize that she shouldn’t be home at this time of day: she should be three hours into her slave shift. Another beat later, I realized she was crying.

  “He’s cheating.”

  “What?”

  “Leif. He’s cheating on me.”

  I sat down next to her and stretched my arm around her shoulders. Her husband had always been the noncommittal type, but I had never taken him for a cheater. “How do you know?”

  Rebel stared at the floor, her face red and swollen. Her long dark hair was corralled into a messy bun, and she wore grey harem pants with a thin white t-shirt. Her voice cracked when she spoke. “I overheard him on the phone. He said ‘I think she’s on to us’. Then he said something about damage control and set a time to meet her.”

  I scowled at the picture she painted. “I’m sorry, sweetie. Could he be planning some sort of surprise for you? Your birthday’s already passed and your anniversary isn’t for four months... is there anything else you celebrate?”

  “If he were, wouldn’t you know about it? You’re my best friend. You have to tell me if that’s what it is–I don’t care if you ruin the surprise. Tell me!”

  I sighed. “How do you know he was talking to a woman?”

  “I heard her voice when she called and then he shut the door. I had to listen through the vent.” She threw her head back, shaking dark tendrils of hair loose from their tie, and sobbed like a three-year-old. When she calmed down, I asked her what she was going to do.

  “What can I do, Pen? I love him, but I’m not gonna put up with this. I’ll pack my things and find somewhere else to live, I guess.”

  Her words ignited a sudden white anger in me. I looked at Rebel with her shiny dark hair, runny nose, and puffy eyes. “Well, my dear, before you show all your cards, let’s get your ducks in a row.”

  “Huh?” Another snort into her squelchy tissue.

  “He still trusts you. So, for one thing, you need to make damn sure what’s going on before you accuse or leave him. Secondly, this is your house, too, and if you move out, you might not be able to move back in.”

  “We might not be able to live here much longer, anyway.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “We’re behind on our mortgage payments.” She sniffled into a Kleenex pile of snot and reached for a fresh tissue. “He’s been acting funny ever since his grandma died two months ago. I think he thought we were going to inherit some cash but instead we got the bill for the funeral. That’s why I’m working all the time. I take every shift I can get.”

  “Well, just act normal. Get him to take you out for a nice night at a fancy restaurant. If nothing else, you can make him regret screwing you over–not to mention you’ll have the satisfaction of making his sidepiece jealous. I’ll go to work investigating him–maybe the conversation had something to do with your financial problems.”

  Her soggy hazel eyes stared into mine. “You think maybe he’s not cheating, and that maybe he’s embezzling money so we can keep our house? People can move past that kind of shady stuff, right?”

  I grimaced. “I don’t know if I could, but let’s not make assumptions. Now, I need some ibuprofen before the rock-and-roll band in my head gets an extended contract.”

  Rebel provided the medicine, Pike and Lulu gave me a coffee and cinnamon scone, and I met up with Dad at the office.

  “Well now, there’s my baby girl! Just the person I was looking for. How’s the story coming?”

  I could feel the ibuprofen kicking in and the caffeine stroking my serotonin levels nicely. “Fine, Dad. I’ve found something, but first I need to ask you a question. Have you noticed Leif acting funny at all lately?”

  “Rebel’s Leif?”

  “Yeah. She thinks he’s cheating on her and they’re losing the house.”

  “Oh no. Now that you mention it, she has been working herself ragged lately. But Leif is always socializing over drinks or lunch so I never thought much about it.”

  “Who is he lunching with?”

  “Well, he’s with Ben and that girlfriend of his a lot lately. I also see him with his co-workers from the dealership. A few of them are female, and they take a coffee and lunch break every day like clockwork; 10am and noon. I think they probably head out to the pub after work some nights too. I can only assume so cause half their vehicles wind up at the lot overnight.”

  “Alright, well I think I’m gonna start tailing him just to be sure. Anyway, what does this look like to you?”

  He glanced over the top of his bifocals. “Are you testing me to see if I’m senile yet? It’s a book.”

  I pulled it back gently and tried to wipe off the greasy fingerprints I’d left. “I know it’s a book. Open it.”

  “Alright, it’s a diary, dear–not very engaging though–terrible punctuation. Now, why do you want me to look—” Dad stopped mid-sentence.

  “You see who it belongs to?” I asked.

  “Oh shit! Where did you get this?”

  “Long story, but I stole it.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “But it was stolen already, so I kind of saved it… I think. I found it in Ben’s room at Nana Vianu’s manor.”

  “Sweetheart, you are confusing as all get-out, but since you are my favorite daughter and the best investigator I’ve got, I’ll trust you are on to something. So what’s your next move?”

  “I’m gonna peruse this thing. I’m gonna go talk to Nana and let her know that Ben is ripping up her floorboards, and I might also go back to the retirement place and talk to Joe again. I’m just not sure about the order.”

