Murder, She Floats

by Rachael Stapleton

“Oh, my daddy was a hunter. Long story, so don’t worry about it. Anyway, how come you’re not manning the desk at the paper?”

  “I should be. Dad’s probably left for his appointment by now, but I need to go home and check on Guinness. And then I need to go see Joe and stop by Nana’s.”

  “I’ll man the desk.”

  “Really?”

  “Honey, I grew up with eight siblings, and sewed all my own clothes. I started working at nine. Then I married a plumber, a baker and a candle stick maker, and raised my own kids. I think I can answer the dang phones.”

  “You married a candle stick maker?”

  “No, but it rhymed and I thought it was funny.”

  “It was.” I smiled. The offer was tempting. “Dad probably locked the door.”

  Eve dug around in her giant yellow purse before I could finish, and came out with her massive key ring. She systematically clinked through the metal. “Pharmacy, liquor store, cop shop... here it is! The Newspaper. Looks like we’re set.”

  I was astounded. “How’d you get keys to all those places?”

  Eve winked at me. “Oh honey, don’t you know? I’m the real mayor of the town. Frank Patone is just a puppet.”

  This was not shocking to me. Somehow I accepted this could be true. “Take the note off the door, okay?” I jogged back to my car, feeling tightness in the knee I scraped when Ben pushed me.

  I sped the whole way home and parked on the road—if I did have intruders then I preferred to take them by surprise. Guinness trotted out of the woods just as I made it to the front door and I relaxed. Nothing else mattered.

  Inside the cabin, there was not a clean surface to be found. The bookshelf was built in so it was okay but the books were ripped apart and the pages scattered. The kitchen cupboards had been ripped open, and the food inside of them had been dumped or tossed. My bedroom was the worst. The pillows were shredded, and my drawers and closets were pulled apart, clothes torn and discarded everywhere.

  How had Ben known it was me who stole the diary? I poured a glass of wine and held the cup to my lips.

  And froze.

  A window above the sink looked out over the deck.

  And on the deck were two men. Well, well, well…

  One wore jeans and a heavy metal black tank top, his long dark hair splaying out from under a trucker hat. He was tall and skinny, with only the whiskers of a beard to keep him from looking like a skeleton. I could see an outline in his front pocket. A switchblade, maybe?

  The other guy was shorter. His head was buzzed, and he wore wraparound sunglasses, a cut-off plaid shirt and dirty jeans.

  I set my wine on the counter, sent a picture of the damage as well as the offending parties off to Detective Lumos, and jerked the window slider open. Oh, I was gonna enjoy this.

  Both of the trespassers stiffened and turned toward the window.

  “You two got something against books?”

  The two men looked at one another, clearly confused. I wasn't sure if it was because they'd been caught or because they didn't understand the question. Or both.

  “The books are torn apart. You are the lowlifes who messed up my pad, aren’t you?” I asked.

  The one with the hat said, “Uh, no.”

  “Then why the hell are you on my deck?” I asked. “You looking for something? I think you left a copy of Moby Dick untouched, did you want to come back in and have a go at it?”

  They exchanged more confused looks.

  The tall guy folded his arms across his chest, trying to look tough.

  “Ben ratted you out,” I said, now confident they weren't armed. “I’m just stalling you because Detective Lumos is on his way.”

  The man’s mouth slid into a firm line and his face turned the color of a tomato. He looked at the shorter guy, who was getting twitchy and nervous.

  “Run!” he yelled.

  He took a step, slipped, righted himself and jumped down over the steps on the other side of the deck. The other guy glanced at me, then sprinted after his friend, copying his jump down off the deck. He stumbled when he landed, planted his hand on the ground, got upright again and disappeared around the corner of the cabin.

  I couldn't help but giggle. If they were criminals, they were the most incompetent ones I'd ever come across.

