Wilderness Untamed

by Butler, J. M.

  "Everybody knows who I am."

  "I didn't."

  "Well… you should have." It continued to glower. "You're going to have to trust me. You realize this, don't you?"

  "Yes. And I'm assuming you aren't going to try anything dangerous because we're both going to die if you do."

  It actually had taken on a rather frightened and pathetic air as it cracked its knuckles. That crackling popping sound grew louder across its back as if it was popping its spine at the same time. "There are centuries and centuries until the end. It is hard enough to endure the twelve years of separation after each host passes. To endure and wander!" It moved its head back and forth, the tall antlers casting strange shadows on the wall. "It must not be, Neyeb. It was never meant to be this way."

  "Yet it is." She glanced around, uneasy about the presence of all those doorways. "How are you going to keep me from perceiving the hallucinogenic effects in Dry Deep? You said something about absorbing them?"

  "I'll stay here and filter them through. Same with the fever when it comes. You must not forget though," it said. "What we must do, it's so important, Neyeb. If you forget—"

  "I won't." She forced herself to stop looking at the doorway to her right. An almost uncontrollable impulse to walk through it rose within her.

  "Then sit."

  "You aren't the only thing in my mind, are you?"

  It huffed. "Your mind is unfortunately busy. And you keep opening these." It gestured at the doors with an irritated shake of its head. "You could get completely lost in here if you weren't careful. Then again, you wouldn't be the first. You Neyeb can be hard to manage. Now sit. We need to hurry."

  Tearing her gaze away and stuffing down the questions, she sat cross-legged on the black floor. More questions to be answered later. Focus. One thing at a time. Survival first.

  Dropping to the ground, the Ki Valo circled around her. Its body was far longer than she had realized. It felt like being in a python's loose coils. Not entirely comfortable. And quite unnerving. As it finished, it rested its head on its body and peered up at her with those great moon eyes.

  She swallowed hard, her insides quaking again. This thing was always going to be inside her. It had been with her since the beginning. All those years of knowing she was a monster hadn't prepared her to look in the eyes of an actual—well, it wasn't exactly a monster but it was terrifying. "What next?"

  "You return to consciousness. When you sleep, you will enter this place. If you dream, you may see me. Probably not. I can shield you from dreams as well so you rest better. They say that allows Neyeb to heal faster. Lean against me if you like."

  She gave a slight shake of her head. "Will you need rest or—anything?"

  It shuddered, the light in its eyes dimming. "I need you to not die. All that I need I get from you. And if you die—" It closed its eyes briefly. "The end of time is far from here, and the only way I will be able to fulfill my purpose is by being true horror. But if that is the only way…" Its voice trailed off, the discordant harmony sad and even more off note. "I cannot bear to think of that horror."

  She studied it, pausing as she tried to determine the best thing to say. "As long as you hold up your end of the bargain, I will do all that I can to live."

  "It's funny, I suppose," it murmured. "You would like to die rather than be used for cruel purposes. But if you die, I will have no choice but to be cruel to accomplish my purposes."

  "It's a choice though, isn't it?"

  "A choice between doing nothing and watching the suffering of innocents versus doing something that will wound and hurt more than anything they have experienced but, in the end, will stop their suffering?"

  "I don't think I understand." She frowned a little.

  "As long as you don't die, you won't have to." It sighed heavily. "Now wake yourself. The longer you're in Dry Deep, the sicker you'll become and the harder it will be for you to fight off the venom. Move as much as you can, even if they do carry you. It'll keep your blood flowing and keep it from overtaking you as fast. I did take you as far as I could risk. So you're probably going to be in a bad state by the end of the day. And once you're out—well, we need a miracle. We can't be alone on this world. We can't be." Its voice broke.

  She reached out to comfort it, and it nudged her hand its nose. Its broad flat snout had a soft covering of fur that she hadn't noticed. "I'm not planning on dying if I can help it. There are a lot of things I'd like to do."

  "More biting and grappling most likely," it grumbled.