  He nodded and waved, going back to his own computer screen, his glasses threatening to fall off his nose. “I just need to wrap up this case and then I’ll help if you need me. I suggest you skip to the summer of ’62 in that diary. If there is anything of interest, it’ll be around that time.”

  “I already did. The last page is written in code and I was hoping you might recognize the cipher.” I handed the book to Dad, open
to the page.

  “There’s two different ciphers happening here. See this line, the one separated from the rest? Probably makes it the most important.”

  He started copying down the letters of the distinct line. “Okay, quit standing over my shoulder. I’ll have this line back to you in a jiffy, but it’ll take me a little longer to break the code on the rest of the page. Can you leave the book with me?”

  “I’ll bring it back. I just want to show it to Nana first. Proof that Baboon was ripping up her floors looking for this.”

  “Sounds good. Oh, and can you stop by Pike’s and remind her I need her recipe for the new foodgasm column. I still think we ought to change that name. We’re gonna get a shit ton of complaints from Helen Patone and her posse.”

  I laughed. “I reminded her this morning. She says you’ll have the piece by today. And she’s stuck on the name so you’ll have to decide who you’d rather piss off–Pike or Helen.”

  “You might as well ask if I’d prefer to be eaten by a lion or a shark.”

  “Exactly. Except the lion is our friend so I’d suggest we let her keep the name.”

  He winked. “Might be fun to mess with Helen, anyway.”

  I nodded and headed to the main computer in the back room. The Newspaper had been around since the early 1900s and I was curious to search the microfiche archives for editions, starting with January 1960. Back then the newspaper came out once a month.

  Apart from February 1962–when the first American had orbited the Earth–it was mostly filled with glorified shopping news. It wasn’t until the August 1962 issue that I struck gold–gold and diamonds to be exact. A full-length article on the suspicious disappearance of valuables at the Vianus’ house. It listed the missing items, including the 1913 Liberty Head nickel that went for a dive. I whistled. That was quite a haul.

  I printed off the list and hollered goodbye to Dad.

  “Hey Pen, I just remembered I’ve got a meeting in a half an hour. I’ve got a case to wrap up–insurance scam. Can you man the place for me?”

  “Of course, Dad. When are you leaving?”

  “About five minutes ago.”

  “Okay, do me a favor and leave a note on the door when you lock up. I’ll be in and out today.”

  “Sounds good, pumpkin, and you call if you run into any trouble. And grab me some of Pike’s doughnuts next time you’re there. She’s limited my sweets consumption ever since Doc ratted me out.”

  “I’ll be careful, but I’m not crossing Pike.” I stopped to kiss Dad’s forehead “And don’t think for one minute I’m helping you endanger your health.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  _____________

  I stepped into the blinding light of Main Street and pulled my rose gold sunglasses over my eyes. Time to go fishing! Well, not fishing, per say, as in Bohemian Lake’s favorite sport, but rather fishing for the story. I was on my way to get the rest of Joe’s Caravan Manor story out of him. It would take me all of five minutes to get to the community living center from here. Since it was nine-fifteen, I had forty-five minutes before I needed to be back to spy on my bestie’s hubby. We’d see just what–or who–he’d been up to. I also needed to talk to Nana Vianu but that could wait until after lunch. I’d have to juggle my interviews with manning the shop for Dad.

  I walked across the street from a crowd gathering outside Cookies & Corsets for a vintage sidewalk sale. Lulu stood off to the side, wearing an emerald green maxi dress and sunhat. I waved at her, and she waved back and then resumed her conversation. I was surprised to see her niece, Kaitlyn Patone, helping out. True, I remembered that Kaitlyn had a good relationship with her Aunt Lulu as a kid but she hardly seemed the retail girl type these days. I could just imagine her customer service response if confronted by an outraged customer.

  I was past the shop and approaching a parking lot when I looked back and saw Kaitlyn talking animatedly with Ben. I instinctively ducked behind a Ford F-150 and watched the two interact. Kaitlyn was laughing, and he was nodding at her, ogling her boobs whenever she tossed her head back to giggle. I guess they’d made up. I was too far away to hear what they were talking about, but I saw their faces change as they both glanced toward Ben’s crotch. They must have been reacting to his ringer because he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and put it to his ear. He winked at Kaitlyn and turned away. I was the only one who saw how dark and still his face became as he continued the conversation. Abruptly, he jerked the phone from his ear, and said something to Kaitlyn. Then he waved his hand and walked away, effectively dismissing her. Kaitlyn watched him for a moment with uncertainty before she turned to help a customer.