  I decided at some point to have a chat with Mrs. Baboon. I was sure she’d be interested to hear her son had set two lowlife hoodlums on me. I had no doubt she would give him an earful, then again maybe I’d just tell Eve. A frying pan would do more permanent damage. Oh well, maybe I could stop by Lulu’s sidewalk sale. I’d make sure Ben got the bill.

  I loaded Guinness up and took her with me to the Private Eye.

  Chapter Sixteen

  _____________

  E ve had set up shop on the front sidewalk, where she appeared to be selling sexy calendars, rolled cigarettes (or at least that’s what I hoped they were) and questionable bottles in brown paper bags to anyone who bought advertising. She was also giving butterscotch candies away to anyone who just stopped by to chat. She was a wild one, fortunately, the town loved and knew her antics well, so all in all the place was busy and advertising sales were up.

  “Thanks for covering for me, Eve. I really appreciate it.”

  “No problem. Actually, I was thinking about it and you should let some of your responsibility go, dear.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, you can’t be out in the town unlocking its mysteries if you have to be here manning the phones and desk, so I’ve decided I’m your new part-time receptionist.”

  “Eve, that’s sweet but I don’t know if Dad has the budget for a receptionist. That’s why he has me.”

  She cocked her head and waggled her finger at me. “I’ll take whatever he can give me. I just want to be in on the action. I’ll even start for free. You tell me if you got someone better knocking down your door.”

  She did have a point in that the line of people who wanted to sit inside on a beautiful summer day for minimum wage was only a touch longer than the line of Bohemian Lake District men who wanted to quit hunting and fishing to spend more time with their wives. “Okay, Eve. I’ll talk to Dad about hiring you. If you work out this week then we’ll set up a schedule.”

  She clapped her hands then rubbed them together. “Sounds like a plan. I’ll need a raise next month though, and the first thing we’ll need is get a police scanner in here. I’ve got one at home we can use for now, but we should really have multiple people listening if we’re going to fight crime. And in back we need to set up a room with gadgets for when we’re reporting. And I’m gonna need one of those 2-Way Wrist Radios—”

  “No! What?! If you’re going to work here... wait a minute, a 2-Way Wrist Radio? Have you been reading those old Dick Tracey comic strips? You know that technology is severely outdated.”

  “Why? You think I can get a ring instead? I don’t really like to wear a watch.”

  “Nevermind. Please just remember that this is an actual newspaper and a private investigations firm, not an old dime novel. Now, why don’t you start by watering the plants and answering the phones?”

  “Sure thing, toots. By the way, you had a visitor here a couple of minutes ago. He was asking about the pretty red head with green eyes.”

  I whipped around to look at her. “Who?”

  “The hot new cop in town.” She gave me a sly grin.

  Cody was obviously following up on my text about the intruders. I called Eve’s bluff. “He did not say that.”

  She shrugged. “You might be right; still, I knew what he meant. I told him you were single.”

  My stomach flipped. What was I going to do with her?

  She waved her hand. “Don’t worry about it. You can thank me later.”

  Although I had my doubts now, I left her in charge of Guinness as well as the paper and went to spy on Leif at the car dealership. Of course, by this time, I’d missed both his morning break and lunch hour, so the day
was a bust.

  Not surprisingly–considering the way my week was going–I ran into Kaitlyn while I was trying to remain undercover. She folded her arms across her silk blouse and glared at me. “Well, well, well. Fancy meeting you here.”

  I was surprised by her aggressive tone.

  “Hi, Kaitlyn.”

  She glared at me, crossed her arms and set her shoulders, and waited. The silence must have been too much for her. “You have some nerve,” she said, tilting her head to the side, studying me.

  “Excuse me?”

  “I think it’s become pretty clear that you are stalking Ben.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Running into him on the street this morning?” she said, raising an eyebrow at me. “Now here? Did you think I wouldn’t see you?” She shook her head. “Please.”

  I started to say something, stopped, took a deep breath, then started again. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said, trying to keep my voice even. “Was Ben just here? I didn’t even see him. Although I’d like to give him a piece of my mind.”

  She smirked. “I bet you would. You just can’t stand to see him happy with somebody else now, can you?”