  "Probably." She smiled a little.

  "You know he's a vow breaker. He was supposed to kill you if you did go wild. But he won't."

  "I imagine you're rather glad for that."

  It grunted. "It doesn't matter though. You're too fast now. If you do go, you'll have his soul out before he can change his spear. Take this seriously, Neyeb. And do not forget."

  She couldn't imagine that she would. "Goodbye for now, Ki Valo Nakar."

  "Goodbye for now."

  She closed her eyes and drew her consciousness back to her body.

  How did her body feel worse now? It stole her breath as her blood pounded through her veins like jackhammers. The haziness and blurring of her thoughts had vanished at least. A groan tore free as she tried to sit up. Her back and shoulders cracked. Wind whipped about her face to her surprise, and it felt as if she were moving up and down.

  No. She was moving up and down.

  Cracking her eyelids, she stared up at dark trees whisking by. The blanket had been wrapped more securely around her though not enough to bind her movement. And she rested on a scaly red back. Rolling over stiffly, she squinted.

  They were running. She rested on WroOth's back. Proteus loped alongside. QueQoa had his iron dragon form with only the four legs. AaQar had retained the serpentine psigolath form once more. Naatos had returned to his black storm dragon and led the way through the trees.

  The stone bluebird was still in her palm, her fingers wrapped snugly around it. Rolling onto her side, she tried to take in the sliding terrain. It was impossible to tell how much time had passed, and their strides were so heavy that she didn't have much hope of calling out. Each one jarred what little breath remained in her lungs, making even whimpering difficult.

  As the adrenaline faded, her eyelids drooped. It had been so blissful to be outside her body, to exist just as thought. The hallucinogenic effects of Dry Deep must have kept her going more than she realized. Not that she wanted them back. Instead of eyes glaring at her and faces melting, the world bounced and bounded while her body ached.

  More and more the long leech venom seeped through her veins, throbbing and burning. She distracted herself by trying to sort through the memories and noting the utter bizarreness of this terrain. At times, the moss looked alive. At other points, it looked as if enormous jellyfish clustered in groves between the trees, glowing pale blue and silver red. Large rats and shining crabs that skipped and skittered scurried along the ground while spiders and centipedes moved along the trees.

  A few times the long-necked plesiotaurs or the crocodile-like mosocryptoids attacked. With WroOth in the center, they never reached him. The growls and rumbles were part of the backdrop. Compared to the wilderness outside, this was almost relaxing.

  Relaxing if not for the fire and bile pulsing within her. By the time they stopped for water and food, her stomach had twisted up into knots.

  "You're probably half-starved," WroOth said confidently. "You barely ate anything while you were insane."

  Food of any type sounded horrid. She forced a smile though as he grabbed her in a tight hug.

  "It's good to have you back," he said. "That wasn't easy, was it?"

  "It was horrible. I was so far gone, I thought I saw sharks flying."

  He laughed heartily as he rocked her from side to side. "Oh, dear heart, sharks do fly down here."

  She shoved away. "Flying sharks?"

  "Does it make a difference if they don't so m
uch fly as hover?" He grinned.

  "Your world is insane."

  "It's still good to have you back."

  She embraced each of them, coming to Naatos last as he hauled back what looked like an eighteen-foot great white with ten tentacles coming out of its stomach. "Sharks fly here."

  That perplexed half smile tugged at his mouth as if this should have been obvious to her. "That's what you want to start with? Come here." He brought her close, his arms wrapping around her as he pressed her neck to his.

  He actually was a good hugger. Perhaps the best. She didn't even mind when he lifted her off the ground. There wasn't even anything that she could say.

  "How much pain?"

  "Not bad."

  He nudged her with his chin, his voice low. "I know it's bad, veskaro. We all do."

  "I'm not hallucinating," she whispered back. "That's better than I was even yesterday. If feeling all of this is the cost of not seeing horrible things that aren't there, well, it's worth it."