  Ben strode stiffly up the street in my direction to the parking lot, ranting about exposing the truth. Even from behind the truck in my hidden location I could feel his anger as he clicked his phone shut. This was my cue to flee the scene. I curved my shoulders and tried to inch around the other side of the truck so he wouldn’t see me, before striding swiftly back to the sidewalk. I was a block from the ice cream store and in sight of the community center when his meat hook of a hand clamped down on my shoulder.

  “Hello, Penelope.”

  I shrugged off his paw and tried to walk away, but he wrapped his arm around my waist and led me behind Scoops Ice Cream shop in a vicious two-step. I looked back at the sidewalk sale, but no one was facing our direction save a wistful-looking Kaitlyn. I considered breaking his jaw, but I didn’t think Ben would hurt me in public and I didn’t want to get arrested for assault.

  “I saw you made it to the show last night,” he whispered into my ear.

  I pushed myself away from him, and he let me go now we were out of sight. “I saw you, too. It looked like you and Eve were having a blast feeding each other sweet treats. Does Kaitlyn know you have not one but two sidepieces now?”

  His fingers twitched at his sides. Then, just like that, he was calm. “Yeah, that was pretty comical. Say, Penelope, you know what else was funny?” He laughed here to illustrate his point, a warm, companionable laugh that made my lips twitch against my better judgment. “Someone took something important from me last night. Since you’re an investigator, could you help me find it?”

  I was certain Ben hadn’t seen me clearly last night when I fled his room, so I had nothing to lose by acting helpful now. “I guess.”

  “I should have known I’d find you hitting on one of the hottest girls in town.”

  A male voice sounded behind me and I turned in time to see Kaitlyn Patone’s younger brother giving me the once-over as he approached.

  He was sixteen, six foot four, two hundred pounds— and most of it muscle—with a shock of dark hair, clean shaven-skin, and a small bar piercing his eyebrow over chocolate brown eyes.

  He stepped right up in front of Ben, grinning like he’d just heard the best joke in the world. Ben didn’t look nearly as enthused. I felt the testosterone level double.

  “What’s up, Axl?” Ben asked and stuck out his hand.

  Axl ignored Ben’s hand and inclined his head toward me. “Clearly not doing as well as you. It seems you’re skirting around on my sister quite a bit these days.”

  Ben sighed. “Your sister and I broke up. Anyway, this is a professional interaction. I was asking Ms. Trubble here about working for me. Seems something of mine has gone missing and I need to hire someone to find it.”

  I elbowed myself away from Ben’s body. Professional, my ass.

  Axl glanced over at me and raised his eyebrows. “Penelope’s a good investigator, Ben, but Dick Tracey couldn’t find your marbles.” Axl winked at me and walked away, shooting Ben another look over his shoulder.

  I watched him go then turned back to Ben. “I guess I should be going, too.” I turned to leave, but he wrenched my purse from my shoulder. I grabbed at it, but he was too quick.

  “Gee whiz, Penelope, but we’re not done yet.” His tone was light and fun, but his eyes were dark.

  The diary was on the top, and he grabbed it
easily and tossed my handwoven fringe bucket bag to the ground. “What do you know? You are a super sleuth. Thanks, Pen! I’ve been looking everywhere for this!” He shoved me hard enough to knock me to the ground, then he chuckled, giving me one last look. “Oh, and by the way, you might want to check on your place. I invited a few of my friends to drop by.”

  All I could think of was Guinness’s big brown puppy dog eyes as he turned his back and walked away. Fingers crossed she would attack any thug who tried to touch her.

  “If anything has happened or happens to my dog, Ben, I swear, they’ll never find your body.” Heads from a few tourists passing by turned all at once. Oops. I had screamed the threat so loud the sidewalk sale down the street probably heard.

  “Are you okay, hon?”

  I turned quickly at the voice. “Hi, Eve.” I dusted off my knees and lifted my chin. “Yeah, I just fell.”

  “No shit. I had a husband once like that. I just seemed to fall whenever he was around. Of course, that was why I started keeping the frying pan handy.” She pulled a medicine bottle from her purse. “Take a hit of that there liquid Tylenol. Takes the edge off.”

  I removed the cap and took a huge swig, then blinked a few times as my eyes watered. Her so called Tylenol was really booze, and it was strong. I’d had whisky before, but usually in a whisky sour. This huge gulp, undiluted, had practically made my eyes cross.

  “I saw you swig this the other morning,” I said, coughing.

  Eve brightened. “I know. It works for all kinds of situations.”

  I leaned back and closed my eyes. “Thanks for your help last night, by the way.”

  “No problem. Did I give you enough time?”

  “Sort of. He came back while I was in the room, but he was, shall we say, incapacitated, so I was able to sneak out.”

  “I sure hope he was incapacitated... I put enough laxative in those brownies to take down a bear, and I should know ‘cause I’ve had to trap a bear before.”

  “What?”