  “Good lord, Kaitlyn.”

  “I can see why you’d be throwing yourself at him, after all, he is quite a man.”

  “If by that you mean he’s an abusive asshole, then I agree completely.” I watched Leif walk out of his work and down the street. He disappeared behind a black SUV with tinted windows. It pulled away and I realized he must have got in. Damn it! I missed my break.

  I scowled at Kaitlyn for monopolizing my time. “How do you know Ben, anyhow? He hardly seems like your type.”

  “And just who is my type.”

  “I don’t know. Perhaps I’m giving you too much credit, but someone who owns a tie and can maybe count past ten.”

  Kaitlyn pursed her lips. “Very funny. That sharp tongue is gonna get you into trouble one day.”

  “Oh, believe me, it already has.” I gave her my full attention. She was in the early stage of making a terrible mistake, and though I was no fan of hers, I wished Ben Baboon on no one. “Kaitlyn, don’t be sucked in by Ben’s nice-guy front. He’s an insecure, violent creep, and he’s only after your family’s money.” I started to walk away. “Oh, and he has holes in his underwear.”

  She sucked in her breath and covered her mouth with her small, birdlike hand, her eyes wide.

  Sweet satisfaction.

  Chapter Seventeen

  _____________

  S ince I wasn’t about to find out where Leif had disappeared to, I figured I might as well fill up the tank. Usually, I’d demolish a protein bar or slam a piece of cold chicken on the run, but after this morning’s events, I needed comfort food. The Boho Burger Hut was as small as it sounded and every single seat was taken when I arrived. Thankfully one of the tables was just finishing up.

  People watched me as I crossed the floor to the newly available booth by the window. News of the caribou bones had spread like a wildfire across town. It was most likely known by now that I had found them.

  The smell of greasy food lingered in the air. Red tables with matching chairs dotted the space. The waitress walked over and stood next to me with a menu, not that I needed it. “I’d like the fire burger, please, with salad.” She reluctantly took the menu. “Oh, and a Coke too.”

  She stared for a moment longer and then turned and walked away. I noticed the sideways glances from everyone. So what if I’d mistaken a dead animal for human remains. Get over it, people! I was probably just being paranoid. They were just curious since I’d been gone from home for so long and then came back.

  The waitress sat my plate in front of me less than two minutes later. “Anything else?”

  “Nope, that’s everything. Thanks.”

  She raised an eyebrow and then walked away.

  I tried to ignore the looks as I mixed my salad around. It was almost impossible to eat with all this attention. If people had questions about what had happened they should just come up to her and ask. I’d tell them whatever they wanted to know. Well, maybe not everything.

  I took a couple of bites, and when I glanced up, Detective Cody Lumos had walked through the door. He looked around the diner for an available table. A huge smile spread across his face and he immediately headed toward me. I hoped I didn’t have lettuce between my teeth. I dabbed at my mouth with a napkin quickly before he reached the table.

  “It seems like this place is packed. Do you mind if I join you?” He gestured toward the bench across from me.

  I waved. “Sure, have a seat. Any luck finding the hoodlums that destroyed my cabin?”

  “Not yet, but it shouldn’t be too hard.” Cody slid into the seat and looked over at my burger. “How is it?”

  I glanced down at the half-eaten food. “Perfect.”

  He quirked a brow. “Are those jalapeños?”

  I smiled. “I like it hot.”

  He looked around and at that moment the waitress walked over. She smiled brightly at Cody. That didn’t surprise me much though since the detective was a good-looking guy and there weren’t a ton of those around here—at least not available ones.

  Cody placed his order for a deluxe cheeseburger and onion rings and then paused for the waitress to walk away. “I’ve heard around town that you used to be a private investigator.”

  I eyed him suspiciously. “Yeah, I worked for my dad growing up.”

  His eyes widened. “It made you want to join the police force, huh?”

  “Unfortunately. That turned out to be a mistake.”