  "You'll get through. It may not be comfortable, but you'll get through." His hand cupped the back of her head. "We won't leave you here."

  Of course they wouldn't. And she wouldn't die. There were too many other horrible things waiting for her. And hopefully some good ones too. She savored the warmth and nearness of him. His scent was so muted by the atmosphere that she couldn't catch that, but his presence alone comforted her.

  She even tried to help prepare the evening meal.

  The smell of the blood sent her running to the edge of the camp and hurling what little remained in her stomach. Shark steaks roasted over the fire offered no temptation. At Naatos's insistence, she tried a few bites and attempted to drink her tea. It weighed heavy in her stomach and tasted like ash.

  It would pass. Soon it would pass.

  When it was time to sleep, Naatos held her close, his chin tucked over her head. He snored softly after only a few minutes.

  Truly the ability to fall asleep wherever and whenever was a treasure.

  Sleep eluded her though her eyes burned. Despite closing them and counting her breaths, it made no difference. She remained entirely awake.

  At last, after a few hours, she slipped away and joined QueQoa at the fire.

  "Still can't sleep?" he asked. "You should be tired."

  "I am tired, but I can't sleep. Gift of Dry Deep."

  He nodded somberly, his face framed in firelight. "I imagine if you did sleep, your dreams would be terrifying."

  Well, there was a giant antlered serpent centipede inside her mind with moon eyes at this very moment. What possible nightmares could come from that? She sipped her water, wondering if it was able to hear her when she spoke. Leonas had said it wasn't aware of all her thoughts or her heart. But it had been aware of her intimacy with Naatos as well as her relationship with her family. Even if it had gotten a few things wrong. Good questions for another day.

  She held her canteen to her head. "What do you think we'll find in Darmoste?"

  "More emptiness." He glanced at her sidelong, his brow knit. "While you were—" he indicated her head. "You said that you heard our cadre. That they were sleeping in a cavern beneath the sand. That they were here and that they live. That there were others too. This world is not as empty as it seems."

  Yes. Those memories danced at the edge of her consciousness.

  "I believe there are people in this world. It's hard to put my finger on why, and I don't remember everything I saw or heard. But—in my gut—I know they're out there."

  He scoffed lightly as a slow smile spread over his face. "WroOth said the same thing. He doesn't believe they're dead. Can't be. He said we'd feel it. So he won't mourn."

  "You don't feel it?"

  "I don't like hoping in matters like this. But by not hoping, I have perhaps abandoned them. It didn't feel right to mourn them either. But—I would rather they live, and I would hope that they are not angry I believed them dead."

  "I don't think they'd hold that against you. It's been thousands of years."

  "What did you see about them?"

  "I don't know if it was real or imagined."

  He shook his head and sighed, his shoulders dipping forward. "I would just like to hear about them."

  "Well…" She turned the canteen around in her hands, her arms resting on her knees. "It was a large cavern, and the sand was surprisingly warm. Almost comfortable. As comfortable as sand can be. And they were sleeping on it."

  QueQoa was a good listener, and he was good at sitting with her quietly without pressuring her to remember or hurry. A very good thing as her stomach hurt more and more throughout the course of the night. As his watch drew to a close, he pointed out a silver shape scouting the area. "As long as you don't scream, they won't come for you unless you're bleeding badly. Not too terrible either even when they do attack. At least for us."

  She leaned forward, her arms wrapped around herself. "Does the sound of someone throwing up bring them in?"

  He chuckled. "Not that I'm aware of. It might even repulse them."

  "Oh good. I might be helpful."

  "Do you want something to eat?"

  "Oh, shrieking crespa no." She wrapped her arms over her stomach tighter. "No, no."

  "You'll need to keep your strength up." He raised a bushy eyebrow. "And Naatos isn't the gentlest when it comes to insisting people eat."

  "Well in this case, whatever goes down is going to come up again. So if he wants to fight me on it, I'll be able to answer him quickly and easily. Anyway it doesn't matter. I'm just riding for now. I can get by for awhile."