  “Do you want to talk about it,” Cody asked.

  I shook my head, “absolutely not.”

  The waitress brought his food and we were silent for a moment. After he took a bite of the burger and finished chewing, he said, “So, other than being harassed today, how are you enjoying life back in Bohemian Lake?” he asked as he finished off his burger.

  I took another bite of my salad and said, “It’s good to be home... I guess.”

  “I’m glad you’re back. No one told me that the most interesting girl in town had left.”

  Heat rushed to my cheeks. “If you think compliments will get me talking about my troubled past, you’re wrong.”

  He laughed.

  “Why did you move to Bohemian Lake?”

  The light reflected in his eyes. “There was an opening and I needed a change.” He pushed his plate away.

  I stared at him for a moment. “Woman trouble, huh?”

  “How’d you know?”

  I nodded. “I guess we have something in common then.”

  Cody’s eyes widened. “Your woman left you too? What a cruel world.”

  I chuckled. “No, my boyfriend threw me over an actress.” I looked at my cellphone which had beeped. “Oh, I’m sorry I need to get to the retirement center before visiting hours are over.”

  I pushed to my feet and reached for the bill. He placed his hand over mine on the table, which made my heart race.

  “I got this,” he said.

  “No, you don’t have to do that.”

  “Please, I want to.” He looked up at me with that grin and I couldn’t imagine any woman leaving him.

  I offered a smile. “Okay. Thank you.”

  As I walked toward the door I glanced back and smiled. Cody Lumos was exactly the type of guy I could fall for and I was not ready to fall again. I’d have to keep my distance.

  ***

  I rolled into the lobby of the Retirement Home, ignoring the empty front desk, the smell, and the drooping people in wheelchairs lining the halls like planters. I was happy to find Joe in his room reading the Private Ink.

  “Well, hey there, Ninja!”

  “Joe.”

  “I heard about the Gypsy Carnival being in town.” His eyes twinkled. “How’d it go?”

  I sized him up. “Good. Obviously you heard that I knocked the magician on his b
ehind for grabbing my wrist.”

  He nodded. I caught a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Little Naomi Sweets wants karate lessons. She thought it was the best part of the show.”

  “Hmm, the show,” I snorted.

  “Of course, I know there’s more to it than that...” He let his sentence dangle, clearly fishing for the truth.

  “There was. I had plans to go sleuthing and someone put that man up to stopping me. I wasn’t ready to be stopped.”

  “That a girl. If anyone can find that nickel, it’s a Penny.”

  I smiled. “Joe, remember when you told me that you caught Vera exiting the secret passage at Gypsy Caravan Manor?”

  “Of course. The cogs turn slowly now but they haven’t altogether rusted.”

  “Duly noted, what do you think she was doing in the passage?”

  “If you ask me, she was hiding the valuables she had been stealing since she got there.”

  I wasn’t the only one who thought she was the thief. “Why would she hide them in the Vianu’s manor? Wouldn’t she be worried the Vianus would come across them? I mean, they use those passages.”

  Joe appeared to consider this for the first time, the picture of thoughtful introspection. “You might be right but I don’t think they used them back then. There were a few of the employees like Ben who knew about them, but they weren’t used as a main route for the employees, not the way Nana uses them today. And if she wasn’t hiding things in there then my best guess is that maybe she was just using the passages to stay hidden while she was stealing.”

  “And do you think she came across the secret closet entrance to Mr. Walton’s room, and that’s how she stole the coin?”

  Joe tensed, and then he laughed. “You got a nosy streak the size of a lake. How’d you know about the closet entrance?”

  “I checked out the secret passage last night. The door is still there.”

  “Still there, eh? I wondered about that.”

  I followed this information with a natural conclusion. “So you knew about the secret door into the guestroom.”

  Joe smiled in a faraway manner. “Vera found out by accident. I caught her in the secret passage holding one of the stolen diamond necklaces. When I walked up behind her, I scared her so bad that she accidentally tripped and fell against the door that opened up to the closet.”