  "We'll be out of here inside of a week," AaQar said.

  She jumped. He moved so quietly that it was easy to miss him. Especially if he didn't have some strong mood.

  "Go take your rest, QueQoa," AaQar continued. "It seems quiet tonight."

  "It is. Just two scouts. And a young bull. He didn't want anything to do with us."

  AaQar rubbed his hands over his face and back through his straight black hair. "Can't sleep?" He didn't sound surprised.

  She shook her head. "No."

  He gave her a soft, sympathetic smile that deepened the creases along his eyes and forehead. "I'm sorry, little sister. We'll get you out of here as fast as we can. At least now that you're more yourself, we can move faster without risking your sanity further." He motioned toward her canteen. "You should drink as much as you can."

  "My stomach disagrees."

  "Yes, well, all Neyeb lose the ability to process food and fluids in this place. The nausea could be the curse or the atmosphere. But if it's the latter, you'll be unable to keep water down soon."

  "I'm spoiled for choice," she said. But she picked the canteen up and forced herself to take a mouthful. Her stomach twisted again, annoyed at this intrusion. But it didn't send it back up. "And I might be able to keep down breakfast."

  AaQar nodded, but he did not appear particularly confident.

  She did manage a few bites of shark at breakfast. Even a little more tea and water. But that was all.

  The following day she could not keep any food down. Not that she even wanted to eat. And each day, the veins grew. Almost uncontrollably at this point. Her body ached and throbbed, offering her less and less movement as the dark veins constricted her like vines. A low fever burned in her veins, eking its way up.

  The Ki Valo Nakar peeked out from time to time, just to reassure itself she was alive most likely. She didn't scold it. How could she be angry at it when it was probably more scared than she was? If she weren't so tired, she might have been terrified herself. As it was, all she wanted was to stop moving, stop hurting, just stop completely. Though she tried to hide it, she was fading as the venom intensified.

  They all reassured her in their own ways that they were nearly out of Dry Deep. But four days was still a long time. Even at this pace. Especially with the time needed to readapt to the atmosphere beyond.

  But at last they reached the point of ascent. Another three days
or so, and they would be out. As soon as her lungs had adapted sufficiently to the atmosphere above, they'd run for it. Naatos would heal her. Then Darmoste.

  That night she didn't get up from resting beside Naatos even though she could not sleep. Her eyes burned like dying suns in her skull.

  Dread spread over her as she heard everyone up and moving about. They weren't going to be using the dragon forms any longer because they needed to go relatively slow or else she and Proteus and Tacky would suffocate.

  Walking.

  She hugged herself, breathing slow and deep. She could do it of course. All she had to do was get up. That was the first part.

  Naatos had gotten up already and set to breakfast while AaQar tended the colrum. QueQoa and WroOth packed the sledge. She should have been up and helping. What little she could do.

  Closing her eyes, she willed herself to get up.

  Nothing.

  A hand brushed over her forehead. She cracked her eyelids.

  Naatos crouched beside her. "You should at least drink something before we go." He spoke surprisingly gently. His concern cut into her as deeply as her own.

  "I know." She tried to smile, but it faltered. "I'm just tired. I want to sleep."

  "Soon." He pressed the back of his hand to her forehead and cheek. His eyes darkened. "The fever is higher."

  With one last burst of will, she pushed herself back to her feet. Naatos helped her up the rest of the way. "We can still carry you."

  "Yeah." She nodded. "When it's time." If she had anything to do with it, she was walking out of Dry Deep on her own two feet and conscious. And the thought of hanging over Naatos's shoulder while her stomach kept trying to hurl everything back made her want to shrivel into a ball and ask them to just kick her out of Dry Deep.

  Both water and tea soured in her stomach. That with the smell of the shark, not to mention Dry Deep's natural odor, left her wondering if it wouldn't be better to just hurl it out and hope she felt better come evening. After each rest period, it was getting harder and harder to walk, the venom stiffening her limbs and constricting her.